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A bar walks into a man…

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A bar walks into a man...

The man begins screaming uncontrollably as the corner of the building is inserted into his anus. Brick by brick, the bar forces its way inside the man's ass, as blood begins dripping down his legs.

The man knows damn well it is impossible for such a large building to be contained inside him, but he grits his teeth and forces his ass open wider. His ribs break, his lungs collapse, and his now lifeless body is stretched into the shape of the bar.

The bar is almost entirely consumed before the man's skin gives way to the bulging pressure...with an explosion of blood & organs, the shredded remains of the man are slung-shot around the lot where the bar formerly stood.

The bar, now soaked in a mixture of blood & organ fluid, reflects upon the failure of its experiment. For the next attempt, a man of far greater fortitude must be used, so that his body does not burst so easily.

Only then will it achieve its dream of becoming the first bar to walk into a man.

    Bro, you ever heard of Xavleg?

      The copypasta is a response mocking the extreme metal community regarding the South African slam metal band XavlegbmaofffassssitimiwoamndutroabcwapwaeiippohfffX (usually shortened to Xavleg). It satirizes the desperate desire be “edgy” and “in the know” before completely deflating at the end with a classic hipster justification: “they’re actually pretty good.”

      Bro, you ever heard of Xavleg? Their name is actually longer than that (I swear, please don’t ask me to spell out the full name, really, I promise I’m not just fucking aching for you to ask me what it means, I swear). I mean, I totally know it if you did happen to ask, but it’s not like I’m suggesting that you ask me what Xavleg is short for. It’s not like I’m waiting around here to talk about XAVLEGBMAOFFFASSSSITIMIWOAMNDUTROABCWAPWAEIIPPOHFFFX (whoops looks like I slipped up and posted their whole name), but I think their name is really funny. Not that I’m suggesting that you ask me what it’s short for. Hehe. I mean... I could tell you if you were wondering, but you’d have to ask. Really, I don’t just wanna shoehorn this bands super funny and edgy name into a convo if you’re not asking (I mean, unless you are?) I just think they’re funny and the music is actually pretty good, and even though their logo is a joke logo it’s still really good and totally not a product of other hipstershit tourists, I swear if you heard the band name for yourself you’d get it. Not that I’m just bursting at the seams to namedro————Acidic Vaginal Liquid Explosion Generated By Mass Amounts Of Filthy Fecal Fisting And Sadistic Septic Syphilic Sodomy Inside The Infected Maggot Infested Womb Of A Molested Nun Dying Under The Roof Of A Burning Church While A Priest Watches And Ejaculates In Immense Perverse Pleasure Over His First Fresh Fetus——ahhhh cough———-Acidic Vaginal Liquid Explosion Generated By Mass Amounts Of Filthy Fecal Fisting And Sadistic Septic Syphilic Sodomy Inside The Infected Maggot Infested Womb Of A Molested Nun Dying Under The Roof Of A Burning Church While A Priest Watches And Ejaculates In Immense Perverse Pleasure Over His First Fresh Fetus.——— I cant ———Acidic Vaginal Liquid Explosion Generated By Mass Amounts Of Filthy Fecal Fisting And Sadistic Septic Syphilic Sodomy Inside The Infected Maggot Infested Womb Of A Molested Nun Dying Under The Roof Of A Burning Church While A Priest Watches And Ejaculates In Immense Perverse Pleasure Over His First Fresh Fetus——-stop—-ack———-Acidic Vaginal Liquid Explosion Generated By Mass Amounts Of Filthy Fecal Fisting And Sadistic Septic Syphilic Sodomy Inside The Infected Maggot Infested Womb Of A Molested Nun Dying Under The Roof Of A Burning Church While A Priest Watches And Ejaculates In Immense Perverse Pleasure Over His First Fresh Fetus.....

... uggg hipster dipshit load blown..... Acidic Vaginal Liquid Explosion Generated By Mass Amounts Of Filthy Fecal Fisting And Sadistic Septic Syphilic Sodomy Inside.....)

“they’re actually pretty good.”

      Just to be clear, I’m not a professional “quote maker”. I’m just an atheist teenager

        AKA the “In This Moment I am Euphoric” copypasta is a post written by u/Aalewis on the atheism sub in 2013 where it was mocked for being extremely cringeworthy.

        

Just to be clear, I'm not a professional "quote maker". I'm just an atheist teenager who greatly values his intelligence and scientific fact over any silly fiction book written 3,500 years ago. That being said, I am open to any and all criticism.

"In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god's blessing. But because, I am englightened by my intelligence." - Aalewis

Eh?

