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Own a LAS-16 Sickle for home defense

    Based on the original “Own a musket for home defense” copypasta that started from 4chan.

    Own a LAS-16 Sickle for home defense, since that's what Super Earth's founding fathers intended. Four Automatons break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my flowing cape and laser rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first bot, it's dead on the spot. Draw my LAS-7 Dagger on the second bot, miss it entirely because it's one small beam and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the autocannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with armor-piercing rounds, "FOR SUPER EARTH" the armor-piercing round shreds two bots in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix saber and charge the last terrified rapscallion. It bleeds out waiting on the SEAF to arrive since triangular saber wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

    I want to get fucked by Topaz from the hit game Honkai: Star Rail.

      Topaz is just perfect. Every single thing about her is admirable. Her cute and small face, her brilliant eyes that resemble gems, just like her name, her short and beautiful silvery and silky hair, adorned by taints of red that fit just so perfectly, her small hairpiece that makes it so her hair stays perfectly tidied... What is there not to love? Plus, her attitude is just lovable. How funny she is, the way she speaks and conveys all emotions, how she always seems to be having fun...

And I haven't talked about her body. It's just impeccably perfect. Her big and round ass that I'd want to have on my face 24/7, the perfectly sized breasts that can be somewhat seen from her outfit, her slim and curvy shape that evokes that sense of sensuality... Everything just fits perfectly. And her thighs? OH MY FUCKING GOD. DON'T GET ME STARTED. THE MOLE. AND THE STRAP. OH MY FUCKING GODNESS. As if her thighs weren't perfect enough. So plumpy and meaty, I just want to have them on me at all times. I want to bury my head in there and die from asphyxiation, just so that I get to have those thighs close to me. I'd constantly stare at the mole and get jealous that I'm not it or that strap. Just look at her thighs and tell me that the strap isn't working its ass off to hold her massive thighs.

And now, the best part. Her cock. Her big meaty cock. I want to chocke on it while she wraps her legs around my head, consequently being crushed by her thighs. I want to simply please her and be everything to her. I'll be her boyfriend, her husband, her sex slave, her co-worker, her assistant... I'll do everything. And then, when she gets tired and gives me a few seconds of rest, I'll ask her to cuddle with me. I'll rest with her body close to mine, and slowly close my eyes. She'll then start relentlessly fucking me while I sleep, and I'll instantly wake up, only to feel her cock constantly thrusting inside me while she fills me with her seed.

      Yone

        Yone 🦹‍♀️ gets 150% crit value 💣 Additional magic damage ⚔️ Q cd shorter than ADC Auto Attack 🙀 W Shield bigger than Shen R 🗣 Manaless ❎ E True Damage 😭 Gets MS too ✌️ Stays in E forever 🤔 Catches you from 2 screens away 🔥 
        Yone 🦹‍♀️ 치명타 가치 150% 획득 💣 Additional magic damage ⚔️ ADC 자동 공격보다 짧은 Q cd 🙀 Shen R보다 큰 W 방패 🗣 Manaless ❎ E True Damage 😭 MS도 얻음 ✌️ Stays in E forever 🤔 2개의 화면 밖에서 당신을 붙잡습니다 🔥

        Are pussies objectively weird? Yes. But so are penises.

          Comment
          byu/dunsparce from discussion
          in197
          Are pussies objectively weird? Yes. But so are penises. And assholes. And mouths honestly. The human body is basically a horror show that we don’t fully appreciate because we’re so used to piloting one 24/7 that we’re deadened to it. Look at some surgery stills and tell me “yeah that thing looks like it should definitely live inside me, connected to other bits of meat and bone that definitely don’t look fucking bizarre at all”. Right now you’re reading this comment via electrochemically charged jelly sacks leashed with meat electric lines to an extremely squishy fat based meat computer. Upside down. Your meat computer has to flip the image as normal operating procedure. Compared to that shit genitals are pretty goddamn straightforward and tame. So don’t stress so much about it.

