Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.
My best bro Jeff turned himself into a femboy, he calls himself Crystal. Yesterday we were PVPing in Minecraft and everytime I hit him he moaned quietly, after some time I told him to stop, even though I was hard as fuck by then. He said "Tee hee, fine I'll stop b-baka(he likes japanese cartoons and comic books), look at me now." I minimized the Minecraft window and my jaw dropped, there it was on my screen. Jeff's asshole, he streamed it to me on discord, the quality was pretty good for a webcam.
My girlfriend walked into the room. Thankfully my reflexes were good enough after all those years of masturbation, I quickly minimized discord window. My gf looked me in the eyes and said "Was there your buddy Jeff's asshole on the screen just now?" Oh no, I wasn't quick enough. "Honey, it's not Jeff, it's Crystal" I mumbled. "What the fuck? It's totally Jeff, I would recognise his asshole anytim-" she stopped herself "Anyway, we are breaking up, you cheating scum!" my gf yelled and left. "Damn, bro, you ended my relationship" I said into the mic sadly. His response was "Ok, wanna fuck?"
So, Reddit, should I? uhmmm... auughhummmm.... do the thinggg??? 🧐😩🤔 I crave some bussy, but it is NNN after all...
My roommate keeps fucking his bed. How do I approach this?
I honestly don’t know how else to put it.
So for context, my roommate warned me that he “sometimes sleeptalked” at night, but I had gotten extremely unlucky with my first two roommates… they were absolutely terrible. Inconsiderate, spoiled, and disgusting. Therefore, a clean, tidy, hygienic roommate sounded great and I thought that a little sleeptalking wouldn’t hurt anyone.
The sleeptalking I can handle. The sleepfucking, on the other hand, I cannot handle. For clarification, the “sleeptalking” went from a few mumbles and groans (the first month) to nightly violent spring squeaking coming across the room.
This man will literally be pounding his mattress at 4 in the morning (it’s currently 4:30 and he’s just woken me up after rawdogging his mattress again). It got to the point where I had to use earplugs to sleep… but that caused me to miss my alarm and therefore, a class.
The other disturbing part is that he calls out names. He is currently single, and unfortunately, we have the same friend group. So occasionally, I’ll hear one of their names moaned out in the middle of the night. Here’s what woke me up half an hour ago.
squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak “uuuunghhhhhh Lauren” squeak squeak “oh fuck yeah” squeak
It only stops when 1: he climaxes. 2: he fucks the bed so violently that he bounces his himself up the bed and hits his head on the wall.
I have no idea how to approach this with him, since he’s very shy and tends to avoid/get quiet when there are sexual discussions (when he’s awake, at least.) I wouldn’t want to make it awkward, but I can’t deal with him waking me up all the time. How should I approach this?
Official Statement Regarding My Mom.
Ok, I’m sorry for the off topic thread, but I feel like this needs to be said. Yesterday, at around 6:46 PM Eastern Time, a fellow redditoir in this sub- who I won’t name- claimed that they “slept with my mom”.
Let me get something straight. This anonymous redditoir didn’t sleep with my mom. In fact, none of you have ever and will never do something liek that. I know that for a fact.
So, please, nobody believe them. If you’ve seen the comment in question, just ignore them. Ok? Thanks
I’m sorry for derailing the chicanery but this needed to be said.
Hey OP please stop replying to your own post. It's seen by karma farming by most of experienced Redditors and we definitely won't hesitate to down-vote your comments. Don't you think the karma points you've gained from the post itself are enough? There's no need to extend your metaphorical limb down the karma jar and pick up as much karma points as you can by clugging-up the whole comment section with your replies. I'll give you 10 minutes to delete the comments. When I come back I will down-vote them if they have not been removed.
Edit: Guys, you are down-voting the wrong person.
My long distance bf (18m) told me that I (18f) remind him of a reinsannce painting and that I was very pale and I told him I didn’t take that as a compliment and he said why not its “hot” and told me he was hard and that he wants me to be his mona lisa and he will paint me with his oils.
and then we started sexting and he said “does thou want me to cometh inside thy”
it didn’t stop there he went on to talk shakespearan for the rest of what felt like 2 hours saying things like “I want to breedeth thee”, “alloweth me to fondle thy plump bosoms” at one point he called me Elizabeth and told me to call him Henry VII of England… and wanted me to compliment him on how good of a monarch he is
I got really uncomfortable and expressed it to him and he got mad and said I killed the mood and he hopes I get the bubonic plague… we haven’t talked since
As the title says, it's ruined our relationship has been ruined over this, my girlfriend has stopped going on dates with me because it doesn't involve skibidi toilet. She won't have sex with me because she claims "Skibidi toilet said not to", and worst of all she has made a borderline skibidi toilet religion, I can't take it anymore, I really love her but this has gotten too far.She also cries over not having her tablet to watch skibidi toilet, shes basically an ipad kid. What do I do?