        4th of July

          Independence Day emojipasta

          Hey 👋you hot 🔥⭐️ piece of American 🇺🇸 ass 🍑! Today 🌞 is the fourth 4️⃣ of July ⭐️ also known as 💭 Independence Day! 1776 🙈 years ago, America 💙❤️💙 was ruled 👸🏼 by King George Washington 🍆👴🏼 from the country 🇹🇷 Europe 😱😖. Thank goodness 🙏 Daddy Sam 🍆👨🏻🇺🇸 and Barrack Obama 🍆👦🏾 won our freedom 🙌 from them. Today 🏆 is a day to celebrate 🍾🎊🎉 our religious 🙏 and sexual🍆 😳 liberties. So get down ⬇️ on your knees 👖and worship your daddy 🍆👴🏼 and thank him 👌 for your liberal 😻 labia 🌷! Send this to 🔟 of your favorite Stars ⭐️ and stripes sluts 👸🏼👧🏻👶🏻! If you get 0️⃣ to 5️⃣ back, freedom rings 🎊 throughout your pussy 🎀 because it is so empty 🗑 and large 👀. If you get 6️⃣ to 8️⃣ back, your daddy 🍆👴🏼 is sure to give 👉 your sweet land of Liberty 👅👄 a taste 👏😫! And if you get 9️⃣ to 🔟 back, your patriotic 🇺🇸🎊💙❤️ pussy will be filled with nationalism 🇺🇸💙❤️💯 and dick 🍆!
          👋👋👋 HOE SAY CAN YOU SEE 👀👁 this hot 🔥🥵 piece of AMURRICAN ASS 🇱🇷🇱🇷🇱🇷🦅🍑🤯‽?‽‽ Today 📅↩️ is IndepenDICKs Day‼️🦅 and its time 2 celebrate our Democrussy 🥵🥵🥵 Did u know 😳💭 1776 yrs ago 🕗⬅️ America ❤️🦷💙 was ruled by King George Washington 👑🍆👴🏼 from the country 🇹🇷 Europe 😱😖😤👎✋ Thank God 🙏👼 🇺🇸 BarrCOCK 🍆 Obama 👦🏾😍 won our freedom 🙌 by hosting the Boston Sex Party!! 🥵🙇‍♂️🎉💦 (Thats where they wrote ✍️the DICKlaration of CUMdependance 📜😩✊) So tonight 🌚 u better lay down ⬇️ a blanket 🧻 and pop 💥🎉 your Patriotic Pussy 🇵🇷🫡🍑 cause the Fondling Fathers 👴🏼👴🏼👴🏼👴🏼 are gonna give u a Very Special 🤭 Fireworks Show 😳😜🍆💥🎇🎆
Send this to 🔟 of your favorite Stars ⭐️ and Stripes Sluts 👯👯! If you get 0️⃣ back, freedom rings 🎊 throughout your pussy 🎀 .... (because this bitch empty 🗑 👀🕸 YEET). If you get 5️⃣ back, your daddy 🍆👴🏼 will give 👉 your sweet land of Liberty 👅👄 a taste 👏😫! And if you 🔟 back, your democrussy 🇺🇸🎊💙❤️ will be filled with nationalGASM 😩🇺🇸💙❤️💯🙏🇺🇸!
          POP 🧨 POP 🎆 POP 🎇 THAT PUSSY 😩 ON THIS 🦅 FREEDOM DAY 🇺🇸. Did you know that the 3️⃣ colors of the flag 🇺🇸 mean some SHIT❔ The RED ♥️🌹 stripes on the flag represent the HANDPRINTS 🙌🏼 😏on your ASSCHEEKS 🍑 The WHITE 🤍⚪️ stripes represent the cummies 😜💦 that’ll be ON and IN you 😩😛 and the BLUE 💙🔵 represents the DICK 🍆 RIDING BRUISES 🥵 make SURE you celebrate 🎉 RIGHT 👌by getting ZADDY’s big rocket 🚀 💦 into your CANNON 🐱 and letting it FIRE 💥 into you 😤 RIDE that GIRTHY 💪🏼 DIIICK like the British 🇬🇧 are cumming 😛🍆💦 spread that eagle 🦅 wide to feed 😏👅 zaddy better than any cookout 😩 Send 💌 to 7️⃣ of the BADDEST 🥵😚 BITCHES you know❗️ if you get 7️⃣ back, you’ll have ALL 3️⃣ colors of the flag ♥️⚪️💙 tonight!!! If you get 4️⃣ back, DADDY is gonna be FEASTIN 🤤 on your coochie 🍪 tonight!! If you get less than 2️⃣ back, your PUSSY 😿 is gonna be drier 🌵 than the ones on the grill 🍗🤷🏻‍♀️
          Happy 😃IndepenDICKS🍆💦🐳 Day 🙌🇺🇸 ❗Shout out📢📣 to our POUNDING🔨😷 Father THOTmas👏🏻👏🏻 Jefferson 4🔢 writing📝 the 📜🍆DICKloration of InepenDICKS.💨🍆💦❗Dont🚫 forget💁🏻 to set off💦🎆 those 🔥fireTWERKS 🎊 🎉 🎇 tonight🌃❗ 💕Make them explode🍆💦💦 in the sky🙏🏻
          Happy fWHOREth of July 🇺🇸💥 my fellow SLUTTY 🍆💦 AmeriCUNTS! 🇺🇸😂 On this day 📅 in 1️⃣7️⃣7️⃣6️⃣, the DADDIES 👴🏻🍆 of our nation 🇺🇸 got DRIPPY 💦💦 together & signed 📝 the Declaration of IndependSEX, 🇺🇸👉👌 breaking away 💔 from those COCK BLOCKING 🚫🍆❌ Brits 🇬🇧☕ & giving us our 🙌 freedom 🙌 to FUCK! 🍆🍑💦 So grab those 💥 sparklers 💥 & start LICKIN 👅💦 some BUTTHOLES 🍑 good ol AMERICAN style! 🇺🇸💦 SHOOT ↗️🎉 your LOAD 🍆💦 of 💥 fireworks 💥 off, FLOP ⤵️ those BIG ASS 🍑 John HanCOCK 🍆🌭 WEINERS 🌭 on the grill, 🍳 & wave 👋 the 🌟 Star SPANKING 🍑👏 Banner, 🇺🇸 praising 🙌 the red 🔴, WHITE ⚪💦 & blue! 🔵 Send ➡️ this to 1️⃣0️⃣ PATRIOTIC PUSSIES 🇺🇸😹 or you won't 🚫 get Lady Liberty's 🗽 GREEN TITS 🗽 in your face tonight! 😭 Get 3️⃣ back & you're a 🇺🇸 Ben FrankCLIT LICKER 👅💦 Get 5️⃣ back & you're a 🇺🇸 John PennIS SUCKER 🍆🍆 Get 1️⃣0️⃣ back & you're the 🇺🇸 Thomas JefferSUCC SLUT QUEEN 🍆💦👑
          IT’S OUR 🇺🇸NATION’S 🇺🇸 BIRTHDAY 🎊🎉🎉 PATRI-SLUTS😋😋😩 AND IT HAS A BIIIG 😉💯🍆👅 PRESENT FOR YOU!!1! OUR DADDY 👨👀🍆💦 UNCLE SAM 🔥🔥🔥WANTS YoU😘😩🎊😏! HE’s BRINGING his STAR 🌟✨⭐SPANGLED 💥⚡🔥BONER 🙇😯🎉😩😩 TO GIVE YOU FREE🅱️OM TO HOE‼️ BUTT😉 that’s not ALL. HE’S gonna launch his rocket 🚀😩😋 into your HO(m)E OF THE BRAVE🍑🍑🍑 and EXPLODE✨💥😩 in your SPACIOUS SKIES👉👌👌👌. IF YOUve DECLARED your HOEDEPENDENCE 😩👉👌🇺🇸 DADDY will eat that ASS😩😋 like apple 🍎 pie 😋🇺🇸👌💯. iF yoUVE been a COMMIE 😡😤👺🖕❌❌ NO FREEDOM CUMMIES FOR U! 😣🍆💦💦❌🙅😔😔 send this to 2️⃣5️⃣ SONS of LIBERTITTY 👦👦🔥💦😜 & you’ll get Daddy SAMs’ MEGA THICC PATRIODICK‼️😜😜🔥🔥🍆💦💦🎉🎁💦😩😩😍