          Jmook

            Jmook
            If JMook grabs me✊, I'm not mashing out🎮 I'm leaning in💋 
            Who is Jmook? For the blind 😎, it is Jlight 💡🔌. For the hungry 🍆, it is Jbread 🍞. For the sick 😷, it is the Jcure 🚫😃🤓. For the sad 😭, it is Jjoy 😂. For the poor, it is the Jtreasure 💰⛏; for the debtor ✔❎💵, it is Jforgiveness 👭 
            You think another Sheik is better than JMook? You're going to get Jake DiRatio'd 
            Jmook is so cool and hot and his sheik is really good. If i was running an esports organziation. I'd love to have him representing it. Sadly, I don't have one so i will follow him on twitch at jmook11 
            if my girl 😍 and Jmook both drowning 😱 and I can only save one 😤 😬 Catch me at my girl's funeral 😝 with the best posture in the game 
            JMook isn't so great? Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw a player with such an ability and movement with Sheik? JMook puts the game in another level, and we will be blessed if we ever see a player with his skill and passion for the game again. mang0 breaks records. Zain breaks records. JMook breaks the rules. You can keep your statistics. I prefer JMook. 
            I went to Genesis 8 and ran into jmook on day 2. I told him I was his biggest fan and that I love his sheik, he told me he knows. When i asked him for advice he gently grabbed my back and pulled it up and said "stand like this" and walked away. To this day I haven't slouched once 
            No one is going to believe me, but have a friend whose brother's coworker briefly dated Jmook. She said that on their first date they went to a restaurant and Jmook ordered two different bowls of soup and mixed them together one spoonful at a time before eating both bowls mixed together as one soup 
            If JMook has a million fans, then I am one of them. If JMook has ten fans, then I am one of them. If JMook has only one fan then that is me. If JMook has no fans, then that means I am no longer on earth. If the world is against JMook, then I am against the world. 
            i think its hilarious u guys talk shit about jmook., hes jacked. not only that but he wears the freshest clothes, eats at the chillest restaurants and hangs out with the hottest dudes. yall are pathetic lol. 
            damn this jmook kid is so young talented and attractive, i would definitely want him representing my brand and/or my esports org and would DEFINITELY dm him if i represented one of the aforementioned orgs or follow him on twitch at jmook11 
            if jmook got scared he'd be jshook. if jmook was a chef he'd be jcook. if jmook played you in melee, he'd read you like jbook. if jmook made music, he'd add jhook. if jmook played you in chess, he'd beat you with jrook. if jmook was asked to see something, he'd be sure to jlook. if jmook needed to hide, he'd be in jnook. If he was a thief he'd be Jcrook. 
            I went to a New York local, when I saw Jmook jaywalking across the street. An officer confronted him and after a long chat he took the officer's pad, wrote in it, and walked away. I talked to the officer and he told me through tears that Jmook gave him a ticket for a bad posture. 
            jmook’s hair is soft like blanket and everyone wants to take a touch on it. Him eyes shining like marble and is attract every human bean. 
            Overheard by the commentators couch after Game 5: “He got me,” Leffen said of Jmook's backthrow on him. "That f***ing Jmook boomed me." Leffen added, “My controller sucks” repeating it four times. Leffen then said he wanted to add Jmook to the list of players he plays friendlies with this summer. 
            Sadly this is long overdue. My friend is an executive at BTS and said that Jmook caused constant trouble every time he showed up. There was apparently an incident where a custodian found Jmook arguing with a man in a wheelchair in the bathroom. Jmook was adamantly claiming he needed the handicap stall because of how big his balls are, and the man in the wheelchair was on the verge of tears and covered in shit. The custodian had to calm things down and push Leffen to a different bathroom. 
            A lot of Melee players left Summit practice today energized by JMook's performance, mesmerized with him taking low-tier characters and running the table on the regulars, sources said. At the end, he marched out like if a mic drop. JMook delivered a tour de force.