Genshin Impact

Diomid Turzov copypasta

From Genshin Impact new region Snezhnaya where there’s a parody of Donald Trump by the name of Grand Duke Diomid Turzov.

HIRING URGENTLY! TOP PAY!

I, Grand Duke Diomid Turzov, seek to employ private guards and am prepared to offer generous compensation to suitable candidates. (The sentence above was the best my servant could write. I fired him as soon as he finished it. He had no culture, no sense, and was very very stupid. So I’m writing the rest myself. Everything below was written by me, Grand Duke Turzov, your favorite Grand Duke.)

I built a fountain. It is enormous. Without question, it is the most beautiful fountain in all of Snezhnaya. Maybe even the most beautiful in all of Teyvat. Better than the Fountain of Lucine. Much better. Everyone’s talking about it. Then some horrible Tidalga got into the fountain. From Fontaine! They made the water look ugly. Total disaster. Very sad. But I fixed it. I did what no one else was brave enough to do! I drained the fountain and painted the bottom with beautiful, bright paint. After that, it looked incredible. So incredible!

Then the idiots on the Snezhnograd Veche ruined everything. There is something very wrong with their brains, by the way. They knew the paint would feed the Tidalga, but did they tell me? No. Of course not. Soon there were more Tidalga than ever! Total disaster! But I fixed that too. I always do. I poured a huge amount of bleach into the fountain, and it became clean again. I won. A historic victory, like no one’s ever seen!

But the thugs from the Rokot are still not giving up. They want to destroy everything. My big, beautiful paint has started peeling. My servants say the bleach caused it, but that is obviously fake news. Totally fake. The truth is simple! Those losers are sneaking into the manor at night and tearing the paint off with their filthy hands! Embarrassing. So embarrassing!

These paint-scraping lunatics will be found, and we’re gonna lock them up! To make sure of that, I am going to spend a great, super great deal of money hiring the biggest, toughest, strongest warriors money can buy. A very, very great deal of money. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

A message to the Raiden Shogun.

Its the Eggman anouncement but changed to a ranting about Raiden Shogun for killing Signora in Genshin.

I’ve come to make an announcement: The Raiden Shogun is a bitch-ass motherfucker. He deep fried my fucking wife. That’s right, she took her musou no hitotachi and turn my wife into fucking ash, and she said her blade was this big. And I said “that’s disgusting!” So I’m making a callout post on my Twitter dot com: "Shogun, you aren't a real archon, just like you aren't a good mother or political leader." Inazuma would've have collapsed if Yae miko didn't save your ass everytime. That’s right, I think half of inazumans are a bunch of grifters. And Kazuha's mortal blade parried your ass. You fucked my wife so guess what, I’m gonna fuck teyvat. That's right this is what you get, my super duper 30% high def roll piece. Except I’m not just gonna give you shit gear and repeatedly let you die in the abyss, I’m gonna go higher. I’m pissing on the welkin moon! How do you like that, Zhongli? I pissed on the moon, you idiot! You have twenty-three hours before the piss droplets hit the fucking teyvat, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!

In general, a virgin woman can close her legs normally without leaving gaps

Originally came from a FB comment about women’s thigh gap that became a meme. Some Genshin fan used it as ragebait for Arlecchino and it spread from there.

It looks like Laurel is no longer a virgin.

In general, a virgin woman can close her legs normally without leaving gaps, but those who have had their first time or more xd end up with a wider area, making it so they can't close their legs properly anymore xd

Did you know that arlecchino is not virg3n,
generally when a woman is virg3n can close the legs without leaving space but when you already have your first see or who knows how many more the part of that area becomes wider making it no longer can close well the legs xdxd

I’m sick of saying Yumemizuki Mizuki

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of saying Yumemizuki Mizuki. I try to say Kaedehara Kazuha, Yumemizuki Mizuki is more fun to say. I try to say Kuki Shinobu, Yumemizuki Miizuki is more fun to say. I try to say Shikanoin Heizou, Yumemizuki Mizuki is more fun to say. I don't even wanna pronounce Al Haitham, I just wanna say Sangonomiya Kokomi, then I remember how much better saying Yumemizuki Mizuki is. I want to say Arataki Itto - but I get reminded of Yumemizuki Mizuki. Yumemizuki Mizuki grabs me by the throat. I say Yumemizuki Mizuki for Yumemizuki Mizuki. "You aren't saying Yumemizuki Mizuki enough". Yumemizuki Mizuiki says it's not enough. I can't say Yumemizuki Mizuki anymore, my vocal chords can't handle Yumemizuki Mizuki anymore. "Guess this is the end." Yumemizuki Mizuki grabs Yumemizuki Mizuki's snacks and shove it down my throat, as if my throat wasn't damaged enough from saying Yumemizuki Mizuki enough. There was no hints of sadness in Yumemizuki Mizuki's eyes. Nothing but pure happiness from the ennunciation of Yumemizuki Mizuki's name. What a cruel world.

