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Labor Day

    It’s fucking 🇺🇸 Labor 🇺🇸 Day 🇺🇸 bitches, which means it’s 🕐time🕐 to 🚫STOP🚫 having protected 💦sex💦 so 🚺Women🚺 can go into labor 🤰🏼🤱🏼🤷🏼‍♀️💅🏻
    Hey 🍆you labWHORE day 🍷🍷sluts!!! 2️⃣Day is the day to kick back 😎 and relax on some THICC 🍆🍆🍆. Daddy will be waiting 4 u on this 😩😧😰 H☢️T mondday to give you a quick 💨 pump⛽and dump 💩. So slut on down ⬇️ and spread 🍗💦🍗 those thighs and get your laboria pounded 🔨🔨⚒️. Send this to 3 of your high twerkin 🤑🤑 hoes or else Uncle Sam is going to pound 🙉🙀 the wrong labor hole 🧟
    Hey there you hardworking whore-mongers, 👨🏻‍🌾👷🏻‍♂️👩🏻‍⚕️👨🏽‍⚕️🥖💦🤤 you analytical anal-beaders 🌂🍆🍑✋🏻🥵🤚🏻you tenacious twat ticklers😏👉🏻👌🏻♾😜 it’s time to work hard 🥴 👋🏼 🍑😓 🥵 and foreplay harder 😉 ✊🏼 🍆💦 💦👁👄👁 because it’s Labor Day 📅 🏖 😎🥴✊🏼🥖💦🤪. So if you’re down to go from arduous👅👅🦵🏼♦️🦵🏼 😩😩😩 to harduous 🤥🤥🥖💦💦😝and then wanna get some overtime 💰 💰 💯 with your partner 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️in crime👮🏻‍♂️+👮🏻 = 🛌🔞🌚 🤫then explore her rift 🏔💦🏔 👩🏼‍🦰🥵🥵in the graveyard 👨🏻 + 💀 = 🪦 🐕 💦 🐕 shift so she can do you a favor 💁🏻‍♂️&💆🏻‍♀️ 🛌 your labor 😪 by sucking 👅 🤤🤤 that lifesaver 🍭 🎉😩Due to Covids restrictions 😷 👉🏻👌🏻🚫 🤷🏻‍♀️ workplace has been all about loneliness 😢 ✊🏼 🌶 💦 and less about boneliness 🍒🦴 💦 🥜 🥛 😏 this year. So make it up by exiting zoom 👨🏻 + 👩🏽 =🏎 🦵🏼💎🦵🏼👶🏼 and sweeping her off her feet 😳 with your man broom 🧹💦💦🤤 before you give that clunge 👅💎a plunge 👨🏻 👩🏽 🛁🔞Be sure to clock out ⏰ with cock out 😏 🍌 🐒 so that you can take your freakin 🛌 🛌👩🏽‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏽‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻during the long weekend 😎 and bleach that peach ⛽️ 💦 💦 🍑 before some sex on the beach 🖖🏻👁👅👁🖖🏻🦵🏼🐠🦵🏼🏝 This years been rough 🤕 🤕 because your man/woman hasn’t been 😢🥺🥺🥺So do a reversal 😉 on some oral rehearsal😏🖖🏻🦵🏼🍑🦵🏼 get beneath that man sheath 🌂💦💦👁👅👁and use the force 💨 to savor 😋that labor lightsaber👷🏽‍♂️👷🏻‍♀️= 🚧 🦺🔞. Send this to ten polyamorous proletariats🕵🏻‍♂️🕵🏽🤰🏽🤱🏽to take your 10 min break in heaven 😇 ⛅️ 😈 Or else, the only oral benefits ✋🏻👁👄👁🤚🏻🌾💦💦🌝you’ll be receiving, will be for your dental plan 🪥 💦 🦷👉🏻👌🏻🚫🙅🏽‍♀️🤷🏻‍♂️
    It’s fucking 🇺🇸 Labor 🇺🇸 Day 🇺🇸 bitches, which means it’s 🕐time🕐 to 🚫STOP🚫 having protected 💦sex💦 so 🚺Women🚺 can go into labor 🤰🏼🤱🏼🤷🏼‍♀️💅🏻
