Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.
I literally just opened reddit and the first thing i see is hentai. I was fucking sitting on the bus and then a giant pair of big jiggle anime honkers popped on my screen. I was sitting next to a mother with a child and exposed both of them to that horrific scene. I want to kill myself now. It was so bad my anxiety started acting up and the next moment i had fucking nuclear diarrhoea. The bishop i had up my ass started letting go. I had to get off the bus and into the near woods to relieve myself and readjust the bishop. Fuck you again!
(Rant) I keep getting misgendered and I'm fucking cis 😭😭😭😭
Okay so for starters,I'm a MAN. DICK, BALLS AND ALL. But because god decided to make me 5'5, and the fact that I have long curly hair that covers my hair, people think I'm a girl 😭 when I went to go eat a restaurant with my family, the waiter told me ma "your daughter is very pretty" and pointed at me 😭 when I went to go meet my VERY CONSERVATIVE Family in the south, my grandaunt hugged me and said "oh my god look at this pretty woman!" Until I lifted up my hair! I get cat called by random guys on the street that get creeped out when I respond in my deep masculine voice. It doesn't help that I usually wear like baggy sweaters with skinny jeans (I have a pretty fat ass and thighs I've been told). People think it's funny but it kinda gets demasculinizating at times cause I genuinely want to be more manly and shit 😭 and I'm not even a Twink or a femboy!!! I just OCCASIONALLY put on eyeliner and pant my nails but I HAVE MASCULINE FEATURES DAMNIT!!! alr thank u for listening to my rant :)
My (18M) gf (18F) surprise visited my house on Sunday. She knocked on the door and Mom let her in and told her I was up in my room. My gf comes into my room and jumps on the bed, right on top of me and sis (20F) cuddling. My gf screams and told me to explain. I calmly said sis and I have always slept together and share the same room as our home is modest in this economy with only two bedrooms, the other is my parents’. My gf says that us cuddling/hugging each other while asleep is “disgusting.” But I think she just doesn’t understand as an only child. I calmed her down and got her to come downstairs for dinner. I set the table and Mom kissed me on the lips. This was too much for my gf and she screams wtf. Mum got upset and asked her to explain herself. My gf said that our family is “way too close” bc Mom kisses me and my sis 'spoons' me while sleeping. Mum became angry and asked her to apologize but my gf just ran out of the house.
Now my gf won't respond to my texts or calls. I texted her several times that we only kiss on greetings, and sometimes we surprise lick each other’s lips to tease each other. Idk why having a close family is an issue. I feel depressed that the love of my life won’t talk to me. But she’ll come around. I’m sure she’s just nervous and not used to normal behaviors.
Edit- I think people are misunderstanding me. We don't lick each other on the lips all the times. We only do it sometimes to tease each other. Kinda like tickling but on the lips.
So this is going to be a doozy and I'm probably going to regret writing this out to Reddit World but here goes:
I'm a 31-year-old guy living in the SF Bay Area. I'm not going to say my real name for obvious reasons. I'd really just like to hear some helpful feedback or maybe assurance that I'm not totally crazy for feeling a particular way with her role-playing.
Okay, so I met this beautiful, attractive woman in her late 30s two years ago. I was 29 and haven't been in a long-term relationship for a few years so it kind of felt like a weird turn of fate that I would hit it off someone like her, especially during the craziness of post-COVID land . I met Alyssa (not her real name of course) during a get-together one of my co-workers was throwing at his house. It was one of those mutual friends gatherings where all these mutual friends happened to trickle in and join the party. Alyssa was one of those.
She actually approached me and I remember her being pretty flirty from the get-go. At first I thought she was either drunk or fucking with me, so I tried to awkwardly (and kindly) break away from her during convos but then one of my buddies told me (out of earshot) she doesn't drink at all and "is just like that." So I figured she was just one of those super extroverts you hear about and basically spent some time getting to know her. After about an hour or so of hanging out at the party, I actually found she was really cool. Lot of joking and smart as hell. After the party, I asked her out and within a month or so of dating, we were pretty serious. It didn't bother me she was older or that she was quirky (even more so than me lol), and I was happy to be with someone I clicked with again.
