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Can Doom please be allowed to do anything other than walk at you?

    It started as a shitpost rant on the hero Doom in Dota 2 which became a meme.

    I'm fucking sick of it. 10 years ago Doom would jump you ass. He'd slap you with Doom sure, and then lvl Doom, and maybe then he'd Centaur stomp you or something, but then everything else is up to everyone else and if he fucked it up? Bad, but he's still a hero underneath it. Sort of like how Enigma has black hole AND something to take towers. A little bit of synergy.

But modern Doom is about as synergistic as a rat slapping a button for cocaine. Dude clicks on himself and then walks at you. What the actual fuck is that? It's like the dev team were told "guys, you can't just make a hero who walks at people" and they all looked at each other and asked why not. And then every other mistake followed like the consequences for my actions returning with the shaking of the earth. No spells, no healing, no items, max movespeed, this mother fucker is just going to w a l k at you. Rename him from DOOM to fucking WALK.

What do you build then? Useful auras? Powerful fighting items? Fuck no. Your ass gets phase, blink, Shivas, Aghs, and refresher. Why? So you can fucking walk at people.

"Oh gee, sounds like you want Doom to just suck and-" No. I just want Doom to do something other than WALK. On my team. WALK. On their team. WALK. And because WALK is such a giant hit of dopamine to the highly coordinated swarm of cocaine rats that presumably main Doom they have to slap a "Fuck yo healing" passive into button Doom in the off case the hero in question manages to waddle away from the permanently hasted doom into fountain.

And can you ignore this? No. It's every fight. Every fight this giant Meth-ed out rodent is scurrying all over the fucking screen with a giant smile on his face knowing he is not only playing his hero well, but playing his hero at literally peak performance.

Look at his spells.

Devour: Gives him gold so he can buy items to walk with

Scorched Earth: It's a fucking walking spell

Infernal Blade: Gives him a button to press while walking

Doom WALK: Walk at the enemy

What a mess. How did it come to this.

    (Deadlock) Can Victor please be allowed to do anything other than walk at you?

    source
    I’m fucking sick of it. There are plenty of heroes that jump you ass. Lash slaps you with ground pound, and then flog, and maybe he’d death slam you or something, but then everything else is up to everyone else and if he fucked it up? Bad, but he’s still a hero underneath it. Sort of like how Dynamo has black hole AND something to heal the team. A little bit of synergy.

But modern Victor is about as synergistic as a rat slapping a button for cocaine. Dude clicks 3 and then walks at you. What the actual fuck is that? It’s like the dev team were told “guys, you can’t just make a hero who walks at people” and they all looked at each other and asked why not. And then every other mistake followed like the consequences for my actions returning with the screaming of the midboss. No spells, max healing, no items, max movespeed, this mother fucker is just going to w a l k at you. Rename him from VICTOR to fucking WALKOR.

What do you build then? Heroic Aura? Powerful fighting items? Fuck no. Your ass gets fleetfoot, enduring speed, cold front, scourge, and refresher. Why? So you can fucking walk at people.

“Oh gee, sounds like you want Victor to just suck and-” No. I just want Victor to do something other than WALK. On my team. WALK. On their team. WALK. And because WALK is such a giant hit of dopamine to the highly coordinated swarm of cocaine rats that presumably main Victor they have to slap a "Fuck yo move speed" passive into aura of suffering in the off case the hero in question has any hope of waddling away from the permanently 20+ movespeed victor into fountain.

And can you ignore this? No. It’s every fight. Every fight this giant Meth-ed out rodent is scurrying all over the fucking screen with a giant smile on his face knowing he is not only playing his hero well, but playing his hero at literally peak performance.

Look at his spells.

Pain Battery: Rewards you for walking at people

Jumpstart: Faster walking

Aura of Suffering: It’s a fucking walking spell

Reanimate: When you die you can keep walking

What a mess. How did it come to this.

    Sports direct mug

      Sports Direct mug copypasta

      From a response by u/dazedan_confused to another user asking for context on the Sports Direct mug.

      Picture the scene. You're at a sports store. You've got your gym gear, a bag, some accessories, some cut price clothes, even some oversized umbrellas that scream "I play golf", even though they're impractical outside of the course.

You're sure you have everything, but you just feel... Empty. What is it? Are you lacking a football, placed conveniently in the "Parent doesn't want kid to cause a scene, so fuck it, just get it to shit him up" section of the store? Is it a set of colouring pencils? Is it a fucking massive calculator that belongs to a giant in the 90s, emblazoned, ever so offensively with the sports direct logo?

