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K-KITTEN??? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME??? I THOUGHT WE WERE 4LIFERS!!!

    K-KITTEN??? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?? I THOUGHT WE WERE 4LIFERS!! 🤬🤬 WE WATCHED SKIBIDI TOILET TOGETHER, SANG THE SONG DRANK GRIMACE SHAKES TOGETHER, ETC!! 🔪🔪 THIS IS NOT FUNNY 👿👿👿 *alpha scratches you and you die* W-WAIT, NO KITTEN!! I DIDN'T MEAN TO! WAKE UP!! PLEASE!! NO!!!!! MY OHIO LEVEL THREE GYAT ONE TWO BUCKLE MY SHOE LIGHTSKIN STARE KITTEN!! NOOOOOOOO!I'M SO SORRY!!!! WAKE UP, PLEASE!! ⛓⛓⛓⛓⛓⛓☠☠☠☠☠🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤👿👿👿👿👿🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 I-i must go..... I hurt my kitten, the one I swore to protect no matter the cost. i'm so sorry kitten. daddy loves you. 🖤 
    K-KITTEN... WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT NOT TEXTING OTHER ALPHAS? I TOLD YOU TO BE ONLY TEXTING ME??🤬🤬👿👿you haven't texted me in 78 years... I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO REPLY ON MY NEW WOLF FORM GRRR MAKE SURE YOU REPLY NEXT TIME. FAST KITTEN..... 🐺🐺 *turns into mega demon red dragon alpha wolf*😈😈 this is a warning kitten.... *eyes glow red* a very bad warning... *bites your hand* Wait WAIT KITTEN!! IM SORRY!! oh noo.... She's unconscious!! *gives cpr* KITTEN!! KITTEN!! oh no... She's not waking up!!! KITTEN!! NOOO!!! 🐺🐺🐺💔💔💔💔🖤🖤🖤⛓️⛓️⛓️🔗🔗🔗⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️
    Wh-who is this?!?! ANOTHER ALPHA..?!?!? 🐺🐺🐺 KITTEN!! I THOUGHT YOU SAID I WAS YOUR ONLY ONE, YOUR MASTER, YOUR LEVEL THREE OHIO GYATT RIZZLER!!! *goes absolute alpha demon wolfy god mode* 👿👿👿👿🔪🔪🔪🔪 I cannot let him steal you from me…Prepare…TO MEET YOUR DEMISE!! 👿👿👿👿🐺🐺🐺⛓️⛓️⛓️🔪🔪🖤🖤🖤🖤🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

    I’m sick of Himeko

      Parody of the Xiangling copypasta but changed to Himeko from Honkai Star Rail due to her strength in Pure Fiction game mode.

      I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Himeko. I try to play Hook. My Himeko deals more damage. I try to play Argenti. My Himeko deals more damage. I try to play Jing Yuan. My Himeko deals more damage. I try not to play Yanqing. I want to play Hertha. Her best team has Himeko. I want to play Jade, Topaz. They both want Himeko. She grabs me by the throat. I farm for her. I syntezise for her. I give her The Day the Cosmos fell. She isn't satisfied. I pull Night on the Milky Way. "I don't need this much ATK" She tells me. "Give me more actions." She grabs Robin and forces her to sing in front of the enemies. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with Before Dawn." I can't pull for Before Dawn, I don't have enough stellar jades. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs her drone. She says "You won't get away." There is no hint of sadness in her eyes. Nothing but pure infinite Weakness Breaks. What a cruel world. 

      I am done with the Gold Coast Suns Football Club

        Started from a Reddit post in r/AFL venting about the performance of Gold Coast Suns. The public meltdown after a loss has become a copypasta.

        This is it. This is the lowest moment of my day, my week, my year, my life. This was meant to be the game where we proved we will be a finals contender, to show we can be competent outside of our home state, our biggest opportunity for an away win against the team on the bottom of the ladder after coming off a win against the reigning premiers.
        
        AND WE FUCKING BOTTLE IT.
        
        The conversation is the same every year, “this year the Suns will make finals”, “they have brilliant young stars that will get them over the line in the next few years”, “this year we’ll prove the doubters wrong”, “THIS YEAR WE WILL SHOW WE’RE MORE THAN JUST A BASKETCASE CLUB”, but it never happens and honestly I don’t think it ever will, we’ve done more in the fucking vfl for fuck sake, at this rate we’ll be relocated to FUCKING BANGLADESH
        
        This is one of our best lists in years, built from seasons upon seasons of failure, priority picks, academy players and many who have come and gone without a lick of success at this club, with a head coach at helm who took the laughing stock of the competition for years to a dynasty, but nothing is different.
        
