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My husband has become a vim peasant

    Created by u/gentoogirl, its a circlejerk story on the superiority complex of Linux users.

    When I met my husband 10 yrs ago, he was everything I ever wanted. We met on a freenode IRC channel. He was a Gentoo and Linux-from-scratch dual-booter who could install both systems with his eyes closed. We used to have long, romantic conversations well past midnight about tabs vs spaces and open source. Our first fight ever was about MIT vs GPL licensing. On our first date, we shared our tiling manager config files with each other (this was the first time I truly felt love for a man).

However, lately he’s changed into a husk of the man he used to be. He migrated to Linux Mint, because, and I quote, he “just wants to get work done” and he “no longer has time to fiddle with [his] system”. Then, he started using GNOME for the same reason. This was already very suspicious. I mean, if he truly just wanted to start using a full DE, he could have at least picked KDE, right? Even Xfce I’d have been ok with.

Then, the other day, our relationship hit a breaking point. Here I was, working on my 2012 NixOS thinkpad, and hubby calls me over to his office. He said he “wanted to show me something”. I sit down on his chair, and you can imagine my terror as he pulls up vim on his terminal. He had a weird smile on his face, as if something had taken him over. He spent the next few mins “showing off” a variety of vim tricks he’d just learned. I had to turn my face to the side so he wouldn’t see the tears drying on my cheeks. Let me be clear: This was NOT the man I married.

Our relationship has had its ups and downs, but I never imagined my husband would stoop so low as to become a vim peasant. I don’t know what to do. Part me says I should just start divorce proceedings and get it over with, but the other part can’t help but wonder if perhaps my husband is being afflicted by some serious, undiagnosed mental illness.

Please advise reddit, my whole life is in shambles and I don’t know what to do

    You have to have a very high IQ to understand TOOL

      Its a parody of the Rick and Morty copypasta that started started during the height of that show in 2014.

      To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand TOOL. The talent is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the songs will go over a typical viewer’s head. There’s also Maynard’s nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Lachrymology literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these songs, to realise that they’re not just cool songs- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike TOOL truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humour and reality in Maynard’s existential catchphrase “Fuck you buddy!,” which itself is a cryptic reference to Ronald P. Vincent’s epic The Joyful Guide To Lachrymology . I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Maynard James Keenan’s genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂

And yes, by the way, i DO have a TOOL tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid 😎

      My balls are just so ludicrously big!

        My balls are just so ludicrously big! It's like two basketballs in a sack, when I shower I spend at least half the time just cleaning them as they swing like pendulums against my thighs! I need specialty clothes just for them because they burst through anything else! It looks like I'm packing a mile of meat but even though my dick is huge it's all my balls! Whenever I try to jerk off my dick feels like it's rent asunder as gallons burst out! I need to contain it in jars which i donate to the sperm bank because the simply gargantuan amount would clog my toilet! I don't need a chair to sit down outside, I just sit on my titanic balls and feel them slosh! I once had a girlfriend who I nearly suffocated by accidentally dropping my balls onto her face when I tried to have sex with her! It's like a full beanbag between my thighs and the sweat is outrageous, I need to use a full towel every time i wipe my balls, and even then I can't get the bottom! They're just too colossally large for my body! They're so big that I need to get medical checkups solely for my balls or the doctor would run out of time checking my simply gargantuan, shiny, testicles! The sperm bank my area has an entire tank just for me! I can use them as an emergency floatation device in the pool! My balls are classified as an entirely new medical condition and my pubic hair is so big that I have to shave it and wash it with shampoo! My balls are legally classified as a deadly weapon after I killed a thief withthem by tripping onto him! They're bigger than my head! Once I fell off a cliff but my balls were so strong that when I landed on them they weren't injured at all! The smell of sweat that emenates from them is so powerful that I have three industrial fans blowing at my balls whenever I sit down! I don't wear clothes at home because when I'm naked I can use them as a desk for my laptop! My testicles are so big that there's at least a gallon of cum in them EACH! My mother thought she had twins but the second baby was my giant balls! I slept at a friend's house and they asked to use my balls as a pillow but they fell into the hair and had to be surgically removed! When I run clothed they tear through and everyone can see them swing like a collosal pendulum! I have enough cum in my impossibly large nuts to impregnate millions of women! My nutsack is so large that it takes a minute for it to stop swinging after i poke it!

        Sick of all this copium

          Source
          I’m getting a bit sick of watching these cringe analysts and costreamers talk with so much copium everytime there’s an international event.

For example, regarding this GENG x FNC series, I’ve heard already so many absurd takes and cope angles, when in reality it’s very likely that GENG will simply not even take a single game off FNC.