    Hey there you hardworking whore-mongers, 👨🏻‍🌾👷🏻‍♂️👩🏻‍⚕️👨🏽‍⚕️🥖💦🤤 you analytical anal-beaders 🌂🍆🍑✋🏻🥵🤚🏻you tenacious twat ticklers😏👉🏻👌🏻♾😜 it’s time to work hard 🥴 👋🏼 🍑😓 🥵 and foreplay harder 😉 ✊🏼 🍆💦 💦👁👄👁 because it’s Labor Day 📅 🏖 😎🥴✊🏼🥖💦🤪. So if you’re down to go from arduous👅👅🦵🏼♦️🦵🏼 😩😩😩 to harduous 🤥🤥🥖💦💦😝and then wanna get some overtime 💰 💰 💯 with your partner 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️in crime👮🏻‍♂️+👮🏻 = 🛌🔞🌚 🤫then explore her rift 🏔💦🏔 👩🏼‍🦰🥵🥵in the graveyard 👨🏻 + 💀 = 🪦 🐕 💦 🐕 shift so she can do you a favor 💁🏻‍♂️&💆🏻‍♀️ 🛌 your labor 😪 by sucking 👅 🤤🤤 that lifesaver 🍭 🎉😩Due to Covids restrictions 😷 👉🏻👌🏻🚫 🤷🏻‍♀️ workplace has been all about loneliness 😢 ✊🏼 🌶 💦 and less about boneliness 🍒🦴 💦 🥜 🥛 😏 this year. So make it up by exiting zoom 👨🏻 + 👩🏽 =🏎 🦵🏼💎🦵🏼👶🏼 and sweeping her off her feet 😳 with your man broom 🧹💦💦🤤 before you give that clunge 👅💎a plunge 👨🏻 👩🏽 🛁🔞Be sure to clock out ⏰ with cock out 😏 🍌 🐒 so that you can take your freakin 🛌 🛌👩🏽‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻👩🏽‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻during the long weekend 😎 and bleach that peach ⛽️ 💦 💦 🍑 before some sex on the beach 🖖🏻👁👅👁🖖🏻🦵🏼🐠🦵🏼🏝 This years been rough 🤕 🤕 because your man/woman hasn’t been 😢🥺🥺🥺So do a reversal 😉 on some oral rehearsal😏🖖🏻🦵🏼🍑🦵🏼 get beneath that man sheath 🌂💦💦👁👅👁and use the force 💨 to savor 😋that labor lightsaber👷🏽‍♂️👷🏻‍♀️= 🚧 🦺🔞. Send this to ten polyamorous proletariats🕵🏻‍♂️🕵🏽🤰🏽🤱🏽to take your 10 min break in heaven 😇 ⛅️ 😈 Or else, the only oral benefits ✋🏻👁👄👁🤚🏻🌾💦💦🌝you’ll be receiving, will be for your dental plan 🪥 💦 🦷👉🏻👌🏻🚫🙅🏽‍♀️🤷🏻‍♂️
    Hey you lab-WHORE day 🌞🍷sluts!!! It’s time ⏳ to clock ⏰ out with UR cock 🍆🐓 out. 2️⃣Day 💖 is 👌💦 a day of 💅REST so 😏 kick back ⬅ 😎 relax 🎧🛏 and let 🙆 that THICC DICK 🍆🍆🍆 raw 🥩 dog 🐕 you 👈 into 💦 vacation. Daddy 😩😭 will be 🤔🤔 waiting 💤⌚ to give 👐🏾 you a 😍👉 quick 💨 pump ⛽ and dump 💩 to 💦 cool off 💰😂 on the HOTTEST 🔥🔥 day 😵☀ of 💦💦 the year. 📅 So slut 😡🙈 on 😌🔛 down ⏬ ⬇️ and 🗣 spread 🍗💦🍗 those 🍑🍆 juicy thighs to get your 💃 LABORia pounded 🔨🔨⚒️ into submission 🧎🏻‍♀️. Send ➡📬 this 👆☝ to 7️⃣ of your high 🚬 twerkin’ 🤑🤑 hoes or else 🤷🤔 Uncle Sam 🇺🇸 is going to slide 🛝 in 👊 🙉🙀 the wrong labor hole ⛳
    Help 🥵🥵🥵 me STEP-tember 🍁🍁🍁 I’m stuck😛! It’s the sixty NINTH ♋️♋️ month 📆😵‍💫of the year so get that SEPTEMB-ussy 🙀🙀🙀 licked 👅🥵 before 👻👻👻 Oct-HOE-ber CUMS 💦!! Make sure to WORK 💼🏢 on DADDY’S🥴🥴 DICK 🍆🍆🍆 this LABOR 💪💪 DAY and celebrate 🎉 the WORKING✊✊🏽✊🏾 clASS! 🍑💦 Send this to 🔟 PUMPKIN 🎃🎃SPICE 🌶️💃BITCHES 👯‍♀️or you’ll be a VIRGO ♍️✨ VIRGIN 😭😭😭 all month LONG!