        I can’t even say some shit like “DO IT FOR THE EMBLEM” because there’s no reason to play for the emblem, we have no history outside of being the cellar dwellers of the comp, the biggest influence we’ve had over the years is building a name for DAN GORRINGE FOR FUCK SAKE-
        
        we have 7 games left to prove ourselves, well actually 3 because we can’t win a game south of us to save our lives, and i HOPE, i PRAY, this club comes from the clouds and finally makes it to september and makes me look like a fucking knob, but i just can’t see it happening.
        
        it’s so over, we didn’t engage with our minds, thoughts, our hearts, or even our energy. We’re not always going to get it right, and that’s okay, but we have to get it right eventually for fuck sake, we’re passionate about the game, just like you, and we care, but holy FUCK, sometimes, on a clear Saturday arvo, i just don’t want to join the ride, thank you basil.
        

        Collingwood Football Club

        I am done with the Collingwood Football Club
        
        This is it. This is the lowest moment of my day, my week, my year, my life. This was meant to be the game where we proved we will be a top 4 contender, to show we can be competent with some more players bacm, our biggest opportunity for a comfortable win against a team in the top 8 after coming off a tough loss against the never to be premiers.
        
        AND WE FUCKING BOTTLE IT.
        
        The conversation is the same every week, “this year the pies will still make the 4”, “they have brilliant young stars that will get them over the line in the next few years”, “this week we’ll prove the doubters wrong”, “THIS WEEK WE WILL SHOW WE’RE MORE THAN JUST A FINAL QUARTER COMBACK WOUNDERS”, but it never happens and honestly I don’t know if we are even anything this year. we’ve done more in 2021 for fuck sake, at this rate we’ll be relocated to playing games in Geelong.
        
        This is one of our best lists in years, built from seasons upon seasons of so close, father som picks, and many who have come and gone without a lick of success at this club, with a head coach at helm who took the laughing stock of the competition for years to a dynasty, but nothing is different.
        
        I can’t even say some shit like “DO IT FOR THE EMBLEM” because thats carltons thing, the biggest influence we’ve had over the years is building a name for BRADEN MAYNARD FOR FUCK SAKE-
        
        we have 7 games left to prove ourselves, well actually 3 because we can’t win More then one quarter a game to save our lives, and i HOPE, i PRAY, this club comes from the clouds and finally makes it to september and makes me look like a fucking knob, but i just can’t see it happening.
        
        it’s so over, we didn’t engage with our minds, thoughts, our hearts, or even our energy. We’re not always going to get it right, and that’s okay, but we have to get it right eventually for fuck sake, we’re passionate about the game, just like you, and we care, but holy FUCK, sometimes, on a clear Saturday arvo, i just don’t want to join the ride, thank you basil.
        

        To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand The Finals

          Satire of posts about The Finals on why the game isn’t as popular because the general FPS playerbase are too stupid. The original pasta is for Rick and Morty that became a meme.

          To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand The Finals. The gameplay is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the mechanics will go over a typical FPS player’s head. There's also Scotty's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they're not just funny- they say something deep about GAME. As a consequence people who dislike The Finals truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Junes's existential catchphrase "thats right scotty" which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Embark's genius wit unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂 
          To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand The Finals. The strategies are extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the tactics will go over a typical player's head. There's also Scotty's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike The Finals truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Scotty's existential catchphrase "Easy Money," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Embark's genius wit unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂
          
          And yes, by the way, i DO have a The Finals tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid 😎
          

          Two full raccoons up your ass. Believe in yourself.

            Started from a random tweet in 2019 which blew up due to its absurdity. The pasta is often known as the “Raccoon copypasta” nowadays.

            The human anus can stretch up to 7 inches before taking damage. 
            A raccoon can squeeze into holes as tight as 4 inches, Meaning you can take almost two full raccoons up your ass. Believe in yourself.

            LOL – us diaper fetish folk also think

              LOL - us diaper fetish folk also think Taylor is ICONIC. My amazingly witty partner was changing my nappy the other day and she - with *zero* hesitation- said “The tortured poops department.” I laughed until I cried. Absolutely iconic.

              Original Tweet

              LOL - us diaper fetish folk also think Marvel movies are epic. My amazingly witty partner was changing my nappy the other day and she - with *zero* hesitation- said “Whew! Did Thanos wear thus fricken diaper or what?” I laughed until I cried. Absolutely epic.