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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.

It should be noted that I’ve upvoted every single person who’s disagreed with me

    Comment
    byu/DarqWolff from discussion
    ingaming

    Written by u/DarqWolff circa 2012 in a thread about Gabe Newell, he’s an infamous Redditor with delusions of grandeur often proclaiming how smart he is and that he invented stuff before it happen. People back then used to circlejerk his comments and follow any drama about him before his account was eventually suspended.

    It should be noted that I've upvoted every single person who's disagreed with me here, as far as I know. That said.

In 7th grade, I took an SAT test without preparing for it at all, it was spur-of-the-moment, I knew about it about an hour ahead of time and didn't do any research or anything. I scored higher on it than the average person using it to apply for college in my area. An IQ test has shown me to be in the 99.9th percentile for IQ. This is the highest result the test I was given reaches; anything further and they'd consider it to be within the margin of error for that test.

My mother's boyfriend of 8 years is an aerospace engineer who graduated Virginia Tech. At the age of 15, I understand physics better than him, and I owe very little of it to him, as he would rarely give me a decent explanation of anything, just tell me that my ideas were wrong and become aggravated with me for not quite understanding thermodynamics. He's not particularly successful as an engineer, but I've met lots of other engineers who aren't as good as me at physics, so I'm guessing that's not just a result of him being bad at it. I'm also pretty good at engineering. I don't have a degree, and other than physics I don't have a better understanding of any aspect of engineering than any actual engineer, but I have lots of ingenuity for inventing new things. For example, I independently invented regenerative brakes before finding out what they were, and I was only seven or eight years old when I started inventing wireless electricity solutions (my first idea being to use a powerful infrared laser to transmit energy; admittedly not the best plan).

I have independently thought of basically every branch of philosophy I've come across. Every question of existentialism which I've seen discussed in SMBC or xkcd or Reddit or anywhere else, the thoughts haven't been new to me. Philosophy has pretty much gotten trivial for me; I've considered taking a philosophy course just to see how easy it is. Psychology, I actually understand better than people with degrees. Unlike engineering, there's no aspect of psychology which I don't have a very good understanding of. I can debunk many of even Sigmund Freud's theories.

I'm a good enough writer that I'm writing a book and so far everybody who's read any of it has said it was really good and plausible to expect to have published. And that's not just, like, me and family members, that counts strangers on the Internet. I've heard zero negative appraisal of it so far; people have critiqued it, but not insulted it.

I don't know if that will suffice as evidence that I'm intelligent. I'm done with it, though, because I'd rather defend my maturity, since it's what you've spent the most time attacking. The following are some examples of my morals and ethical code.

I believe firmly that everybody deserves a future. If we were to capture Hitler at the end of WWII, I would be against executing him. In fact, if we had any way of rehabilitating him and knowing that he wasn't just faking it, I'd even support the concept of letting him go free. This is essentially because I think that whoever you are in the present is a separate entity from who you were in the past and who you are in the future, and while your present self should take responsibility for your past self's actions, it shouldn't be punished for them simply for the sake of punishment, especially if the present self regrets the actions of the past self and feels genuine guilt about them.

I don't believe in judgement of people based on their personal choices as long as those personal choices aren't harming others. I don't have any issue with any type of sexuality whatsoever (short of physically acting out necrophilia, pedophilia, or other acts which have a harmful affect on others - but I don't care what a person's fantasies consist of, as long as they recognize the difference between reality and fiction and can separate them). I don't have any issue with anybody over what type of music they listen to, or clothes they wear, etc. I know that's not really an impressive moral, but it's unfortunately rare; a great many people, especially those my age, are judgmental about these things. I love everyone, even people I hate. I wish my worst enemies good fortune and happiness. Rick Perry is a vile, piece of shit human being, deserving of zero respect, but I wish for him to change for the better and live the best life possible. I wish this for everyone.

I'm pretty much a pacifist. I've taken a broken nose without fighting back or seeking retribution, because the guy stopped punching after that. The only time I'll fight back is if 1) the person attacking me shows no signs of stopping and 2) if I don't attack, I'll come out worse than the other person will if I do. In other words, if fighting someone is going to end up being more harmful to them than just letting them go will be to me, I don't fight back. I've therefore never had a reason to fight back against anyone in anything serious, because my ability to take pain has so far made it so that I'm never in a situation where I'll be worse off after a fight. If I'm not going to get any hospitalizing injuries, I really don't care.

