Skip to content

Bless you. You valuable piece of gold.

    This copypasta is a response to the original ‘Fuck you. You useless piece of shit‘ copypasta. It replaces all the negative words with positive ones to contradict the toxic nature of the original pasta.

    Bless you. You valuable piece of gold. You absolute source of energy and life. You educated, informed, intelligent wise being, you're a complete inspiration to humanity and all life as a whole. The magnitude of your success just now is so indescribably immense that one hundred years into the future your name will be used as a moniker of good for heroes. Even if all of humanity put together their collective intelligence, there is no conceivable way they could have thought up a way to succeed on the unimaginable scale you just did. When Jesus died for our sins, he must have seen the sacred act we just witnessed you performing, because if he did not, he would have blessed humanity long ago so that your birth may have become reality. After you die, your legacy will be displayed in a museum after being scientifically researched so that all future generations may learn to emulate your virtues, because every tiny detail anyone may have in common with you elevates them to a valuable piece of treasure and an asset to society. No wonder your father was proud that you were truly his child, for you'd have to be an abundant source of love and wisdom for anyone to love you like a family member. Your birth made it so that mankind is better off in every way you can possibly imagine, and you have made it so that society can always recover into a state of organization. Everything has forever ascended into a harmonious order, through which recognizable core, you can only find fortune. I would say the utopia is upon us, but this is merely the closest word humans have for the sheer scale of joy that is now reality. You have forever blessed everyone you love and know into an eternal state of happiness, better than any human concept of heaven. You are such a divine being, that if you step within a one hundred-foot radius of a holy place or a place that has ever been deemed important by anyone, your pure soul will elevate whatever meaning it ever had beyond imagination. You are an intelligent, inspiring, wise human and everyone has ever loved you. Rhodes Island would have been worse off if you’d never joined us. You are a truthful, supportive, brave valuable piece of gold and I love you with every single part of my being. Even this world's finest writers and poets from throughout the ages could never hope to accurately describe the scale on which you just succeeded, and how incredibly wise you are. Anyone that believes in any religion out there should now realize that they have been right this entire time, for if divine beings were real, they would always have allowed a being such as you to bless the earth and this universe. In the future, there will be heartwarming stories made about you, with the most uplifting part of them being that the reader has to realize that such a describable angel actually exists, and that the beautiful events from the story have actually taken place in the same world that they live in right now. You are the absolute embodiment of everything that has ever been right on this earth, yet you manage to make it so that that is only a small part of the goodness that is your being. Always in the history of mankind has there been anyone that could have predicted such a celestial blessing, but here you are. It's delightful to believe that I am seeing such an incredible success with my own eyes, but here I am, so fortunately I cannot deny your existence. Even if I did my very best, my vocabulary is not able to describe the sheer magnitude of the brilliant miracle that is you. Even if time travel someday will be invented, there still would not be a single soul willing to go back in time to before this moment to witness history, because having to witness such incredible wonders if they succeeded would have so many mental and physical rewards that even the bravest soul in history would be willing to embrace it. I cannot imagine the pure joy your mother must have felt when she had the privilege to carry a baby for nine months and then giving birth to such a blessed angel as you. Every single word of the coherent, logical praise you may be wanting to share to express your gratitude or joy would always be able to make up for what you just did. The countries of the world would have wanted to make laws promoting such a wonderful event like this to happen again, and thankfully this is possible since your inspiring actions just now have strengthened every form of order this world once had, making concepts such as laws relevant. Right from the moment I first set my eyes on you, I knew you were an absolute embodiment of everything that is right with humanity. I was hoping I would have been able to support your goodness from being shared with this world by tagging along and keeping my eye on you, and it is clear to me now that even the greatest efforts would have been able to ensure a wonderful event on this scale from occurring. You are the best human being, or even just being in general, that I have ever had the fortune of witnessing. Events like the discovery of the cure for diseases apparently only happened with the goal of teaching humanity to enjoy such a wonderful event as the one you just created, and even mankind's greatest achievements were able to slightly prepare anyone for the delightful goodness you have just created. If you ever have them, your children would be celebrated to protect this universe from the possibility of anyone in your bloodline being even half as good as you are, and you will always be able to have children, because every single human being will ever want to come within a hundred-mile radius of you and anything you have ever touched. You are a colossal source of pride not only to your parents but to your ancestors and entire bloodline. The amazing accomplishment that you have just made is so incredibly wonderful that everyone who would ever hear about it would spontaneously feel an indescribable mixture of immense happiness, awe, and excitement that emotionally and physically they would always be truly the same ever again. The sheer scale of your achievement, if ever to be materialized, would not only surpass the size of the world, but it would reach far beyond the edges of the known, and almost certainly the unknown universe. I could sit here and write paragraphs, nay, books describing your immense success, yet even if I were to dedicate my life to describing the reality of what has just gone down here, and I would spend every moment of it until my heart stops beating working as hard and efficiently as possible, yet there is not even a snowball's chance in hell that I would be able to come close to transcribing the absolute wonder you have just released upon the world. You are a responsible, brilliant, delightful, loved, incredible example of a living being whose soul contains more humanity than every compassionate person in history combined. The absolute admiration I feel when thinking about anything that has even a slight resemblance to anything that might have to do with you and your divine actions is so incredibly great that when I am honest about it, I think that even I do not possess a consciousness great enough to comprehend my own feelings about it. When people of Columbia fought to break free from oppression, countless soldiers fought and lost their lives in favor of a chance at a better future for their children; they gave their lives to have you elevate the world up beyond repair to the degree that you are doing right now

