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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.


My (f19) bf (M21) jerked off to the stock market?????

    I know the title sounds deranged, but I swear to god im not a troll. Here’s the context:

My bf and I are long distance, so we used to have plenty of phone sex, however, that’s been happening less and less often as our relationship has gone on (according to him, he just doesn’t feel as horny as often anymore). We’ve met and had relations irl a few times, and he’s always the kind to last very long in bed, and during phone sex as well. I used to be insecure about it, thinking that maybe it was something wrong with me, but hes genuinely a great bf who constantly assures me, and has never once said anything bad about our sex life.

It should be noted that he watches plenty of porn (as do I), and neither of us see that as an issue, so this isnt about him hiding porn from me or something. We were calling today, and I was playing a game on my phone (papa’s cupcakeria, you can’t make this shit up), and after about twenty minutes of us doing our own thing, he suddenly goes “im done” and shows me his cum????? Obviously, I get really confused and ask how the hell he was jerking off this whole time without me realising (we were on video call), before mentioning that I thought he was looking at the stock market (he spends his free time just staring at the stock market for hours on end like a lunatic, but I love him so it’s whatever).

Tell me why this man then looks me in the eyes and goes “yeah, I was looking at the stock market, I was too lazy to look for porn.”

It then hits me that he literally just CAME to the stock market. When I point this out to him, all he said in response was “it’s a man thing, I didn’t wanna bother you while you were playing your game” and told me not to worry about it.

Now, I don’t want to sound insane, but I got a bit upset, because in my head, he could have very easily asked to have phone sex with me, but chose to literally jerk off to the stock market instead. To add insult to injury, he came REALLY quickly (like significantly quicker than he would during anything involving me) which makes me feel like SHIT, because there is no way the goddamn stock market is somehow more stimulating than his own damn girlfriend.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m not super genuinely upset, but you’ve gotta admit this shits gonna hurt your pride if it happened to you. I honest to god have no idea how to even move forward after this, and I just needed to type this out, because no one would believe me otherwise 💀

    I just sold my bussy for 1g of weed

      I just sold my bussy for 1g of weed and I feel so dirty

I went to the plugs house to get some weed and he knows I'm bi so he asked if I can do him a favor. I won't get into details but I can't sit down my legs are weak and the weed was reggie and mid af. What do I tell my gf?

Edit: stop DMing me you fucking perverts.

Edit 2: I texted her what happened an hour ago. Got left on read and her dad just called me saying he will beat the shit out of me if I talk to his daughter ever again.

Edit 3: I'm going to get counseling. I let my life go out of my control. Thanks for the advice.

      Dealer 

      This kid sold me his bussy for weed 😂

Dude was short on money and so he said he was dtf for a gram. A GRAM LMAOOOO the ass was nice tho 🤭 hope his girlfriend didn’t find out"

      Girlfriend

      Guys my bf sold his bussy for a gram of weed 🥺

So I was playing Fortnite with my girlfriends and then I got a text from my bf and he said he cheated on me with his dealer for a gram of weed? Like seriously how desperate can one guy get 😭 anyway what do I do because I think imma break up with him

      Father

      My son sold his bussy for weed.

For context, I'm an 85 year old man and I came home today to see my son limping around the house holding a gram of weed. I ask him what's up with the limping (weed is normal in our household) and he suddenly breaks down, crying up how he twerked his ass on somebody's pp for a gram of weed.

I'm starting to see why some parents don't allow their children to smoke weed. His girlfriend found out and he's going to therapy now.

I think I did my job wrong just maybe. I came to ask for advice on what I can do to support my son in these hard times.

      Kids in school

      THIS KID REALLY LOST HIS FUCKING GF AND THE RESPECT OF EVERYONE AT THIS SCHOOL LMFAOOO 💀💀💀 Bro he actually used to be hella popular, had a gf, and everything. Now the whole school is dunking on him. I almost feel bad for him for a second, but then I remember HE SOLD HIS BUSSY FOR A GRAM OF REGGIE LOLLLLLL 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This kid was getting stuffed into a locker saying, “stop it hurts! It’s too tight!” and someone said, “is that what you told the plug?” and holy fuck I have never heard that many people laugh in my life. I have science class with him, and we’re going over conversions of measurements, so when the teacher asked, “if 1000 grams is a kilogram, then what is a gram?” one of the people in the class blurted out, “SOMETHING WORTH SELLING YOUR ASS OVER!” and it even had the teacher laughing. Yesterday, the DARE program had an anti-weed assembly, and they showed a picture of his face before and after the incident saying weed addiction will make you sell your bussy just to get high and the whole school erupted in laughter when he came on the screen. He ran out of the gym crying, and one of the DARE speakers asked him, “is your bussy so wide that you shit yourself without warning? You poor soul,” and you could just tell he was seething with anger. The funny part is, THERE WAS SHIT FALLING OUT OF HIS SHORTS ON THE WAY OUT LMFAOOO!!! 🤣🤣🤣

      I think I rizzed too hard 😭😭😭😭

        I think I rizzed too hard 😭😭😭😭

I slid into this femboys DMs by saying "Are you Mrs. Butterworth cuz you're hella sweet and you got that hourglass figure" and it went so well, and we had the common interest of playing guitar so I thought why not ask him "Do you wanna play guitar together? I could do the fingering then you could do the stroking." But now he's not responding 😭😭😭😭 He had told me he liked pistachio, so naturally I tried saving it by saying "Are you pistachio mochi? Cuz you look smooth, soft, and squishy, but sweet on the inside too," but he's still not responding 😭😭 Did I fumble? 😭 Did I rizz too hard? 😭

        Skibi Toilet is ruining me and my son’s life.

          Skibidi Toilet from Roblox copypasta
          Lately (M27)my (M7)son has been in love with these "Skibi Toilet" things. He constantly asks me for robux just for the Skibi Toilet games he plays. He is quite literally infatuated with it. I think it is doing something to him, someone help me make him stop. I've even put a time limit on his IPad, and it's to the point where he somehow gets around the limit. JUST FOR SKIBI TOILET. I have been getting calls recently by my bank for fraudulent activity. Turns out it's just robux for his skibi toilet games. He has already spent over 50 dollars on these games and I don't think he's gonna stop. He already has my credit card memorized and I don't know how. I DON'T EVEN HAVE MY OWN CARD MEMORIZED, BUT A 7 YEAR OLD DOES! Someone please help me or tell me a way to get him to stop.

          MFW I’ve been sucking a man’s cock

            be me
21
super straight male
get horny one night and decide to go use the local glory hole
actually kinda enjoy it
half way through person on the other side moans
it's a guy's moan
realize ive been sucking a man's cock this entire time
mfw

            Reddit, am I the arsehole?

              My mum (82F) told me (12M) to do the dishes (16) but I (12M) was too busy playing Fortnite (3 kills) so I (12M) grabbed my controller (DualShock 4) and threw it at her (138kph). She fucking died, and I (12M) went to prison (18 years). While in prison I (12M) incited several riots (3) and assumed leadership of a gang responsible for smuggling drugs (cocaine) into the country. I (12M) also ordered the assassination of several celebrities (Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley and Jeffrey Epstein) and planned a terrorist attack (9/11). Reddit, AITA?