Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.
Today I fucked up by penetrating myself with a cactus. Today I (13M) was home alone and felt extra horny. I tried fapping to normal porn, and after cumming a few times I had to try something more arousing. I looked up among us porn, it made my cock extra hard but I was still missing something. Then I remembered the cactus my mom gave me a few weeks back. I never felt so aroused in my life, my cock was throbbing from just the sight of that spiky schlong. My balls, still full of cum, were begging to be emptied. So I placed the danger dildo on the kitchen floor and slowly lowered my tight asshole on it. It hurt a lot at first, but as it got deeper it started to feel nice. I felt every single spike tickling my rectum, and I was close to cumming. As I was about to nut, I bounced up and down too hard and the cactus broke in half. There I was, squatting in the kitchen, with half a cactus up my anus. I started crying, mom was coming home soon. It's still there, I haven't said anything to her about it. She did ask if I knew why half the cactus was missing and why there was blood on it, but I blamed the cat and she believed me. Guys help the pain is almost unbareable, I can't sit I'm laying in my bed, what do I do?
I am living in your walls.
You may be concerned about this. In case you are, please read the below:
FAQ:
Why are you living in my walls?
I'm not going to tell you.
Are you only in my walls?
You could say I am living in everybody's walls, but in the case I am telling you that I am living in your walls, I am living in your walls.
How are you surviving in my walls?
In my non-physical form, I am crawling around listening for you. That is all I need to survive in that form. In my physical form, I survive by eating rat corpses that I cook using the wall behind your oven, and I drink the vapour in the extraction fan duct above your shower.
What are you planning to do in my walls?
Live in them, listening to you.
What do I do about you living in my walls?
Listen for the scraping. Dont touch the walls. Protect yourself. Avoid lighting candles.
When are you going to stop living in my walls?
You cannot escape me.
Do I call the police?
The authorities will not help you.
What are the consequences of you living in my walls?
Be aware.
What if I am ok with you living in my walls?
I will make sure you’re not.
Are you imaginary?
I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS
If there are any more questions then please consult your walls by directly speaking to them.
Summary:
I am living in your walls.
How do I get my husband to stop going ‘Goblin Mode’ during sex?
TLDR; My husband says ‘Goblin Mode activated’ when we start to have sex, growls and acts like a caveman, and then says ‘Goblin Mode off’ when we stop, and then pretends not to remember afterward.
I really love my husband and he’s always been great in bed. But recently he’s been acting really weird. So, a couple of days ago, my son went on a rampage through our house and said he was in ‘Goblin Mode’. We didn’t really know what to do with him, so we sent him to live with my parents so he can go to a special needs school. My husband a really great relationship with our son and loved him more than anything. Naturally, he was upset when he had to leave. He’s an incredibly tough man, but this was the first time I’ve ever seen him cry. I think since then, he’s been a little emotionally unwell. I’ve heard him muttering, ‘Goblin’ repeatedly when he didn’t notice me, staring blankly into his food, and just going alone by himself to do who knows what. I feel awful for him, but we both agreed that this was for the best. Last night, the day after our son went away, we decided to have sex to relieve our stress. However, my husband said ‘Goblin Mode activated’, starting growling, and went wild having sex with me. Admittedly, it was some of the best and most experimental sex I’ve ever had, but I’m worried that something might be going on with my husband. Any advice?
Edit: The problem isn’t the ‘Goblin Mode’, it’s that he could be ill
Your karma score has decreased by 1 after I read your comment. The fact that your account is 8 years old makes it seem like you’d be capable of wit, but your comment sounds like it was written by a medieval peasant trying to sound smart. Not your fault, per se, some of us are born this way. Hell, I’m a high functioning sociopath and I feel nothing but disdain for most of the people on Reddit for being self entitled, privileged, and milquetoast.
Source: I took psychology and morality class.
P.S. I have bipolar disorder so I might have gone a bit off at you. Same idea, though.
I was sadly laid off from my job a few days ago. My circadian rhythm has been off as a result, so I decided to head down to my local GameStop to mentally reset (and maybe pick up a few Funko Pops & more batteries).
The store looked immaculate (obviously). It even passed what I call 'the white glove test', which is where I put on a single white glove and go around touching things to see if I collect any dust.
After a few minutes of testing, it dawned upon me that the kid working there didn't greet me upon entering, so I strode up to the counter to confront him.
"Everything ok?" I coolly asked, disguising the true rage burning inside of me.
He just sort of nodded, asking if there was anything he could help me with and why I was walking around touching things with gloves on.
"Heh. Just thought I'd pop in to see how my store is doing." I replied. "Looks good. Though, I couldn't help but notice that you failed to greet me when I entered the building, which is a real problem - here at GameStop we greet all of our customers."
Visibly confused, he asked me if I was a corporate employee or something.
"Employee? Not legally. I am however a shareholder, which makes me a part owner and, technically, your boss."
In that moment, he knew that he fucked up; he began to stammer out an apology, but I wasn't having it. This kid just disrespected a shareholder.
"Look, kid," I interrupted, puffing out my chest to look as big and intimidating as I could. "You should be thankful that we've given you the opportunity to work for the most innovative tech giant on the planet. Failing to greet people hurts the customer experience. Hurting the customer experience brings down company profits. My profits. And I'll be dead before a little piss baby like you is gonna fuck with my money. Keep it up, and you won't have to worry about greeting people anymore. Understood?"
I began to leave, all the while he just sort of stared at me, shaking his head and asking what I was talking about.
"Oh, and one more thing," I added, one foot out the door. "I'll be having this Funko Pop on the house." and I grabbed the nearest one and left without paying.
I haven't been back to the store since, but I imagine that the kid now has everything shipshape and has been greeting every customer since. It feels good to help my company!
NO ONE TOLD ME THAT WHEN YOU FLIRTED WITH YOUR CRUSH, FUCKING PRE-CUM WOULD LEAK OUT
I HAD GOTTEN OFF THE PHONE WITH MY CRUSH WHILE WE WERE FLIRTING AND AFTERWARDS I SAID TO MYSELF "damn my crotch feels cold." SO I SCRATCHED IT AND THE TIP FELT WET AND I GOT S00000 FUCKING EMBARRASSED
WHAT THE FUCK