And then.... It hits you. Behind the staff at the checkout. Time stands still. Everyone around you fades out of irrelevance. It starts glowing. "Hello", it sings, "Is it me you're looking for?"

My friend, you have just seen it. The chalice of champions. The cup of conquerors. The mug of monarchs. My friend, your eyes have been blessed with a mug that defies your expectations. It's so far away, but it looks like it's closer. Your mind boggles; it's next to items that seem disproportionately smaller, or it is disproportionately larger. It's confusing, what is this? And why is it out in the wild?

That, my friend, is a Sports direct mug.

Do we know how much it holds? Who knows. Is it healthy to expect to drink that much of any beverage? Almost certainly not. However, you don't care. You occupy the right percentage of the earth, you want to stand out among those pint 250ml drinkers. You have too much taste to buy a Humvee, but you want it's mug equivalent. You *want *to take up the space in the cupboard. You want to restrict the places your mug can go. You want people to be impressed by how much coffee you are drinking. You want everyone's eyes to be drawn to you in the 10am meeting. You want the Sports direct mug.

And if you think you have the willpower to refrain from buying one, my dear friend, you're about as naive as a flipped evian. You may be able to show restraint, but it'll find you. In the office. At a neighbour's house. In the garage. It knows where you live, and it wants to know why you didn't take it home.

You don't just drink in a sports direct mug. You invite your tongue to swim in a sports direct mug.

      Turns Out Walz Lied?

        Turns Out Walz Lied?
        byu/MilitantAmbivalence inminnesota

        Its a satirical story about Tim Walz lying by u/MilitantAmbivalence on r/minnesota.

        I always considered myself to be decently informed when it comes to politics and current events, but I saw a few unflattering caricatures of Governor Walz last week at the State Fair that really had a profound effect on me and forced me to reconsider my entire worldview.

Did anyone else see the booth with the Governor Walz cartoons? I used to like the guy, but that was before I saw a drawing where they made him look like an ugly pig making a dumb face! Now I’m all like “Shut up, Pigface!” 😝

There was also a cartoon where Walz looked like the puppet from Pinocchio, and his nose was very big! If you are familiar with the story of Pinocchio, then you know what that means… 😉

There’s a famous basilica in Barcelona called La Sagrada Familia where some atheists report being so awestruck by the sheer beauty and brilliance of the architecture that they open their hearts to the possibility of a God for the first time in their lives.

I found myself similarly transformed by the Walz Lied booth. If there’s no substance behind the knee-jerk dipshit alt-right ideology, how can it possibly produce artwork so complex, deep, and profoundly moving?

Being suddenly forced to confront the reality that my entire life had been a lie was both terrifying and freeing. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I dropped to my knees as the fairgrounds began to spin around me.

When I woke up, two of the guys from the booth were giving me first aid. One of them was gently waving a ‘Walz Lied’ fan over my forehead. The other offered me a sip from a water bottle labeled ‘Liberal Tears’.

They were asking me questions. Did I know today’s date? Did I know where I was? I wanted to answer, but the words wouldn’t come out.

Finally, one of them asked, “Who’s the current Governor?”

I could feel my strength coming back.

“Tampon Tim,” I whispered meekly.

The men looked relieved. “Don’t worry,” one of them told me. “I think you’re going to be OK.”

        Hey buddy I’m not trying to embarrass you, I just want you to know that it’s pretty smelly over

          Its from the Tiktok meme by @mrmonroeandnala called “POV: You had an accident in class“.

          Hey buddy I’m not trying to embarrass you, I just want you to know that it’s pretty smelly over here and it’s been stinky for about the last 10 minutes. If you need to go to the bathroom, you’re good to go! .. You had an accident? Okay-um. Let’s do this, I’m gonna tell everybody else in this class that’ we’re gonna take a quick 5 minute recess, that’ll get them out of the classroom and once we’re all gone, why don’t you head down to the nurse, I’ll let her know that you’re on the way, she’ll get you some new clothes for you until your grown up can bring you up some of your own Sound good? Alright..thanks.

          Just to let everyone know i do not bark. I have never barked in my life.