The only exception is if someone is going after my life. Even then, I'll do the minimum amount of harm to them that I possibly can in protecting myself. If someone points a gun at me and I can get out of it without harming them, I'd prefer to do that over killing them. I consider myself a feminist. I don't believe in enforced or uniform gender roles; they may happen naturally, but they should never be coerced into happening unnaturally. As in, the societal pressure for gender roles should really go, even if it'll turn out that the majority of relationships continue operating the same way of their own accord. I treat women with the same outlook I treat men, and never participate in the old Reddit "women are crazy" circlejerk, because there are multiple women out there and each have different personalities just like there are multiple men out there and each with different personalities. I don't think you do much of anything except scare off the awesome women out there by going on and on about the ones who aren't awesome.

That doesn't mean I look for places to victimize women, I just don't believe it's fair to make generalizations such as the one about women acting like everything's OK when it's really not (and that's a particularly harsh example, because all humans do that). I'm kind of tired of citing these examples and I'm guessing you're getting tired of reading them, if you've even made it this far. In closing, the people who know me in real life all respect me, as do a great many people in the Reddit brony community, where I spend most of my time and where I'm pretty known for being helpful around the community. A lot of people in my segment of the community are depressed or going through hard times, and I spend a lot of time giving advice and support to people there. Yesterday someone quoted a case of me doing this in a post asking everyone what their favorite motivational/inspirational quote was, and that comment was second to the top, so I guess other people agreed (though, granted, it was a pretty low-traffic post, only about a dozen competing comments). And, uh, I'm a pretty good moderator.

All that, and I think your behavior in this thread was totally assholish. So what do you think, now that you at least slightly know me?

    Day in day out… I goon, I open Reddit, I see more gooner material, I goon more.

      Comment
      byu/Fun_County7735 from discussion
      inPERSoNA
      Day in day out… I goon, I open Reddit, I see more gooner material, I goon more. At this rate I don’t know how long the cycle must continue, “when will it end?” oh how I wonder. Gooning has destroyed a once complete man, and now I’ve fallen into this dark cycle of sinning, fapping until I can’t bust anymore, and it’s all because of these damn Goonsona subreddits… I can’t goon anymore and it’s driven me to insanity… will I be free of this torment? Or am I forever to commit such an innocent sin? Goonsona shall never end, no matter how much I wish it would

      Playing my first nukige. When am I supposed to masturbate?

        Playing my first nukige. When am I supposed to masturbate?
        byu/HelpfulAstronomer738 invisualnovels

        It started as a shitpost from r/visualnovels which became a meme and other Redditors use it as a copypasta to shitpost their own subs.

        (Visual Novels) Playing my first nukige. When am I supposed to masturbate?

        Playing my first nukige. When am I supposed to masturbate? 

I've just started Tsumamigui 3.

Some scenes are very arousing but they aren't sex scenes with my favorite heroine, but more like a handjob or a blowjob with a heroine I don't prefer. And since I can shoot it only once a day (no judgment, please) I feel like I have to sit through these arousing yet undesirable scenes without climaxing. If I blow my load during a secondary character's blowjob, and then my favorite girl shows up 20 minutes later with full penetration, it feels like the session is effectively wasted.

Here is my current protocol:
        • Handjob scenes: Passive observation, no touch.
        • Blowjob scenes: Slow edging allowed, but no climax.
        • Vaginal scenes (non-favorite heroine): Allow arousal to go up but stop at the 80% threshold.
        • Vaginal scene (favorite heroine): Full release permitted.
        But the issue is, if the game makes me too aroused that I get to 90% arousal level, and then a penetration scene with a mildly attractive heroine appears, I feel like I'll have to give in to my primal urges. In that case, I'd have to save before that penetration scene and go on with my day and then come back once my arousal is back to normal. But I don't know what will appear when.

To mitigate this, I’ve introduced an emergency system. If arousal exceeds 80% during a scene with an unpreferred heroine, I immediately shut down the game and go for a walk outside.

If I end up being unable to kick off my emergency system and I do reach 90% arousal during a non-preferred penetration scene, then I must make a decision based on the following criteria:
        1. Quality of the context: If the context of the scene or its emotional resonance is a 9/10 or higher, she is temporarily upgraded to qualified.
        2. Time of the day: If it’s past 11:30 PM, in order to not lose sleep, I'm allowed to exercise the "no regrets act" which gives me a permit to elevate any undesired heroine or any contextually poor scene to the "qualified status." It's like when deputies deputize people.
        If these checks don't match, then I don't play the game for 2-3 days and come back once I'm in the mood.

