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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.


My husband talks like a pirate when we have sex and it’s driving me insane.

    He started doing this about a year ago and won't stop. It's so annoying and I've told him I don't think it's funny or sexy but he called me a "land lubber" and a "scurvy dog" then threatened to "plunder my booty." I told him I was serious and he said he'd try to stop but that was several months ago and it's like he can't stop and it's some kind of compulsion. Otherwise our sex life is great but just the other night when I took off my underwear and spread my legs he cried out "Thar she blows! Ready the harpoon lads!" Which I definitely didn't appreciate the whale comparison (I am not overweight) and when he finished he yelled out "Yaaaaaaar!" Like a pirate and I just rolled my eyes.
    
    At this point I don't think he can help it and it might be a kink of his or something so I'm trying to just go along with it and be supportive even though it's very weird. This is literally the most obnoxious thing my husband does so I'm luckier than a lot of women I guess.

    my girlfriend impersonates hatsune miku everytime we have sex, what should i do?

      like i said, my girlfriend wont stop using a miku voice during sex. the entire time, for every noise she makes. its a really great impression, dont get me wrong, but theres a time and a place. at first, it was a little funny, but she keeps on doing it. every. time. i love her a lot, and our relationship is perfect otherwise, so i really dont want to have to break up with her over this, but its getting so bad that ive contemplated it.
      
      has anyone experienced something similar? what should i do about it?

      Shaving guide for men ~ from a femboy :)

        Update: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SO MANY LINK SHARES🥹❤️Crossed 300 reshares! And SOOO many upvotes too🥺 maybe I should create some more guides☺️Let me know what you want me to :)
        
        I'm a Femboy here so...some of this may be extreme but you can look into the particular heading :) I've been shaving my body from last 4-5 years. I'll mention what I follow.
        
        In my opinion, nothing makes a man more sexy, hot and attractive than him sporting an all natural bush🌳😊!
        
        But since hygiene may be compromised at times, I feel this can help a lot of the jocks, studs, hunks, dads and men in general on this sub-reddit :'P! And since many of you might feel shy regarding this, I thought of sharing my insights, experience and the way I go for shaving the pubes 😊:-
        
        (Do all this with warm water. Cold water would tighten your pores and won't give the comfortable finish)
        
        Starting with a trimmer with a clip-on to avoid any skin coming between the trimmer, set it on around 3-4 scale and cut all long and thick hair possible! This will help in a faster shave later and may not clog your razor blade! 🪒
        
        For dicky 🍆: Get yourself slightly erected (semi)! The reason, so that you can get a tighter skin to work on the base of your manhood which will lead to easier and quicker shaving :)! Work your way up near the pubic region first by foaming with shaving cream/gel and lathering 🧼😄 then slowly reach up the shaft and go along the grain. Once you're finished doing this, rinse the area thoroughly!
        
        For balls 🍒: You don't necessarily need to be hard or semi. But you have to make sure that you lather and foam much better and gently! And absolutely NO USE OF ELECTRIC TRIMMER! This would be your worst choice and no matter how much clippers you use, your skin on your balls can 90% be snipped between them! Always prefer shaving or at max, using a scissor to gently trim the hair. Then take smaller segments of the skin on your testicles and gently stretch it and then run the razor to make that area smooth 🪒😄and then finish off the remaining! And be very gently and calm! My advice would be to go for a warm shower rather than a cold one so that your balls are relaxed, loose and hang instead of a tight skin!
        
        Keep rinsing and applying the cream again and again as you will have to see how much is left 😄! Apply an aftershave once you're done with this to prevent any infections in the area :)
        
        LEGS 🦵🏻 - Firstly, trim your hair using a electric body trimmer for a faster and easier shaving process. Rinse the hair and apply the shaving gel and create lather. Let it sit on for 30s to make the skin soft and hydrated. DO NOT go against the grain on your thighs ! I have done this in the past and it gives so much bumps and itchyness. Follow your natural hair growth and shave in that. Below the knees, you can go against the grain by just sliding the razor from up to down at first then down to up.
        