            Just to let everyone know i do not bark. I have never barked in my life. Everyday I wake up and do meaningful contributions to society. I am a very mature and respectable person. I would never engage in such activities such as barking, meowing, purring or making any animal noises. I am a pure chaste person who would never commit such a si- OMG IS THAT <INSERT CHARACTER> GRRRRR WOOF WOOF BARK BARK WOOF BARK BARK BARK BARK SNARL HISSSSS BARK BARK GRRRRRRR BARK BARK BARK foams at mouth WOOF WOOF GRRRRRR BARK BARK 
            just to let everyone know, i do not bark. i have never barked in my entire life. everyday, i wake up and make meaningful contributions to society. i am a very mature and respectable person. i am also a devoted member of the church, and attend afternoon mass every sunday. i would never engage in such activities as barking, meowing, purring, or making any animal noises. i am a pure, chaste person who would never commit such a sin. thank you. 
            Just to let you know, I do not bark. I have never barked in my entire life. Every day, I wake up and make meaningful contributions to society. I am a very mature and respectable person. I would never engage in such activities as barking, meowing, or any animal noises. Thank you. ummm, uhhh, guys I can't hold it in anymore i- WOOF WOOF BARK BARK WOOF HSSSS GRRRR WOOF WOOF BARK GRRRR HSSSS WOOF BARK ARF HSSSSS BARK ARF GRRRR WOOF WOOF BARK GRR SNARL ARF WOOF BARK ARF HSSSSS
            source
            Just to let everyone know, I do not bark. I have never barked in my entire life. Every day, I wake up and make meaningful contributions to society. I am a very mature and respectable person. I am also a devoted member of the church, and attend afternoon mass every Sunday. I would never engage in such activities as barking, meowing, purring, or making any animal noises. I am a pure, chaste person who would never commit such a si– OH MY GOD??!?! BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW MEOW BLOB BLOB SQUEEK BARK BARK WOOF ARF MEOW WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW WOOF WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW MEOW BLOB BLOB SQUEEK BARK BARK WOOF ARF MEOW WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW WOOF WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW MEOW BLOB BLOB SQUEEK BARK BARK WOOF ARF MEOW WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW WOOF WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW MEOW BLOB BLOB SQUEEK BARK BARK WOOF ARF MEOW WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW WOOF WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW MEOW BLOB BLOB SQUEEK BARK BARK WOOF ARF MEOW WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW WOOF WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW MEOW BLOB BLOB SQUEEK BARK BARK WOOF ARF MEOW WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW WOOF WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW MEOW BLOB BLOB SQUEEK BARK BARK WOOF ARF MEOW WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW WOOF WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW MEOW BLOB BLOB SQUEEK BARK BARK WOOF ARF MEOW WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK WOOF ARF ARF MEOW MEOW WOOF WOOF BARK WOOF BARK BARK ABRABRKNFLABRKGBAFKWOOCWOOFWOF*foams mouth* GRRRRR *snarl* BITE BITE MUNCHSJFHJSGRRRRRR BARK BARK WOOF WOOF WOOF GR TNGFMR BARK BARL BARK WOOF OWOOOO HOWL WITH ME OWOOOOOOOOOO BARK BARK GRRR......*sniffs* BARKGGRRR BARK BARK WOOF GGGGRRR GRR BARKNFKFLH FMSMANBARK WOOF WOOF GR TNGFMR BARK BARL BARK BARK WOOF WOOF WOOF GGRRRR BARRKKFNBFB GRR WOMGMHMBOF GRR BARKNFKFLH BARK BARK BARK WOOF GGGGRRR GRR WOMGMHMBOF GRRR BARK BARK WOOF ARF GRRR GXNXHSJSH BRRR BARK BARKGRR ARF BARK WOOF ARF BARK GRR SNARL RUFF WOOF BARK WOOF SNARL GRR ARF ARF WOOF BARK RUFF GRR ARF BARK WOOF ARF BARK GRR SNARL RUFF WOOF BARK WOOF SHART GRR ARF ARF WOOF BARK RUFF GRR ARF BARK WOOF ARF BARK GRR SNARL RUFF WOOF BARK WOOF SNARL GRR ARF ARF WOOF BARK RUFF GRR ARFGRRRRRREEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRERRERRERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRERRERRERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRERRERRERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRERRERERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRERRERRERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRERRERRERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEERRRRRRRBARK BARK WOOF SNARL GRWOEL GRRRRRRRR GRGRG RUFF WOOF WOOF BARK GGRRR GROWL SNARL BARK BARK BARK GRREEAAAA RR RUGH RUFF HRRR WOOf BARK BARK WOOF SNARL GRWOEL GRRRRRRRR GRGRG RUFF WOOF WOOF BARK GGRRR GROWL SNARL BARK BARK BARK GRREEAAAA RR RUGH RUFF WOOFRolling , pulling my hair, slapping myself, barking, dressing up as a maid, acting like a animal, jumping, screaming, kicking my feetbeautiful amazing spectacular showstopping wonderful awesome talented magnificent incredible totally unique never been done before jaw dropping majestic splendid heavenly gorgeous stunning fabulous perfect brilliant never the same excellent extraordinary phenomenal breathtaking BITE BITE MUNCHSJFHJSGRRRRRR BARK BARK WOOF WOOF WOOF GR TNGFMR BARK BARL BARK WOOF OWOOOO HOWL WITH ME OWOOOOOOOOOO BARK BARK GRRR BARKGGRRR BARK BARK WOOF GGGGRRR GRR BARKNFKFLH FMSMANBARK WOOF WOOF GR TNGFMR BARK BARL BARK BARK WOOF WOOF WOOF GGRRRR BARRKKFNBFB GRR WOMGMHMBOF GRR BARKNFKFLH BARK BARK BARK WOOF GGGGRRR GRR WOMGMHMBOF GRRR BARK BARK WOOF ARF GRRR GXNXHSJSH BRRR BARK BARKGRR ARF BARK WOOF ARF BARK GRR SNARL RUFF WOOF BARK WOOF SNARL GRR ARF ARF WOOF BARK RUFF GRR ARF BARK WOOF ARF BARK GRR SNARL RUFF WOOF BARK WOOF SHART GRR ARF ARF WOOF BARK RUFF GRR ARF BARK WOOF ARF BARK GRR SNARL RUFF WOOF BARK WOOF SNARL GRR ARF ARF WOOF BARK RUFF GRR REEWWRRRRRRRBARK BARK WOOF SNARL GRWOEL GRRRRRRRR GRGRG RUFF WOOF WOOF BARK GGRRR GROWL SNARL BARK BARK BARK GRREEAAAA RR RUGH RUFF HRRR WOOf BARK BARK WOOF SNARL GRWOEL GRRRRRRRR GRGRG RUFF WOOF WOOF BARK GGRRR GROWL SNARL BARK BARK BARK GRREEAAAA RR RUGH RUFF WOOFBARK BARK ARF ARF MEOW MEOW MEOW BARK BARK MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW BARK BARK ARF ARF MEOW MEOW MEOW NGH BARK BARK MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW 😍😍😍😍😛😛😛