    Frank Castle monologue in court

      Its Frank Castle AKA The Punisher monologue in court from Daredevil S2E8.

      You know those, uh... those people? The ones I put down, the people I killed? I want you to know that I'd do it all again. This is a circus, all right? It's a charade, it's an act. It's bullshit about how crazy I am. I ain't crazy! I'm not crazy. Okay? I know what I did. I know who I am. And I do not need your help. I'm smack-dab in the middle of my right goddamn mind, and any scumbag, any... any lowlife, any maggot piece of shit that I put down, I did it... because I liked it! Hell, I loved it! I'm sitting here, I'm... I'm just itching. I'm itching to do it again. And you think... What?! You think you're gonna send me to a nuthouse?! Some doctor, they're gonna get me to stop from doing what I want to do? Well, that ain't happening! NOT ON MY WATCH! You people, you call me the Punisher, ain't that right? The big bad Punisher. Well, here I am! You want it, you got it! I am the Punisher! I'm right here! You want it, I'll give it to you. And anybody who came here today to hear me whine, to hear me beg? Well, you can kiss my ass! Do you hear me? I'm guilty. Come on, please, judge! I'm guilty, you hear me? I'm guilty! I'm guilty!

      SECURITY SYSTEM TAKES CONTROL OF SQUIDWARD’S HOUSE AND BEGINS ATTACKING THE CITY!!

        Its a clip from “Uncommon Review Top 10 Worst Sponge Bob Square Pants Episodes” by Geek Ultimatum Network that became a meme. The video was deleted but not before the clip was saved and reuploaded.

        SECURITY SYSTEM TAKES CONTROL OF SQUIDWARD'S HOUSE AND BEGINS ATTACKING THE CITY!! LEAVING THE MAYOR TO GIVE SQUIDWARD COMMUNITY SERVICE FOR THE DAMAGE HE CAUSED!! EVEN THOUGH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK WERE IN HIS HOUSE THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME!! AND WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING, GAAH! FUCK THIS EPISODE!
        Security system TAKES CONTROL OF SQUIDWARD’S HOUSE and begins ATTACKING THE CITY, leaving the mayor to give Squidward community service for the damage he caused, even though SpongeBob and Patrick were in his house the WHOLE FUCKING TIME, and were responsible for EVERYTHING! GAAH! FUCK THIS EPISODE! This episode is when the Squidward torture porn started to become a regular staple in SpongeBob’s episodes, and this one is one of the meanest, cruelest, and just plain unfair of them all. All Squidward wanted to do is enjoy one day to himself, but that can NEVER HAPPEN when he lives next door to SpongeBob and Patrick, can it?
        The security system TAKES CONTROL OF SQUIDWARD'S HOUSE and begins ATTACKING THE CITY. Leaving the mayor to give Squidward community service for the damage he caused. EVEN THOUGH SpongeBob and Patrick were in his house the WHOLE FUCKING TIME, and were responsible for EVERYTHING!

GAAAH! FUCK THIS EPISODE! This episode is when the Squidward torture porn started to become a regular stable in SpongeBob's episodes and this one is one of the meanest, cruelest, and just plain unfair of them all.