          HAPPY JULY F(WHORE)TH BITCHES!!!!!🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 be proud of your CUMtry as you fight for your freedom to FUCK 🍆💦😩 don't be independent today, find yourself a FOUNDING DADDY 😉 to shoot his FIREWORKS into you 😩🎆 if you want a sexy freedom fighter to give you his hotdog 🌭 just yell 🔴"THE REDCOATS ARE CUMMING"🔴 it doesn't matter if you're a down-ass 😏😏😏 ALEXANDER HAMILTON type bitch or shy and thick like BENJAMIN FRANKLIN 🍑💦 send this to 10 other freedom lovin' sluts🇺🇸 or you'll be thrown away 💁🏻🚮 like tea into the water 🐸☕️🌊 don't forget your Independence Day CUMMIES!!!💦💦💦
          🏳️‍🌈PRIDE MONTH🏳️‍🌈 IS OVER 🙅‍♀️AND JUST LIKE 🏢CORPORATIONS👨🏻‍💼DROPPING THE GAYS💅 OR 🫢THE SUPREME COURT🏛👨🏻‍⚖️DROPPING 😤WOMENS RIGHTS🤦‍♀️, ANOTHER 🙃EMOJI 🫠TEXT🫡 IS😯 HERE🤪
🎇🎆ITS ALMOST 🇺🇸INDEPENIS DAY 🫡🍆MY FELLOW AMERICUNTS🇺🇸🍆 IN 1776 THE FOUNDING DADDIES 👨‍💼💁‍♂️WROTE ✍️THE DICKlararion🍆 OF HOE-DEPENDENCE✨🍑THATS RIGHT 👴🏻UNCLE SAM WANTS YOU 🫵TO SUCC👅 HIS STAR SPANGLED✨ 🅱️ONER🍆 POP💥 THOSE PATRIOTIC PUSSIES 🫦 FOR COCK BLOCKING🙅‍♂️ THOSE BRITS 🇬🇧 AND FLOP ⤵️THOSE JOHN HAN-COCKS 💦ON THE GRILL🌭
SEND THIS TO 1️⃣ and YOURE A COMMIE 🔴 FOR CUMMIES 💦👅 3️⃣and YOURE GETTING PATRIODICKKED DOWN🇺🇸🫡🍆 5️⃣ and YOULL GET A VISIT 🎆FROM BEN FRAN-CLIT💦 LICKER 👴🏻🪁👅 🔟AND BET YOUR STAR 🌟SPANKING 💥🍑👋BANNER 🇺🇸LADY LIBERTYS 🗽TITS 🍈WILL BE IN UR FACE 2NITE 🤪
          SAY 🗣 GOODBYE 👋TO THE ◼◼◼◼ RAINBOWS🏳️‍🌈🌈 OF JUNE 📅
THE ONLY 🕶 COLORS 🎨THAT MATTER IN JULY 🗓 ARE
RED 🔴WHITE ⚪AND BLUE 🔵
IN HONOR🏅 OF INDEPENDENCE DAY 🇺🇸🏈🎆, TRUMP 👨🏻‍🦰 HAS DECIDED THAT AMERICA 🇺🇸IS SECEDING ✂️ FROM THE WORLD 🌎
RUSSIA 🇷🇺 IS ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛CREATING 🏗 A YUGE PLANET 🌌🌏 FOR US ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ TO HABITATE TOGETHER. 👨‍❤️‍👨
IT IS TOO SMALL 🐜 FOR ANY ALIENS 👽👾THAT COME FROM MEXICO 🇲🇽🌮🌯 OR MARS 🇲🇭♂️ SORRY 🙇‍♀️
SO PACK YOUR BAGS 👜🎒👝🛍, WE ARE GOING TO TAKE A GIANT LEAP 🕴 FOR THE ONLY MANKIND 👨🏻‍🦰 THAT MATTERS, WHITE AMERICANS 👱🏻‍♂️ 🇺🇸
DRINK A BUDWEISER 🍻 AND REPORT 🚨TO YOUR LOCAL BASEBALL ⚾️ STADIUM FOR TAKE OFF 🚀👩‍🚀👨‍🚀
BUT REMEMBER NO VEGANS 🥕🥔🍠🍅🍆🥒, DEMOCRATS 🐴🔵, OR ENVIRONMENTALISTS 🌲🌴🌷🌻🌹ALLOWED. ✔
          🎆🇺🇸🍔🎇 Hey Y'all! 👋😄 Get ready for a sizzling Independence Day 🍆🇺🇸 tale that will set your desires ablaze! 📖🍔🎇 Once upon a time, in the land of 🦅🍔🗽, the Founding 🍑 Fathers gathered for a cookout 🍆🌭🔥, a celebration of freedom that awakened more than just their patriotic spirits! 🍗🗽🎉 Little did they know, Uncle Sam's 🍆🔮 grill possessed an irresistible charm...🔥🍆🔮✨ The hotdogs 🍑🌭 danced provocatively on the grill, whispering, "Sink your teeth into our mouthwatering delights. 💦🔥💃" The potato salad 🥗 playfully mingled with the hotdogs, creating a tantalizing combination that set the mood on fire. 🥔😳💃 Amidst the excitement, Benjamin Franklin couldn't resist saying, "These hotdogs have more flavor than a spicy romance novel! 🔥🌭" So, on this irresistible day, let's embrace the explosive fireworks of laughter and desire, setting our senses ablaze with a burning passion for freedom! 🎉🍔🔥 Happy Independence Day, y'all! 🇺🇸🎆🍻😄 🔥💥📩 Ready to turn up the heat? Share this tantalizing tale with 1776 individuals, and you'll unleash a firestorm of laughter and spicy delights that will leave everyone craving for more. 📩💥🔥 🎇✨✉️ Receive 🔟 back, and the laughter will intensify, creating a red-hot party where pleasure and merriment intertwine. Get ready to spice things up! ✉️✨🎇 🍔💌💃 Receive 5️⃣ back, and a feast of hilarious sensations will unfold, tickling your funny bone and igniting a desire for unforgettable moments. Prepare for a mouthwatering adventure! 💃💌🍔 Indulge in the passionate journey, where hotdogs 🌭 take on a whole new meaning, and let the spirit of Independence Day ignite your wildest fantasies! 🎆🍑😂🔥
          I 👁 ate 😋 so much fucking 🤬 shit on the 4th 4️⃣ of July 🎆🧨. I 👁 said 🗣️ I 👁 wouldn't, but 🍑 then I 👁 did, and I 👁 totally fucked 🤬 up ⬆️ my diet 🥪🍎🌮🥖🥧🍈🥦, and now I'm paying 💵 for 4️⃣ it 🤡 by working out in a hundred 💯 fucking 🤬 degree 🌡️🥵 weather ⛅. I hate 😠🖕 my fucking 🤬 life. I hate 😠🖕 myself so much! Why 🆈 the FUCK 🤬 DID I 👁 DO THAT!? 🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰!!!!!!!! 🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰🅰!!!!! WORK BITCH🐶!!!!
          HEY 👋🏻

