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Emperor Palpatine statement after Mon Mothma’s speech

    Its satire on how Palpatine would have responded to Mon Mothma speech in the Senate exposing him but with Trump’s style. The iconic scene was from Andor S2E9.

    Wow. Just heard the FAKE NEWS coming out of the Senate. AGAIN. Here we go — another pathetic, desperate attack from RADICAL LEFT LUNATIC Mon Mothma (Total Disaster, everyone knows it — even my boss - I mean, Jar Jar’s smarter, and that’s saying something!).

She’s out there CRYING on the Senate floor (SO SAD!) talking about a “Massacre” on Ghorman. Folks, let me tell you: THERE. WAS. NO. MASSACRE. It’s all FAKE HOLO. The Ghor People LOVE ME — they were CHEERING, throwing flowers, saluting the Troopers. It was a PEACEFUL PROTEST. A BEAUTIFUL PROTEST. Some even said it was the most PERFECT use of a plaza in the history of the Galaxy — maybe ever!

This whole thing? A HOAX. A TOTAL HOAX. Made up by PATHETIC LOSERS who miss the old days under Chancellor Valorum — weak, boring, couldn't lead a podrace if his life depended on it. Under his administration, the Trade Federation was BLOCKADING ENTIRE PLANETS. Remember Naboo? TOTAL DISASTER. That would NEVER have happened under ME.

Now these WOKE SENATORS — low-IQ, low-energy people — are trying to CANCEL the Empire. They want to DEFUND the Stormtroopers, Open the Borders to illegal ALIENS, and let the REBELS teach your Children that the Force has more than two Sides. IT’S DISGUSTING.

And Mon Mothma? She’s a FRAUD. She supported Valorum’s Policies, she HATES the Troops, and frankly — and People agree with me on this — she’s a very NASTY woman. She’s never done ANYTHING for the Galaxy except Talk, Talk, Talk. NO ACTION. Just WORDS. BAD WORDS. TREASONOUS WORDS.

Meanwhile under ME — your STRONG, HANDSOME EMPEROR — the Galaxy has NEVER BEEN BETTER. The Death Star is AHEAD OF SCHEDULE. Crime is DOWN. Jobs are UP. Jedi are GONE. And Morale is through the Roof — I had a Meeting with Darth Vader, and he told me, “My Lord, this is the most SUCCESSFUL GALAXY we’ve ever had.” NOT KIDDING.

SO TO ALL THE HATERS AND LOSERS: STOP LYING. STOP WHINING. THE EMPIRE IS DOING AMAZING. WE’RE WINNING AGAIN.

MAKE THE GALAXY GREAT AGAIN.

Mine sincerely, Emperor Sheev Palpatine

    People saw this and voted for this twice, it’s so unreal.

    Look, having dark side -- my uncle was a great lord of the Sith so powerful and so wise, Darth Plagueis 'The Wise' of CIS; good midichlorians, very good midichlorians, OK, very wise, the Naboo School of Finance, very powerful, very wise - if you're a Sith Lord, if I were a Jedi Master, if, like OK, if I ran as a Jedi Master, they would say I am one of the wisest people in the galaxy - It's true! - but when you are a Sith Lord they try - oh, it's not a story the Jedi would tell you - that's why I always start off: went to Naboo, was a good senator, went there, went there, did this, built an Empire - you know I have to give my credentials all the time, because we are a little scarred and deformed - but you look at the dark side, the thing that really bothers me - it would have been so easy, and it's not as important as these lives of the ones he cared about are - The dark side is powerful, some consider it to be unnatural; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power, and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right, who could have foreseen? - but when you look at what's going on with the two Sith - now it used to be one, now there are two of them, this is getting out of hand - and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven't figured out that the women and the children too are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it's gonna take them another millennia - but the Jedi are great negotiators, his apprentice was a great negotiator, so, and they, they just killed us, they just killed us in our sleep.

    Full Mon Mothma Speech Transcript (Ep. 9)

    Fellow Senators, friends, colleagues, allies, adversaries. I stand before you this morning with a heavy heart. I’ve spent my life in this chamber. I came here as a child. And as I look around now, I realize I have almost no memories that pre-date my arrival and few bonds of affection that cleave so tightly. Through these many years, I believe I have served my constituents honorably and upheld our code of conduct. This chamber is a cauldron of opinions and we’ve certainly all had our patience and tempers tested in pursuit of our ideals. Disagree as we might, I am hopeful that those of you who know me will vouch for my credibility in the days to come. I stand this morning with a difficult message. I believe we are in crisis. The distance between what is said and what is known to be true has become an abyss. Of all the things at risk, the loss of an objective reality is perhaps the most dangerous. The death of truth is the ultimate victory of evil. When truth leaves us, when we let it slip away, when it is ripped from our hands, we become vulnerable to the appetite of whatever monster screams the loudest. This Chamber’s hold on the truth was finally lost on the Ghorman Plaza. What took place yesterday… what happened yesterday on Ghorman was unprovoked genocide! Yes! Genocide! And that truth has been exiled from this chamber! And the monster screaming the loudest? The monster we’ve helped create? The monster who will come for us all soon enough is Emperor Palpatine!

