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Mr. Hippo

    Every Mr. Hippo ending monologue when he kills you in FNAF.

    Monologue #1

    My friend, you have met a terrible, terrible demise. But you know I don’t feel to bad about it. After all, if it weren’t from me, it would have just been from someone else, ya know? I guess what I’m trying to say life, life goes on. W- well, for everyone else, life goes on not for you, you’re dead. That’s neither here nor there. That reminds me of one summer day in the park, I was having a delightful picnic with my good friend Orville. And I said to him, I said “Orville, I-I have a story” And he said to me “What’s the significance of the story?” I said to him “Orville, not every story has to have significance, ya know? Sometimes uhh, sometimes a story is just a story. You try to read into every little thing and find meaning in everything anyone says, you’ll just drive yourself crazy. Had a friend do it once, wasn’t pretty, we talked about it for years. And not only that, you’ll likely end up believe something you shouldn’t believe or thinking something you shouldn’t think o-o-or assuming something you shouldn’t assume, ya know? Sometimes I said a story is just a story, so just be quiet for one second here life and eat your sandwich, okay? Of course, it was only then I realized i made sandwiches and poor Orville was having such difficulty eating it! Elephants have those clumsy hands, ya know? Actually, I suppose that’s the problem, they don’t have hands at all, they’re all feet. I couldn’t imagine someone asking me to eat a sandwich with my feet. Now, if I recall correctly there was a bakery nearby, I said to him “Orville, let me go get you some rye bread.” Now, I’m unsure elephants enjoy rye bread, but, I assure you that Orville does. Now this was on a Tuesday which was good because rye bread was always fresh on Tuesday. They made sourdough on Monday and threw it out Wednesday. or rather they sold it at a discount for people who wanting to feed the ducks and then probably at the end of the day they threw it all out. I do remember a man who would being his son to the bakery every Wednesday, and go feed the ducks. He would buy all of the sourdough bread, of course, you know, you’re not supposed to feed the ducks sourdough bread at all. It swells up in their stomach and they all die, at least that’s what I’ve heard. Ya know I never saw any ducks die myself but I did notice a substantial decrease in duck population over the course of a few years. I just never thought to stop the man and tell him he was killing the ducks by feeding them sourdough bread. And if you want my opinion on the matter if you wanna feed ducks or birds or any kind for that matter, especially buy seed. I mean, when you think about it, breads of any sort don’t occur in nature, they don’t grow on trees or spring up from bushes! I don’t think birds know what to do with bread. What was I saying? Oh oh yes yes. So I bought Orville some rye bread. What a fine day it was.

    Monologue #2

    Well, it seems that your journey has ended. Very sorry about that. It-it was always going to end this way, of course. If it weren’t by me, it would’ve just been by some other, y’know, terrible thing, just–you could not imagine how terrible it would be-just-I get scared thinkin’ about it. Glad it’s not me. Reminds me of a-of a time I was speaking to my good friend Orville. We were–we were sitting on a park bench watching the pigeons. I was on the left; he was on the r–wait, was I on the right? Or left? Anyways, it doesn’t matter. We were sitting on there watching the pigeons. And uh, -II said to Orville, ‘Friend, those birds are frozen, and he kinda looked at me like I’d lost my mind, but I reminded him that it was winter, y’know, and often birds will sit in a tree until they freeze then-then they y’know they sort of fall to the ground ‘til the sun warms up a-and they can y’know move around again. So I said to Orville, ‘you might as well save those breadcrumbs until the birds thaw, ‘cause they can’t very well enjoy them in the condition they’re in.’ To which he asked what I meant, and asking what condition the crumbs should be in before he threw them to the birds–assuming that I meant the birds couldn’t enjoy the breadcrumbs in the condition that the crumbs were in, when in fact I had meant the birds could not enjoy them in the condition that the birds were in, considering that the birds were frozen. Y’know so he took a moment and then threw his last handful onto the ground. I said to him, ‘Orville, why did you just throw the breadcrumbs to the birds when I just told you they’re frozen?’ To which he responded, ‘the breadcrumbs are not frozen.’ Again, misunderstanding my words. I didn’t mean to say that the breadcrumbs were frozen, when I said, ‘I told you they’re frozen’, I’d been referring to the birds. Y’know, in hindsight what I should’ve said was–and this would make perfect sense, ‘Why did you throw the breadcrumbs to the birds when the birds are frozen?’ He misunderstood upon my correction, statin’ that he didn’t know what else to do with the breadcrumbs, and that perhaps, y’know, when the birds thawed, they’d still be able to eat the crumbs. So I-I said to Orville, I said and this is what I said to him, I said, ‘Orville, the birds may be dead.

