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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.

The Los Angeles Dodgers are a scourge on this world, a cancer of modern human civilization

    The Los Angeles Dodgers are a scourge on this world, a cancer of modern human civilization. would rather watch the Lakers, Yankees, and Seahawks all win back to back titles than watch the Dodgers win a single playoff game. My hatred for them and their "fans" borders on historical, even biblical levels. There is less animosity between Israel and Palestine than there is between myself and the Los Angeles Dodgers as a whole. If the Dodgers were to go 0-162, it would only be a tragedy that they were not able to somehow lose 163. They are hubris manifest. They are an affront to all things good and sincere and wholesome in the world. They are God's mistake.

Fuck the Dodgers.

    Porn in Smiling Friends world has got to be insane.

      source
      Porn in Smiling Friends world has got to be insane.

So like we have this world where people run at 100 miles an hour across the screen, with 2 looping frames of animation. Anyone can be in any style or media. Murder is extremely common, and no one cares most of the time. and you've seen what Charlie's grandma can do. That's an old woman. She's past her prime.

It is my assertion that porn in smiling friends is nuts.

I'm imagining two colorful blob shapes just ramming in to eachother. It's not clear at all what is and is not a sex organ.

Likewise for the less human looking characters, the camera focuses on curves and lumps that you and I would never be able to tell what they're supposed to be or why they're attractive.

A long spindly guy slapping someone's ass to death.

Someone getting stuck into a washing machine but it's spinning really really fast.

There's a 2 hour video of this rotoscoped guy on a bench, watching nature. In the last 3 seconds, a little pink creature runs up to him, sucks him off, and he becomes a shriveled husk and dies.

An orgy animated EXACTLY like Mr Frog's beautiful animal sanctuary. There's like 100 people and the video is 5 seconds long.

An exhibitionism video where it actually looks completely normal but there's a truck accident in the background and no one cares.

You know how people in real life make porn videos of video game characters? The Smiling Friends world has the exact same videos but it's actually those living video game characters filming it.

There's videos where the bottom just fucking explodes and dies near the end.

Anything from spamtopia is just genuinely impossible to comprehend. They have a whole sub-genre that's just TV static, and it's fully recognized by them as porn.

Remember how at the end of episode 1 where the funny guy broke out of the TV? That can happen. They can just reach you out and GET you.

Episodes of Mr frog are just there on the website.

      I tried. I really tried…

        source
        I tried. I really tried… 

Solo. I stalked a player for about a couple hundred meters. Watched what he did, how he moved, how he reacted to arc and distant gunfire. Studied my opponent.

I followed him into a building, waited for him to loot, and had him dead to rights. He hops on the mic and starts talking to me. I ask him if he wants to fight. I can see he is out geared and out gunned. He says no, so I say ok and run up to him unarmed. We loot the room together.

We’re ready to leave the room and a hornet comes out of nowhere. I shoot it once and reload. Shoot again and miss. I look at my new friend wondering why he isn’t helping. I see a red light and try to get out of the way, but get tased. Then I’m met with a hail of gunfire from my new friend and get knocked.

I ask him why he killed me. He stays silent. Pulls out his hammer and begins working me.

I tried to play friendly. I tried to help a new player. I tried to team up and get a cool story to share on Reddit. Maybe spark a culture of sportsmanship. But no. I will never trust a raider again. It’s dog eat dog out there, and now this dog is hungry.

        The Green Felt Trap

          Comment
          byu/Globbert_The_Bobbert from discussion
          inchess

          Its based on a post in r/AnarchyChess in 2015 called ‘The Green Felt Trap‘.

          This is the green felt trap.

You play e4. Opponent plays e5, you play Qh5. While they're laughing at you, you quickly say "oh by the way the black king doesn't have the green felt on the bottom". They pick up their king out of curiosity to check.

That's when you hit them with TOUCH MOVE, MOTHERFUCKER! Only possible move for them is now Ke7. Qxe5#. Works every time.

          Original

          The Green Felt Trap
          by inAnarchyChess

          Listen. Please dont down vote me, but im going to bitch and youre going to read it, or youre not.

            Comment
            byu/Background-Set-1369 from discussion
            inblackmagicfuckery
            Listen. Please dont down vote me, but im going to bitch and youre going to read it, or youre not. But i need to let this out.

This mother fucker. Dude doing his magic tricks? Ive been seeing him since he started. Which was a rough start. VERY VERY obviously faked videos with everyone in the video aware of what hes doing. Super scripted magic shit or stuff like magic but often like... really obvious stuff. Always had tons of girls in the videos (tho half of them looked like actual meth addicts) and i HATED the videos. Think it was facebook i first found him. I blocked him. Instead of bitching, i blocked. It was the mature move. But then other pages shared his garbage and i blocked all of those too, and it happened lots. But damn i eventually find him on instagram and block him and then other accounts sharing his garbage. Got me at tiktok and damn aas tiktok bad. I eventually had to make new accounts on facebook and tiktok for personal reasons and bumped into him another 12 times. No lie. Its been 12 times in the last year and a half alone, and many times before that. I still find his new accounts or people sharing it every once in a while. Reddit was my only safe place from this guy. I REALLY REALLY dislike him. I dont dislike probably any other "influencer" other than that girl that did tiny hand russian skits or something.

But oh my gosh. I cant believe hes still chasing me. This is a first, finding him on reddit. Im not too surprised. Some people like his stuff, i dont actually watch any of his newer stuff so i have no idea if hes improved. But his older shit i got stuck with was like 5th grade socially awkward me doing a commercial for a school project back in 2007. I pray i dont see him again in this group. Im being dead serious, no exaggeration. This man is the only man i allocate distaste for on earth and it leaves me peace for the rest of the people in the world. End of rant.

Edit: his name is Justin Flom

            TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide

              Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
              source

              By u/Skylantech to the r/tifu sub, its a story on how he got an enema from a waterslide by not crossing his legs.

              So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.

Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.

At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.

While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.

Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!

Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.