All Squidward wanted to do is enjoy one day to himself. But that can NEVER HAPPEN when he lives next to SpongeBob and Patrick, can it? 
        The amount of hate i have developed for this episode over the years is UNBELIEVABLE. When it first came out, I thought it was a decent episode, probably because its sister episode "Skill Crane" is one of the best post-movie episodes in my mind. So it's probably a big reason for why i didn't mind this at first. But as the years went on, I began to HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS EPISODE, and to me, is the episode where Spongebob jumped the shark. Like I mentioned before, I still think around 2007 was the point to where the show began to suck, but this was the episode that started the downfall for one of my favorite shows. The episode revolves around Squidward trying to relax and enjoy his Sunday afternoon, but of course, Spongebob and Patrick won't let that happen and decide to make Squidward the president of their Good Neighbor club. Oh man, if you thought I hated that OTHER post-movie episode about Squidward joining the club, that is NOTHING compared to THIS. So the two idiots make their club, complete with FEZZES and Squidward makes them do tedious tasks so he can be left alone on his Sunday. But of course, they managed to screw that up multiple times. After a whole day of not being able to be left alone on his day off, Squidward has enough and installs a security system in his house to get rid of Spongebob and Patrick, but unfortunately for him, the system malfunctions and kicks Squidward out of his house. Security system TAKES CONTROL OF SQUIDWARD'S HOUSE AND BEGINS ATTACKING THE CITY, LEAVING THE MAYOR TO GIVE SQUIDWARD COMMUNITY SERVICE FOR THE DAMAGE HE CAUSED, EVEN THOUGH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK WERE IN HIS HOUSE FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME AND WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING. GAH! FUCK THIS EPISODE! This episode is when the Squidward Torture Porns started to become a regular staple in Spongebob's episodes and is just one of the meanest, crulest, and just plain unfair of them all. All Squidward wanted to do was enjoy one day to himself, but that can NEVER happen when he lives next door to Spongebob and Patrick, can it? SIGH. I hate this episode. I hate it so much, I don't even want to talk about it anymore because I'll just get too angry

        linkedin is not a professional network, it is a sewer with an instagram filter

          source
          linkedin is not a professional network, it is a sewer with an instagram filter. a place where people cosplay as future leaders but in reality they cannot even handle their own inbox. it is not networking, it is a reality show for grown up children who play with job titles instead of dolls. and everyone pretends they are sharing inspiration when in fact it is just masturbation for likes. you scroll the feed and it feels like you landed in an amusement park for desperate clowns. they write how grateful they are for new challenges and the crowd claps like they just cured cancer. in reality the only thing they invented is a new way to shove the word synergy into a sentence that makes no sense anyway. everyone pretends to be authentic but it is authenticity on the level of an influencer filming a video about loving nature while standing in front of a palm tree in dubai. and then the comments start, an orgy of mutual ass kissing. great insight tom, so inspirational karen, as if every line is the gospel instead of reheated motivational calendar bullshit. it is a graveyard of souls dressed in suits that already rotted inside. everyone writes like they are preparing for a ted talk but instead of ideas worth spreading they have farts disguised as articles. and the world nods along pretending this matters. the truth is it is just theater for people who sold their identity long ago for a gym card and free coffee from the office machine. and when you think it cannot get worse, there comes the guy posting a vacation selfie with the caption leadership is also about recharging batteries. really? maybe next tell us how the bubbles in your prosecco represent your journey as a manager. this whole rant is not just about linkedin, it is a manifesto of how low some of us are willing to fall and how cheap we are willing to whore ourselves out just to look important in a digital clown parade.

          Can Doom please be allowed to do anything other than walk at you?

            It started as a shitpost rant on the hero Doom in Dota 2 which became a meme.

            I'm fucking sick of it. 10 years ago Doom would jump you ass. He'd slap you with Doom sure, and then lvl Doom, and maybe then he'd Centaur stomp you or something, but then everything else is up to everyone else and if he fucked it up? Bad, but he's still a hero underneath it. Sort of like how Enigma has black hole AND something to take towers. A little bit of synergy.

But modern Doom is about as synergistic as a rat slapping a button for cocaine. Dude clicks on himself and then walks at you. What the actual fuck is that? It's like the dev team were told "guys, you can't just make a hero who walks at people" and they all looked at each other and asked why not. And then every other mistake followed like the consequences for my actions returning with the shaking of the earth. No spells, no healing, no items, max movespeed, this mother fucker is just going to w a l k at you. Rename him from DOOM to fucking WALK.

What do you build then? Useful auras? Powerful fighting items? Fuck no. Your ass gets phase, blink, Shivas, Aghs, and refresher. Why? So you can fucking walk at people.

"Oh gee, sounds like you want Doom to just suck and-" No. I just want Doom to do something other than WALK. On my team. WALK. On their team. WALK. And because WALK is such a giant hit of dopamine to the highly coordinated swarm of cocaine rats that presumably main Doom they have to slap a "Fuck yo healing" passive into button Doom in the off case the hero in question manages to waddle away from the permanently hasted doom into fountain.

