Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.
My wife keeps grouping with a dps warrior
I'm leveling as prot. I want to play warrior how it should be played: tanking dungeons and smashing heads with my shield. I'm solo self found, so it's a bit tough & I've fallen behind a few levels. I enjoy being able to play with my wife's mage. I thought playing together would bring us closer.
She met a friend while leveling in higher level zones. He only plays DPS warrior. She keeps insisting he groups with us. I can hear her laughing at the stuff he whispers to her while we're dungeoning. He was able to level more quickly than me because he kept getting the best 2h weapon he could find and killing mobs. It's especially annoying because he constantly pulls mobs off of me. I tell him to wait for threat, but he says stuff like "the honeybadger pulls when he wants!" and just uses the rage from their attacks to do even more damage. He constantly talks about his Tesla and goes "Mind if I roll NEED" in a goblin voice whenever tank gear drops.
After we do dungeons together, my wife will often go in a private "DPS only" call with him to compare their meters. Sometimes she will stay in that call for an hour or more. She locks her door while she's in it. I baked cookies for us and tried to share them. She told me to just slide them under the door one by one. I felt pathetic doing it.
Does anyone have any tips on how I can catch up in leveling? I want to be high enough level to not worry about this stuff anymore.
You didn’t smell it did you? I hope not… when this plant senses heat source near it, ie mammals, it releases tiny spores. If inhaled they make their way into the sinus cavity, attach to the mucosa which is the way it gets into your bloodstream. Once in your bloodstream the spores begin to replicate. Basically you have now become the host, and it is now feeding off of you, taking over your body, you begin to become the plant. But before this process is complete, it will take control of your mind and have you go on a long hike so that as you begin the change from your head down, parts of you will fall off and take root along the hiking trails so that the next unsuspecting hiker comes along, says “Wow, how beautiful!”, gets down close for a good close-up shot and the whole thing starts all over again.
Fitgirl can NOT have a virus!!!!!!
Let me break it down for you, champ: I only download from THE OFFICIAL SITE, so it’s literally impossible for me to get a virus. Literally. Impossible. As we speak, I’m unzipping a 90GB repack of a game I’ll play for five minutes using WinRAR—the 2016 version, obviously, because updating it is for cowards. You think I’m worried about exploits? Please, those are for people who don’t know how to click “Skip All” during installation. Maybe if you weren’t downloading “fitgirl-repacks-bestgames-free.ru,” you wouldn’t be crying about malware.
I’m untouchable. My antivirus doesn’t even blink when I install cracked games because it knows I’m a professional. Not only do I have the ancient wisdom of Reddit telling me everything is fine, but I’m also extensively trained in spotting fake repacks by vibes alone. And here you are, thinking you know better, while I’m confidently pirating games that I could easily buy on Steam for $5 during a sale. Absolute amateur hour.
If only you knew the bliss of downloading hundreds of gigabytes of games without a care in the world, maybe you wouldn’t embarrass yourself by suggesting piracy isn’t safe. But you did. And now you’re paying the price for your ignorance, fool. I’m going to compress your entire argument into a corrupted .RAR, throw in a couple of fake DLLs, and watch you panic when your PC starts beeping like a microwave. You’re done, kid. FitGirl isn’t just a name—it’s a lifestyle. A dumb one, sure, but a lifestyle nonetheless.
I cannot think or comprehend of anything more cucked than having a daughter. Honestly, think about it rationally. You are feeding, clothing, raising and rearing a girl for at least 18 years solely so she can go and get ravaged by another man. All the hard work you put into your beautiful little girl - reading her stories at bedtime, making her go to sports practice, making sure she had a healthy diet, educating her, playing with her. All of it has one simple result: her body is more enjoyable for other men.
Raised the perfect girl? Great. Who benefits? If you're lucky, a random man who had nothing to do with the way she grew up, who marries her. He gets to ravage her every night. He gets the benefits of her kind and sweet personality that came from the way you raised her.
As a man who has a daughter, you are LITERALLY dedicating at least 20 years of your life simply to raise a girl for another man to enjoy. It is the ULTIMATE AND FINAL cuck. Think about it logically.
WELL WELL WELL IF IT ISN'T THE HORNY MFER THEMSELF! LET ME GUESS, YOU'D SAY "would" TO THIS ARTWORK OF A FEMALE CHARACTER? WELL, GO ON. WE'RE ALL WAITING FOR YOUR SUPER SANE AND ORIGINAL STATEMENT! GO ON! SAY "I would smash so hard." COME ON, SAY IT!
