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American Dad – I’m calling from my history class

    AKA the ‘Stan suicide’ copypasta is a scene from American Dad S08E09 where Steve’s dad went on a suicidal rant on the meaning of life when asked who was president when he was a kid. The transcript has been used as a copypasta to troll scammers.

    Oh, I don't know, I guess I think about killing myself pretty frequently. And why not? What's so great about living? You know when I'm happy? For about five seconds in the morning when I first wake up, before I remember who I am and what my life is all about: anxiety, disappointment, diarrhea more often than not. (sighs) I don't know if there's an afterlife, but who cares? Nothingness couldn't be any worse than this meaningless march through my empty days.

    I get physically angry watching Max Muncy hit

      I get physically angry watching Max Muncy hit. This man just doesn't chase. You can almost hear him sneering "that's <0.1" outside" as he takes a ball 2. Two-strike counts don't faze him. Then he'll whip out a hellacious dong on the 9th pitch. He's suffocating. He's Max Muncy. 

      zoink-senpai… ohayo gozaimasu!! 🌸✨

        Zoink is a top American Geometry Dash player and a content creator. The copypasta was started by u/Swaayin_ from a shitpost on r/geometrydash.

        IF UR NOT ZOINK STAY BACK
        
        zoink-senpai… ohayo gozaimasu!! 🌸✨
        i’ve been hiding these feelings in my kokoro for so long… but today… I CAN’T HOLD BACK MY LOVE ANYMORE 😭💖
        
        zoink-sama… you are my ichiban… my legend… my TOP 1 OF MY HEART!!! 🔥
        the way you play Geometry Dash… it’s not human… it’s DIVINE…
        every click… every jump… every frame-perfect input…
        it’s like watching a god descend into the level editor itself… 😭🙏
        
        when i see you beating impossible levels like they’re NOTHING…
        my kokoro goes DOKI DOKI… my hands shake… my soul ascends… 💀✨
        you’re not just a player… you’re THE FINAL BOSS AND THE PROTAGONIST AT THE SAME TIME!!!
        
        every night… i lie in bed… staring at the ceiling…
        thinking in my thinking space… “what is zoink doing right now…” 😔💖
        
        are you grinding another demon?
        are you destroying another top 1?
        or… are you… thinking of me too…? 🥺👉👈
        
        onegai shimasu, zoink-senpai… NOTICE ME!!! 😭🔥
        i’ve been practicing so hard… trying to improve…
        but no matter how many attempts i do… i can never reach your level of play…
        
        you are like a sensei… a kami-sama… a being beyond skill…
        and i’m just a humble player… missing easy jumps and crying in practice mode 💀
        
        if you let me be your tomodachi… your kouhai… your anything…
        i would treasure it more than a VERIFIED TOP 1 COMPLETION 😭💎
        
        we could play together…
        i’ll watch you beat levels while i fail at 12%… and i’ll still cheer like:
        “ZOINK-SENPAI SUGOI!!! 🔥🔥🔥”
        
        we could grind late into the night…
        you getting new records…
        me… getting emotional damage 💀
        
        zoink-senpai… your gameplay is so kakkoi… it makes me want to scream
        “SUGOIIII!!!” every time you survive a 0.0001% choke 😭👏
        
        i know i’m just a baka… 😔
        but even if i’m stuck at the bottom…
        i’ll always be your number one fan… forever… 💖
        
        so please… zoink-senpai…
        give me a chance… even just a 0.1% chance… like a frame-perfect jump…
        
        aishiteru… zoink-sama…
        more than any demon level… more than any leaderboard…
        more than my sanity… 😭🔥
        
        yours forever…
        your loyal, delulu, combo-dropping kouhai… 💖💀 

        Soup Tube

          AKA the soup tube story is a post from r/relationship_advice back in 2020 where a woman was asking advice on her boyfriend ludicrous idea. Her boyfriend proposed an idea of constructing tubes within the city to deliver soup to customer’s homes on a monthly subscription basis.

          The original post has been removed by moderators but an archived copypasta version can be found on the copypasta sub.

          My (25F) boyfriend (25M) keeps asking me to invest in his "soup tube" business idea, and I am not sure how to deal with it
          
          I have been living with my boyfriend for about 7 months. Two weeks ago he sat me down and presented a powerpoint presentation with his business idea. I knew he'd been working on an idea, but he didn't want to tell me about it until it was finished. Based on his enthusiasm and his prior seemingly intelligent nature, I thought maybe it'd be a pretty cool idea.
          
