Smogon has brainrotted me
Smogon is a competitive Pokémon community dedicated to analyzing and ranking Pokémon and their competitive viability. The pasta first appeared as a comment in the r/Stunfisk sub in 2025.
Smogon has brainrotted me. When I was having a conversation with my friend, they happened to mention how they were trying to make a good first impression for their application. First. Impression. No way! Endorphins were rushing to my brain as I began to shake with giddiness. Obviously, they made a reference to Lokix! I couldn't contain it! "252+ Atk Choice Band Lokix Tera Bug Lokix First Impression!" I screamed louder than a Choice Specs Exploud using Boomburst. My friend looked at me with a shocked expression on their face and asked if anyone was being Toxic to me recently. Absolutely disgusting! That was clearly a reference to Regenerator Toxapex or Poison Heal Gliscor or Pecharunt spamming the move Toxic! This chicanery could not continue! Glaring like a Serperior, I yelled "DEATH TO BIG STALL!" so loudly that everyone in the library started to use moves like "Mean Look" and "Pursuit". My friend seemed to U-turn out of there like a Leftovers Scizor would, which was rather unusual as I was clearly wearing a Rocky Helmet (I had dumped a tub of Rocky Road Ice Cream on my head, because it seemed to make people not want to make contact with me).
A week later, my friend told me how they were getting addicted to gay porn and were wondering if I could lend a Helping Hand to stop their addiction. Now, their Body Slam, even with STAB and Helping Hand, couldn't one-shot the prehistoric Entei, so I instead dumped a salt shaker over their head. That way, the Purifying Salt would prevent them from being statused if Gay Porn used Burning Bulwark. Immediately, my friend started Koffing and Weezing, and while Koffing out the salt, said they couldn't believe I was homophobic and felt like I "sucker punched" and betrayed them. Wait. Did I really look like Ferrothorn? That couldn't be! Ferrothorn can't even learn Sucker Punch! At the moment, I was wearing my Dusknoir costume (I like to wear it in public because my Pressure ability makes people switch out when they see me), so I grabbed some ice out of the freezer and Ice Punched them, because their Berserk was kicking in (they must have been a Moltres-Galar in a trench coat). They then tried to Emergency Exit and call the police, which promptly arrived on the scene, wearing Covert Cloaks and Safety Goggles. Obviously, that was illegal! One Pokemon can't hold two items! I yelled "Zekrom Kick!" and launched myself at the police, but they outsped and used a Steel-type version of Bullet Seed on me! That was so illegal! They were clearly using theorymon moves!
Luckily, despite my frail bulk, I was holding a Focus Sash under my belt, and was able to tank the hit! For some reason, though, I could see my body on the ground and float around, and the police were murmuring that they had "killed them." Had I terastallized into a Ghost type without knowing? I Levitated off to the nearby VGC tournament, where I am currently typing this. If anyone knows how to change my Tera Type, let me know!
