This post is a cry for help. I can’t stand this anymore. Everywhere I go, this stupid orange shitstain somehow finds me and ruins my life. No matter how many defense mechanisms I have, it always come back.
Yesterday, I was working at my job when I heard it. That fateful sound of a stat drop. I quickly leaped out of my chair and turned around, but the fucker had already used intimidate on all of my coworkers. I ran towards the bastard to punch him, but he set up stealth rocks in my cubicle, preventing me from working again. I quickly bolted to the office fridge to grab some ice cubes, but by the time I screamed “KYUREM USE ICE BEAM” the fucker had already u-turned out the window. I couldn’t work anymore because of the stealth rocks, so I had to leave so I could get a defog tm from my car.
As I grabbed the defog tm from my car, the thing jumped me from behind and used knock off, smacking the tm into the middle of the road. Before I could go grab it, a car raced by and crushed the tm, making it worthless. As I was standing there, shocked by what happened, the orange demon used earthquake on my car, giving me 4 flat tires simultaneously. Filled with rage, I grabbed a keldeo plush from my car, shoved a pair of spectacles onto its face, and hurled it at the thing, while screaming “KELDEO USE HYDRO PUMP.” Just like always, however, my hydro pump missed, and the fucker u-turned away again.
After I took a bus home, I was exhausted. As I was lying in my bed, depressed, my 6-year old daughter came into the room. She started talking about her favorite TV show, when suddenly, her face began to change. No. NO. As she continued talking, her face continued to morph, until it was identical to Landorus-Therian. I was ready this time, though. I quickly kicked off my shoes, revealing that I had duct-taped ice cubes to my feet. I then proceeded to triple axel the ever loving shit out of that thing. I looked up and screamed with joy, thinking it was all over. However, as I came to my senses, I saw my daughter unconscious on the floor and realized what I had done. The orange bastard had tricked me. My wife stood in the doorway, shocked, before she pulled out her phone and dialed 911. I’m writing this in the woods right now, the police are probably going to find me soon.
Fuck Landorus-Therian.
Hey guys, did you know in terms of human and Pokémon breeding, neither Vaporeon or Umbreon are the most compatible for humans? I'm actually quite disgusted at the amount of misinformation going around this community relating to them. They're actually both outclassed by another one of their Eeveelutions, Glaceon. Both genders, too. Let me explain. Glaceon is 2 feet and 7 inches tall in height, giving it the perfect composure to fuck. It weighs approximately 57.1 pounds, giving it a small enough weight to move around during fucking, but also enough to not feel too light or too heavy when you're using your dick on it. Glaceon's stat spread is also incredibly versatile for sex, with incredible Defense and Special Defense. It has lackluster Attack, but the best part is its Special Attack. You'll see why later. As an ice type, having such good defenses is incredibly rare. You also might be thinking, "but your dick would freeze inside of its puss-puss!" This is not true! Here is its Pokédex entry from Pokémon Sun, circa 2016. "It can control its body temperature at will. This enables it to freeze the moisture in the atmosphere, creating flurries of diamond dust." Glaceon can control its body temp at will, so if you don't want your dick to be frozen, you can create the perfect environment for dicking it down by telling it to change its temperature! This way, you can fuck it in so many different ways, temperatures, and more! Now onto its moves, which are also incredibly useful for sex. By level up, it learns Helping Hand. This allows it to increase your fucking power by double, increasing your pleasure times two! It also learns Bite, meaning it can get freaky and tune to whatever shit you like in the bed. Best of all, it can use MIRROR COAT. This means whenever you cum, it can double back the pleasure like a special attack, meaning you'll feel all the pleasure IT had during sex times TWO! Combine this with Helping Hand and you'll be turned into a human cum nozzle! Glaceon also learns Barrier, which if used just thrice, turns it into a massively defensive tank, so it can take physical attacks for days, literal fucking days! It can also use Hail. Now, if you use it outside, it will Hail outside. Go back inside and the Hail won't affect you! Best of all, combine the Hail with Glaceon's ability Ice Body, and it will gradually replenish it's Health Points during a hailstorm! This means it will NEVER fucking stop enduring all your "hits," so you can fuck it over and over and over, combining this with Barrier, and you could probably fuck it for 24 hours straight, if not more! It also learns Baby Doll Eyes, Charm, Captivate, and Yawn, allowing it to get itself right in the mood, along with you too! It even learns Fake Tears, Covet, and Tickle, allowing you to roleplay with it if you're in the mood. It even learns Stored Power, meaning if it uses enough Barriers, it can release all of the Defensive energy it has