My mum (82F) told me (12M) to do the dishes (16) but I (12M) was too busy playing Fortnite (3 kills) so I (12M) grabbed my controller (DualShock 4) and threw it at her (138kph). She fucking died, and I (12M) went to prison (18 years). While in prison I (12M) incited several riots (3) and assumed leadership of a gang responsible for smuggling drugs (cocaine) into the country. I (12M) also ordered the assassination of several celebrities (Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley and Jeffrey Epstein) and planned a terrorist attack (9/11). Reddit, AITA?
So recently I’ve been jerking off a lot, but I noticed a trend. I only masturbate to white women. At first I didn’t think too much of this, until my black best friend invited me to her house. One thing led to the next, and now she’s naked in front of me. I was trying to get hard before she pulled down my pants, but it was too late. She pulled down my pants to see a 2 cm flaccid penis, rather than my usual 10 inch hard cock. “Why is it that small?” She asked. I was speechless and nearly ran out of the room in embarrassment, until her white friend walked in the room. My penis grew and grew and grew when I saw her fully clothed white friend. “Oh my god, it’s so big” they said. So then we ended up having a threesome. The only problem was that each time I stuck my penis in my black friend, my penis became completely flaccid, while it got super super erect when I stuck it inside her white friend. Is my penis racist? Am I racist? I don’t know. I need answers
You know Paris, France? In English, it's pronounced "Paris" but everyone else pronounces it without the "s" sound, like the French do. But with Venezia, everyone pronounces it the English way: "Venice". Like The Merchant of Venice or Death in Venice. WHY, THOUGH!? WHY ISN'T THE TITLE DEATH IN VENEZIA!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? IT TAKES PLACE IN ITALY, SO USE THE ITALIAN WORD, DAMMIT! THAT SHIT PISSES ME OFF! BUNCH OF DUMBASSES!
You know Paris, France? In English, they pronounce it “Paris,” but everyone else pronounces it without the “s” sound, like the French do. But with Venezia, everyone it the English way, “Venice.” Like The Merchant of Venice and Death in Venice.... Why though?! Why isn’t the title Death in Venezia?! Are you friggin’ mocking me?! It takes place in Italy so use the Italian word, damn it! That shit pisses me off! Bunch of dumbasses!
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink.
"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.
Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.
"Got a spare?" she asks.
"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.
"Conversation with me, duh."
I laugh.
"What's so funny?" she protests.
"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"
"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.
"What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask.
"Teaching, I think."
"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"
"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"
"Bermuda," I say.
"Oh wow. That's lovely."
"It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."
"What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires.
"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
I masterbated for 12 hours
This is weird and I can't tell anyone irl but I have to tell someone.... I masterbated for 12 hours today to find out the effects so you don't have to!
First of all I prepared 3, 32 ounce water bottles, and had a meal of one cup steamed rice and 1 cup mixed vegetables ( peas, carrots and green beans ) with about 1 tablespoon of soy sauce. I also took a basic daily all in one vitamin.
I began by assembling a random collection of different porn clips, porn games and full length movies.
Breakdown:
Full length movies took too long to get to the point. The story "deadspots" made the little soldier begin losing interest so I switched to the next option in the run, for science.
Porn games worked very well for maintaining the heat of the moment, until they didn't. It turns out there are a lot of porn games that are unfinished, and generally run out of content before they reach the point of porn game, rather than the initial date simulation, as well as mini games causing use of two hands that removes your work hand. Also took a while to get up to speed.
Next I moved on to porn clips, which I will day is the holy grail of porn. Short, straight to the point and you can fire off rapid fire clips of things that excite you, reducing "downtime".
Porn movie downtime: 30%
Porn game downtime: 45% ( Still maintained interactivity. )
Porn clips: 2% downtime ( I could see this as easily being the most addictive form of adult media. )
The first 8 hours seemed to fly by with regular breaks for water.
After the initial 8 hours things became interesting, even with regular drink intervals I began having a constant dry mouth, along with that morning breath taste.
Around hour 10 I began developing a headache, along with some eye floaters, likely body not being able to deliver the standard amount of oxygen due to diversion of blood flow to the member.
Hour 11 I increased my water intake, seemed to help a tiny bit but symptoms were persistent until the end. Eye floaters also increased by 100% by the alarm end.
The orgasm that followed the alarm was by and far one of the most extreme I've ever had, coming in at a close 2nd to when having real sex with my wife.
Final notes: the "ploom" of skin below the tip of my penis ( circumcised. ) is slightly swollen, but not dangerously. Arm feels fine, I thought it would be a lot more sore. It took about an hour after completion for my mouth to go back to regular moisture levels. Heart rate was pretty much back to normal within 15 minutes of completion. Headache is now minimal without need of medication.
No immediate health issues have announced themselves. ( this would be different from user to user, due to health issues and whatnot. )
Overall takeaway, it was a fun experiment, that I would not be interested in trying again. Lol.
Tldr; masterbated for 12 hours, tried movies/games/clips, walked away with a minor headache and prefer porn clips to any other media form for constant involvement.