    Monologue #3

    Huh, it seems that you have met your end. Ugh, what a pity. Y'know I-I dont feel too bad about it, though. After all, if it weren’t me, it would’ve just been one of the others, I guess. I’m honestly just glad to be out of those air ducts. Y’know it’s-it’s not easy for a hippopotamus to fit up there, and not easy to get down either. I’m not as young as I used to be, as you can see. I used to be able to do all the sorts of things. Y-you’re young, you’re vibrant, you have that sort of pep in your step. Heh, reminds me of a conversation that I was havin’ with one of my good friends Orville. We were havin’ a nice picnic one day. I believe it was summer or perhaps it was…was it the fall? Yes, yes. It was the fall because the leaves had turned already. But I said to Orville I says, ‘Orville I have a story to tell you,’ and Orville looked at me–y’know, kinda odd–and, and said, ‘What’s it about?’ I said to him, ‘not every story has to be about something Orville. Sometimes a person just wants to talk. Why does everything have to be a story?’ I said to him. He just looked at me. He said, ‘Well y-you said you had a story.’ Y’know he was quite right. I did in fact. I told him I had a story. I suppose if a person just wants to talk then it’s best to not announce that you’re telling a story. Tellin’ a story does come with its own pressures and expectations I-I suppose. After all, if you’re just talking to a friend then there’s no more expectations than if you were talkin’ into the wind. Words by themselves aren’t expected to carry–uh, aren’t expected to stick, but if, y’know, if you announce that you’re tellin’ a story well then there’d better be a point to it all, y’know? No one wants to sit and listen to someone ramble on and on and on with absolutely no end in sight. So, y’know it’s-it’s good to be mindful of that when you tell someone that you’re about to tell a story, that you have something to say. Tellin’ someone that you’re gonna tell them a story is tantamount to askin’ them to stop what they’re doin’ and–and pay attention. You’re basically sayin’, ‘hey, hey buddy, stop everything, stop what you’re thinking. I have a solution to everything.’ And well I didn’t really have a story to tell. In-in hindsight I-I probably just misspoke when I said that I had a story. I think it would’ve just been better to tell Orville that I wanted to tell him something, rather than tell him that I had a story. But, y’know, even then it mighta put too much importance on the whole thing. Either way, it was quite a nice day. I remember–I remember that we were drinking tea.

    Monologue #4

    Huh, it seems that you have met a-a horrible demise, my friend. But, uh, y’know, these things happen, an-and life, life goes on. Not for you, obviously, uh, you’re dead, but uh it reminds me of a time I was-I was havin’ a conversation with my friend Orville. We were–uh, where were we? We were by the–wh-the-the river, we were sitting by the river and watching the fish leap over the falls and uh, I–I said to Orville, ‘Y’know sometimes I feel like a fish leaping over and over again. Always trying to get somewhere. Oh, I don’t know where only to find myself in the jaws of a beast.’ He ‘course looked at me surprised, y’know? ‘Have you been in the jaws of a beast, friend?’ To which I said, ‘no, of course not, Orville.’ I said, ‘No, no, no I-I simply meant that life can seem like a relentless endeavor. Overcome meaningless obstacles only to meet an equally meaningless fate, regardless of your efforts, regardless of the obstacles you’ve passed.’ And, uh, Orville, he stood and proceeded to drape me with a picnic cloth. To which I-I-I asked him, I said, ‘friend, what–what are you doing?’ He looked at me–very concerned–really. ‘I feel like you’ve gotten too much sun.’ Indeed, huh, indeed I had. He proceeded to pour me a glass of just ice cold lemonade, ooh, you ever mix it with iced tea? Do a like–little half lemonade half–ooh, it’s so–you try it some–well you can’t, because you’re dead, but–anyways. So, you may be asking yourself, how did I go from sitting by the falls drinking lemonade to being wedged in the air duct, not only with Orville, but with an entire assortment of fruity-colored friends? Well, there’s uh, there’s really no good answer to that, but perhaps I met a demise of my own at some point and this is my afterlife or my dream–whatever it might mean I honestly don’t know. Or, maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all.