Let’s go FNC quick 3-0

          May 4th

            Hey👋 there you 👈🤡 STAR⭐⭐ WHORES💃😩😜! Know🤔 what day 🌞 it is🤭🧐🤔🤔🤔? You 👈🍑 guessed 🤔 it😆😆, its may 🗓 the girth🌭🌭 be with you 👈 day 📆. These are definitely 💯 the voids⚫🍩I'm looking👀👁️ to fill 💦🤰. Stop✋✋ doing the hand🍆✊✊ 💦solo and darth 💀 maul👄 this pussy😺😹😽. Time 🕐🕠🕣 to get 🉐🔛 princess👸👸👸 leia-d💏. Daddy 🍆👨🐴 😉💖💦vader better 👍 force 🖐 choke🤞🤞💪👐 me. Don't 🚫 🚫want no 🚫 😣😣baby👶🍼 yoda🤰🤰 so into the garbage 🗑 chute🗑️🍑🍑, flyboy🦸‍♂️🚀. Cant 🚫 rule👑 the galaxy💫 so I'll 📝 just settle 👍 for Uranus🪐. Send⬆️ this to all 💯 your 👉 other STAR 🌟✨🌠 ⭐⭐ WHORES💃😩😜!!!! If you 👉🤖 get 🉐 5️⃣ back 🔙 you 👉 are a dirty😛😫😘 wookie 🐶. If you 👉 get 🉐 1️⃣0️⃣ back 🔙 you 👉 are granted 🐩🙏🏾 a seat💺 on 🔛 🔛🔛the seNUT💦💦. If you 👉 get 🉐 1️⃣5️⃣ back⬅️⬅️ you 👈🏼 are a padaHUN😘💋. If you 👉😭 get 🉐 2️⃣0️⃣ back 🔙 you 👉🏼👤❤ are a real 😍 Jedi 🗡👎 mastwhore💯💘😩🙈🙆‍♂️
            HEY ❗ HOE-LEBRITIES 💦 it’s Star 🌟☀ Waars Day 👼☀ or as 🍑 we like to call it ️ May 🤷 the 👭 Fourth Be With 😋 You !!! Did 🏻🌼 you know 🤔😇 Admiral Ackbar was 👏👨 a 💰 pimp bitch 😢😡 ️ that 🙎😐 turned 🔄 traitor? Did you 👍 know 😲 Princess 💦🙀 Leia used 🚟😏 to give 🎁💦 sloppy joes in the 👏 cockpit even ⏯🌃 while 💯👱 they 🗓 were 👶👶 flying ️ through 🔛 an 😲😚 asteroid field? 🏑 But most of 💯 all 👨 did 👏👏 you 👏 know 💭🤔 that Han Solo 😏 is 🙀 the 🅰👄 reason 😤😞 why 😩 Chewbacca never came back from Uranus? Send 📩 this 👌 to 💥💦 ten fellow 💦💦 sluts 💰 who 🚫🏻 enjoy 🦁 phallic shaped snacks !!! If you 🆗⚜ don’t 🚫👎 get 👨😟 a response 🎉🎉 then u 🔥👤 aren’t getting any 🅱 dick till 😅😅 your 🏼 50 👏👏 years 📅💯 old if ❗ you 👶 get 🍌 5 ♀ responses then 🅱😂 you 👈💗 will 👏 be 🍆👬 eaten 👅👅 out 👅 for an entire light year
            LISTEN UP 👂🎧 C3P-HOES 🤖AND BANGO FETTS 🔫🫡 ITS STAR WARS DAY ✨⭐️ AND MAY THE FORCE 🥺 BE IN YOU 🥵😳TODAY IS THE DAY TO CUM 😏💦TO THE DARK SIDE 😈👹AND SEXECUTE ORDER 6️⃣9️⃣ 👌 GET READY FOR CHEWCOCKA 🍆🐓TO EAT YOUR ASS 🍑🍽️LIKE A ROASTED WOMPRAT 🔥🐀REBEL AGAINST DADDY EMPEROR’S SPANKINGS 💀👏UNTIL YOU SEE STARS 🤩😵‍💫BUT THATS NO MOON 🌚❌THATS DARTH VADERS FAT ASS 🦾🍑WHEN SEXY SHEEV TELLS YOU 😏😏”DO IT” 😏😏YOU KNOW HES ABOUT TO SE-NUT 🥜🥜🥜👨‍⚖️ I KNOW IM READY TO GO BALLS DEEP😩😤 IN JABBA THE SLUTT 🐌👧MAKE SURE TO SEND THIS TO 2️⃣0️⃣ OF YOUR HORNIEST JEDI 😜🟢🔵OR YOULL BE GOING HAND SOLO TONIGHT ✊😭 GET 5️⃣ BACK AND KIT FISTO 👊 WILL HELP YOU WIELD HIS SABER 🦑🍆GET 1️⃣5️⃣ BACK AND BOBA FETISH WILL SUCK YOUR TATOOINE TOES 👅🦶DONT LET BABY YODA 👶🤢SEE YOU HYPERDRIVE FOR CUMMIES💨💨💦 💦 
            Happy 😊Star 🌟Wars💣 day cummy💦!!!!! May👏 the👌 4th 😳be🤚 with you🙏. Remember 🧠all of your👈 fave 👄characters👯 on this blessed day🙏🙏🙏: Obi WANK Kenobi💦, HOEda😩, Jabba the SLUT😜, C3PHOE🤭 and all your other favourite rebel sCUMMIES💦💦Send this to 5 🤚other StormPOOPERS 😍 for the force to be with you 👉👈
            Hey space ☄⭐️🌟loving skanks 💫💫💫. Today is may the fourth 4️⃣4️⃣4️⃣4️⃣4️⃣. Know what that means❓❓Princess 👸👸👸Leia needs her buns 🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑 readjusted 😈 Chewbacca 🐻 🐻🐻called and he wants to chew 👅👄 on your light saber 🔦🔦 let all the big cock 🍆🍆🍆Jedis storm ⚡⛈🌧️troop into that ENDLESS BLACK HOLE PUSSY 🕳🕳🕳🕳🕳take a cue from big dick darth Vader 💂🏿💂🏿💂🏿 and call me DADDY!! 👴🏽🍆🍆🍆🍆 it's 🆗 if you don't CUM 💦💦💦back to 🌏🌍🌎 today bc yoda 👴🏻🐸🐍🐢🐲🐉needs your ~guidance~ 🍆👌🏽fwd this to 5 of your sexiest space hoes 🙋🏼 💦💦🍑or your AstoNUTS 🍒will cosmically explode 💥💥💥 may the force of your 🍆DICK 🍆be with all you cummy space thots😛⭐️⭐️💦🍑💫 
            May the 4️⃣th be with you 👇 my handsome 😳 padawan👨‍👦🧐 ehehe 🤣 train you now 🗣🤸‍♂️🤸‍♀️🤸🏽 master 😈 yoda 👽 will ⛓️💋💢 wait ✋️ no moon 🌚 that is 🚫⁉️ oh 😮‍💨 ehehe 🌝 its just my lightsaber 🥒🥒🥒 ready to kill again i am💀👻😫 im 9️⃣0️⃣0️⃣ years old 🧓🏻 R2 🤖 make me a 🥪 sandwich 😋 
            Episode 4️⃣IV, A NEW🔜🙏 HOPE🙏