And can you ignore this? No. It's every fight. Every fight this giant Meth-ed out rodent is scurrying all over the fucking screen with a giant smile on his face knowing he is not only playing his hero well, but playing his hero at literally peak performance.

Look at his spells.

Devour: Gives him gold so he can buy items to walk with

Scorched Earth: It's a fucking walking spell

Infernal Blade: Gives him a button to press while walking

Doom WALK: Walk at the enemy

What a mess. How did it come to this.

            (Deadlock) Can Victor please be allowed to do anything other than walk at you?

            source
            I’m fucking sick of it. There are plenty of heroes that jump you ass. Lash slaps you with ground pound, and then flog, and maybe he’d death slam you or something, but then everything else is up to everyone else and if he fucked it up? Bad, but he’s still a hero underneath it. Sort of like how Dynamo has black hole AND something to heal the team. A little bit of synergy.

But modern Victor is about as synergistic as a rat slapping a button for cocaine. Dude clicks 3 and then walks at you. What the actual fuck is that? It’s like the dev team were told “guys, you can’t just make a hero who walks at people” and they all looked at each other and asked why not. And then every other mistake followed like the consequences for my actions returning with the screaming of the midboss. No spells, max healing, no items, max movespeed, this mother fucker is just going to w a l k at you. Rename him from VICTOR to fucking WALKOR.

What do you build then? Heroic Aura? Powerful fighting items? Fuck no. Your ass gets fleetfoot, enduring speed, cold front, scourge, and refresher. Why? So you can fucking walk at people.

“Oh gee, sounds like you want Victor to just suck and-” No. I just want Victor to do something other than WALK. On my team. WALK. On their team. WALK. And because WALK is such a giant hit of dopamine to the highly coordinated swarm of cocaine rats that presumably main Victor they have to slap a "Fuck yo move speed" passive into aura of suffering in the off case the hero in question has any hope of waddling away from the permanently 20+ movespeed victor into fountain.

And can you ignore this? No. It’s every fight. Every fight this giant Meth-ed out rodent is scurrying all over the fucking screen with a giant smile on his face knowing he is not only playing his hero well, but playing his hero at literally peak performance.

Look at his spells.

Pain Battery: Rewards you for walking at people

Jumpstart: Faster walking

Aura of Suffering: It’s a fucking walking spell

Reanimate: When you die you can keep walking

What a mess. How did it come to this.

            Sports direct mug

              Sports Direct mug copypasta

              From a response by u/dazedan_confused to another user asking for context on the Sports Direct mug.

              Picture the scene. You're at a sports store. You've got your gym gear, a bag, some accessories, some cut price clothes, even some oversized umbrellas that scream "I play golf", even though they're impractical outside of the course.

You're sure you have everything, but you just feel... Empty. What is it? Are you lacking a football, placed conveniently in the "Parent doesn't want kid to cause a scene, so fuck it, just get it to shit him up" section of the store? Is it a set of colouring pencils? Is it a fucking massive calculator that belongs to a giant in the 90s, emblazoned, ever so offensively with the sports direct logo?

And then.... It hits you. Behind the staff at the checkout. Time stands still. Everyone around you fades out of irrelevance. It starts glowing. "Hello", it sings, "Is it me you're looking for?"

My friend, you have just seen it. The chalice of champions. The cup of conquerors. The mug of monarchs. My friend, your eyes have been blessed with a mug that defies your expectations. It's so far away, but it looks like it's closer. Your mind boggles; it's next to items that seem disproportionately smaller, or it is disproportionately larger. It's confusing, what is this? And why is it out in the wild?

That, my friend, is a Sports direct mug.

Do we know how much it holds? Who knows. Is it healthy to expect to drink that much of any beverage? Almost certainly not. However, you don't care. You occupy the right percentage of the earth, you want to stand out among those pint 250ml drinkers. You have too much taste to buy a Humvee, but you want it's mug equivalent. You *want *to take up the space in the cupboard. You want to restrict the places your mug can go. You want people to be impressed by how much coffee you are drinking. You want everyone's eyes to be drawn to you in the 10am meeting. You want the Sports direct mug.

And if you think you have the willpower to refrain from buying one, my dear friend, you're about as naive as a flipped evian. You may be able to show restraint, but it'll find you. In the office. At a neighbour's house. In the garage. It knows where you live, and it wants to know why you didn't take it home.

You don't just drink in a sports direct mug. You invite your tongue to swim in a sports direct mug.