Reddit - CopypastaText

Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.

How do I unequip my pet? It keeps eating my missions.

I just got this pet from a quest. I think it's a dog? It's supposed to be a dog. It looks like a dog that was left in the microwave too long. I love him, his name is Greg.

Anyway the problem is Greg keeps dying. Like immediately. I load into a mission, the door opens, and Greg just sprints directly into a group of Grineer and evaporates. He doesn't attack them. He doesn't hide. He just runs at them with what I can only describe as "unearned confidence" and then he's gone. I have to revive him every 4 seconds. The Grineer are ignoring me entirely. They've realized I'm not the threat. In fact, Greg is the only threat. Greg is a threat to himself.

So my question is: can I leave Greg at home? I checked the menu and there's no "leave Greg at the orbiter" button. There's no "Greg, stay" option. There's no "Greg, get the fuck out of my way I’m begging you" setting. I tried unequipping him but it says I need to put him in stasis and I don't know what stasis means in this game and I'm scared it might hurt him.

Also he keeps making a noise. It's not a bark. It's not a growl. It's like a wet cough. He does it constantly. During cutscenes. During dialogue. During the loading screen. I think he might be sick. I think I might be a bad dog owner. Either way, it’s driving me up the wall.

Is there a way to make Greg sit? Or stay? Or just… not.. do anything that he’s been doing. I just want to do one mission without watching Greg run face first into a Heavy Gunner and get launched into orbit. I can't keep doing this. I'm running out of revives. I'm running out of patience. I'm running out of Greg.

Tee el dee are, my pet Greg is suicidal and I don't know how to tell him to stop.

Once asked my parents to celebrate my first ejaculation (nsfw)

It was originally posted on the confession subreddit before getting removed.

Once asked my parents to celebrate my first ejaculation (nsfw) 

So a little context about this. I am a second child. I have an older sister (older by only 1 year). Growing up, I used to get jealous of my older sister. Well it just so happened, I overheard one day when I was a kid, that my sister got her first period and my mom congratulated her and comforted her because she was crying and didn't know what was going on. My mom told her she was becoming a woman and my parents took us all out to dinner to celebrate my sister growing up. To help her feel better too.

So I ended up getting very jealous. Part of it was the attention they had given my sister and the other part was about her becoming a grown up. I had no idea that only women have periods. Well several weeks later, I ended up going to my mom and dad and lying by saying I found sticky stuff in my underwear and pretended I was scared. I didn't know at the time that boys don't get periods. Well what ended up happening is my dad awkwardly said "congratulations, you had your first ejaculation, you're becoming a man!" I got so excited and asked my parents if they could take us all to dinner to celebrate my first ejaculation lol. They both looked at each other like they were weirded out and still said "sure....yeah...lets do that..."

Well we went to outback steakhouse and I was still desperate for attention and didn't realize how weird this "forced celebration of my manhood was". When the waitress got to the table I loudly said "I'm celebrating my first jaculation!!"

The waitress looked stunned! Her mouth sort of smirked than dropped open in disbelief. To further boast, I looked at my mom and said "I think I'm going to need another maxi pad!"

My parents got extremely embarrassed 😳 told the waitress I got things confused and instead of eating my parents made us all practically rush our of the restaurant. I still didn't really know what I did wrong and even said "it was a lot!" As we all got up from our booth to leave. My dad then ended up giving me the talk, the next day and explained to me "those kinds of things are private".

And the icing on the cake of this story is that I didn't realize that normally for a guy, he has to be sexually aroused to ejaculate. So when my dad asked me when "this happened", I had said "um yesterday when I was watching spiderman". And he squinted his eyes and had this concerned and confused look and just walked away

TL;Dr didn't understand anything about periods or ejaculation and made them "celebrate" a very awkward dinner for me

I think I’m the greatest under 300 elo player of all time

I think I’m the greatest chess player under 300 Elo. Chess is just way too easy at 240 elo. I feel like prime Hikaru playing against special ed toddlers. Where’s the competition. I only play rapid and still average about 2 brilliant moves a game. Do you understand how difficult that is?? when most games at this level someone hangs their queen in 5 moves 

I’m 240 elo right now. I blunder pieces constantly but still win games. Imagine what happens when I start concentrating. I don’t even plan openening or anything I just play off the dome and use actual skill.

Sometimes I’ll rank up to 2000 elo just to see what the common folk are like, but makes me upset that these guys are higher ranked than me but are not better than me. Too many people memorising opening, at 240, you actually see pure chess. 

I’ve played 600 games and scored 487 wins. 240 elo. Greatest under-300 elo player of all time. if anyone wants to play me drop your username if you’re above 300 you will be ignored. I don’t make blunders. I blunder to sacrifice everything is planned 8 steps ahead.

