Skip to content

Jokes

Copypasta related to an internet joke.

Discord ⓘ User is suspected to be part of an online terrorist organization

    How to get the ⓘ status as your Discord profile?

    When you set status you can choose “custom” and enter the copypasta there

    ⓘ User is suspected to be part of an online terrorist organization. Please report any suspicious activity to Discord staff.
    ⓘ This user is being monitored by INTERPOL, Europol, Ameripol, Afripol, ASEANAPOL, Central Intelligence Agency, National Security Agency, Federal Bureau of Investigation, Defense Intelligence Agency, National Reconnaissance Office, National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency, Department of Homeland Security, Bureau of Intelligence and Research, Office of Naval Intelligence, Army Intelligence and Security Command, Sixteenth Air Force, Marine Corps Intelligence Activity, Coast Guard Intelligence, Office of Intelligence and Analysis, Office of Intelligence and Counterintelligence, Drug Enforcement Administration, Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency, Office of the Director of National Intelligence, Secret Service, Federal Protective Service, Secret Intelligence Service, Security Service, Government Communications Headquarters, Defence Intelligence, National Crime Agency, Canadian Security Intelligence Service, Communications Security Establishment, Royal Canadian Mounted Police, Integrated Terrorism Assessment Centre, Australian Secret Intelligence Service, Australian Security Intelligence Organisation, Australian Signals Directorate, Australian Geospatial-Intelligence Organisation, Defence Intelligence Organisation, Australian Federal Police, New Zealand Security Intelligence Service, Government Communications Security Bureau, National Anti-Corruption Bureau, National Investigation Agency, Research and Analysis Wing, Intelligence Bureau India, National Technical Research Organisation, Defence Intelligence Agency India, Central Bureau of Investigation, National Central Bureau India, Bundesnachrichtendienst, Bundesamt für Verfassungsschutz, Militärischer Abschirmdienst, Bundeskriminalamt, Direction Générale de la Sécurité Extérieure, Direction Générale de la Sécurité Intérieure, Direction du Renseignement Militaire, Direction Générale de la Gendarmerie Nationale, Agenzia Informazioni e Sicurezza Esterna, Agenzia Informazioni e Sicurezza Interna, Centro Nacional de Inteligencia, Intelligence Center against Terrorism and Organized Crime, Algemene Inlichtingen- en Veiligheidsdienst, Militaire Inlichtingen- en Veiligheidsdienst, State Security Service Belgium, General Intelligence and Security Service Belgium, Säkerhetspolisen, Militära underrättelse- och säkerhetstjänsten, National Defence Radio Establishment, Politiets sikkerhetstjeneste, Norwegian Intelligence Service, Suojelupoliisi, Politiets Efterretningstjeneste, Forsvarets Efterretningstjeneste, Federal Intelligence Service Switzerland, Directorate of Security Iceland, State Protection Agency Europe, State Intelligence Service Albania, National Intelligence Service Greece, National Intelligence Organization Turkey, Special Investigation Bureau Europe, Gendarmerie Intelligence, Guardia Civil Intelligence, Federal Office of Police Switzerland, Federal Security Service Russia, Foreign Intelligence Service Russia, Main Directorate of the General Staff Russia, Federal Protective Service Russia, Security Service of Ukraine, Main Directorate of Intelligence Ukraine, Foreign Intelligence Service of Ukraine, Agencja Wywiadu, Agencja Bezpieczeństwa Wewnętrznego, Military Counterintelligence Service Poland, Military Intelligence Service Poland, Security Information Service Czech Republic, Office for Foreign Relations and Information Czech Republic, Military Intelligence Czech Republic, Slovak Information Service, Military Defence Intelligence Slovakia, Constitution Protection Office Hungary, Information Office Hungary, Romanian Intelligence Service, Foreign Intelligence Service Romania, State Agency for National Security Bulgaria, State Intelligence Agency Bulgaria, Estonian Internal Security Service, Estonian Foreign Intelligence Service, Constitution Protection Bureau Latvia, Security Police Latvia, State Security Department Lithuania, Second Investigation Department Lithuania, Security and Intelligence Agency Croatia, Security Information Agency Serbia, Mossad, Shin Bet, Aman, General Intelligence Directorate Jordan, General Intelligence Service Egypt, National Security Sector Egypt, General Intelligence Presidency Saudi Arabia, Mabahith, Ministry of Intelligence Iran, Intelligence Organization of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps, General Security Lebanon, Internal Security Forces Lebanon, National Security Bureau Syria, Air Force Intelligence Directorate Syria, State Security Department United Arab Emirates, State Security Bureau Qatar, Internal Security Service Oman, Intelligence Directorate Algeria, General Directorate for Territorial Surveillance Morocco, Ministry of State Security China, Ministry of Public Security China, Public Security Bureau China, Joint Staff Intelligence China, Public Security Intelligence Agency Japan, Cabinet Intelligence and Research Office Japan, Japan Coast Guard Intelligence, National Intelligence Service South Korea, Defense Counterintelligence Command South Korea, Inter-Services Intelligence Pakistan, Intelligence Bureau Pakistan, Federal Investigation Agency Pakistan, National Security Bureau Taiwan, Ministry of Justice Investigation Bureau Taiwan, National Intelligence Coordinating Agency Philippines, Internal Security Department Singapore, Security and Intelligence Division Singapore, Military Intelligence Organisation Asia, State Intelligence Agency Indonesia, Strategic Intelligence Agency Indonesia, Special Branch Malaysia, National Intelligence Agency Thailand, General Department of Intelligence Vietnam, National Security Intelligence Bangladesh, Directorate General of Forces Intelligence Bangladesh, State Intelligence Service Sri Lanka, Central Investigation Bureau Nepal, National Investigation Department Nepal, General Intelligence Agency Mongolia, Reconnaissance General Bureau North Korea, National Security Committee Kazakhstan, National Security Service Uzbekistan, Brazilian Intelligence Agency, Federal Intelligence Agency Argentina, National Intelligence Agency Chile, National Intelligence Directorate Colombia, National Intelligence Service Venezuela, Directorate General of Military Counterintelligence Venezuela, National Intelligence Center Mexico, National Directorate of Intelligence Peru, Strategic Intelligence Center Ecuador, Intelligence and Security Directorate Costa Rica, Military Intelligence Division Americas, National Directorate of Investigation and Intelligence Honduras, Directorate of Strategic Intelligence Central America, Financial Intelligence Units, Jamaica Constabulary Intelligence, Strategic Services Agency Trinidad and Tobago, Department of State Intelligence, Special Investigations Unit, State Security Agency South Africa, State Security Service Nigeria, General Directorate of External Security Cameroon, National Intelligence Agency Democratic Republic of the Congo, National Intelligence and Security Agency Somalia, National Intelligence Service Kenya, National Intelligence and Security Service Ethiopia, Internal Security Organisation Uganda, External Security Organisation Uganda, Directorate of Intelligence and Security Botswana, State Security and Intelligence Bureau Angola, Central Intelligence Service Zimbabwe, National Intelligence and Security Service Sudan and the Directorate General for National Security West Africa. Kindly provide the nearest authorities any information that could lead to this user's execution.

