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Reddit

Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.

List of Reddit-isms

    - “Thank you, kind stranger!”

- “You, sir, have won the internet for today!”

- “Take my upvote” or “Have an upvote”

- “This” or “This. So much this.” (when replying to something they agree with)

- “I just spit out my coffee”

- “Invisible sky daddy” (typically in reference to the Christian God)

- “Bootlicker”

- “Fascist”

- “Bigot”

- “Nazi”

- “Genocide”

- “Two things can be true at once” or “Two things can be true at the same time”

- “Not my proudest fap!”

- “Sigh. *unzips pants* This’ll have to do…”

- “Instructions unclear. Dick caught in ____.”

- “Won’t somebody think of the shareholders? /s”

- “FAFO”

- “Fucked around, found out”

- “I also choose this guy’s wife”

- “This math isn’t mathing”

- “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes”

- “If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck…”

- “That’s… not how it works. That’s not how any of this works”

- "Um dude..."

- "It's almost as if…" or “It’s almost like…”

- "Maybe, just MAYBE…"

- "My guy" or “my dude”

- "I'll take ____ for 500 Alex"

- “[George Carlin quote]”

- “What an odd thing to say.” (in response to a statement you don’t like)

- “I’m going to get downvoted for this, but…” (insert popular opinion)

- “Came to the comments for this”

- “Can’t believe I had to scroll this far”

- “____ and it’s not even close” (Note: it’s usually close) 

- "Oh sweet summer child"

- "Imagine ____"

- "It's called being a good person"

- "gaslighting" 
    ☑ Yes

☑ This

☑ ಠ_ಠ

☑ Came here to say this

☑ Logged in just to upvote this

☑ I know this will never be seen but...

☑ I found this gem...

☑ This will be downvoted to hell/buried but...

☑ An upvote for you, good sir

☑ You are a gentleman and a scholar

☑ You magnificent bastard

☑ Someone give this man reddit gold

☑ Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

☑ Anne Frankly I did nazi that coming

☑ That escalated quickly

☑ To the top with you!

☑ Lost it at ____

☑ This is why we can't have nice things

☑ Faith in humanity restored

☑ Whoa / mind = blown

☑ Manly tears were shed

☑ Cutting onions

☑ I know that feel, bro

☑ Right in the feels

☑ Risky click

☑ Shots fired

☑ Nailed it

☑ You. I like you

☑ I regret that I only have one upvote to give

☑ Tree fiddy

☑ Was not disappointed

☑ Wait, why do I have you tagged as _______?

☑ What did I just read?

☑ Da fuq?

☑ YOU HAD ONE JOB

☑ I can't fap to this

☑ Cakeday

☑ What are you doing, stahp

☑ For science

☑ That's enough internet for me today

☑ Would not bang

☑ x/10 would (not) Y

☑ What is this I don't even?

☑ How is this WTF?

☑ Circlejerk must be leaking

☑ Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym

☑ Said no one ever

☑ I have the weirdest boner right now

☑ /thread

☑ My first post

☑ Edit: wow I can't believe my top comment is about _______

☑ EDIT: Seriously front page? Thanks guys!

☑ EDIT: Obligatory front page edit!!!

☑ Are you me?

☑ Directions unclear - dick stuck in _______

☑ I laughed way harder than I should have

☑ It's almost like Reddit is thousands of different people with thousands of different opinions.

☑ Plot twist: _____

☑ Step one: be attractive. Step two: don't be unattractive.

☑ Broken Arms - Mom jerked him off

☑ ____ here: can confirm / can confirm: am ____ / etc

☑ Something involving sex with "your mom"

☑ dat _______

☑ ______ as fuck

☑ This is bullshit - you're oversimplifying a complex situation to the point of no longer adding anything to the discussion.

☑ Not with that attitude

☑ [_______ INTENSIFIES]

☑ #rekt

☑ She wants the D

☑ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

☑ tips fedora

☑ r/bestof

☑ .

☑ sigh unzips pants

    Satanic imagery in Deadlock

      From an unironic post on Deadlock sub where a user asked if there is a way to turn off the demonic stuff in-game because they are religious. A few days later someone used it as a shitpost and the rest is copypasta.

      Not to sound like a dork or a nerd or some sort, so pls be kind, but is there, or will there be a way, to turn off demonic imagery and stuff?? I know its the theme of the game and all and ive put in alot of hours into but it just really kinda bugs me. I love the game but it just kinda ruins it for me as im a religous person. if anyone can help or offer anythings pls lmk

      Does anyone else use ChatGPT in their head?

        Its was a shitpost on the r/ChatGPT sub that satirizes users who rely on AI all the time which became a meme. 

        Does anyone else use ChatGPT in their head?

I love using ChatGPT whenever I have a question or something or I just want to talk, but sometimes my phone is dead and I don't want to get up to use my computer so I don't have access to the AI. Recently I found out I have the ability to use a form of ChatGPT in my own head. I've talked to him so much I can almost entirely accurately predict what he is going to say.