What do you think? How should I approach this?

        (Osu) Watching osu streams for the first time. When am I supposed to masturbate?

        Watching osu streams for the first time. When am I supposed to masturbate? 

I've just started watching mrekk live.

Some maps are very arousing but they aren't scores on my favourite songs, but more like aim slop or flow slop with a song I don't prefer. And since I can shoot it only once a day (no judgment, please) I feel like I have to sit through these arousing yet undesirable songs without climaxing. If I blow my load during a mid song flow slop score, and then my favorite song shows up 20 minutes later with an insane pp value, it feels like the session is effectively wasted.

Here is my current protocol:
        • Aim slop bad song: Passive observation, no touch.
        • Flow slop bad song: Slow edging allowed, but no climax.
        • Good map (but not my favourite song): Allow arousal to go up but stop at the 80% threshold.
        • Good map (favorite song): Full release permitted.
        But the issue is, if the stream makes me too aroused that I get to 90% arousal level, and then mrekk starts playing a banger map with a decently good song, I feel like I'll have to give in to my primal urges. In that case, I'd have to stop watching before that map and go on with my day and then come back once my arousal is back to normal. But I don't know what he will choose when.

To mitigate this, I’ve introduced an emergency system. If arousal exceeds 80% during a map with an unpreferred song, I immediately shut down the game and go for a walk outside.

If I end up being unable to kick off my emergency system and I do reach 90% arousal during a non-preferred map choice, then I must make a decision based on the following criteria:
        1. Quality of the context: If the context of the map or its emotional resonance is a 9/10 or higher, it is temporarily upgraded to qualified.
        2. Time of the day: If it’s past 11:30 PM, in order to not lose sleep, I'm allowed to exercise the "no regrets act" which gives me a permit to elevate any undesired song or any contextually poor map to the "qualified status." It's like when deputies deputize people.
        If these checks don't match, then I don't watch the stream for 2-3 days and come back once I'm in the mood.

What do you think? How should I approach this?

        (Math) Starting Mathematics for the first time, when am I supposed to masturbate?

        Starting Mathematics for the first time, when am I supposed to masturbate?
        byu/Lol_898 inmathmemes
        Starting Mathematics for the first time, when am I supposed to masturbate? 

I've just started Mathematics.

Some questions are very arousing but they aren't questions with my favorite topic, but with a topic I don't prefer. And since I can shoot it only once a day (no judgment, please) I feel like I have to sit through these arousing yet undesirable questions without climaxing. If I blow my load during a secondary topic's problem, and then my favorite topic shows up after 20 minutes, it feels like the session is effectively wasted.

Here is my current protocol:
        • Questions with any other topics: Passive observation, no touch.
        • 2D geometry questions: Slow edging allowed, but no climax.
        • Algebra questions : Allow arousal to go up but stop at the 80% threshold.
        • Calculus questions (favorite topic): Full release permitted.
        
But the issue is, if the question makes me too aroused that I get to 90% arousal level, and then an amazing question with a mildly attractive topic appears, I feel like I'll have to give in to my primal urges. In that case, I'd have to pause before that scene and go on with my day and then come back once my arousal is back to normal. But I don't know what will appear when.

To mitigate this, I’ve introduced an emergency system. If arousal exceeds 80% during a question with an unpreferred topic, I immediately shut the book and go for a walk outside.

If I end up being unable to kick off my emergency system and I do reach 90% arousal during a non-preferred insanely erotic question, then I must make a decision based on the following criteria:
        1. Quality of the context: If the context of the question or its emotional resonance is a 9/10 or higher, it is temporarily upgraded to qualified.
        2. Time of the day: If it’s past 11:30 PM, in order to not lose sleep, I'm allowed to exercise the "no regrets act" which gives me a permit to elevate any undesired topic or any contextually poor question to the "qualified status." It's like when deputies deputize people.
        If these checks don't match, then I don't study maths for 2-3 days and come back once I'm in the mood.

What do you think? How should I approach this?

        (Persona) Starting Persona for the first time, when am I supposed to masturbate?

        Starting Persona for the first time, when am I supposed to masturbate?

