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byu/adz0r from discussion
inleagueoflegends

The original was for Faker when he won his 5th World’s title. Written by u/SSSl1k in a post game thread of G2 vs. T1 in LoL, the copypasta has been adopted by other esport fans to glaze on their favorite players.

Faker from LoL

I was out of town, doing a bit of visiting. I heard my friend KkOma had finally taken the time to settle down in the countryside. Rightfully so, after what he’d been through, with all the pent-up stress and frustration built up over the years of coaching the most successful KR team in League.

“How have things been buddy?” I asked, as I saw my man step out of the house upon hearing my car come in the drive-through. “All good, life’s been a lot more chill, now that I’ve retired,” he answered. “Hey, wanna check out my animals out back? I’ve taken up farming as a hobby with my free time,” as he motioned over to the back gate.

We headed out and he started introducing me to some of the livestock, mentioning how he had named them after his players, as the unhinged animals they were. Just then, I was hit by an unbearable stench. With my eyes watering uncontrollably, I questioned through gritted teeth, “What in the hell is that smell?”

He looked over knowingly and said: "Ah. Faker? The goat is never washed.”

s1mple from CS

Was walking outside and randomly saw Karrigan making his vlogs. After he was finished recording, we talked for a bit and then headed out to tour his farm. He started introducing me to some of the livestock, mentioning how he had named them after his players, as the unhinged animals they were. Just then, I was hit by an unbearable stench. With my eyes watering uncontrollably, I questioned through gritted teeth, “What in the hell is that smell?” He looked over knowingly and said: “Ah. s1mple? The goat is never washed."

Magnus Carlsen “The GOAT is now washed.”

I was in Vegas for a convention and figured I’d finally visit my old friend Danny Rensch. Ever since he’d slowed down on screwing the chess community, he’d apparently gotten really into country living.

“How’s retirement treating you?” I asked as he opened the gate to his property.

“Oh, you know,” Danny grinned. “Peaceful. Slower pace. I’ve mostly been taking care of animals these days.”

He led me around the farm introducing them one by one, proudly explaining he’d named them after famous chess players, as the unhinged animals they were.

“That stubborn donkey over there is Hikaru. The horse that keeps escaping is Nepo. And that tiny violent rooster is Alireza." A peacock strutted past us, dazzling and elegant for about six seconds before walking directly into a fence. "Ding." He pointed toward a goose violently chasing a tractor tire across the yard. “That’s Hans. Nobody’s really sure how he got here.”

Then suddenly, the air changed.

A warm, heavenly aroma drifted across the field. Notes of sandalwood, lavender, maybe a hint of vanilla. It was intoxicating. Romantic, even. Like walking through a luxury spa during golden hour.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

“Danny,” I whispered, almost emotional, “what the hell is that incredible smell?”

He smiled softly and pointed toward the hill.

“Ah. Magnus.”

In the distance, a perfectly groomed goat stood majestically in the sunset, its coat shimmering in the breeze.

Danny nodded proudly.

“The GOAT is now washed.”