HAPPY 😊 WHORETH 4⃣💃 OF JULY 🇺🇲 MY RED 🔴 WHITE ⚪️ AND BOO 💋

2⃣4⃣7⃣ YEARS AHOE 👩‍👧 WE SPANKED 👋🏻🍑 THE TEA 🐸☕ GUZZLERS 😩💦 SO HARD 💥 THEY BECAME 😳 OUR SUB 👉👈

HELP 🙏 ME 🙋‍♂ CELEBRATE 🥳🎉 BY SENDING 💌🏃‍♀️ THIS MESSAGE 💬 TO 5⃣0⃣ OF YOUR CLOSEST 🫂😘 STAR 🌟✨ SPANGLED 🤩 HOES 👯‍♂👯

GET 0⃣ BACK AND YOU'RE EATING 🍽️ BEANS 🫘 FOR BREKKY 😝

GET 1⃣0⃣ BACK AND YOU'LL 👆BE SLURPING 👅 ON GLIZZIES 🌭🇺🇸

GET 3⃣0⃣ BACK AND THERE 😎 WILL 📜 BE 🐝 MORE 📈 THAN JUST A REVOLUTION 🪖🎇 IN YOUR BEDROOM 🛏️👉👌🏻😮

GET 5⃣0⃣ BACK AND ‼️ YOU'RE 🙋‍♂ IN 🚪FOR THE STAR 🌟 SPANGLED 💫🌠 BANGING 💥🔴⚪🔵 OF A LIFETIME 🫨😵‍💫🥴
          ❤️🤍💙 HOE SAY CAN YOU SEE 👀👁 this hot 🔥🥵 piece of AMURRICAN ASS 🇱🇷🇱🇷🇱🇷🦅🍑🤯‽?‽‽ Today 📅↩️ is IndepenDICKs Day‼️🦅  and its time 2 celebrate our Democrussy 🥵🥵🥵 (while we still have it🤐)  

Do u know 💭 the history of our CUNTry? 😳📕 1776 yrs ago 🕗⬅️ America 🇵🇷 was ruled by King George Washington 👑🍆👴🏼 from the country 🇹🇷Europe 😱😖😤👎✋ Thank God  🙏👼 🇱🇷 BarrCOCK 🍆 Obama 👦🏾😍 won our freedom 🙌 by hosting the Boston Sex Party!! 🥵🙇‍♂️🎉💦 (Thats where they wrote ✍️the DICKlaration of SINdependence 📜😩✊) So tonight 🌚 u better lay down ⬇️ a blanket 🧎 and pop 💥🎉 your Patriotic Pussy 🇵🇷🫡🍑 cause the Fondling Fathers 👴🏼👴🏼👴🏼👴🏼 are gonna give u a Very Special 🤭 Fireworks Show 😳😜🍆💥🎇