        BUTTOCKS 🍑 - I don't like to use a trimmer to cut any excess hair as the skin over there might get agitated and create bumps later. Shaving procedure remains the same. The way I do it is I stand in front of mirror and then shave by my instinct and then twist to see if everything's clear (sounds funny lol because it is🥲😂).
        
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        NEAR THE HOLE 🍩- Very sensitive area and you have to go much slowly and not overdo or repeat the strokes. For this, I usually do this after I finish my shower, I lie on my back and then spread my legs (like missionary position) and get a clear look of the centre and then watch in the mirror as I shave. Again, a bit hard to do but works well after some practice :)
        
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        CHEST AND BELLY🤰🏻 - Use a trimmer on dry skin and trim all your hair well and good till the base. I sometimes prefer this as it gets the job done of smoothening. But if opting for shaving, the process remains the same. But you may get an itch or redness for 2-3 days after you shave against the grain. DON'T itch it a lot or else it will worsen the skin.
        
        Always moisturize after shaving the avoid itching, rashes and irritation due to dry skin after!
        
        Incase you're someone who fancy a beautiful pubic shape, you can first set your trimmer to a 4-5 scale and then trim off all the longer bush and then remove the clip-ons and trim it from the base to your desires shape :) this needs to be done prior to shaving the area hence, on a dry skin! Then repeat the procedure for shaving until you end up with the clean, neat and well shaped pubic artwork 😄🪴!
        
        Optional pro-tip : Your feet are as cute as your body :'D so make sure you prep the toes, nails and soles well. The same moisturiser works! But if you want the skin to remain soft and supple, grab an ice cube 🧊 and slowly rub it before sleeping to increase circulation and make them pink and soft naturally! The same can be done for your face if you're suffering from acne! It works wonders for real 🦶🏻🧏🏻‍♂️
        
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        Clean/change your bedsheet that particular day as your bedsheet may have dirt or bacteria which might irritate or cause skin to get infected due to open pores after shaving.
        
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        GOT A CUT WHILE SHAVING🥺😱!?! No need to panic at all :) We've all been there! I've cut myself a few times and it's mostly either because I wasn't lathered and relaxed the skin enough or it was an area where I am not able to see clearly hence, my instincts go wrong :/ In such a case, immediately stop shaving that area and just sit or have that area rinsed in cold shower. If you're bleeding, keep washing with cold water until bleeding stops. Finish your shower and gently apply an antiseptic in a cotton ball (ouch😣but it's going to save you😄)! And throw that particular blade and get a new one! After that, make sure atleast for a day not to irritate or rub the area by anything! Small cuts heal in a day )
        
                                  ---------------------------------
        
        Get yourself nice and cleansed in the shower but my recommendation would be not use any bodywash or soap the same day as these consists of chemicals which may cause irritation to the shaved area. So, I just use a loofah sponge and gently, under the warm shower, start swirling it around in circulation motion all over my body. This is called exfoliation and is important to avoid bumpyness and dry dead skin left on the body :) it really works!
        
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        After the shower, use a moisturizer with less fragrance and no parabens preferably (I use Calosoft and Hymos lotion as suggested by my dermat). Drop 2-3 drops of Tea Tree Essential Oil in your moisturiser to avoid any acne/buttne on your skin :) (this can be optional as tea tree oil might be strong for some skin)
        
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        Hope this helps to you all❤️☺️ Any suggestions or questions from other people are most welcome in the comments :'D!

        Is 16 and 16.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 an acceptable age gap?

          Context: My(16f) boyfriend(16.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001m) and i started dating around 3 months ago.
          
          We met at this wonderful, cozy cafe that just had this amazing atmosphere and i immediately knew he was the one. Obviously, the first thing I asked him was his age, because, i didn't want to get groomed. It was a huge relief when he told me he was 15.748393837394049838283744929837594027264829837493929474893920753902973 years old, because i also happened to be that exact same age at the time (or so i thought). I was still a bit cautious though.
          
          Fast forward to around 2 weeks ago, it was our birthday. The two of us were just celebrating, when we suddenly got a call from the hospital, informing us that my boyfriend's time of birth had been incorrectly registered as 1 Planck time (about 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 years) lesser than it actually was, due to a malfunction in the 45 ton quantum clock operating in the hospital at the time. (It's supposed to count seconds based on the orbital period of an electron in an atom of Silicon, but apparently, it was uncalibrated.) This meant he was actually 1 Planck time older than me.
          
