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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.

I jerked off to en passant

    I jerked off to en passant
    byu/Mushroom-Gorge inAnarchyChess
    I jerked off to en passant

Yeah.

I've been working on how to say this to someone but I guess I'll just have to be blunt about it. I jerked off to En Passant. More than once. It started as a joke, I started by telling my friends "hey guys i jerked off to en passant haha" but later I thought... "should I? I shouldn't. Maybe?" The way the pawns move... the way they capture to the side... it's irresistible.

No, I can't jerk off. Not to something as sacred as the forced move.

Later, I was watching a Hikaru video where he does en passant, and right then and there I creamed my pants. Holy shit, I thought. Now I'm a pretty freaky guy, but I've never been able to cum handsfree, let alone to something non-pornographic. But HOLY SHIT I cummed my pants over a god damn chess move. What the fuck was that about?

I couldn't tell my friends. They'd laugh, and laugh, and laugh... and I couldn't tell my mom either. She'd probably be all grossed out. Anyway, I decided I was going to take a week off from chess, but... the pawns... they brought me back.

"Fuck it, let's go." I uttered as I undid my belt and loaded up Youtube. I searched "en passant explained" to get every last detail in my brain. I took my dick out and started going and within a minute I was drenched. I kept going. I jerked until my dick was raw and my balls were more sore than me losing to Martin. There was cum everywhere. I had to throw out my computer, the smell was that bad.

So yeah. That's the story of how I jerked off to en passant.

    Slutnut Butter & Whore Jelly sammich

      Comment
      byu/MayaAlex from discussion
      inwhatisitcirclejerk
      When I was 6 my grandpa used to plant Whore Plants in our garden. My favorite species was the Malus Puella variety next to Femina Sordida. Such amazing plants

I miss those days pickin' whores off the hoevines. We used to squeeze the ripest ones until they popped into a deep red paste we called Whore jelly.

Man I miss a good ole southern Slutnut Butter & Whore Jelly sammich šŸ˜¢

      A woman I work with whom I really like won’t date me because I use Firefox.

        Comment
        byu/Darukutsu from discussion
        inlinuxmemes
        A woman I work with whom I really like won't date me because I use Firefox.

Apparently, her ex boyfriend was on the down-low and banging dudes behind her back. She had no idea that her boyfriend was bi or gay.

The way she found out is when she opened his laptop and Firefox was already opened up to a gay hookup site (probably Grinder?). She now thinks Firefox is some type of browser for men that like men.

I met this woman though work, and one of the first things she asked me when I was able to convince her to go to lunch with me (once) is what browser am I using. She got really quiet when I said Firefox.

She messaged me later to explain all the aforementioned stuff about her ex, and that Firefox is a huge issue for her.

I don't really know how to get her to believe that I'm 100% straight even though I use Firefox. I thought about bringing my personal laptop to work with hetero porn open in Firefox, but the risk of getting caught and losing my job is too great.

Thoughts?

        Limbo was actually based on a true story. In 1927 a man named Lim Bao

          Limbo was actually based on a true story. In 1927 a man named Lim Bao was captured in the chinese civil war, and was convicted to serve as a locksmith for the entirety of his life. People hated him so much that he eventually began to color and purposefully ruin the keys he has made, forcing people to guess which key is the one that actually works.

          I am the only one with media literacy

            I am the only one with media literacy
            byu/Idioteque131313 inCharacterRant
            Itā€™s come to my attention that people may have ā€œtakesā€ on a show I like. And to my professional dissatisfaction (as in, I am professionally, perpetually dissatisfied), I canā€™t help but be agog at your slack-jawed stupidity. Do you not think before you post? Are you incapable of looking up from your phones to comprehend whatā€™s happening on screen? This simply cannot stand anymore, and so I must make one. A stand, I mean.

You, yes, YOU. You lack media literacy. Itā€™s endemic to our TikTok brainrot culture, sure, but you need to step up and accept your part in it. That take you think you have? Donā€™t even bother engaging in good faith with it. Itā€™s just wrong, youā€™re wrong for having it. Have you tried reading a book? ā€œB-O-O-K,ā€ BOOK. Or if not that, perhaps you could watch something other than your typical shonen to help you with that mold clogging up your cognitive capabilities. Try something that makes you think next time. Like Chainsaw Man.

I might hear you say ā€œoh, but we should at least talk things out and have good-natured debateā€, but have you considered that youā€™re dumb? Why should I lower myself to your level when I can call you dumb? But Iā€™m not actually calling you dumb, see, donā€™t get mad. Iā€™m calling you media illiterate. That makes me sound smart. Me smart, you dumb. Get it, caveman?

So donā€™t even bother posting any of your takes, your shipping ideas, your critiques, your fan remakes. I, and everyone who agrees with me, have media literacy. So go educate yourself on some culture before you deign to stink up my Hazbin Hotel subreddit.

            Iā€™m done with Sailing until this gets rolled back or properly addressed.

              A redditor had a crashout after Jagex nerfed the XP rates for Sailing describing it as being permanently left behind. 

              All that talk about ā€œthe golden ageā€ and ā€œyour time mattersā€ just went straight out the window.

This update has shown that my timeā€”and a lot of other playersā€™ timeā€”is not equal.

ā€œLetā€™s release a huge new skill right in the middle of the holiday season for our main playerbase. Couldnā€™t log in because you were with family? Too badā€”enjoy being permanently behind while anyone who no-lifed it hits endgame.ā€

And now weā€™re watching XP rates go down and drop rates go up after those players already cashed in.

As usual, the rich get richer. All the joy and hype I had for this skill just got ripped out from under me. Time to dock my ship and go back to the normal slayer grind. Might even raise my cannon with everyone else.

Signed,

A former Sailing doubter who became a full supporterā€¦

and knew it was too good to be true

EDIT:I want to clear this up my main frustration is not regarding gp or anything else. Itā€™s the fact of the timing of this nerf and years of development. Then to nerf it this hard this long after release is ridiculous.

SECOND EDIT: I completely understand the nerfing of the crystal(honestly donā€™t understand how that passed testing). Itā€™s the nerfing of the salvaging and only a small increase to a method that isnā€™t used and probably will not be used for higher levels(I can be proven wrong). This game has always been about polling and this seems like we donā€™t have a say and are being told to like it. This is a slope that feels a lot like when EOC came out and we were told thereā€™s no going back. If this can happen for this then whatā€™s next?