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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.

I can’t stand new midwest emo

    By u/midwestemeow, its satire on midwest emo scene.

    I literally cannot with the new wave of midwest emo anymore. It’s been absolutely ruined by American Football reissues, Modern Baseball tiktok edits, and this “Hot Mulligan” slop. Don’t even get me started on how every band just sounds like a mediocre copy of Cap'n Jazz with worse mixing and generic woe is me lyrics. Give me some actual unlistenable 2007 Bandcamp demos from some kid in a Denton Texas basement who never left his parents house, or the one EP that got 87 plays total and still has that perfect nasally whine and off time tapping. Mainstream midwest emo is just sad white boy self loathing core for people who discovered tiktok emo during the pandemic. I'll stick to my 320kbps rips of stuff nobody's ever heard of, thank you very much. At least it still feels like losing.

    Stop Calling My Team Spooky

      It an old copypasta from r/nba about the Minnesota Timberwolves back in 2016.

      Stop Calling My Team Spooky

I'm fucking sick of it. I'm sick of going into every thread and seeing countless people telling me to relax because my team "is so spooky"..

There is nothing fucking spooky about a team that blows a 12 point lead in the last two minutes...

There is nothing fucking spooky about a team that is on pace for FEWER wins than they had last season with a FUCKING SAM MITCHELL COACHED TEAM.

There is NOTHING FUCKING SPOOKY ABOUT A TEAM THAT COLLAPSES MORE THAN THE CUSTOMERS OF LIFE ALERT

But I have to go into every FUCKING single thread in this sub about my team and listen to countless people tell me to calm down because dude you're team is so spooky bra

No stfu YOU DONT TELL ME HOW TO FEEL. My team hasn't made the FUCKING PLAYOFFS SINCE 2004. I've heard this rebuilding term thrown around for a FUCKING decade so don't even talk to me about trusting some goddamn process Philly fans I'm sick of my team

When I die I want the Timberwolves to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one more time

AND ITS FUCKING -12 RIGHT NOW THIS GODDAMN STATE

      North Carolinians sure do love to complain about the weather

        source
        I love living in North Carolina, but man, North Carolinians sure do love to complain about the weather. They complain all summer about how hot it is, then as soon as it starts to cool off, they're already complaining about the cold, and continue to complain until it finally starts to warm up again, but then the complaints about the heat start up again, of course. There's like a 2 week window in the Spring and Fall where everyone is fairly content, and that's about it. There's also the brilliant observations about how, it started to warm up, but then got cold again. People point this out like it's some crazy thing, and "that's North Carolina for ya!" Wow! Temperatures shift here, this doesn't happen anywhere else!

        I am jealous of my girlfriend’s ex because he is better at X than me

          I am jealous of my girlfriend’s ex because he is better at Leetcode than me

          The original came from a shitpost (?) on r/leetcode which became a meme and spread everywhere.

          I am jealous of my girlfriend's ex because he is better at Leetcode than me

When I was working on the daily challenge the other day, my girlfriend saw my screen and asked me if I was Leetcoding. I was surprised because she is an archeology major and doesn't know anything about programming. She explained that her ex-boyfriend was into competitive programming and talked about it all the time. Apparently he is a Guardian on Leetcode and he even used to prepare contest problems for extra money. I feel extremely insecure now because I struggle with mediums most of the time and my rating is at 1500. My gf keeps assuring me that my low rating doesn't bother her, but everytime I am stuck in a problem I keep thinking how her ex would solve it in minutes. I just can't get the image of him easily solving LC Hards out of my head. Every time he submits a solution and gets that green AC on his screen he must smile and think how much of a loser his girlfriend's new boyfriend is. I am afraid that he raised the bar so much that I will never live up to his standard. My girlfriend will always compare him to me, and she will never be satisfied with my contest performance. Do you have any tips on how I can get better than this guy? Or do you think it's futile and I will always live under this guy's shadow?

          I am jealous of my girlfriend’s ex because he is better at Rocket League than me

          I am jealous of my girlfriend's ex because he is better at Rocket League than me

When I was playing some 2s the other day, my girlfriend saw my screen and asked me if I was playing Rocket League. I was surprised because she is an archaeology major and doesn't know anything about gaming. She explained that her ex-boyfriend was into "car soccer" and played it all the time.

Apparently, he is an SSL (Supersonic Legend) and used to do paid boosting and freestyle clips for extra money. I feel extremely insecure now because I struggle to stay in Diamond 2 most of the time and my MMR is hovering around 1000. My gf keeps assuring me that my lack of mechanics doesn't bother her, but every time I whiff an open net, I keep thinking about how her ex would have hit a triple-reset musty double tap instead.

I just can't get the image of him effortlessly air-dribbling out of my head. Every time he hits a ceiling shot and sees "Goal Scored" on his screen, he must smile and think about how much of a loser his girlfriend's new boyfriend is.

I am afraid that he raised the bar so much that I will never live up to his standard. My girlfriend will always compare his speed-flips to my awkward front-flips, and she will never be satisfied with my tournament performance.

Do you have any tips on how I can get better than this guy? Should I spend 10 hours a day in free play, or do you think it's futile and I will always live under this guy's shadow?