I've just started playing Persona 5

Some scenes are very arousing but they aren't scenes with my favorite girl, but with a girl I don't prefer. And since I can shoot it only once a day (no judgment, please) I feel like I have to sit through these arousing yet undesirable scenes without climaxing. If I blow my load during a secondary character's scene, and then my favorite girl shows up after 20 minutes, it feels like the session is effectively wasted.

Here is my current protocol:
        • Scenes with any other girl: Passive observation, no touch.
        • Makoto scenes: Slow edging allowed, but no climax.
        • Ann/Haru scenes: Allow arousal to go up but stop at the 80% threshold.
        • Futaba scene (favorite girl): Full release permitted.
        
But the issue is, if the game makes me too aroused that I get to 90% arousal level, and then an amazing scene with a mildly attractive girl appears, I feel like I'll have to give in to my primal urges. In that case, I'd have to pause before that scene and go on with my day and then come back once my arousal is back to normal. But I don't know what will appear when.

To mitigate this, I’ve introduced an emergency system. If arousal exceeds 80% during a scene with an unpreferred girl, I immediately shut down the game and go for a walk outside.

If I end up being unable to kick off my emergency system and I do reach 90% arousal during a non-preferred insanely erotic scene, then I must make a decision based on the following criteria:
        1. Quality of the context: If the context of the scene or its emotional resonance is a 9/10 or higher, she is temporarily upgraded to qualified.
        2. Time of the day: If it’s past 11:30 PM, in order to not lose sleep, I'm allowed to exercise the "no regrets act" which gives me a permit to elevate any undesired girl or any contextually poor scene to the "qualified status." It's like when deputies deputize people.
        If these checks don't match, then I don't play the game for 2-3 days and come back once I'm in the mood.

What do you think? How should I approach this?

        (Zenless Zone Zero) Playing ZZZ for the first time. When am I supposed to masturbate?

        Playing ZZZ for the first time. When am I supposed to masturbate? 

I've just started Zenless Zone Zero.

Some scenes are very arousing but they aren't scenes with my favorite agent, with a agent I don't prefer. And since I can shoot it only once a day (no judgment, please) I feel like I have to sit through these arousing yet undesirable scenes without climaxing. If I blow my load during a secondary character's scene, and then my favorite girl shows up 20 minutes later, it feels like the session is effectively wasted.

Here is my current protocol:
        • Nicole scenes: Passive observation, no touch.
        • Lucy scenes: Slow edging allowed, but no climax.
        • Jufufu scenes (non-favorite agent): Allow arousal to go up but stop at the 80% threshold.
        • Qingyi scene (favorite agent): Full release permitted.
        
But the issue is, if the game makes me too aroused that I get to 90% arousal level, and then a scene with a mildly attractive agent appears, I feel like I'll have to give in to my primal urges. In that case, I'd have to save before that scene and go on with my day and then come back once my arousal is back to normal. But I don't know what will appear when.

To mitigate this, I’ve introduced an emergency system. If arousal exceeds 80% during a scene with an unpreferred agent, I immediately shut down the game and go for a walk outside.

If I end up being unable to kick off my emergency system and I do reach 90% arousal during a non-preferred scene, then I must make a decision based on the following criteria:
        1. Quality of the context: If the context of the scene or its emotional resonance is a 9/10 or higher, she is temporarily upgraded to qualified.
        2. Time of the day: If it’s past 11:30 PM, in order to not lose sleep, I'm allowed to exercise the "no regrets act" which gives me a permit to elevate any undesired agent or any contextually poor scene to the "qualified status." It's like when deputies deputize people.
        If these checks don't match, then I don't play the game for 2-3 battery charge and come back once I'm in the mood.

What do you think? How should I approach this?

        Eldenring Nightreign is the epitome of laziness, and I’m ashamed I spent money on the game

          new copypasta dropped
          byu/Working_Long_5931 inshittydarksouls
          I could write 40 paragraphs on everything I dislike about this games design but I'll try to keep this brief. Fromsoft has been coasting off the same reused ideas and assets for a long time, but only in this game did they manage to be lazy about literally everything, including their own laziness. The amount of new things added into this can be counted on your fingers, and for all the old stuff shoehorned into this game, they somehow managed to bring back not even the bare minimum.

No new enemies, no new weapons (not counting the garbage starting weapons everyone ditches as soon as possible) and every POI is just a straight rip from Eldenring or a bunch of assets mashed together.
Speaking of assets, we couldn't get more than one map??? We're stuck with Limgrave base tileset 1? No Caelid, Liurnia, Altus, Snowfield? Slapping a random forest or mountain in the corner does not make absolutely no difference to me or anyone I've played with.

