Do✋ not 😰 eat 👌 fish 🐟 after 😶 u 😯 drink water 🍺 bc 😰 it can 👻 swim in 🏊 ur stomach 😮 and u will 😲 feel 😕 gulugulu in ur stomach 😓😳😼
Did you ever figure out why the microwave was vibrating at 3 a.m.? Yeah, it’s running an underground operation smuggling caffeine into space. Space doesn’t even need caffeine. I thought the black holes already handled that. Not anymore. The last shipment got intercepted by a gang of asteroid smugglers. They’re trading dark matter for hallucinogenic noodles now. Oh, those noodles. I had a bowl once, and suddenly I understood what chairs are really thinking. Chairs don’t think; they conspire. You know the one in the corner? It’s part of an intergalactic terror cell. That explains why it keeps whispering coordinates to my blender at night. Did you report it to the lamp police? I tried, but they’re too busy cracking down on illegal glitter trafficking. Glitter? That stuff’s harmless. Remember when we accidentally set up a fireworks cartel on Neptune? Of course, but that wasn’t my fault! You’re the one who thought dynamite flavored chewing gum was a good business idea. Hey, it worked! Until the gum started developing sentience and unionized. Speaking of unions, did you ever pay off that debt to the interdimensional mushroom mafia? No, but I sent them a bribe made entirely of counterfeit rainbows. They weren’t impressed. Great, now they’ll send their enforcer—what was his name again? Spores McGee? Yeah, and he’s terrifying. Last time he showed up, he planted psychedelic dandelions in my fridge. You’re lucky. Last week, the fridge started hoarding stolen USB drives. Turns out it’s part of an online hacking ring. Oh, is it working with the toaster gang? Because my toaster’s been laundering Bitcoin again. Probably. They’re all connected. Did you know my kettle’s been running a side hustle selling bootleg oxygen? Oxygen’s old news. The real money’s in synthetic gravity. You can sell it by the gram to people who hate floating. I tried, but customs caught me with a suitcase full of unlicensed wormholes. What did you do? Bribed them with a time-travel coupon. It expires last Thursday. Genius. By the way, the sofa just confessed it’s hiding a stash of powdered moonlight. Don’t touch that stuff! Remember what happened when we tried to sell those meteorite-infused gummy bears? How could I forget? We ended up on Mars with no pants and a lifetime ban from their casino. Totally worth it. Now, where’s the stash of forbidden socks we smuggled out of Jupiter? Burned them. They started sprouting arms and demanded a union. I can’t believe this. We’re supposed to be professional criminals, and we can’t even control socks!
By u/pappaberG, its the Navy Seals copypasta but changed to the German MiG-23BN from Warthunder.
What the fuck did you just say about my German MiG-23BN, you little stat padding freak? I'll have you know I've flown more pointless strike sorties in this flareless brick than you've had functioning brain cells. I've survived full uptiers to missile hell with nothing but a Tumansky engine screaming "LOCK ME DADDY" and six dumb bombs duct-taped to a Warsaw Pact ironing board.
I spent hundreds of matches mastering the sacred art of spawning in, going full afterburner to the deck like a burnt out stripper sliding down a pole, and dying to AIM-9s fired from another time zone. While you were grinding premiums with all aspect heaters and 300 gorillion flares, I was in the East German shit eating dojo, learning how to lose 600 km/h from tapping the rudder once and calling it "maneuvering".
You think this is just a bad plane? This is an initiation ritual. I've had uptiers rammed so hard up my ass I've seen enemy F-16s fly out of my mouth. I've dropped bombs on bases only to be vaporized to atoms before the release sound even played. I press my flare key and the game opens the Gaijin Store like "maybe you should buy something that actually wants to live."
Right now I am low, fast, and frothing at the mouth, skimming treetops in a 9.7 jet with the defensive toolkit of a paper bag, praying the missile tracking code has a stroke before I do. If I lock eyes with your 10.0 premium for even half a second, your R-60s will home on the pure spiritual despair radiating off my shivering airframe and delete me from six kilometers behind a hill.
So yeah, keep talking trash about the German MiG-23BN. Every second you mock it, another poor bastard hits "To Battle" and begins their own pilgrimage through suffering. And when they come back, broken, skillchecked, and whispering about "that one F-5 behind the mountain" they'll know what I know.
This isn't an aircraft.
It's a corporate issued personality disorder with wings.
By u/BigPapa9921, its a satirical post on how Europa Universalis V turns into a book management simulator due to the demand curve for books.
The real challenge in EU5 isn’t learning the supply demand cycle, or figuring out whether levies or regulars are better, or understanding how the fucking frontage works. It’s not about juggling coalitions or keeping a vassal swarm alive. It’s not trying to raise crown power without collapsing your nation.
The real challenge is BOOK PRODUCTION for fucks sake.
Everything is going well. Economy is good, techs are advancing, people and estates are happy.
But then suddenly:
MISSING GOODS (BOOKS)
No matter what I do, I cannot satisfy my people's endless, unholy love for reading. I’ve got scriptoriums everywhere, from my 3,000 person village to my 150,000 population big-ass city.
My people won’t shut up, they’re all demanding to read “Agricultural Techniques for Idiots (1410 Edition) VOL III.” in their own obscure local dialect.
And I can’t provide it.
What am I, a bad king?
Are the clerics in my scriptoriums writing one page every three months? Why aren’t they working?
No, no.
The real problem is those bastard goblin BURGHERS.
The moment I produce books, before they reach my people, the Burghers snatch them away and brag:
“Bro I sold all your books to the Lithuania for 0.02 ducats profit each. Guess I’m a trade genius huh?”