It is a 🔴period😡 of 🇺🇸civil ⚔️🔫war🗡. Rebel🌌🌃 spaceships🚀, striking from a 🔎hidden🔍 ⛰base, have 🥇won🥇 their 1️⃣first 🏆victory🏅 against the 👺evil👹 🛰Galactic 🇬🇧Empire🇬🇧. During the 🤼‍♀️battle🤼‍♂️ , Rebel🇺🇸 😎spies managed to 👦🏿steal👴🏿 🙀secret 🤐📝plans to the 🇬🇧Empire’s🇬🇧 ultimate 🔫weapon🗡, the ☠️DEATH🌚STAR🌟, an armored 🛰space station with enough ✊🏿power⚡️ to 🔥💥destroy an entire 🌎planet🌏. Pursued by the Empire’s 🕶sinister agents🕵️, 💀Princess⚰️Leia☠️ 🏇races🏃 🏘home🏠 aboard her 🚀🛰starship, custodian 🇲🇽 of the stolen🏃🏿 plans that can 😩save😫 her people👫👭👬 and restore 🇺🇸freedom🇺🇸 to the 🌠galaxy….🌌

            DOJ could charge Lego for bait and switch violations and false advertising

              US State Attorney Generals could step in and charge Lego for bait and switch violations and/or false advertising. Which could be big time financial penalties applied. That said, where did Lego say OUTSIDE the instructions that these minifigures were exclusive. An Attorney General is going to need to see the fine print was visible to buyers in advertising and/or product listing. If this "exclusive" note was inside the box requiring people to buy the set first and then see the exclusivity note, I'm not convinced the AG is going to see a legal case. I realize that "rumors" would start flying as soon as the set was purchased and the initial buyers saw the exclusive note but can you direct us to where Lego claimed they were exclusive in a way buyers could see this fact before they made a decision. Pardon the fine legal line I'm drawing here.