          I immediately started freaking out and, in a panic, anticipating i was about to get groomed, pushed my boyfriend down the stairs. Looking back on it, it might have been an overreaction, but it was in the heat of the moment, and i wasn't thinking straight. He ended up breaking his C1, C3, T7 and L3 vertebrae, and has yet to wake up from his coma.
          
          Without him, I've been having a lot more time to think, so i began wondering if a 1 Planck time (0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 years) age gap is too much? Like, i know it's probably fine... but I'm just not comfortable dating someone that much older. I'm honestly thinking about breaking up with him if he ever wakes up from his coma. I just wouldn't be able to live in constant fear of being groomed. What do you guys think??

          My black friend has a BDSM kink

            My black friend has a BDSM kink and when I was whipping him during sex my curtain fell down and now my neighbor thinks I keep slaves in my bedroom.
            
            Okay some context here. My black friend, 28M (we’ll call him Jake, but his real name isn’t actually Jake), who used to be my coworker revealed to me that he had a BDSM Kink on my shift.
            
            At first, I was at a loss for words, but didn’t want to keep the silence any longer since I didn’t want him to feel like I was judging him, so before I knew it, I started drooling from my mouth and grunting and got on all fours and chased him out of our work building and onto the streets. Jake climbed up a lamp post to escape me but I just sat under the lamp barking for 30 minutes before straightening my tie and returning to work.
            
            The next day, Jake didn't come to work. At this point, I felt guilty as fuck, so I did the one thing that I could think of to make him trust me again: I shot him a text saying that I also had a BDSM kink and told him to meet me at my address today afternoon.
            
            Sure enough, later that day, he met me outside my house carrying a bag of what he called "tools" and we went straight to our bedroom. He then poured out the contents of his bag onto my Lightning McQueen bedsheets, which were a whip, some body rope he called a "harness" and a yellow strap-on which must've been atleast 12 inches in length and 5 inches in girth.
            
            It was when he inserted the strap on into my anus that I had realized I made a terrible fucking mistake. It's agonizing thinking about it, but it felt like someone shoved a dozen firecrackers up my ass and now they're repeatedly going off inside my anal cavity.
            
            Finally, Jake said he wanted me to whip him with the whip. Sure, it felt weird since he was black, but he assured me it was okay and that we all understood what we were doing.
            
            On the first whip, he let out a high pitched scream which concerned me a little bit since my window was open but the curtains were draw so I assumed my neighbour just thought I was beating my son or something. On the second whip he howled even louder than before, and on the final I started to really get the hang of it.
            
            That was when the shit hit the fan. On my fourth whip, I decided that he really needs to get it and tried charging up my next strike like a Smash Bros character, but my attack got a little out of control and my whip made contact with the curtain rod, which subsequently made my curtain fall. Fuck.
            
            And lucky me: my retarded ass neighbour was standing right there, looking into my window while my whip landed on Jake's bare ass which resulted in him howling like a alpha wolf. My neighbour gasped, and ran back into her house.
            
            I'd wished to tell you she called 911, but instead she did the even worser thing and started telling everyone in the neighbourhood about my ownership of Jake and how I was probably keeping more locked up in my basement or something.
            
            Eventually, the news spread and it got so bad to the point where I started getting beat up at night when I tried visiting my 711 for beer and every time I peer out my window I see people on trucks armed with shotguns just hunting me on the streets.
            
            Anyways, I am now contemplating between staying inside for the rest of my life or admitting to them that I BDSM-style fucked Jake out of grief. Any responses would be appreciated.

            Just unsubbed from r/FemBoys

              Just unsubbed from r/FemBoys
              
              Recently revisited r/FemBoys and i was blown away by how little the sub has gone down. It must be either unmoderated or the mods dont care, becuase contrary to the name of the subreddit it has almost no actual cisgender men. 70% of the content there is transgender women. There is a seperate porn subbreddit for transgender women. When i go to a subreddit for fememine men, I expect feminene men, not women. In fact I find it ridiculous that this is allowed under reddit rules, as the implication that trans women are simply femenine men feels really transphobic.