I CAN’T FUCKING STAND THESE DISCOUNT "GANGSTERS" IN SCHOOL ANYMORE!!!
FIRST OF ALL, YOU ARE NOT TOUGH, TYLER. YOU’RE A 5’6" STRING BEAN WHO CRIES WHEN YOUR MOM TAKES YOUR PS5 AWAY. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU EAT KETCHUP SANDWICHES AND THINK IT'S A GOURMET MEAL. SHUT UP.
STOP SAYING "cuh I'm from the streets who you tryna fuck with?" WHAT STREETS? THE ONES IN YOUR SUBURBAN GATED COMMUNITY? "ayo I'm hard as hell" HARD WHERE??? THE ONLY HARD THING ABOUT YOU IS YOUR MOM TRYING TO GET YOU TO TAKE YOUR OWN SHOWER INSTEAD OF HER GIVING YOU YOUR FIFTH BUBBLE BATH OF THE DAY!
YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL BECAUSE YOU VAPE AND SMOKE WEED IN THE BATHROOM?? WOW BRO, NOTHING SCREAMS "I’M A BADASS" LIKE A WATERMELON FLAVORED CLOUD IN A STALL THAT SMELLS LIKE PEED-ON LINOLEUM AND LING CANCER. HONESTLY, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU SELL USED VAPE PODS TO FIFTH GRADERS FOR LUNCH MONEY
ALSO STOP ACTING LIKE FLIPPING OFF THE TEACHER IS GANGSTER. YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU’RE GONNA CRY IN THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE AND BE LIKE “PLEASE, MY MOM CAN’T FIND OUT” AND THEN PRETEND YOU’RE A THUG AGAIN IN FIFTH PERIOD. YOU CAN’T EVEN HANDLE GETTING YELLED AT WITHOUT YOUR VOICE CRACKING. YOU SOUND LIKE A CHIHUAHUA ON A NICOTINE FIT
YOU ARENT FUCKING COOL FOR BEING A DISRESPECTFUL LITTLE CUNT. YOU ARENT COOL FOR MAKING YOUR ENTIRE FOOTBALL TEAM DO LAPS BECAUSE YOU DECIDED TO TELL THE COACH HES A PUSSY, AND YOU CERTAINLY ARENT COOL FOR GETTING THE ENTIRE CLASS IN TROUBLE BECAUSE YOU SPAT ON A SUBSTITUTE.
AND HOLY SHIT CAN YOU STOP SCREAMING SLURS LIKE IT’S A FUCKING PERSONALITY TRAIT? I SWEAR EVERY TIME YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH, A BABY ANGEL DIES. WHY DO YOU THINK BEING RACIST MAKES YOU COOL?? ALL YOU ARE IS AN UNSEASONED PASTY ASS CRACKER WITH THE EMOTIONAL RANGE OF A DRY ERASER.
AND THEN THERE’S THE FIGHTING. OH MY GOD THE FUCKING FIGHTING. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO THROW HANDS. YOU SWING LIKE A DRUNK TODDLER WHO JUST LEARNED WHAT A FIST IS. THE REASON YOU’RE FIGHTING?? “HE LOOKED AT ME FUNNY.” WHAT ARE YOU, A FUCKING PEACOCK?? SIT DOWN, JERRY. YOU’RE NOT INTIMIDATING, YOU LOOK LIKE A HALF-DEFLATED CAPRISUN.
AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY STOP CALLING YOURSELF A HOOD RAT. YOU’RE A FUCKING SPOILED, MILK-TOAST, UNSALTED BUTTER STICK OF A HUMAN BEING. YOU GET ANGRY WHEN YOUR STARBUCKS ORDER IS WRONG AND THEN TURN AROUND AND ACT LIKE YOU’RE IN THE FUCKING CARTEL. NO ONE IS BUYING IT, BRADLEY. YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A DICK
YOU’RE NOT SCARY, YOU’RE NOT COOL, YOU’RE NOT A THUG. YOU’RE JUST A LOUD, INSECURE, ANNOYING LITTLE PRICK WHO THINKS ACTING LIKE A DICKHEAD IS A SUBSTITUTE FOR HAVING A PERSONALITY.
SHUT. THE FUCK. UP.