As for weapons, they wanna make a big deal about bringing bosses from old games, but we can't get weapons/enemies from old games?? No Lothric knights? No Lion warriors? And no NEW ENEMIES? Not one??! The closes we got is the spiders from Dukes dear Freja, but I don't even count that.

And where is the DLC content? They could've added in light greatswords, backhand blades, martial arts, ETC, not to mention a ton of DLC enemies thrown into the mix, and yet to my knowledge only the Golden hippo made it in.

Seriously, they could've gone full nostalgia and loaded this game with 20 more hours of content but they were lazy about their own laziness. I'm ashamed I bought this game

          Not sure why the sudden need for sexual/vulgar language from Nayeon

            A fan made a post criticizing TWICE Nayeon on her sexual lyrics in her new solo ‘MEEEEEE’. The post was later taken down.

            This’ll be a hot take in this sub..

Not sure why the sudden need for sexual/vulgar language from Nayeon (and probably other members) in this new song. She is approaching 30 and, yes, “she’s a grown woman who can say/do whatever yadayadayada.” However, imo, there is absolutely no need for this type of thing at this point in her/their careers. They’ve made it far enough and have more room to go without having to blatantly sexualize their music, and the subtle undertones in Espresso made it a great song WITHOUT having to be outright vulgar like Nayeon’s new lyrics.

Western influence has, once again, won. I’m just hoping they don’t go down the path that BP has gone. They’re very close to losing me as a fan. 
            Not sure why the sudden need for sexual/vulgar language from Nayeon 😬 (and probably other members) in this new song. She is approaching 30 🎂 and, yes, “she’s a grown woman who can say/do whatever yadayadayada” 🙄✨ However, imo, there is absolutely no need for this type of thing at this point in her/their careers 🚫🎤

They’ve made it far enough 🌟 and have more room to go 🚀 without having to blatantly sexualize their music 😩🍑 The subtle undertones in Espresso made it a great song WITHOUT having to be outright vulgar like Nayeon’s new lyrics 💃🚫

Western influence has, once again, won 🇺🇸😔 I’m just hoping they don’t go down the path that BP has gone 🖤💔 They’re very close to losing me as a fan 😞🫠 
            This’ll be a hot 🥵♨️🌶️take🗣️ in this sub… 🔥✨👀

Not sure why the sudden💨⏩ need 😫for sexual/vulgar😛 language from Nayeon 😬😰🫨 (and probably other members)😱 in this new🆕 song🎶. She is approaching 30 🎂👵 and, yes, “she’s a grown woman 💁‍♀️ who can say/do whatever yadayadayada” 🙄🗣️😬✨ However, imo, there is absolutely‼️💯😠 no 👎🙅need for this type of thing at this point 🥱😤in her/their careers 🚫🎤

They’ve made it far enough 🌟🏆 and have more room🛋️ to go 🚀 without having to blatantly sexualize💦🍆 their music 😩🍑 The subtle undertones🤨🤫 in Espresso ☕made it a great 💯☑️👌 song WITHOUT having to be outright vulgar ☝️🍆🍑like Nayeon’s new lyrics 💃🚫😤💯😎

Western 🤠influence✨ has, once again, won 🇺🇸😔 I’m just hoping 🙏🛐🤲they don’t⛔👎🙅‍♂️ go down ⬇️🙃📉the path🚶‍♀️ that BP has gone 🖤🩷💔 They’re very ‼️💯close🤏🤏 to losing me😎🙎‍♀️ as a fan 😞🫠😤

            I want to be in the woods furiously masterbating. Above my head circles a remote controlled drone.

              Its based on a comment in r/trippinthroughtime back in 2016. There are 2 versions of the pasta with more popular one ending with “…instantly incinerating me.” while the original ends with “I am disentegrated. Fuck yea.” 

              I want to be in the woods furiously masterbating. Above my head circles a remote controlled drone. The operator is over 500 miles away, also furiously masterbating. As we both simultaneously reach climax, he launches a hell-fire missile, instantly incinerating me.

              Original

              Comment
              by from discussion
              intrippinthroughtime
              I want to be in the woods, furiously masturbating. Above me, a military drone is fixed on my position. The operator is over 500 miles away, also furiously masturbating. He releases a laser guided Hellfire missile. As we both simultaneously reach climax together, I am disentegrated. Fuck yea.