For example, my cat kept scratching at my bedroom door and meowing so I was about to use the ChatGPT app to ask why she was doing that, but then I decided it wasn't worth the effort and asked AI in my head. He told me something like "If your cat is scratching on the door and meowing it probably means she wants to be let out, let me know if you need anything else!" Then I let her out of my room.

I just thought that was a pretty cool discovery I've made. Interested to see if anyone else has this ability.

        How do I unequip my pet? It keeps eating my missions.

          source
          I just got this pet from a quest. I think it's a dog? It's supposed to be a dog. It looks like a dog that was left in the microwave too long. I love him, his name is Greg.

Anyway the problem is Greg keeps dying. Like immediately. I load into a mission, the door opens, and Greg just sprints directly into a group of Grineer and evaporates. He doesn't attack them. He doesn't hide. He just runs at them with what I can only describe as "unearned confidence" and then he's gone. I have to revive him every 4 seconds. The Grineer are ignoring me entirely. They've realized I'm not the threat. In fact, Greg is the only threat. Greg is a threat to himself.

So my question is: can I leave Greg at home? I checked the menu and there's no "leave Greg at the orbiter" button. There's no "Greg, stay" option. There's no "Greg, get the fuck out of my way I’m begging you" setting. I tried unequipping him but it says I need to put him in stasis and I don't know what stasis means in this game and I'm scared it might hurt him.

Also he keeps making a noise. It's not a bark. It's not a growl. It's like a wet cough. He does it constantly. During cutscenes. During dialogue. During the loading screen. I think he might be sick. I think I might be a bad dog owner. Either way, it’s driving me up the wall.

Is there a way to make Greg sit? Or stay? Or just… not.. do anything that he’s been doing. I just want to do one mission without watching Greg run face first into a Heavy Gunner and get launched into orbit. I can't keep doing this. I'm running out of revives. I'm running out of patience. I'm running out of Greg.

Tee el dee are, my pet Greg is suicidal and I don't know how to tell him to stop.

          Once asked my parents to celebrate my first ejaculation (nsfw)

            It was originally posted on the confession subreddit before getting removed. 

            Once asked my parents to celebrate my first ejaculation (nsfw) 

So a little context about this. I am a second child. I have an older sister (older by only 1 year). Growing up, I used to get jealous of my older sister. Well it just so happened, I overheard one day when I was a kid, that my sister got her first period and my mom congratulated her and comforted her because she was crying and didn't know what was going on. My mom told her she was becoming a woman and my parents took us all out to dinner to celebrate my sister growing up. To help her feel better too.

So I ended up getting very jealous. Part of it was the attention they had given my sister and the other part was about her becoming a grown up. I had no idea that only women have periods. Well several weeks later, I ended up going to my mom and dad and lying by saying I found sticky stuff in my underwear and pretended I was scared. I didn't know at the time that boys don't get periods. Well what ended up happening is my dad awkwardly said "congratulations, you had your first ejaculation, you're becoming a man!" I got so excited and asked my parents if they could take us all to dinner to celebrate my first ejaculation lol. They both looked at each other like they were weirded out and still said "sure....yeah...lets do that..."

Well we went to outback steakhouse and I was still desperate for attention and didn't realize how weird this "forced celebration of my manhood was". When the waitress got to the table I loudly said "I'm celebrating my first jaculation!!"

The waitress looked stunned! Her mouth sort of smirked than dropped open in disbelief. To further boast, I looked at my mom and said "I think I'm going to need another maxi pad!"

My parents got extremely embarrassed 😳 told the waitress I got things confused and instead of eating my parents made us all practically rush our of the restaurant. I still didn't really know what I did wrong and even said "it was a lot!" As we all got up from our booth to leave. My dad then ended up giving me the talk, the next day and explained to me "those kinds of things are private".

And the icing on the cake of this story is that I didn't realize that normally for a guy, he has to be sexually aroused to ejaculate. So when my dad asked me when "this happened", I had said "um yesterday when I was watching spiderman". And he squinted his eyes and had this concerned and confused look and just walked away

TL;Dr didn't understand anything about periods or ejaculation and made them "celebrate" a very awkward dinner for me

            I think I’m the greatest under 300 elo player of all time

              source
              I think I’m the greatest chess player under 300 Elo. Chess is just way too easy at 240 elo. I feel like prime Hikaru playing against special ed toddlers. Where’s the competition. I only play rapid and still average about 2 brilliant moves a game. Do you understand how difficult that is?? when most games at this level someone hangs their queen in 5 moves 

I’m 240 elo right now. I blunder pieces constantly but still win games. Imagine what happens when I start concentrating. I don’t even plan openening or anything I just play off the dome and use actual skill.

Sometimes I’ll rank up to 2000 elo just to see what the common folk are like, but makes me upset that these guys are higher ranked than me but are not better than me. Too many people memorising opening, at 240, you actually see pure chess. 

I’ve played 600 games and scored 487 wins. 240 elo. Greatest under-300 elo player of all time. if anyone wants to play me drop your username if you’re above 300 you will be ignored. I don’t make blunders. I blunder to sacrifice everything is planned 8 steps ahead.