            John iRacing, We Eagerly Await the Dev Blog

              Created by u/ctnhededninymgn, its a copypasta for anyone excited for the dev blogs in iRacing.

              Every single day I wake up at 5:37 AM sharp, not because I set an alarm, but because my body has been biologically hardwired to sense when the newest iRacing development blog might drop. I roll out of bed, slam a monster energy drink, and immediately refresh the forums like a stockbroker watching the NASDAQ crash. My neighbors think I’m unemployed- NO. I’m simply employed by DESTINY, serving as a guardian of digital patch notes.

I’ve stopped eating. Who needs food when the only nourishment I require is word of a new tire model coming to the Skip Barber car. My teeth are permanently clenched shut from the anticipation of seeing the words “laser-scanned” dance across my screen. My roommate sat me down last week to ask why I printed out the entire 2025 season 3 patch notes and pinned them to the fridge. I told him it was art, he told me it was “deeply concerning.”

Every night before bed, I kneel at my shrine -comprised entirely of old Logitech pedals and a photo of Dale Earnhardt Jr.- and I whisper: “Please, John iRacing, deliver unto us the dev blog.” I start levitating and reciting hymns to encourage the iRacing gods to shine upon us all. Then I pass out in my rig, still wearing my gloves, sweating through my Nomex suit, my wheel base twitching like a possessed demon from the ritual I have just performed.

I have not spoken to my family in weeks. My friends stopped inviting me to things. But they do not understand. They will never understand. The only friends I need are the many charts and lists of potential new tracks and cars I’ve speculated are coming. #Soon.

So here I sit. F5. F5. F5. If the dev blog doesn’t drop today, I don’t know what will become of me... but I do know one thing: when it finally comes, I will ascend.