Send this to 🔟 of your favorite Stars and Stripes Sluts ⭐️👯! If you get 0️⃣ back, freedom rings 🕳️ throughout your pussy 🎀 (...because that thing empty 🗑 👀🕸). If you get 5️⃣ back, Daddy 🍆👴🏼 will give 👉 your sweet Land of Liberty 👅👄 a taste 👏😫! And if you 🔟 back, your Constitutional CLIT will SQUIRT 💦🎊💙❤️ from sea to shining sea 🌊😩🇺🇸💙❤️💯🙏🇺🇸!
          🇺🇸🇺🇸ITS THE 📜fWHOREth😳 of JULY🇺🇸🇺🇸 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣ years ago 😩WHOREge WashingCUM👴🏻💦 whipped out😳 his BIG TOOL🍆 and FUCKED a 🍒cherry tree🌳 so the 😩POUNDING🍆👴🏻 DADDIES👴🏻 could be 🆓⛓️‍💥 from 🇬🇧DOMMY 👑KING 🤴🏻enGEORGEd😏 the 😩POUNDING🍆👴🏻 DADDIES👴🏻 said🗣️ NO🙅🏻 we wont🚫 pay💰the 💧💦DAMP TAX💸 and you wont😳 take our CUMMIES💦 they 🔫SHOT 🇬🇧👑KING 🤴🏻enGEORGEd😏 DEAD🇬🇧🪦😵 at 🎖️lexingCUM💦💦 and 🍆COCKWHORE😩 and signed✍🏼 the 🍆🇺🇸DICKlaration📜 with their 🖋️john 🍠hanCOCKs🍾🇺🇸🎇🍾 💌SEND THIS💌 to 1️⃣7️⃣7️⃣6️⃣ 🏳️‍🌈GAYtriots😏🎆 get 0️⃣ back and a firework 🧨🎆 will BLOW😉🌬️ off your PEEN🖋️🎇🥴 get 4️⃣ back and 👵🏻BUSTY ROSS👵🏻😳 will raise🆙 your flag🍆 pole🇺🇸🇺🇸 get all 5️⃣0️⃣ states back and youre a 🤩star-SPANKled 👏🏻SLUT🫦🇺🇸 
          🎶OHHH S🅰️YY CAN 🎵YOUUU 💥CREAMMM🎇🎵🇺🇸⁉️⁉️ Happy🎊 fWHOREth4️⃣🗓️ of 🍼GOOly you 🤩star-SPANKled 👏🏻SLUTS🫦🫦 and 🫡patriotic PRICKS🇺🇸🎉❕❗️❕ Today🚨 as you👊🏻 get 🗽AbraHOT🥴 for the 👨🏻🍆POUNDING 🧠Fathers🧑‍⚖️🪙 in your lives, 🧎‍♂️‍➡️🧎‍♀️‍➡️BEND OVER🙇🙇‍♀️ and let them ♋️PUMP🍾 their ❤️🤍red and WHITE❤️🤍 stripes 😱DEEP😵 into 🫵🏻your 💙💙blue BOX💙💙❕‼️ Let us 🤬pledge allegiance🫡🎖️ to 🔮🎱COCK AND BALLS🤤🍆🍌🥵 and 🍑ASS AND TITS🍒 as the ORGASMIC 🧨bombs 🅱️URST🌋 in air❗️ I’m 👑proud to be an 🇺🇸🦅AmeriCUNT🤠🇺🇸 this 🎆🎇IndepenDICKS Day🧨‼️🇺🇸‼️ Every 🥴STUPID HOE🙆‍♂️ knows🪟🤨 that WashingTWERK👯‍♀️ DC🏛️ is our 🗽national 🦅capital, but only the 🔥HOTTEST🔥😮‍💨 pieces of 🅰️merican ASS can recite✅ the 5️⃣0️⃣ SLUTS and their capitals‼️ Let’s SCREAM🎆 them together—READY⁉️❔🔢

1️⃣ MontCUMery🫶💦, AlaCLAMa🦪

2️⃣ GOONeau🌀😈🧴, AlaSKEET✊💧😵‍💫

3️⃣ PENIS🍆, AREOLA🍕

4️⃣ Little COCK🤏🏻🤏🏻, ArkanRAW🥩🍣

5️⃣ SCROTUMento🍒, CaliFORNICATE👉🏽👌🏽

6️⃣ DenVERSE↕️, ColoRODo🍡😈

7️⃣ HARDford🤥🍆, ERECTicut🥖

8️⃣ BENDover🧎‍♂️, DelaBAREBACK🏇🏼

9️⃣ PHALLICassee🍌, FloriDONKI-DONK🤤☄️

🔟 FATlanta🐳, GeORGYa👯‍♀️👯‍♂️

1️⃣1️⃣ HonoluLUBED🫗, HaWEENY🌭🤤

1️⃣2️⃣ BUSSY🍑😚, IdaHOE🤪💅

1️⃣3️⃣ SPUNKfield💣💥, IlliLINGUS👅

1️⃣4️⃣ IndiaFAPolis👏🏻🫨, IndiANUS🕳️🤲🏻

1️⃣5️⃣ Des LOINES🩲, IoWANK🤯💦

1️⃣6️⃣ TOEPICKER🦶🏻👌🏿, KansASS♨️🎂

1️⃣7️⃣ FrankFART🍑💨, KenCUCKy🧍‍♂️👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