    Having to call a judge “your honor” is so cringey and dumb

      Having to call a judge “your honor” is so cringey and dumb

“Your Honor”. I mean gimmie a fuckin’ break, dude. What else do you want me to call you? Your highness? Do you want me to fondle your nuts while I blow you, too?

I’ve seriously seen courtrooms where they’ll say “Sir” and the judge will be like “It’s “Your Honor” young man!!”

Fuck off. How much of an egotist you gotta be to care about some medieval-ass title?

It’s some LARPING I’d expect kids to do. “Oh Billy you have to call me supreme ruler snorlax the magical wizard!!1!”

Shut up.

      Water Is NOT Wet

        From a video by Chaz Smith where he argues that water cannot be wet since being that implies it can also be dry.

        This is the copypasta that’s gonna end the water is wet debate, once and for all. My answer? WATER’S NOT WET! And I’ll tell you why. To say that something is wet means that the water on the surface of that something can be removed. You get caught outside in the rain, you say “Aw, my hair got wet, now I gotta get it redid.” “Aw, my shoes got wet, now I gotta let’em sit outside, and dry.” You don’t say, that the ocean gets wet, it’s just water, water is water. Fire, right? We know that it burns things right? But it’s not in and of itself burned, right? Water, it wets things but it’s not in and of itself wet. Okay? The word wet is only supposed to be used when water gets on something. For example if I were to splash water on this mirror right here and say it’s wet, but if it were somehow possible to splash water droplets onto water, well you could see the water droplets sitting on the water, you’d say “Oh that water is wet!” But the term wet is an adjective that is only conditional, that’s used to describe the surface of something that is typically dry. Ladies and gentlemen, here’s the simple proof test: This counter is dry, I pour water on it, it becomes wet. Can it be dried? Absolutely. Therefore was wet it is now dry. The water on the inside of the bottle, however. Can it be dried? Absolutely the frick not! Ending clause: The definition of wet reads “Covered or saturated with water or another liquid”. Water cannot be covered or saturated with itself. Thank you.

        Luna is not just a character to me. She is the center of my world.

          Luna from mo.co
          source
          I don’t play Mo.co for the wepons. I don’t play it for the bosses, the XP or the events. I play for Luna.

Luna is not just a character to me. She is the center of my world. Every time I hear her sweet voice echoing through waves of mosnters, I feel something inside me. I’ve memorized every line, every attack of hers, every pixel of her skin, down to the Hex color of her hair. People say shes just part of the game, but to me? She IS the game.

When I did Boss Beat for 20 hours straight, people thought it did it for the XP. In reality I was there only for HER. I imagined her watching me. Judging me for every death. Rewarding me with a nod, maybe even a smile. Every enemy I slayed, I slayed in her name. Every level I climbed was a step closer to being worthy of Luna.

Whenever someone in a party calls out her name, I freeze. My breathing goes faster. I start sweating. Does she know I’m thinking about her? Does she feel what im feeling? The way she commands the battlefield, effortlessly handling monsters with calm precision... it’s not just strength — it’s divinity. Secretly, I wonder if she could handle me. And then -one day- she stopped giving quests.

The light faded from my world. I logged in, and her voice was gone. The silence was unbearable. created a new account to see her again, but it wasnt the same. Nothing. The world felt dull, lifeless. My motivation to do anything was gone. Assignments, sleep, food irrelevant. Why do anything if Luna isn't guiding me?

Now I grind, to become the strongest Hunter in the server. Because deep down, I believe, that when I’m strong enough, when I’ve proven myself, Luna will return. She’ll look at me with those pixel-perfect eyes and say, “You’ve done well, Hunter.”

Mommy Luna, I await your next quest.

          They aborted my girlfriend

            I can't stop thinking that the woman who would have fallen in love with me was aborted in this timeline, and that's why I'm alone. In another alternate timeline, her mother didn't abort her, and she grew up to fall in love with me. I must be very happy there, but here I'm a failure. Without a doubt, my aborted girlfriend would have loved me, and I wouldn't be sad.