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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.

DeAndre Ayton

    From a Redditor ‘Nykeeo’ who often shitposts about DeAndre Ayton from LA Lakers.

    Ah thanks OP I was waiting to see another post about Ayton because the other night I was watching the Lakers with my girlfriend and I tell her as a joke that we should make a little challenge.
Every time Ayton gets a rebound she has to say something she finds attractive about him.
I thought it would be funny and maybe feed my macho ego a little.

Brother that ego evaporated fast 🀣 And that also happened in the 1st half vs the spurs!

At first she goes yeah he is tall. Normal. Whatever. Then a minute later she goes wow his shoulders though.
Then she adds his hands look strong in a way that made me put my chips down because suddenly they tasted like insecurity.

By the third quarter she is leaning forward talking about his presence and how he moves and I start feeling weirdly warm. Not jealous warm. More like confused warm. Like I suddenly became very aware of how Ayton also has nice shoulders and maybe I should hit the gym or maybe I should examine my entire identity.

At one point she says if I saw him in real life I would probably stare and I swear I caught myself staring too and thinking yeah honestly same.

The game ended and she asked if I was ok and I said yeah yeah of course I am fine I am a strong confident heterosexual man while Googling Ayton highlights in another tab like a man trying to understand his own spirit animal.

And the twist is that the next morning she texts me saying she dreamed that I got dunked by Ayton and he told me nice form and I woke up feeling proud and strangely disappointed that it was not real... because man.. I really , secretly want to get bodied by him.

    hello slimes i am a 23 year old female who desperately wanting a young slime baby to slatt with

      hello slimes i am a 23 year old female who desperately wanting a young slime baby to slatt with but the only problem is no real thugger wants to get me pregnant as i am not very “traditionally attractive” then i woke up like this with a fantastic idea. who’s the perfect slime to impregnate my young uterus? i realized carti himself would be perfect!! he’s so cute and handsome and has an amazing baby voice which means our child will have a sexy baby voice as well! so my plan is to get help from y’all to get cartis attention so he can donate me some of his semen or i could pay for it (willing to offer $20k) for me to load into my cooter and hopefully give me my own little onyx please help carti notice me bros! i desperately need this. peace and love my fellow slimes stay slatt-y +*

      No. Big A would’ve avoided the whole Nick Shirley discourse if chat were there to tell him it was poor journalism.

        Comment
        byu/TheRogueTemplar from discussion
        inatrioc
        No. Big A would've avoided the whole Nick Shirley discourse if chat were there to tell him it was poor journalism. YouTube frogs don't understand how important us chatters are for maintaining the sanctity of the clips. We're like the sauce to Big A's cheese. Sure, you can have a sauceless pizza, but it's just not the same without it. You could even argue that it's not pizza at all.

Now, you might be wondering why I used a pizza analogy instead of a glizzy one, which would be a lot more topical. Well, the answer is that Big A Clips viewers don't care about glizzies. They don't care about coffee or S3K. They don't even care about bloons. All they care about is politics slop, which is why they want to cut us chatters out of the equation. They're heathens who don't understand our glizzy culture. They love the house built by glizzy hands, yet hate that glizzy hands watches House.

The tyrannous Aedish has already forced Big A to step away from his community to appease the clips viewers, and now they want to strip away the last bastion of glizzy jokes so that they don't have to be reminded of where all of this started. They hate seeing a bald joke fly by in chat. They hate seeing a glizzy, or a coffee cow, or cow forbid a spoontrioc mention amidst the mountains of slop. They carry hate in their hearts and want every last remnant of us burned to the ground. They're so deluded that they don't even recognize the Lulw Master. These are the types of people that think Big A is better without his chat.

The ironic thing is that once they succeed, if they succeed, it won't be long before they realize that sauceless pizza is lame as fuck. But by that point it'll be too late, as they've already thrown out the sauce, and they won't know how to ask for a delicious glizzy and a warm cup of coffee instead.

TLDR: glizzy good, chat good, clips bad

        I jerked off to en passant

          I jerked off to en passant
          byu/Mushroom-Gorge inAnarchyChess
          I jerked off to en passant

Yeah.

I've been working on how to say this to someone but I guess I'll just have to be blunt about it. I jerked off to En Passant. More than once. It started as a joke, I started by telling my friends "hey guys i jerked off to en passant haha" but later I thought... "should I? I shouldn't. Maybe?" The way the pawns move... the way they capture to the side... it's irresistible.

No, I can't jerk off. Not to something as sacred as the forced move.

Later, I was watching a Hikaru video where he does en passant, and right then and there I creamed my pants. Holy shit, I thought. Now I'm a pretty freaky guy, but I've never been able to cum handsfree, let alone to something non-pornographic. But HOLY SHIT I cummed my pants over a god damn chess move. What the fuck was that about?

I couldn't tell my friends. They'd laugh, and laugh, and laugh... and I couldn't tell my mom either. She'd probably be all grossed out. Anyway, I decided I was going to take a week off from chess, but... the pawns... they brought me back.

"Fuck it, let's go." I uttered as I undid my belt and loaded up Youtube. I searched "en passant explained" to get every last detail in my brain. I took my dick out and started going and within a minute I was drenched. I kept going. I jerked until my dick was raw and my balls were more sore than me losing to Martin. There was cum everywhere. I had to throw out my computer, the smell was that bad.

So yeah. That's the story of how I jerked off to en passant.

          Slutnut Butter & Whore Jelly sammich

            Comment
            byu/MayaAlex from discussion
            inwhatisitcirclejerk
            When I was 6 my grandpa used to plant Whore Plants in our garden. My favorite species was the Malus Puella variety next to Femina Sordida. Such amazing plants

I miss those days pickin' whores off the hoevines. We used to squeeze the ripest ones until they popped into a deep red paste we called Whore jelly.

Man I miss a good ole southern Slutnut Butter & Whore Jelly sammich 😢

            A woman I work with whom I really like won’t date me because I use Firefox.

              Comment
              byu/Darukutsu from discussion
              inlinuxmemes
              A woman I work with whom I really like won't date me because I use Firefox.

Apparently, her ex boyfriend was on the down-low and banging dudes behind her back. She had no idea that her boyfriend was bi or gay.

The way she found out is when she opened his laptop and Firefox was already opened up to a gay hookup site (probably Grinder?). She now thinks Firefox is some type of browser for men that like men.

I met this woman though work, and one of the first things she asked me when I was able to convince her to go to lunch with me (once) is what browser am I using. She got really quiet when I said Firefox.

She messaged me later to explain all the aforementioned stuff about her ex, and that Firefox is a huge issue for her.

I don't really know how to get her to believe that I'm 100% straight even though I use Firefox. I thought about bringing my personal laptop to work with hetero porn open in Firefox, but the risk of getting caught and losing my job is too great.

Thoughts?