          I am jealous of my girlfriend’s ex because he is better at Hearthstone than me

          When I was playing some casual matches the other day, my girlfriend saw my screen and asked me if I was playing Hearthstone. I was surprised because she is an archaeology major and doesn't know anything about gaming. She explained that her ex-boyfriend was into "that card game with fish people" and played it all the time.

Apparently, he is a Top 100 Legend player and used to do paid coaching and video guides for extra money. I feel extremely insecure now because I struggle to reach Silver most of the time and my MMR is hovering around Bronze. My gf keeps assuring me that my lack of a Legend card back doesn't bother her, but every time I miss lethal, I keep thinking about how her ex would have won three turns earlier instead.

I just can't get the image of him effortlessly spotting lethal out of my head. Every time he knocks his opponent’s HP down to zero and sees "Victory!" on his screen, he must smile and think about how much of a loser his girlfriend's new boyfriend is.

I am afraid that he raised the bar so much that I will never live up to his standard. My girlfriend will always compare his quick lethals to my awkward slow concedes, and she will never be satisfied with my ladder performance.

Do you have any tips on how I can get better than this guy? Should I spend 10 hours a day in ranked, or do you think it's futile and I will always live under this guy's shadow?

          (Chess) I am jealous of my girlfriend’s ex because he is better at puzzles than me

          I am jealous of my girlfriend's ex because he is better at puzzles than me

When I was working on the daily puzzle the other day, my girlfriend saw my screen and asked me if I was practicing on Chess.com. I was surprised because she is an archeology major and doesn't know much about chess. She explained that her ex-boyfriend was into competitive chess and talked about it all the time. Apparently, he is a CM on Chess.com and he even used to commentate games for extra money. I feel extremely insecure now because I struggle with puzzles most of the time and my rating is at 1500. My girlfriend keeps assuring me that my low rating doesn't bother her, but every time I am stuck in a puzzle I keep thinking how her ex would solve it in seconds. I just can't get the image of him easily solving chess puzzles out of my head. Every time he solves a puzzle and gets that green checkmark on his screen he must smile and think how much of a loser his girlfriend's new boyfriend is. I am afraid that he raised the bar so much that I will never live up to his standard. My girlfriend will always compare him to me, and she will never be satisfied with my puzzle-solving skills. Do you have any tips on how I can get better than this guy? Or do you think it's futile and I will always live under this guy's shadow?

          Exactly, EVERYTHING is political. Like just this last weekend I was at my nephews 5th birthday party and to my horror no one was talking about ICE.

            source
            Exactly, EVERYTHING is political. Like just this last weekend I was at my nephews 5th birthday party and to my horror no one was talking about ICE. The clown came out and not one brilliant satirical comment about Drumph. No one was as angry as I was because during this extremely political event no one was making it about how awful America (the third world country in a Gucci belt as I like to call it) is. Finally around the time that they brought out the cake I realized that the attention wasn’t on me and I couldn’t abide spending any more time with these fascist enablers. While the crowd was singing happy birthday I just screamed “WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??” And they had the nerve to ask me to leave? That’s fine, because if 9 people are at a table and 1 Nazi sits down and no one leaves there are 10 Nazis, and I honestly can’t believe that my own family including my 5 year old nephew are now just out and out full on Nazis. They just couldnt understand how political that party was.

            7 reasons why the Noble’s Slender Sword is the best weapon in the game.

              7 reasons why the Noble’s Slender Sword is the best weapon in the game.
              by u/Staehr in Eldenring 
              7 reasons why the Noble's Slender Sword is the best weapon in the game.

1 - It has the Longsword moveset, which is the best moveset. Forget those penniless pretenders with their fancy weapon arts, explosions, teleports and all that voodoo. You are nobility. Your puissance is yours alone, your weapon is just an accessory to that.

2 - It is looooong. A whole peasant's hand longer than those filthy longswords the soldiers use. Long weapons have long hitboxes. Poke your dissidents before they can dirty your attire. Then laugh at them for being poor.

3 - It gets top of the line in Dexterity scaling and takes exceptionally well to elemental infusions, for those with discriminating taste. Strength builders can even get it up to A, just please use Soap first. As if you were the type to get into fisticuffs anyway - that's what summons are for!

4 - It has 110 crit modifier, because people who parry a lot are just better than everybody else. Backstabbing, too, is very appropriate for a nobleman.

5 - It has rock bottom requirements. Even your noodly-armed Astrologers and Bandits can pick it up right away, without wasting points in Strength like a pack animal. Being an aristocrat is easy.

6 - It looks absolutely balling and is a necessity in any fashionable build. Forget the gauchely decorated Rogier's Rapier with its inhuman Dexterity requirement, it just smacks of new money. This refined, elegant weapon is coated in the timeless glamour of gold, conveying the splendor that is yours by birthright.

7 - It is an ultra rare drop from the few enemies who carry it. You can farm for hours, grinding hundreds and thousands of Nobles into paste without ever seeing it. Only the luckiest and most privileged aristocrat-killers may own this opulent deathstick. That's you. You won. Congratulations, winner.