    i watched this movie and when i looked at the lady to my left my cock started bubbling and foaming

      Comment
      byu/SnooCalculations2730 from discussion
      in197
      i watched this movie and when i looked at the lady to my left my cock started bubbling and foaming like mentos in coca cola. everyone in the theater stared in shock as my manhood began to convulse and expand like a high school chemical reaction gone wrong except all the chemicals in my body wanted to immediately splurge on this lady and get 13 others pregnant in the crossfire. 9/10 movie plot was pretty nice although it sometimes felt a bit corny 

      Stop posting Bladee falling off the stage please guys.

        Let’s not contribute to this
        
        Stop posting bladee falling off the stage please guys. It’s not funny, it’s sad and it’s not the light we want to hold him in. If you are a fan you wouldn’t want to promulgate this sort of media or give it any more attention that it has already gotten and shame on everyone who has posted it for some clout online. We should be promoting his triumphs not these moments of weakness, so please be compassionate, don’t post it and if you see a post of it, urge the person to delete it or report it.

        CP2077 Netrunner “own a musket for home defense”

          Cyberpunk 2077 version of Own a musket for home defense

          Its a variation of the “Own a musket for home defense” copypasta but changed to Cyberpunk 2077 specifically a netrunner build.

          I own a Militech Canto Mk.6, since I got it after zeroing a 'borged-out deckhead chick and her robospider. Four corpo gonks break into my megabuilding apartment. "Bad choice, chooms," As I load up Reboot Optics and Blackwall Gateway quickhacks on the first scopsucker. Light the second punk on fire with my Psalm 11:6 D5 Copperhead, he's dead in seconds. Draw my smart pistol Skippy on the third man, miss him entirely because he is behind the couch and I can't get a lock. I have to resort to my monowire loaded with a Cripple Movement quichack, "Die, Arasaka scum!" the monowire shreds the the fourth man while the first collapses screaming, corrupted by Blackwall AI. Grab Johnny's Malorian pistol and fire at the last corporat. He dies in seconds from the barrage since .577 rounds don't fuck around. Just as Morgan Blackhand would have intended. 

          Google En Passant

            The original post on Reddit that started the en passant joke
            The original post that started the en passant meme

            How the en passant joke started

            The “Google en passant. Holy hell” meme came from a Reddit post of OP accusing their opponent of cheating when in fact it was just an en passant move by the pawn. A user then responded with “Google en passant” and afterwards OP replied back with “Holy hell”. Both comments became a joke within the chess community and is often copy pasted with the the context changed.

            I’m playing against a cheater AI on chess.com

            I had my pawn at f4 and his pawn was e4. So one next to the other.

            His next move he moved the pawn to f3 and f4 pawn was gone.

            I got images but don’t know how to post them.

            En Passant response pasta

            Google en passant
            Holy hell
            new response just dropped
            actual zombie
            Call the exorcist!
            ???
            bishop goes on vacation, never comes back
            Queen sacrifice anyone?
            pawn storm incoming!
            Google dementia

            En passant response flowchart

            Full Google En Passant flowchart

            Rabies

              Rabies. It's exceptionally common, but people just don't run into the animals that carry it often. Skunks especially, and bats.
              
              Let me paint you a picture.
              
              You go camping, and at midday you decide to take a nap in a nice little hammock. While sleeping, a tiny brown bat, in the "rage" stages of infection is fidgeting in broad daylight, uncomfortable, and thirsty (due to the hydrophobia) and you snort, startling him. He goes into attack mode.
              