Universities are starving, libraries are empty. They are all screaming
"Sire, we cannot “think”. The Burghers sold our textbook"
"Milord, we finished an whole sentence in just one week, but those Burghers took it from us"
I’m not ruling an empire anymore.
All I do is library management.
My life goal now is to keep the medieval PDF industry alive.
Millions must read, millions must become literate...
The original version came from Dota2 specifically during Arteezy’s run with Team Secret and the drama associated with him backstabbing EG. It has been adopted to other variation most notably LoL Shaco’s version.
ＨＥＹ ＲＴＺ， Ｉ’Ｍ ＴＲＹＩＮＧ ＴＯ ＬＥＡＲＮ ＴＯ ＰＬＡＹ ＲＩＫＩ． Ｉ ＪＵＳＴ ＨＡＶＥ Ａ ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＴＨＥ ＳＫＩＬＬ ＢＵＩＬＤ： ＳＨＯＵＬＤ Ｉ ＭＡＸ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ ＥＧ， ＳＭＯＫＥＳＣＲＥＥＮ ＳＯ ＴＨＥＹ ＭＩＳＳ ＭＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＥＧ ＭＩＳＳ ＹＯＵ ７０％ ＯＦ ＴＨＥ ＴＩＭＥ， ＯＲ ＰＥＲＭＡＮＥＴ ＩＮＶＩＳＩＢＩＬＩＴＹ ＳＯ Ｉ ＣＯＵＬＤ ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲＥＤ ＦＲＯＭ ＥＧ ＨＥＹ ＲＴＺ， Ｉ’Ｍ ＴＲＹＩＮＧ ＴＯ ＬＥＡＲＮ ＴＯ ＰＬＡＹ ＲＩＫＩ． Ｉ ＪＵＳＴ ＨＡＶＥ Ａ ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＴＨＥ ＳＫＩＬＬ ＢＵＩＬＤ： ＳＨＯＵＬＤ Ｉ ＭＡＸ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ ＥＧ， ＳＭＯＫＥＳＣＲＥＥＮ ＳＯ ＴＨＥＲＥ＇Ｓ ３２５ ＡＯＥ ＤＲＡＭＡ ＡＲＯＵＮＤ ＹＯＵ， ＯＲ ＢＬＩＮＫ ＳＴＲＩＫＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＴＨＥ ＷＡＹ ＹＯＵ ＢＬＩＮＫＥＤ ＢＡＣＫ ＴＯ ＥＧ ＡＦＴＥＲ ＴＨＥＹ ＨＡＤ ＷＯＮ ＴＩＨＥＹ ＤＯＵＢＬＥＬＩＦＴ， Ｉ’Ｍ ＴＲＹＩＮＧ ＴＯ ＬＥＡＲＮ ＴＯ ＰＬＡＹ ＳＨＡＣＯ． Ｉ ＪＵＳＴ ＨＡＶＥ Ａ ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＴＨＥ ＳＫＩＬＬ ＢＵＩＬＤ： ＳＨＯＵＬＤ Ｉ ＭＡＸ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ ＣＬＧ， ＤＥＣＥＩＶＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＤＥＣＥＩＶＥＤ ＣＬＧ， ＯＲ ＨＡＬＬＵＣＩＮＡＴＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＭＡＤＥ ＣＬＧ ＨＡＬＬＵＣＩＮＡＴＥ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＨＡＶＩＮＧ Ａ ＣＨＡＮＣＥ ＡＴ ＷＩＮＮＩＮＧ ＡＮＯＴＨＥＲ ＴＯＵＲＮＡＭＥＮＴＨＥＹ ＩＭＡＱＴＰＩＥ， Ｉ’Ｍ ＴＲＹＩＮＧ ＴＯ ＬＥＡＲＮ ＴＯ ＰＬＡＹ ＳＨＡＣＯ． Ｉ ＪＵＳＴ ＨＡＶＥ Ａ ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＴＨＥ ＳＫＩＬＬ ＢＵＩＬＤ： ＳＨＯＵＬＤ Ｉ ＭＡＸ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ ＤＩＧ， ＤＥＣＥＩＶＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＤＥＣＥＩＶＥＤ ＤＩＧ， ＯＲ ＨＡＬＬＵＣＩＮＡＴＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＭＡＤＥ ＤＩＧ ＨＡＬＬＵＣＩＮＡＴＥ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＨＡＶＩＮＧ Ａ ＣＨＡＮＣＥ ＡＴ ＷＩＮＮＩＮＧ Ａ ＴＯＵＲＮＡＭＥＮＴComment
byu/ValorantCompBot from discussion
inValorantCompetitive
Hey valyn, I'm trying to learn to play Yoru. I just have a question about the buy, should I buy Fakeout like you faked JonahP out of the G2 roster, Blindside like you blindsided JonahP when you dropped him, or buy a ghost like you ghosted JonahP Comment
byu/DemarDerozan4MVP from discussion
innba
Originated from a comment in a post about Kyle Lowry’s shot chart. The person’s account has now been deleted but not before their comment became a legendary NBA meme.
kyle lowry ain't no spot up shooter he aint gotta run to the corner to shoot like hes some 3rd option bitch this aint jj redick this is a fuckin god human steph curry come again only this time hes not a fuckin pussy pull up from the fuckin logo and fight you at the same timekyle lowry 🍑 ain't no spot up shooter 🏀 he aint gotta run 🏃🏿♂️ to the corner to shoot 🎆 like hes some 3rd option bitch 💯 this aint jj redick 🙆🏻♂️ this is a fuckin god🙏🏼 human steph curry 🥘 come again only this time hes not a fuckin pussy 🐱 pull up from the fuckin logo and fight you 👊🏿 at the same time