into, you guessed it, fucking SPECIAL ATTACK!!! And with its absolutely GODLY special attack stat, you'll be drowning in waves of pleasure due to this attack! And it doesn't get rid of the Barrier boosts, so as long as you have enough ethers, it can do this over and over WHILE you're fucking it! Hell, it even learns attract, which makes you fall so deeply in love with it that you'll be in a trance of fucking! It can take charge with that as well and use your love to make it fuck it how IT wants! Which means it's not just pleasurable for you, it's also pleasurable for your Glaceon! It even learns Aurora Veil, which in the Hail, protects it even fucking MORE from taking too much damage! Combine this with Ice Body and Barrier and you can fuck it for decades without either of you ever getting tired! Glaceon also learns refresh, so if that wasn't enough, it can never get sick while you're fucking it, protecting you from any and all STIs and STDs! I rest my case, Glaceon is the BEST Pokémon you can fuck. :)
Eu tenho sorte que eu não moro no mundo de pokemon, se não eu já teria sido preso 134 vezes diferentes por zoofilia com todas as espécies existentes. Não sobraria um único monstro de bolso que não tivesse sentido o toque do meu pênis, e no final, eu me deixaria ser preso. diria à policial jenny: "Faça o que tiver que fazer, afinal, eu já ganhei", afinal de contas, já teria criado um híbrido com cada raça de pokemon existente nesse mundo. Eu seria mundialmente famoso em todas as regiões e cultuado por companheiros comedores de pokemon como um deus. Eu seria proibido de chegar dentro de 50m de uma gardevoir sem supervisão nos primeiros 3 dias de estadia no mundo pokemon. Em um mês, nenhuma eeveelution estaria segura, e em um ano, a data de minha execução seria marcada para preservar a pureza dos pokemons ainda não violados. Mas não seria o suficiente. com tamanha vontade de fazer sexo com pokemons, meu espírito certamente seria forte o suficiente para me transformar em um tipo fantasma, com uma anatomia ectoplásmica voltada completamente para o único e singelo propósito de espalhar meu DNA para a maior quantidade de pokemons possíveis.
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I'm lucky that I don't live in the pokemon world, otherwise I would have been arrested 134 different times for zoophilia with every existing species. There wouldn't be a single pocket monster left that hadn't felt the touch of my cock, and in the end, I'd let myself be trapped. he would say to police jenny: "Do what you have to do, after all, I already won", after all, he would have already created a hybrid with every existing pokemon race in this world. I would be world famous in all regions and worshiped by fellow pokemon eaters like a god. I would be banned from coming within 50m of an unsupervised gardevoir for the first 3 days of staying in pokemon world. In a month, no eeveelution would be safe, and in a year, my execution date would be set to preserve the purity of pokemons not yet violated. But it wouldn't be enough. with such a desire to have sex with pokemons, my spirit would certainly be strong enough to transform me into a ghost type, with an ectoplasmic anatomy completely focused on the sole and simple purpose of spreading my DNA to the greatest amount of pokemons possible.
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.
so just fuck democracy right?
This is just ridiculous, why does the council get off so much by banning half of the new pokemon without even consulting the player base? Fucking Espathra doesn't even get a suspect test? Has it not occurred to anyone else that there's a little thing called DARK TYPES?! You can even change your damn type to Dark if you need to. But then when anyone brings up garganacl mfers are like "nah its totally fine you just have to run a specific item on this specific pokemon". But it doesn't even get suspected.
The quick bans are getting excessive. Flutter mane and palafin and iron bundle I understand, houndstone I disagree but whatever, but stuff like annihilape and cyclizar should've been suspected at the very least.
Lastly, tournament play shouldn't be a decider in whether something is tested, let alone quick banned. Only stall loving try-hards care about tournaments over anything else.
I KNOW EEVEE SUCKS ASS.
I KNOW ABSOL SUCKS ASS.
I KNOW USING THEM PUTS ME AT A HUGE DISADVANTAGE FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER.
I KNOW REFUSING TO USE RESTRICTED LEGENDARIES PUTS ME AT A HUGE DISADVANTAGE FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER.
WHEN I MAKE POSTS THAT CLEARLY STATE:
I WILL NOT BE CHANGING THE SPECIES.
AND
I MIGHT CHANGE DRAGAPULT. AND ONLY DRAGAPULT.
THAT DOES NOT MEAN I AM NOT WILLING TO TAKE ADVICE AND CRITICISM, JUST BECAUSE I GET PISSED AT PEOPLE WHO INSIST ON THINGS THAT THEY KNOW I KNOW.
I KNOW MY TEAM SUCKS ASS. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO EQUIP THEM WITH TO MAKE THEM SUCK THE LEAST AMOUNT OF ASS.
SAY IT WITH ME NOW:
NATURES
EVS
IVS
MOVES
ABILITIES
HELD ITEMS
OR EVEN JUST THE ROLES THEY SHOULD PLAY
OR STRATEGIES ON HOW TO USE THEM
I WILL ACCEPT ADVICE ON LITERALLY ANYTHING EXCEPT THE SPECIES OF MY TEAM MEMBERS.
IT'S NOT HARD TO WRAP YOUR HEAD AROUND.