              Except you're asleep, and he's a little brown bat, so weighs around 6 grams. You don't even feel him land on your bare knee, and he starts to bite. His teeth are tiny. Hardly enough to even break the skin, but he does manage to give you the equivalent of a tiny scrape that goes completely unnoticed.
              
              Rabies does not travel in your blood. In fact, a blood test won't even tell you if you've got it. (Antibody tests may be done, but are useless if you've ever been vaccinated.)
              
              You wake up, none the wiser. If you notice anything at the bite site at all, you assume you just lightly scraped it on something.
              
              The bomb has been lit, and your nervous system is the wick. The rabies will multiply along your nervous system, doing virtually no damage, and completely undetectable. You literally have NO symptoms.
              
              It may be four days, it may be a year, but the camping trip is most likely long forgotten. Then one day your back starts to ache... Or maybe you get a slight headache?
              
              At this point, you're already dead. There is no cure.
              
              (The sole caveat to this is the Milwaukee Protocol, which leaves most patients dead anyway, and the survivors mentally disabled, and is seldom done).
              
              There's no treatment. It has a 100% kill rate.
              
              Absorb that. Not a single other virus on the planet has a 100% kill rate. Only rabies. And once you're symptomatic, it's over. You're dead.
              
              So what does that look like?
              
              Your headache turns into a fever, and a general feeling of being unwell. You're fidgety. Uncomfortable. And scared. As the virus that has taken its time getting into your brain finds a vast network of nerve endings, it begins to rapidly reproduce, starting at the base of your brain... Where your "pons" is located. This is the part of the brain that controls communication between the rest of the brain and body, as well as sleep cycles.
              
              Next you become anxious. You still think you have only a mild fever, but suddenly you find yourself becoming scared, even horrified, and it doesn't occur to you that you don't know why. This is because the rabies is chewing up your amygdala.
              
              As your cerebellum becomes hot with the virus, you begin to lose muscle coordination, and balance. You think maybe it's a good idea to go to the doctor now, but assuming a doctor is smart enough to even run the tests necessary in the few days you have left on the planet, odds are they'll only be able to tell your loved ones what you died of later.
              
              You're twitchy, shaking, and scared. You have the normal fear of not knowing what's going on, but with the virus really fucking the amygdala this is amplified a hundred fold. It's around this time the hydrophobia starts.
              
              You're horribly thirsty, you just want water. But you can't drink. Every time you do, your throat clamps shut and you vomit. This has become a legitimate, active fear of water. You're thirsty, but looking at a glass of water begins to make you gag, and shy back in fear. The contradiction is hard for your hot brain to see at this point. By now, the doctors will have to put you on IVs to keep you hydrated, but even that's futile. You were dead the second you had a headache.
              
              You begin hearing things, or not hearing at all as your thalamus goes. You taste sounds, you see smells, everything starts feeling like the most horrifying acid trip anyone has ever been on. With your hippocampus long under attack, you're having trouble remembering things, especially family.
              
              You're alone, hallucinating, thirsty, confused, and absolutely, undeniably terrified. Everything scares the literal shit out of you at this point. These strange people in lab coats. These strange people standing around your bed crying, who keep trying to get you "drink something" and crying. And it's only been about a week since that little headache that you've completely forgotten. Time means nothing to you anymore. Funny enough, you now know how the bat felt when he bit you.
              
              Eventually, you slip into the "dumb rabies" phase. Your brain has started the process of shutting down. Too much of it has been turned to liquid virus. Your face droops. You drool. You're all but unaware of what's around you. A sudden noise or light might startle you, but for the most part, it's all you can do to just stare at the ground. You haven't really slept for about 72 hours.
              
              Then you die. Always, you die.
              
              And there's not one... fucking... thing... anyone can do for you.
              
              Then there's the question of what to do with your corpse. I mean, sure, burying it is the right thing to do. But the fucking virus can survive in a corpse for years. You could kill every rabid animal on the planet today, and if two years from now, some moist, preserved, rotten hunk of used-to-be brain gets eaten by an animal, it starts all over.
              
              So yeah, rabies scares the shit out of me. And it's fucking EVERYWHERE. (Source: Spent a lot of time working with rabies. Would still get my vaccinations if I could afford them.)