So to fast forward, we've settled into our couple phase and things are pretty good. And then one day, things started to get a little strange. So, I love roleplay in the bedroom. It makes sex fun. And she loves it, too. The thing is, she has this very specific fetish where she loves to "play mommy." I'm all for the MILF stuff and getting into that (it's especially a turn on for me that she is older than me), but she started getting obsessed with being this kind of angry mom character during sex. And when I say "angry mom," let me break down how it went down one night:
So we're messing around and we're basically having a good time and then out of nowhere (and I fucking kid you not) she tries to pin me down on the bed and she growls in my ear "I heard what you did at school today." And then she slaps me so fucking hard and then kisses me. I'm like "um, okay." It was weird but still hot. But then, she grabs my chin forcefully, looks me dead in the eye, and says "Do you hear me, young man? Do you want to get the belt?" And guys, I'm honestly at a crossroads where I'm turned on and kind of spooked because she slaps me again and says "alright fine. We're done." I'm laying there confused and she jumps off and grabs the belt off my pants laying across a chair. I'm still letting her indulge in this but I regret it the next second when she comes flying at me swinging the goddamned belt like Zorro. She smacks me twice with it and she sounds angry as fuck, too! I'm thinking she's gotta be fucking with me and I start to laugh and I try to wrestle her back onto the bed, and she whips me right in the ass with the belt! HARD! Like I broke Grandma's fine china or something. I'm howling and jumping over the bed to get away from her. She's standing there heaving and staring at me like she's not done but then she looks at me remorsefully and says "oh, I'm sorry, baby. Come here. Mommy will make it better."
At this point, I'm confused as to where she's taking this but I go and embrace her and she brings me over to the bed and starts caressing my head slowly, purring in my ear like a freaking cat. This went on for like 10 WHOLE MINUTES! I tried to move at one point and she told me "mommy isn't done." I realized the night wasn't going to end the way I thought so I said I was tired and we went to bed shortly after.
After that, she loves to incorporate this "angry mom" RP in the bedroom. It got to a point where one night she was chasing me throughout my apartment with the belt and I had to hide in the damn bathroom while she calmed down. We spoke about this and I told her that while I enjoy it, she needs to tone it down with some of that stuff. She doesn't see a problem with it and tells me it gets her really hot to be playing that role. But when I told her beating the hell out of me with a belt and saying "that's for taking the car out without my permission!" isn't doing it for me, she actually started rolling up her sleeves and walked over to me, and said "give it to me NOW!"
Guys, I honestly don't know what to do. She only does this stuff when she's in the mood (the majority of the time), so I'm wondering if she's just really trying to live out this power fantasy or that she might be having some other feelings crop up that could be an issue. She's not a bad person but whenever she's in the mood, I gotta worry about getting my ass beaten with the belt. I've tried talking to her multiple times already but she loves doing it. Thoughts?????
Throwaway since my BF knows my Reddit account. One evening, me (F22) and my boyfriend (M21) were watching memes on YouTube from his phone, something we frequently do together. He REALLY likes memes and quotes them often throughout the day, no matter whether he is happy or being goofy and even when he is raging at a game or genuinely heartbroken. One day about a year ago, he came home to tell me he got fired and said "my life be like oooh aaah". It's probably a coping mechanism for him, but personally I do not understand it.
Anyways, we saw one meme, a guy a clearly masturbating saying things "I'm about to cum" but it was spelt out as "ambatukam", and thought it was the funniest thing ever so we looked for more. There were more videos of him being edited into scenarios like him mourning the loss of his brother named "Bato Khan", and we spent no less than 20 minutes laughing nonstop at these videos. Afterwards when we went to make dinner, my BF said joking "that's what I'm gonna say in bed now".
Fast forward a day later, both of us are horny and head to the bedroom to fuck. It was great, but then towards the end, my BF said loudly "ambatukaaaam" and then proceeded to cum. I laughed along with him but I was a little uncomfortable because it sorta killed the vibe.
About a week later, we're having sex again, and he says them same exact thing as last time, but this time, he laughs "just kidding, I'll stop" afterwards. Well, it turns out he wasn't really telling the truth because the next time we had sex, he said "bouttobus". I then whining-ly said his name in desperation and he then chuckled.
We didn't have sex for about a month until last night. We were doing fine as usual, and he even managed to cum without saying any memes... or so I thought, because right afterwards, he said something along the lines of "thank you for letting me buss, it's what I needed". I can't even remember much of what happened during or after that because I was in pure shock that we would just kill the vibe like that again. All I remember is that we cleaned up and he went to play COD or something that involved him shouting stupid jokes and memes to his friends.
I do not have the heart to tell him that he isn't funny when he does this, because the last time I confronted him when he kept saying "yooo that's sus" every time I mentioned something vaguely sexual, he almost cried. He stopped saying that one phrase but still has about a thousand other memes in his vocabulary. I guess this is just my life now, and as much as I want it to stop, I love my boyfriend so much and will have to live with it.