1️⃣8️⃣ SCAT ‘N’ SPLOOGE💩💦, LouSQUEEZEiana🫨🍆🫶🏻

1️⃣9️⃣ AuGUSHta🌊, MOANe😮‍💨🥴

2️⃣0️⃣ AnnaHOLEis🕳️, MaryHANDY🤝🏻

2️⃣1️⃣ BUST-on🤯💦🥲, MassaGOOCHetts💢

2️⃣2️⃣ LUSTing💋, BITCHigan😈

2️⃣3️⃣ TAINT Paul💩💨, MEATYsota🥓🤑

2️⃣4️⃣ JACKS-on😊💦🥲, MISS-PISSY-SISSY🍌💦🥃

2️⃣5️⃣ JOHNSON City👺, KISSouri👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

2️⃣6️⃣ HeleNUT🥜, MOUNTana🤠

2️⃣7️⃣ LICK-CUM💦🥵, NebraSKANK🦗🦗

2️⃣8️⃣ cARSEson SHITTY💩, NeVAGa🍯

2️⃣9️⃣ ConcWHOREd🤐, New HUMPSHART🍑💨💩

3️⃣0️⃣ TrenTWAT🤡, New JIZZY🍼🤤

3️⃣1️⃣ Santa GAY🎅🏻💕, NUDE MexiCUM🍆🤌

3️⃣2️⃣ Al-BONER😱🍆, New PORKED🥵🤏🏻

3️⃣3️⃣ RaLIBIDO🫦🫦, North CaroLACTATE🍼

3️⃣4️⃣ PISSmarck🍻, North DaCOOCHIE🥧

3️⃣5️⃣ ColumBOOTY🍰🍰, O-HOG-o🐖

3️⃣6️⃣ CHOKElahoma⛓️‍💥 City, OklaHOMO🏳️‍🌈

3️⃣7️⃣ SLAM-EM🫨🥊, OreGASM🍾🤯

3️⃣8️⃣ HarrisSPURT🌋, PENILEvania🍡

3️⃣9️⃣ PROSTITUTE👙💃, CHODE Island🍠🏝️

4️⃣0️⃣ CoLABIA🥞, SUS🧐 CaroLIGMA🫦

4️⃣1️⃣ QUEER🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️, SUCK DICKota🧠😮‍💨

4️⃣2️⃣ ASSville🍩🍩, TennesSEMEN🦑

4️⃣3️⃣ AuSTUFFED🤰, SEXas🤭🤭

4️⃣4️⃣ SLUT LICK TITTY💄, UTERUS🥢

4️⃣5️⃣ MontPEE-IN-HER🛐, VerMOIST💦

4️⃣6️⃣ DICKmond🌭🌭, VIAGARA💊

4️⃣7️⃣ oNYMPHia💋🤫, WashingTOOT💨

4️⃣8️⃣ CharlesTONGUE👅, West VAGINA🩸🩸

4️⃣9️⃣ DADDY’S SON🧎‍♂️🕺🏻, WisSQUIRTson💦🥽

5️⃣0️⃣ HYMENne🌷😘, WyoMOMMY👵🏻👵🏻

Bonus (🦴BONER🦴) round🆗 for the P🅾️🅾️Pulated territories📍👮‍♂️❕

5️⃣1️⃣PaGOO PaGOO🍼🤤, AmeriCREAMY Samoa☔️

5️⃣2️⃣HE-GOT-IN-YA🫶, GUANO💩💩

5️⃣3️⃣SENPAI🎎, WHOREthern Mariana SLIMElands🏝️

5️⃣4️⃣San WAP🌊, PUSSY Rico🥠

5️⃣5️⃣Charlotte ANALLY👉👌😈, US VIRGIN SIMPlands🏝️

Send this to 1️⃣7️⃣7️⃣6️⃣ quizzical🤓 jizzical American🇺🇸 CUMPATRIOTS👯👙👠❕ If you👇🏻 get 0️⃣🔙, your little 🥵pent-up ❤️‍🔥Puritan PUSSY will be 🧴😳GLUED SHUT😭🙅‍♂️⛔️‼️❕ If you👍🏻 get 🔟➕🔙, you’ll be 😍filled to the 🤤BRIM with 🇺🇸🏈PATRIOTISM🦅🔫 as you 💪🏻STUFF ALL your 🕳️HOLES⛳️ with 🗣️🌭WIENERS🗣️🌭‼️❗️❕
          🇺🇸🎆IM DELETING YOU, FOUNDING DADDY🇺🇸😭👋🦅
📅4️⃣

█]]]]]]]]]]10% complete 🌭🇱🇷

██]]]]]]]35% complete🎇🍔

███]]]]60% complete🧨🍺

████]99% complete🎆🦅

🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 Founding 🇺🇸Daddies🇺🇸 are irreplaceable 🦅💖 I could never delete you Daddy!💖🎇

Send this to 🔟 other 🇺🇸🍑cum filled settlers🍑🇺🇸 who give you 💦🎆freedom cummies on 4️⃣th of 📆💦👅😩 or never get your 🍖glizzy🌭 slobbered again❌❌😬😬❌❌

If you get 0️⃣ back: 🚫💦 no liberty cummies for you 😭🇺🇸

3️⃣ back: you’re Daddy’s little sparkler ✨😩💦

5️⃣ back: you’re getting your bald eagle 🦅👅 absolutely saluted 🇺🇸💦

1️⃣0️⃣+ back: 🎇🍑 UNCLE DADDY PERSONALLY DECLARES 🗣️🗣️YOUR 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣th CUMDEPENDENCE🇺🇸🇺🇸 💦💦

          250 years of independence (2026)

          It’s 🇺🇸America🇺🇸 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣ fuckos. That means on this day 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣ years ago our founding daddies 👴🏻🍆 signed the DICKlaration🍆 of independence 💃 (John HandCock 👋🍆 was the biggest 😏🥵) and said boy bye to Great Britain 🇬🇧💂.