Stop posting. You aren’t “insane,” you’re just cringe, grow up

Stop posting. You aren't "insane," you're just cringe, grow up

Am I the only one who realizes this place isn't "dank"? You guys are literal cornballs. It’s the same three jokes on loop, it wasn't funny the first time and it’s definitely not funny the 200th time. You all act like that "little bit of goop" guy or those pretentious losers who think they have a high IQ because they watch Rick and Morty. It’s not "surreal humor," it’s just pure TikTok-tier brainrot. Honestly, did your wife’s boyfriend give you permission to post this cringe today? Go outside. The "Man" meme died years ago. You guys are just "Is he stupid?" personified at this point. This sub is basically just CoComelon for people who think they’re edgy. It’s the same three jokes on a loop. You guys aren't 'insane,' you’re just TikTok kids or wanna be dank who found a Batman filter. It’s actually embarrassing, i get second hand embarrasement, and honestly if you are 18+ posting this type of atuff just get a job bro. Literal cornball behavior. This isn't "dank," it’s just sad.

Jeder deutsche Film: Emmy will’s wissen weil sie Power hat!

The copypasta was first posted in the German copypasta subreddit as a parody to a post complaining about the mediocre quality of German films.

Jeder deutsche Film:

„Emmy will’s wissen weil sie Power hat!“

Emmy (die rothaarige die überall mitspielt) lebt in BERLIN (BERLIN BERLIN BERLIN) mit ihrer besten Freundin Gronkhe in berlin und berlint dort. Beide haben Super-Krebs-Aids und kein Geld und alles ist grau.

Deswegen will Emmy ihren GRÖSSTEN TRAUM erfüllen: Nach Wangerooge im Herbst und dort am grauen Strand stehen.

Um ihr diesen außergewöhnlichen Traum zu erfüllen, klauen Gronkhe und sie den 35 Jahre alten Passat ihres coolen Arztes (Elias M‘Barek) und beginnen einen wundervolle Reise.

Auf Wangerooge trifft sie den krebskranken Klavierlehrer/Arzt/allein erziehenden Vater Lief-Fynn (auch Elias M‘Barek), der als Fischer an den Wochenenden arbeitet und beginnt auch mit ihm eine wundervolle Reise.

Am Ende fahren sie mit seinem Fischerboot nach Berlin BERLIN UND BERLIN und schauen sich dort im Von einem dreckigen Hochhaus den Sonnenaufgang an, der von Matilmas Schweigerhöfer gespielt wird.

Das Ende.

English translated

Every German movie:

“Emmy wants to go for it because she’s got guts!”

Emmy (the redhead who’s in everything) lives in BERLIN (BERLIN BERLIN BERLIN) with her best friend Gronkhe, doing Berlin things in Berlin. They both have super-cancer-AIDS and no money, and everything is gray.

That’s why Emmy wants to fulfill her BIGGEST DREAM: going to Wangerooge in the autumn and standing on the gray beach there.

To make this extraordinary dream come true, she and Gronkhe steal the 35-year-old Passat belonging to her cool doctor (Elias M‘Barek) and embark on a wonderful journey.

On Wangerooge, she meets Lief-Fynn (also Elias M‘Barek)—a cancer-stricken piano teacher/doctor/single dad who works as a fisherman on weekends—and begins a wonderful journey with him, too.

In the end, they take his fishing boat to Berlin—BERLIN AND BERLIN—and watch the sunrise from a filthy high-rise; the sunrise is played by Matilmas Schweigerhöfer.

The End.

I tamper with my 14 year old son’s recording footage so that Pointercrate will never accept his submissions.

I tamper with my 14 year old son’s recording footage so that Pointercrate will never accept his submissions.

Hi guys, this is not my proudest post but this needs to be said. My son (14), is a GENERATIONAL talent. For context, his hardest demon is Gaggatrondra, which would have been his first mainlist demon if the record was accepted.

Initially I was very supportive of my son, but as he jumped from Deadlocked to Sweater Weather, and then to Black Blizzard after only 3 months of playing the game, I suspected that he was cheating. However, after watching him beat Zodiac in person last month, I have no doubts that he is a legitimate player.

Now you might be wondering why I would do such a heinous thing. Well, he was unfamiliar with the rules of pointercrate, and so he asked me to submit his record (as I have legacy points on Pointercrate). And well, I may have deleted his audio, because I can’t bear my son to be officially better than me (my hardest is Hypersonic, I beat it when it was on the list). And for all his other submissions, I’ve done the same thing. My son knows that his submissions don’t get accepted, but he doesn’t know why.

He will never know why.

Found out my dad was tampering with my completion footage. Mom divorcing as a result. AMA.


[14M] Found out my dad was tampering with my completion footage. Mom divorcing as a result. AMA.

Title says it all really. A few days ago my dad made a post admitting to tampering with my footage so Pointercrate wouldn't accept my submissions.

I never would have thought in a million years that he would do something to me this atrocious. I never knew he was jealous of my progress in this game, let alone actively trying to drag me down.

I read his post yesterday. I did indeed call him "the worst person I'll ever know". Geometry dash was my life. I had a mainlist down and I guess he couldn't take it being worse than his offspring at anything... so he decided to destroy my achievements. My mother is now divorcing him. Can't blame her. I, too, would be pissed if my son's mainlist completion recording was tampered with by a man whose hardest is Hypersonic, a measly top 1400 extreme (he claims he beat it when it was on the list).

He even destroyed my sayodevice and claimed it was to "protect me" and that Geometry Dash fame was a "curse". He said I'm dead to him. Unbelievable. I'm leaving him and his stupid legacy points.

I will never forgive him.