I want to devour Maiden after seeing so much cake. She talks about getting married? Yeah I'm ok with that but I need your body NOW. I'm taking her straight the the bedroom and bending her over the bed. I'll tear that body suit so I can claim her from behind. I need to drive into her full force after seeing those plump cheeks. She's getting some heroic backshots like my life depends on it. If I'm being tired I'll just drink another mana potion to keep me going. Anyone on the outside will only hear thunderous claps as my wife gets it. I'll pour my magical force into Maiden over and over all night long. Maiden needs to be left a sloppy mess unable to walk needing health potions to be brought back to life.
WELL WELL WELL IF IT ISN'T THE HORNY MFER THEMSELF! LET ME GUESS, YOU'D SAY "would" TO THIS ARTWORK OF A FEMALE CHARACTER? WELL, GO ON. WE'RE ALL WAITING FOR YOUR SUPER SANE AND ORIGINAL STATEMENT! GO ON! SAY "I would smash so hard." COME ON, SAY IT!
title. Every time Lily does that "I don't care" shrug. I lose my focus from affection. I often daydream of making her a delicious dinner and her eating that and, having tried to maintain her usual contemptuous gesture and failed, letting out a fragment of smile on her face, with a warming sigh. God, why did they have to make her so attractive? Currently on 15 days streak, but I would go on forever if that would make her come real and clap slowly, saying how she was proud of me with such a hollow voice and indifferent face. Anyone feeling the same way?
Bro, I can’t even explain it. Capella is… like… peak goon material. Yeah, I know she’s objectively horrifying, yeah, her personality is toxic but you can’t tell me there isn’t a certain energy there. I’m out here like a whole clown, willingly simping for a woman who shapeshifts into nightmares. This is some next-level Stockholm Syndrome. Like, yeah, I get it, I’m not right in the head, but look, her wings? Majestic. Her aura of literal terror? Lowkey attractive. Every time I think, ‘That’s it, I’m done with Capella,’ she goes and does something despicable, and boom—I’m back in goon mode. I know she’s bad news. I know it. But I’m already halfway down the rabbit hole, and I’m not about to stop now. Call it a personality flaw. Call it a curse. All I know is, Capella has got me locked up like the DMV on a Friday afternoon, and I’m out here willingly. Help. Send therapy.
Every “jaws drop on floor” and “awooga humina humina” copypasta that started as a joke response circa 2020.
Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! eyes pop out AROOOOOOOOGA! jaw drops tongue rolls out WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF tongue bursts out of the mouth uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum*
A girl.... AND a gamer? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! *eyes pop out* AROOOOOOOOGA! *jaw drops tongue rolls out* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF *tongue bursts out of the mouth uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach* WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr *tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart* Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... *heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum *milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets* BABY WANTS TO FUCK *inhales from the gas tank* honka honka honka honka *masturabtes furiously* ohhhh my gooooodd~
jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth
Whoa mama! Humina humina bazooing!
WHOA MAMA! HUMMINA HUMMINA HUMMINA! BAZOOOOOOIING eyes bulge out of head and shoot forward at 120 mph AROOOOOOOOOOOOGA jaw drops to the floor, tongue rolls out a foot forward HAWT MAMA! punches self in face with boxing glove five times HOOLEY DOOLEY pulls on train whistle that has appeared beside head as steam blows out EEE-AW EEE-AW pulls out comically large carton of milk, drinks all of it spilling it everywhere GUHGUHGUHGUHGUHGUH wolf whistle AROOOOOOOOOOO AROOOOOOOO tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart ARF ARF ARF ARF rubs ass on ground like dog WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF eyes turn into slot machine slots WOWZA! tapdancing sounds, running in a circle JEEPERS HEEPERS pants like dog, rips off pants, heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt BA-BUM BA-BUM BA-BUM BA-BUM BA-BUM slams fists on table rattling any silverware or plates DUUUUUUHHHH bashes own head with hammer 5 times BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK slams chair on table BWOOOAAGHHHH old-timey car horn sound, tongue straightens out like wooden board, eyes go out of skull and back in like paddleballs CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA fireworks shoot from top of head PHWOAARRR sniffs air loudly, nostrils become comically large HONKA HONKA HONKA HONKA sound of mouth harp as body is straightened out, floating a foot above the ground JEEZ LOUISE propeller spins on hat comically WOWEEE gets massive erection, tries to aggressively push it back down into pants OINKA OINKA pulls out massive drum, starts beating it excessively HUBBA HUBBA HUBBA HUBBA jumps on table, smashes through table and ground, springs back upward at an incredible velocity HOOOLY MOOOOLY pupils fly away from eyes, eyes snap forward towards them OOOOOOH I'M DYYYYYYYYYYIIN' fucking dies, ghost goes out of corpse with a lyre, body pulls ghost back into body WHADDA DAAAAME starts foaming at the mouth HUUUUUUUURRRRRR furiously turns crank on machine that hits hands on table GRRRR BARK BARK BARK head unscrews and starts rotating BUH-DOOIIOIOIOING starts rattling like a jar of coins, suspended half a metre in the air DING DING DING DING DING DING starts bouncing up and down at a high speed, starts boiling like tea kettle and turning red HAAAHEEEEEE
(Jaw drops 😲 to the floor 😱. Eyes pop out 😵. Sound effect 📣 of, "🚨 AWOOOOGA 🚨 AWOOOOGA 🚨!!!!" Places eyes 😶 and jaw 👅 back in place 🤤. Regains 😤 composure 😌.) ... Eh hem 🕵️, you three 💁💁💁 look quite lovely 😍.
HOT MAMA, now that’s a dame!
AUUUUGAA! HONKA HONKA! Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! eyes pop out accompanied by trumpets AROOOOOOOOGA! jaw drops, tongue rolls out, WOOF WOOF WOOF, heart beats out of chest, AWOOGA AWOOGA sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair, I take out a boxing glove and hit myself with it 17 times. Turns to the audience and say in 1930’s New York accent “HOT MAMA, now that’s a dame!”
Ahem, you look very lovely
*jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair* Ahem, you look very lovely.
im not even going to mark this with a joke. i'm not even going to sugarcoat it. im not going to downplay my actions by saying "smash" or "would". i would fuck that thing. i dont care what anyone says. call me a degenerate all you want. i dont care. im fucking that thing. you cannot detour me. i would have them wring every last droplet out of my body. they would be covered, inside and out. i would not stop until they are leaking from each hole. i dont just mean your basic holes, such as the ass or mouth. no. im talking about every possible opening on their entire body. ears, nose, hell, i'd be willing to do the fucking bellybutton. the point is, i would use them. i would break them. we will exchange fluids. we will become one.
