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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.

The Green Felt Trap

    Comment
    byu/Globbert_The_Bobbert from discussion
    inchess

    Its based on a post in r/AnarchyChess in 2015 called ‘The Green Felt Trap‘.

    This is the green felt trap.

You play e4. Opponent plays e5, you play Qh5. While they're laughing at you, you quickly say "oh by the way the black king doesn't have the green felt on the bottom". They pick up their king out of curiosity to check.

That's when you hit them with TOUCH MOVE, MOTHERFUCKER! Only possible move for them is now Ke7. Qxe5#. Works every time.

    Original

    The Green Felt Trap
    by inAnarchyChess

    Listen. Please dont down vote me, but im going to bitch and youre going to read it, or youre not.

      Comment
      byu/Background-Set-1369 from discussion
      inblackmagicfuckery
      Listen. Please dont down vote me, but im going to bitch and youre going to read it, or youre not. But i need to let this out.

This mother fucker. Dude doing his magic tricks? Ive been seeing him since he started. Which was a rough start. VERY VERY obviously faked videos with everyone in the video aware of what hes doing. Super scripted magic shit or stuff like magic but often like... really obvious stuff. Always had tons of girls in the videos (tho half of them looked like actual meth addicts) and i HATED the videos. Think it was facebook i first found him. I blocked him. Instead of bitching, i blocked. It was the mature move. But then other pages shared his garbage and i blocked all of those too, and it happened lots. But damn i eventually find him on instagram and block him and then other accounts sharing his garbage. Got me at tiktok and damn aas tiktok bad. I eventually had to make new accounts on facebook and tiktok for personal reasons and bumped into him another 12 times. No lie. Its been 12 times in the last year and a half alone, and many times before that. I still find his new accounts or people sharing it every once in a while. Reddit was my only safe place from this guy. I REALLY REALLY dislike him. I dont dislike probably any other "influencer" other than that girl that did tiny hand russian skits or something.

But oh my gosh. I cant believe hes still chasing me. This is a first, finding him on reddit. Im not too surprised. Some people like his stuff, i dont actually watch any of his newer stuff so i have no idea if hes improved. But his older shit i got stuck with was like 5th grade socially awkward me doing a commercial for a school project back in 2007. I pray i dont see him again in this group. Im being dead serious, no exaggeration. This man is the only man i allocate distaste for on earth and it leaves me peace for the rest of the people in the world. End of rant.

Edit: his name is Justin Flom

      TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide

        Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
        source

        By u/Skylantech to the r/tifu sub, its a story on how he got an enema from a waterslide by not crossing his legs.

        So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.

Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.

At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.

While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.

Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!

Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.

        Well, that’s it. I’m done. Canceling my pre order.

          A COD Zombie fan had crashout after seeing the preview of BO7 gameplay and posted this before it got removed..

          Well, that's it. I'm done. Canceling my pre order.

I just sat through the entire COD Next preview for "Ashes of the Damned" and I am actually SEETHING. What an absolute, unmitigated DISASTER of a map. This is it. This is the final proof they have zero respect for the Zombies community.
Let's talk about the complete and utter JOKE that was that "gameplay" showcase.
First of all, THE EASTER EGG. Or should I say, the LACK THEREOF. Did you notice how not a SINGLE "content creator" they flew out even ATTEMPTED a main quest step? They were just running in circles like headless chickens! You know why? BECAUSE THERE ISN'T ONE. It's a $70 MAP WITH NO SOUL. No story, no quest, no purpose. Just shoot zombies in the dark until you get bored. They literally forgot to put the main feature in the game. Are we supposed to be the playtesters now? Is that the new business model?
AND ARMOR. OH MY GOD, THEY BROUGHT BACK THE ARMOR SYSTEM. BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY DID. WARZONE ARMOR
WARZONE WEAPON RARITY
WARZONE CARS
WARZONE ZIPLINES
WARZONE F*N HUD
WARZONE
WARZONE
WARZONE ITS ALL JUST WARZONE its just WARZONE AGAIN AND AGAIN

          Midladder is the worst place on Pokemon Showdown.

            Midladder is the worst place on Pokemon Showdown.
            byu/SENSEI_BAKA instunfisk

            Its was a rant by u/SENSEI_BAKA on r/stunfisk on being beaten in midladder rank while making predictions. The community thought it was hilarious and made the rant into a copypasta. 

            Midladder is the worst place on Pokemon Showdown.

Whenever I play Pokémon showdown I sometimes like to find new formats to play to liven things up. But after the cake-walk that is 1000-1200 Elo, the people I play are suddenly the most irrational yet infuriating players I have the misfortune of matching up against. Every time I dare to attempt a play, I am randomly shut down by the dumbest play they could have made, but somehow it works out for them despite it making no sense. Yes, I am talking to you, the guy who ran HP fire on his Greninja whilst running A FUCKING RAIN TEAM. Whenever I make a prediction that makes sense given the circumstances, they completely disregard my efforts and stay in with their mon that somehow has a specific coverage move which no one else runs. But of course, if I actually try to start clicking what’s in front of me, I instantly match against the 1278 Elo gigasweat who reads even the most obscure moves I try like a fucking esper. And when I do eventually find myself in a winning position, which I often do because these players cannot form enough coherent thoughts to actually plan for any long term strategy, I am immediately haxxed by full paras from thunderbolts or getting frozen by and ice beam. It genuinely feels like Mid ladder as a whole is a living breathing organism out there with the sole purpose of causing as much anguish as possible and I do not think I have the willpower to endure it anymore.

            Fuck every iPhone user

              Fuck every iPhone user
              byu/Raven_Bubbles inandroidcirclejerk

              Its a ragebait post by u/Raven_Bubbles meant to provoke Iphone fans that was posted in the android circlejerk sub.

              Fuck every iPhone user 

I don’t even care anymore.

I’m not explaining a fucking thing.

I’m not spoon-feeding originality to people whose entire personality is a mirror selfie with a triple-camera brick. You people wouldn’t know individuality if it AirDropped itself onto your lock screen.

Then you’ll run off to gush about your “cinematic mode” like it’s Spielberg, post another 4K slow-mo of a latte, and pretend it’s art. And when someone points out Android did it first, you scream “green bubbles!” like that magically makes your half-charged Lightning cable suddenly cutting edge.

Just fuck off.

I don’t care that you think “the ecosystem” is sacred. I don’t care if a phone is “iconic.” I don’t care that your favorite slab of glass has the same design for six years straight. I don’t care about your holy Dynamic Island that’s just a hole Apple rebranded. I don’t care if you think buying a new color every September is innovation. I don’t care about your notch, your MagSafe ring, your battery pack shaped like a tumor. I don’t care that you brag about iMessage like it’s a religion while being chained to iCloud ransom storage.

I care about progress. About people who actually want new ideas, not just the same overpriced rectangle with an extra lens.

You’re the most emotionally fragile, status-starved consumers on earth. Everything hinges on your need to feel superior while waiting in line at the Apple Store for the same phone with a new wallpaper.

You want a community that claps for every recycled feature, buries criticism, and calls that “courage.” You’re not advancing tech, you’re embalming it.

You’re traitors to innovation. Archivists of stagnation. Priests of the dead-Steve cult.

Fuck off, you’re not visionaries.

EDIT: You think I’m mad because I don’t “get it?” No. I’ve been online since before the original iPhone keynote. I’ve seen Jobs actually drop jaws on stage, not just Cook read specs off a teleprompter. I’ve used phones that gave you headphone jacks, chargers in the box, and features without paywalls. So yeah, real user. Not a status junkie with a fruit logo fetish. Get fucked.