          Instead he presented to me an idea about "soup tubes". The idea, if you can call it that, is to construct a series of tubes throughout our city that leads to centralized soup kitchens. For a monthly subscription, a customer can "subscribe to a tube of soup", and a tube extension would be built off the nearest mainline tube and directly into the customer apartment or home. Based on subscription level, that would determine the quantity of soup a customer could pour and how many types of soup. The "tubes" are basically the size of pipes, like you might see under a sink, but he insisted that "it MUST be called soup tube, not soup pipe, tube just zings better."
          
          I couldn't believe what I was hearing. At first I asked if he was crank yanking me or something, but he was completely sincere. Obviously, the idea is completely insane. The notion that the city would authorize somebody to construct a series of tubes everywhere that carry soup into homes is of course ludicrous. And even if such an initiative were approved, the costs for such an operation would be ridiculous. You would have to charge outrageous prices for customers to install and "subscribe" to a soup tube, and who would pay for such a service when canned soup costs like a dollar or two? Or you can buy soup from a restaurant for a few dollars? I explained these things as politely as I could but he dismissed them and all said that "tube based soup delivery is the wave of the future."
          
          He then asked me how much I wanted to invest, and I told him nothing, and he looked absolutely heartbroken. Since then, almost every day he has asked again for me to invest, and keeps trying to sell me on the idea. He is also doing the same thing to a lot of his friends.
          
          It is starting to drive me up the wall. First, I am at a loss as to how he can believe such a stupid idea is worthwhile, second it is really god damned annoying to be asked on a daily basis to invest in a system of soup tubes, and third I am also concerned for his sanity. Other than his apparent obsession with this though he has shown no other signs.
          
          I would like some advice as to how I can reason with him, or whether I should even continue this relationship.
          
          TL:DR - My boyfriend wants me to invest in a business venture wherein tubes would deliver soup. 

          mwzera appreciation thread

            Its an old Valorant copypasta back in 2021 that started from an appreciation post in vlr.gg for the player ‘mwzera’. Back then mwzera had insane stats in deathmatch and pubs but never got signed to any T1 team leading fans to speculate on a what if scenario if he ever got the chance.

            STATS
            
            mwzera https://tracker.gg/valorant/profile/riot/VK%20mwzera%234324/overview?playlist=competitive&season=all
            cNed https://tracker.gg/valorant/profile/riot/ACE%20cNed%23carry/overview?season=all
            TenZ https://tracker.gg/valorant/profile/riot/SEN%20TenZ%230505/overview?playlist=competitive&season=all
            
            DEATHMATCH STATS
            mwzera - 86% win rate (thats the insaniest thing ive seen in a while)
            cNed - stats not availiable
            TenZ - 73% win rate
            
            RANKED STATS
            mwzera - 66.3% winrate (MVP of 95% of the matches) proof here https://imgur.com/StiJmpg
            cNed - 53.5% winrate (MVP of 13% of the matches)
            TenZ - 60.4% winrate (MVP of 15% of the matches)
            
            can you take your time to appreciate how insane mwzera is? without a doubt the most talented player to ever touch the game
            
            I'll try to explain briefly why I think he is the best player in the world
            Despite his insane aim and movement
            The best way to know if a player is a good duelist is RAZE. There is a BIG difference between a good duelist and a jett abuser
            If he is a good duelist, he needs to be good with raze.
            
            heat? not good with raze
            aspas? not good with raze
            xand? not good with raze
            tenz? not good with raze
            cned? not good with raze
            scream? not good with raze
            d3ffo? not good with raze
            derke? not good with raze
            
            Thats why I think he is undoubtely the best player in the world. If RIOT by any means decides to nerf jett and shift the meta we prolly not gonna even hear names like cned and tenz again :>
            He is not killing 40+ per map because when he joined VK he was forced to play a different role because heat is already a main jett... and lets be honest, every single duelist nowadays gets 20+ kills per map because team and setups are basically built around you (even steel managed to get 20 kills with it https://www.vlr.gg/29398/sentinels-vs-100-thieves-champions-tour-north-america-stage-3-challengers-playoffs-gf/?game=46692&tab=overview)