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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.

A bar walks into a man…

    
    A bar walks into a man...
    
    The man begins screaming uncontrollably as the corner of the building is inserted into his anus. Brick by brick, the bar forces its way inside the man's ass, as blood begins dripping down his legs.
    
    The man knows damn well it is impossible for such a large building to be contained inside him, but he grits his teeth and forces his ass open wider. His ribs break, his lungs collapse, and his now lifeless body is stretched into the shape of the bar.
    
    The bar is almost entirely consumed before the man's skin gives way to the bulging pressure...with an explosion of blood & organs, the shredded remains of the man are slung-shot around the lot where the bar formerly stood.
    
    The bar, now soaked in a mixture of blood & organ fluid, reflects upon the failure of its experiment. For the next attempt, a man of far greater fortitude must be used, so that his body does not burst so easily.
    
    Only then will it achieve its dream of becoming the first bar to walk into a man.
    

    Just to be clear, I’m not a professional “quote maker”. I’m just an atheist teenager

      AKA the “In This Moment I am Euphoric” copypasta is a post written by u/Aalewis on the atheism sub in 2013 where it was mocked for being extremely cringeworthy.

      
      
      Just to be clear, I'm not a professional "quote maker". I'm just an atheist teenager who greatly values his intelligence and scientific fact over any silly fiction book written 3,500 years ago. That being said, I am open to any and all criticism.
      
      "In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god's blessing. But because, I am englightened by my intelligence." - Aalewis
      
      Eh?
      

      Solicited places to meet women in Austin

        Hi,
        
        I am 32 European White beautiful Male. What places I should try in Austin and what times where females are expecting to find solicited males? Solicited means women expect to see men in those places and no unsolicited stuff is going to happen.
        
        Do not offer dummy apps, I am not a fan of that, I want to see women in real, no fake women please, no headache please.
        
        Thank you 

        I am a Hegelian.

          I am a Hegelian. I believe EVERY conflict is a DIALECTIC. I start arguments with myself so that HISTORY can ADVANCE. I have been BANNED from three PHILOSOPHY subs for attempting to SUBLATE the moderation team. I do NOT pay parking fines. The STATE fines ITSELF through me. I do not have a girlfriend. THE ABSOLUTE has alienated itself into a girlfriend shape and WILL return to itself at the appropriate HISTORICAL JUNCTURE. The fact I do NOT have a girlfriend is CONTINGENT on the fact that this fact of girlfriendlessness NECESSARILY contains its own negation. Therefore I do NOT not have a girlfriend. I do not HAVE a girlfriend and I am NOT girlfriendless therefore I am AUFGEHOBEN into a state of simultaneous BECOMING of girlfriendhavingness and girlfriendhavinglessness. Thus I exist as the SUBLATION of girlfriendhavingness and girlfriendhavinglessness. Thus I am DIALECTICALLY NOT AN INCEL. I do NOT CARE about the THING-IN-ITSELF. The DING-AN-SICH is a FANTASY of FINITE THINKING. Everything IS only insofar as it RELATES. Precisely insofar as it does not. I do NOT believe in TRANSCENDENCE. I do NOT believe in SENSE-CERTAINTY. I believe in the ABSOLUTE, and the ABSOLUTE believes itself through me. ONLY insofar as the Absolute and its negation NECESSITATE each other.
          
          ​I have NEVER been wrong. My wrongness is a NECESSARY MOMENT OF TRUTH. If I get presented with IRREFUTABLE FACTS I obfuscate and serve circular WORD SALAD. If I cannot reframe this irrefutable fact to my benefit within 3 minutes I REVISE MY FRAMEWORK so that this IRREFUTABLE FACT is further PROOF of its UNIVERSAL RIGHTNESS. I was NOT wrong, I was merely INTERRUPTED in my dialectic process. The dialectic was undergoing a critical step of ILLUSORY WRONGLOOKINGNESS before the next negation made itself IMMANENT. I have NEVER been right. My rightness is a NECESSARY MOMENT OF FALSEHOOD. I am the CONCRETE UNIVERSAL. I do not "read the news". I observe the SELF-REALISATION of WORLD SPIRIT and comprehend it RETROSPECTIVELY, which is the ONLY TRUE PREDICTION. I believe history ENDS every Thursday and RESTARTS on Friday at a HIGHER LEVEL of development. 
          
          ​I do NOT believe in soundness or falsifiability. I do NOT believe in right or wrong. I am a COG in a MACHINE of my OWN WILLING and YOU ARE TOO. If you DISAGREE with me you are objectively necessary to my system. If you AGREE with me you are objectively necessary to my system.
          
          I HATE Kant and Kant hates HIMSELF through ME. Immanuel KANT set LIMITS on what REASON can KNOW and then spent his entire life in KALININSBERG and never LEFT. The TOWNSPEOPLE set their CLOCKS by his WALKS. A man who cannot NEGATE his own CITY cannot NEGATE the THING-IN-ITSELF. He merely PRESERVED it behind a WALL and called this CRITIQUE. I have LEFT many cities. I have NEGATED many cities. The DING-AN-SICH does NOT survive my COSMOPOLITANISM. Precisely insofar as it does.
          
          ​no ad hominem retorts please thank you. 

          PBS created the show Arthur to sell Marc Brown’s books

            Because of the repeal, PBS created the show Arthur to sell Marc Brown’s books, which led to the creation of Arthur Season 4 Ep 1B “Arthur’s Big Hit” wherein the main character Arthur punches his sister DW. This episode inspired my emotionally stunted father to abuse my siblings and myself. The effects from the abuse by my father linger to this day, so yes Ronald Reagan ruined my life.