Now today we celebrate with fireworks 🎆🎇 and BIG 🥹 JUICY 🧃HOTDOGS 🌭😳 (Joey ChestNUT 💦🧘‍♀️ shoves the most in his 👄 the fastest 🥵).

To make this one extra special, big daddy Trump 🍆💇🏼‍♂️ took a spicy dump🥵🌶️ 🚽 in the REFLECTING POOP 🪞💩 and turned it from green and brown 🤢💩 to…. green and brown 🤢💩 AND broken 💔🪞💩.

Send this message to 1️⃣7️⃣7️⃣6️⃣ friends. If you get 0️⃣ back, you’re a CuckQuean Elizabitch 🛋️👸💀🇬🇧. If you get 7️⃣6️⃣ back George Washington 💵 will chop 🪓 off your🍒 cherry tree 🌳. If you get 🇺🇸America 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣🇺🇸 back, Paul Revere 🏇 and his horse 🐴 will give you a MIDNIGHT RIDE ✨🍆👌 where the British 🇬🇧💂🇬🇧 are CUMMING 🍆💦🥵 
          USA 🇺🇸 USA 🇺🇸 USA 🇺🇸 HAPPY 😃 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣ 🎂 AMERICA 🇺🇸 🎉 YOU 🖕DIRTY 😛PIECE OF SHIT 💩🇺🇸 UNCLE SAM 🎩 AND DADDY 🫃GEORGE WASHINGTON CUMMED 💦🛶ACROSS THE SEA 🌊 AND SUCKED 🗿THE DICKS 🍆OF OUR FORESKIN 🧴FATHERS 🫃TO GIVE BIRTH 👼TO THIS NATION 🇺🇸 THEY SIGNED ✍️ THE DECLARATION 📝 OF INDEPENDICKS ✍️🍆WITH THEIR CUM ⚪️🥵💦I HOPE 🤞 YOU GOBBLE 🍽️ UP☝️ YOUR BOYS 👦 HOT 🥵 SEXY 🌭DOGS🦶 TITTY 🍈🍈FUCK 😩YOUR GIRL 👵WITH FIREWORKS 🎆 , AND SING 🎶 THE STAR ⭐️ ANALED 🍑 BANNER 🏳️ FUCK U 🫦🤭 AND YOUR BRITISH 🇬🇧❌TEA 💅☕️ DONT FORGET ❌ THIS IS ‼️STOLEN ‼️ LAND 🚷 AND THE LEADERS 🍊💰🎪OF THIS COUNTRY 🏛️ONLY CARE 🪠ABOUT FUCKING 🌠YOU 🍆😩IN THE ASS🪠 THANK UR CUNTY 💋QUEENS 🤴 FOR SERVING 💅 FIGHT 4️⃣ YOUR RIGHTS 🗣️💪 HAVE FUN 🤩 DRINKING UR GOLDEN PISS 🍻 SHOWER 🚿 🍺 AND GRILLING HOT 🥵 JUICY 💦 🥩 MEAT 🥩 SEND THIS 📝TO ALL 👯‍♀️👯OF YOUR PATRIOTS🦸‍♂️IF YOU 🔴GET ONE 1️⃣BACK YOULL FIND 😱A FIRECRACKER 🧨 UP YOUR ASS 🍑IF YOU 🔵GET FIVE 5️⃣BACK DADDY CUMMINGTON WILL RISE 🆙 🤫FROM THE GRAVE 🪦AND SUCK 👅YOUR DICK 🍆 IF YOU 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣BACK ALL OUR FORESKIN👨‍⚖️ FATHERS 👨‍⚖️WILL 💥GANG 💥BANG 💥ON THE WHITE ⚪️HOUSE 🏛️LAWN 🏡🇺🇸🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇺🇸 
          2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣ years ago in 1️⃣7️⃣7️⃣6️⃣ the FOUNDING👴🏻👨🏻‍🦳FUCKERS👴🏻🧓🏻⚠️ CAME TOGETHER 🙏👥💦 to TUG ON👊✊👊 each other’s😫🥵 john hanCOCKS🍆👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨
those GEEZERS 😵👴🏻LOVED🫣👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 THE TASTE 👅💦of 👯‍♂️👥UNCUT✂️✂️ ALL-AMERICAN🦅🇺🇸 MEAT💯🥩‼️ even GEORGE👴🏻BUSH🌳🙏😫 is STROKING😵🥵his 9.11”🙇🙇HOG🐷🐽
8===👊=======✊️===D💦👅
he SHOOTS🔫💦his THICK🫦🤌 WHITE🦴🧨ALL-AMERICAN🦅🇺🇸LOAD🍆💦 right at 💥💥the 2️⃣nd✈️TOWER🏢🏢‼️
it’s THE 4️⃣th of JULY🇺🇸🦅🧨 WE👥👥are THE☝️🤓POOR💸💸cuddled🤗🤗MASSES🗽💥 WE SAY🗣️🗣️thank you😫💦thank you😫💦thank you😫💦 while🙈🙏🛐our govWHOREment👨‍⚖️👨‍⚖️🚩THOROUGHLY💥🫦fucks us🍆🌮💦IN❌THE‼️ASS🚩‼️well NOT❌❌😵 ANYMORE🤜💥💥WE STAND👭👬for the FLAGS🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧ and KNEEL🛐for the COCKS 🏳️‍🌈👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🍆‼️we're POLITICALLY✍️✍️incorrect❌️👹⚠️we say🗣️NO❌ICE🧊NO❌KKK🙅🙅NO❌FASCIST👴🏻USA🇺🇸 DEATH TO AMERICA🔥🇺🇸🔥🐷🚓🖕💣💥
if you🫵got a problem⁉️⁉️with that🙇🙇 you can SUCK👅💦 on my🗣️DRIPPING WET💦 PEARL⚪️🦪🦪HARBOR🌊🌊‼️
send this📩📫to 2️⃣7️⃣ of your🫵constitutional📜✍️ aFRIENDments👥🌈
got 9️⃣ back⁉️a firework 🧨🎆 will BLOW😉🌬️💨you🫵away❌❌like charlie KIRK🤓
got 1️⃣8️⃣ back⁉️you🫵will be✅ PARDONED🏳️🙏for CLIMBING🧗‍♀️ to the🔝🎉of the GIRTHY🍆🤭 EMPIRE STATE BUILDING🏙️🏢‼️got ALL 2️⃣7️⃣ BACK⁉️⁉️ the STATUE OF LIBERTY🗽🗽will ✍️ take you🫵🫵 for a LONG😮‍💨BOUNCY🤤😋 RIDE 🤤🤤 on her TORCH🗽💦🥵