Since Chiori is the paragon of human virtue without equal past or present

Its the Nijika Pledge copypasta but changed to Chiori from Genshin Impact.

Since Chiori is the paragon of human virtue without equal past or present, she is most resplendent in love, tributes and accolades. Waking or sleeping, I must not forget Chiori’s great boon and in order to return her favour by day and by night, I should only think of fulfilling my loyalty. Who is Chiori? For the blind, she is their vision. For the deaf, she is their music. For the mute, she is their voice. For the anosmiac, she is their aroma. For the numb, she is their feeling. For the atrophied, she is their muscle. For the starved, she is their sustenance. For the thirsty, she is their water. For the exhausted, she is their energy. For the depressed, she is their happiness. For the disillusioned, she is their hope. For the pessimistic, she is their optimism. For the disadvantaged, she is their champion. For the marginalised, she is their justice. For the oppressed, she is their salvation. For the righteous, she is their symbol. For the enlightened, she is their muse. For the erudite, she is their education. If Chiori speaks, I listen. If Chiori questions, I answer. If Chiori orders, I obey. If Chiori opines, I agree. If Chiori fears, I assure. If Chiori hopes, I dream. If Chiori is happy, I am jubilant. If Chiori is angry, I am apoplectic. If Chiori is sad, I am disconsolate. Chiori is my ideal, Chiori is my romance, Chiori is my passion. Chiori is my strength, Chiori is my compass, Chiori is my destination. Chiori is my language, Chiori is my culture, Chiori is my religion. Chiori is my ocean, Chiori is my mountain, Chiori is my sky, Chiori is my air, Chiori is my sun, Chiori is my moon, Chiori is my world. Chiori is history, Chiori is present, Chiori is future. If Chiori has a million fans, I am one of them. If Chiori has a thousand fans, I am one of them. If Chiori has a hundred fans, I am one of them. If Chiori has ten fans, I am one of them. If Chiori has only one fan, that is me. If Chiori has no fans, I no longer exist. If the whole universe is for Chiori, then I am for the whole universe. If the whole universe is against Chiori, then I am against the whole universe. I will love, cherish, and protect Chiori until my very last breath; my successors will love, cherish and protect Chiori until their very last breath. Life without Chiori is no life at all. Death with Chiori is life. In the inconceivable event that Chiori is no longer in this world, living without her would be an unimaginable insult, and thus our only absolution would be to clear the now sullied human race from the Earth. May Chiori grant us grace eternal.

Kokomi copypasta

Its the Vaporeon copypasta but changed to Kokomi from Genshin Impact. The pasta started from an anonymous user on FB around 2021 while an alternate version was written by a Redditor.

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of sex, Kokomi is probably the most flexible unit you could go for? Not only is she Hydro, which would allow her to do all sorts of things with her saliva and your semen, but she's also a healer, which makes all sort of hardcore BDSM possible, because she can always heal herself. You can be as rough with her as you'd like, and she can quickly recover both herself and you from fatigue so you can keep going for as long as possible. Not only that, but she's short and petite, so you can pick her up and do whatever you want with her. Kokomi is literally built for human dick. Also, for fun, you can have sex with her on top of water. Ungodly defense stat+high HP Pool+healing means she can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come back for more

Alt version

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female waifu breeding, Sangonomiya Kokomi is the most compatible waifu for humans? Not only are they in the Hydro group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Kokomi are an average of 5'3" tall and 110.2 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Bake-Kurage, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Kokomi would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Kurage's Oath, Nereid's Ascension, Tamanooya's Casket, Song of Pearls, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Flawless Strategy and Princess of Watatsumi, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other waifu comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Kokomi turn white. Kokomi is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Bake-Kurage means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.