    How to get warning ‘User is under supervision of the FBI’ in messages

    Use this:

    -# replace this with anything you want. [Text here](<link here>) 

    the -# creates a subtext displayed in a smaller font than normal text like in that pic, and the []() part makes the text you put in clickable and redirects to the link you put in. The link being inside the <> prevents the link from displaying an embed.

    Steam user is suspected to be…

    ⓘ This Steam user is suspected to be a homosexual.

    Reddit

    ⓘ User is suspected to be part of an online spam organization. Please report any suspicious activity to Reddit staff.

    Other

    ⓘ I'm gonna touch you
    ⓘ This user is suspected to have illegally traveled in cross-time and across realities if spotted inform your nearest celestial forces

    The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union

      The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
      
      As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
      
      In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
      
      There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
      
      In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
      
      Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
      
      Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
      
      By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
      
      During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
      
      Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
      
      Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas 

      I already knew the answer. We were at the peak.

        I got lost hiking up a mountain, and I saw a shepherd. I asked him "How far up are we?" and he answered "This post." That's how I realised, I already knew the answer. We were at the peak. 

        An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

          An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
          
          The first mathematician orders a beer.
          
          The second orders half a beer.
          
          "I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies.
          
          "Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2.
          
          "What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."
          
          "Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along".
          
          "There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn't serve you half a beer even if I wanted to."
          
          "But that's not a problem" mathematician #3 chimes in "at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-"
          
          "I know how limits work" interjects the bartender.
          
          "Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics".
          
          "Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?"
          
          "HE'S ON TO US" mathematician #1 screeches
          
          Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade.
          
          The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA"
          
          The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. "But wait" he inturrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!"
          
          The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish.
          
          A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?"
          
          "It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."

          “Fabi” Fabiano Caruana

            Its a comment making fun of Sindarov beating Fabi in Round 4 of the 2026 Candidates. Fabiano Caruana (often called “Fabi”) is a top-level American-Italian Grandmaster.

            Last Valentines I forgot to buy a gift for my girlfriend, and as shops were about to close I thought I was doomed. Thankfully, I remembered that when we watched chess, she always said: "I dig that Caruana guy". That way I realized she had long been wanting a choker.