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The Green Felt Trap

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    byu/Globbert_The_Bobbert from discussion
    inchess

    Its based on a post in r/AnarchyChess in 2015 called ‘The Green Felt Trap‘.

    This is the green felt trap.

You play e4. Opponent plays e5, you play Qh5. While they're laughing at you, you quickly say "oh by the way the black king doesn't have the green felt on the bottom". They pick up their king out of curiosity to check.

That's when you hit them with TOUCH MOVE, MOTHERFUCKER! Only possible move for them is now Ke7. Qxe5#. Works every time.

    Original

    The Green Felt Trap
    by inAnarchyChess

    Max Muncy

      I get physically angry watching Max Muncy hit. This man just doesn't chase. You can almost hear him sneering "that's 0.16cm outside" as he takes a ball 1. Two-strike counts don't faze him. Then he'll whip out a hellacious dong on the 9th pitch. He's suffocating. He's Max Muncy.
      I sat with him at a fancy dinner once, this gala charity event. We were in tuxes and he sat across from me. At one point early on a waiter brought out caesar salads, and Max started rubbing his tummy and making “yummy” noises like a toddler. Just as I picked up my salad fork—Max Muncy slapped it out of my hands. “Don’t,” he said, like scolding a dog. Stunned, I went to pick up the fork again but this time Max placed his sweaty hand on my wrist. “Like me,” he growled. He then mimed rolling up his sleeves…and proceeded to eat his salad with his hands like Cookie Monster. Lettuce and croutons went flying from his fat hands to his mouth. I was about to ask, “What the fuck?” but his blonde date made eye contact with me. She quickly shook her head, as if saying, “Just let him do this. He needs it.” I forgot to ask for his autograph: my biggest regret.

      I am a pig and I eat slop

        original tweet

        Its a Tweet from @RealPokemoki (a MTG pro) who gave an analogy of pigs eating slop for the card game.

        You have a favorite restaurant that you've dined at for many years now. You love it because they serve high quality food and are staffed by people who care about making the experience of eating at the restaurant good. One day, you notice a new item on the menu.

Slop.

“What's this for?” You ask the waiter.

“It's for the pigs. Pigs eat slop.”

Over time, a 2nd flavor of slop shows up on the menu. Then a 3rd. Then you notice some of the old menu items you used to love now come with a non-optional side of slop. All menu items are now designed with the pigs in mind, on the chance that one of them might try their hand at human food. The quality and preparation of the human food that's left on the menu also starts to degrade. When you ask the restaurant staff about it they inform you that they no longer have the resources to make sure the human food is prepared correctly; they're too busy making slop. You notice that some of the restaurant patrons that you've become good friends with have stopped showing up. You stop showing up. You are upset with the direction the restaurant is taking and post about it on social media. You get two types of replies.

        1. I am a pig and I eat slopThe restaurant is doing so well and has so many patrons. How can you be upset? Getting more customers into the restaurant has to be a good thing.
        The 2nd comment is particularly frustrating because it naively assumes that the entire restaurant clientele wants the same things. But you don't want 5 different flavors of slop. You want human food that is prepared by people who are passionate about food and who care about the experience of dining at the restaurant being a good one. It's something you used to be able to get here, but can't anymore. You don't care if there are more pigs eating at the restaurant now. You liked things just fine when there were no pigs and contrary to this sentiment, things have gotten worse for you as the restaurant has grown, not better.

        You’re a gambling woman, right, Wraith?

          Doorman says this to Wraith in the Deadlock.

          “You're a gambling woman, right, Wraith? I bet you don't have the will to stay here until I'm finished talking. You're probably scoffing at the idea right now. Why would I do that? There's nothing to gain, and yet you're curious. Maybe the risk is worth the reward. Maybe there is a carrot at the end of the stick. Even as your life is slowly ebbing from your body, you wonder if this is a trick. Some sort of meta-commentary that is challenging you, and if you stay the course, riches await. They don't. Well, maybe they do, and this is part of the trick. Maybe I'm desperate to stall time because I need you to back out before you gain immeasurable power. Are you still alive? I can keep talking. You're fun.”

          I’m sick of Zeus. I try to play Scorch. My Blitz deals more damage.

            By u/Furiouscat21, its the Xiangling copypasta but changed to the Zeus boons from Hades 2.

            I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Zeus. I try to play Scorch. My Blitz deals more damage. I try to play Poseidon. My Blitz deals more damage. I try to play Blast. My Blitz deals more damage. I want to play Demeter. Her best team has Zeus. I want to play Ares, Hera. They both want Zeus.

He grabs me by the throat. I Pom for him. I reroll for him. I give him the Cloud Bangle. He isn't satisfied. I pick Extended Family. "I don't need this much Damage %" He tells me. "Give me more Poms." He grabs Echo and forces her to Pom Pom Pom. "You just need to pop Blitz more. I can deal more damage with King's Ransom."

I can't pick King's Ransom, I have no Hera core Boon. He grabs my Fate Dice. It declines. "Guess this is the end." He grabs his lightning. He says "It's over, young lady." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but high flat damage curse application. What a cruel world.

            OH NO! MARUZENSKY’S SWIMSUIT STRAP LOOKS LIKE IT’S BREAKING, GUYS!! WHAT’S GOING TO-AMAZING!! MARUZENSKY DOESN’T CARE!!

              Started as a shitpost in Malay for Maruzensky from Umamusume on Facebook. It was so funny that fans translated it to EN and then JP as a meme. The original FB post had since been taken down.

              Now we're entering the final spurt, folks- OH NO! MARUZENSKY'S SWIMSUIT STRAP LOOKS LIKE IT'S BREAKING, GUYS!! WHAT'S GOING TO- AMAZING!! MARUZENSKY DOESN'T CARE!! MARUZENSKY IS RUNNING FAST AND FURTHER TOWARDS THE FINISH LINE!! MARUZENSKYYY!!

              Japanese version

              さあ、いよいよラストスパートだ、みんな！…おっと！マルゼンスキーの水着のストラップが切れそうだよ、みんな！！どうなっちゃうの… すごい！！マルゼンスキーは気にしない！！マルゼンスキーはゴールに向かってさらに速く、さらに遠くへ走っている！！マルゼンスキーーー！！

              Original (Malay)

              "Sekarang kita memasuki last spurt, saudara-saudar- OH TIDAK! TALI SWIMSUIT MARUZENSKY NAMPAKNYA PUTUS SAUDARA-SAUDARA!! APAKAH YANG AKAN-LUAR BIASA!! MARUZENSKY TIDAK PEDULI!! MARUZENSKY BERLARI MELESAT SEMAKIN CEPAT MENUJU GARIS FINISH!! MARUZENSKYYY!!"