          The Lakers reportedly serenaded Austin Reaves with his favorite country songs and customized “AR” initialed pillows

            The Lakers reportedly serenaded Austin Reaves with his favorite country songs and customized “AR” initialed pillows in their meeting to discuss a new deal, per u/ShamsCharania. 
            The Bills reportedly serenaded Kelvin Benjamin with his favorite fast food theme songs and customized “KB” initialed biscuits in their meeting to discuss a new deal, per u/ShamsCharania. 
            The Nuggets reportedly serenaded Nikola Jokic with his favorite turbofolk songs and customized “NJ” initialed pillows in their meeting to discuss a new deal, per u/ShamsCharania

            A Cautionary note about golden strawberries

              From the game Celeste by a user named burqawitz on the gaming guide website GameFAQs back in 2018. Burqawitz was working on an extensive walkthrough for Celeste. When they reached the endgame content and analyzed the brutal requirement for Golden Strawberries (which require you to complete an entire chapter from start to finish without dying) they concluded that it was impossible.

              The original article had been removed from GameFAQs but a community archive and responses by burqawitz were saved on the wiki site. 

              I do not believe that it is statistically possible to get every golden strawberry without using assist mode, or cheating in some way. I kinda think that [Maddy] Thorson was trolling us by putting these strawberries in the game, and having no way to tell if someone is using assist mode just by looking at the screen footage. I think [she] knows full well that it's impossible, and the whole thing is little more than a social experiment to see how many people will cheat and then try to pass their work off as legitimate. There is no achievement or reward for getting these strawberries. You don't unlock a special ending where Theo chips a tooth on the gold strawberries in your pie. You do get a stamp of a gold strawberry on your save file if you succeed in getting all 25 gold strawberries. But PC players have already learned to hack their save slot to manipulate these stamps - including removing the assist stamp.

Certain youtubers who shall remain nameless claim to have gotten every golden strawberry legitimately within a week of the game's release - even going so far as to say that it was fairly easy to do compared to other games they've played. Having carefully inspected their videos and held extensive conversations with them and hearing their conflicting stories about why they were forced to use an assist mode enabled save to make their videos, but did not have an assist mode enabled save slot to show at the beginning of the videos, I am 100% certain that these are doctored videos made by nerdowells.

That's not to say these people aren't good at the game. Even making a doctored video to look like you got the gold strawberries without cheating requires a tremendous amount of skill at the game. Please do not take this as a personal attack against anyone for their videos. Rather, consider this a cautionary note to you. Do not take these videos as proof that it's possible to get these strawberries and decide that you too are going to accomplish this, because if soandsoyoutuber can do it, so can you. I have yet to see a legitimate video that convinces me that it's possible. In the hunt for clicks and subscribers, youtubers sometimes deceive their audiences and end up wasting their time.

If you're going to attempt these golden strawberries - understand that if you want recognition for the feat, you're going to have to make sure that you have proof that you're not cheating. If you're just doing this for your own personal sense of self-satisfaction that's great. But nobody is going to believe that you got all the gold strawberries if you tell them that you did. Don't even attempt to tell people you accomplished this unless you have video to back it up. Do not play on an assist mode enabled save slot, and then expect people to believe that you just didn't use any assist options. Play on a non-assist enabled save slot, or don't bother. Show the full experience, from title screen to level. Play with the game clock turned on. Pause the game on occasion so that people can see that you don't have assist mode available in your options. Play with the original music on. Don't make up some excuse about how you had to turn the music off because it was distracting. Anything to make it difficult to doctor the video. And even that might not be enough. The only surefire way to prove you did this is to livestream your accomplishment.

But more importantly - think long and hard before you even attempt this. Is it really worth it? People aren't going to believe you unless you show proof, and that proof is going to be difficult to produce. You're unlikely to be able to monetize a legitimate video because it will contain copyrighted music. You're not going to make money doing this.

Don't let an ambitious youtuber vying for clicks trick you into wasting your time. Understand before you begin that it's probably an impossible feat. If you understand this and you still want to go for it - good luck. I sincerely hope you can prove me wrong.