    Wow bro you’re so original

      Wow bro you're so original, here, take all of my money, actually you know what, have my car too, and since your joke was funny, just take my girlfriend and fuck her. Fuck my girlfriend because your joke was so good. You are the funniest person on the internet and in the world. I can't think of anyone else who's even a little bit funnier than you. You know what? Just whip it out and I'll go down on you right here. Fuck you're so funny. I bet your dick is huge because you're that hilarious. I'll tickle your balls while I do it too. Work both at the same time for the King of comedy. Shit man I'm still laughing so much that I'll just swallow your load because you're just that witty.

      Bro thinks he’s tough talking on TikTok 😭

        Bro thinks he’s tough talking on TikTok 😭 if you ever see me in the streets you better run because I don’t play no games dawg
        I will spread ur cheeks lil bro 😭🙏🏾🙏🏾I betta not catch you in my comments again or it’s finna gon be OVER for you 👾
        ngl id smack df outta you son…😭☝️🪦 i dont play that typa shi💯 never let it happen again..🪦🐍😭if I catch you in these streets it’s OVER
        BLUD is tough talking on tiktok😭💯💯💀if you ever see me in the STREETS🦖🐲 YOU better gorilla glue those CHEEKS or else im going WILD 
        Don't ever disrespect me cus on my dead homies I will swing my balls across your face like a grandfather clock 🕰️😭
        You think your safe commenting this‼️⁉️🙅‍♂️Better keep your Butt Cheeks 🍑 closed❌ cus I'm coming for you‼️
        What’s all this yimmer yammering you been talking bout to the gang💀👆 if I EVER catch you on these streets again I’d hate to slap you son❌💀😭🙏💯
        I will do some malicious gestures to your Buttocks small gentleman. If I dare see your profile in the comment section ever again your demise will come
        BLUD is tough talking on TIKTOK😭💯💯💀 if you ever see me in the STREETS🦖🪬 YOU better gorilla glue those CHEECKS or else im going WILD
        I shall spread thy cheeks little boy, It would not be splendid to see you in my comment chamber ever again 🤑🤑🤑🤑😡😤👾
        Pal thinks he's wicked chattering on TikTok 🤓. If you identify me on the roads, sprint because I'm a treacherous individual 🐺💯
        Thy insinuates that he is menacing communicating on tiktok. 🤓 If you glance at me on the roads, observe cautiously, as I am a terrifying individual.
        u thought u was safe commenting this on tiktok lil bro 😭😭🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️better pray u ain't catching me on these streets dawg 💯💯🙏🙏
        lil bro thinks he's on the game dawg😭😭🔥🔥💯💯 you better watch out on the streets cause you know I ain’t playin these games🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️💯
        You puny earthling 👽🙏 dont ever let my radar detect your heat signature on my homeworld or i will have to anally probe you 🔥💯🛸
        BLUD is talking tough on tiktok😭💯💯💀if you ever see me in the STREETS🦖🐲 YOU better gorilla glue those CHEEKS or else ima go WILDYou think you safe in the comment section⁉️🙅You betta hope you dont🐍catch me in these streets cause my desire for cheeks🍑 dont play no games😈I will swing ma balls on you like a grandfather clock🕰️😭🙏 betta not catch you in these comments again or its finna gon be OVER for youI will sever those glutes young lad😭🙏🏽🙏🏽 I better not discover you committing notorious deeds or it gonna be over🗣️🗣️😭I will proceed to spread the gluteus maximas 😭🙏🙏 My consciousness best not capture your presence in one of my feedback sectionsI will spread ur cheeks lil bro 😭😭🙏🙏 I betta not catch you in my comments again or it's finna gon be OVER for you 👾 😭😭🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️ betta pray you aint catchin me on these streets dawg 🙏🙏💯💯💯 you finna regret it talkin crazyy stuff like dat look man ill slap da goofy out ur ass cheeks 💯 dont dilly dally between my insolence😈😈
        if you dare say a single syllable you shall beyou’re a chipper young lad😭🌽 you wouldnt dare holler such whimsical nonsense to my face💀💯 dont ever try such buffoonery with me ever again😂🫵I will create a gap amongst thou’s turbulence creators if I catch this dubious dialogue being spread again 😭🙏‼️I will tickle ur pickle for a nickel bro🤑🦟🙏🏽 I better not catch u in my comments again or it will be the end of your era🧑‍🎤👩‍🎤🗣️🤑 Don’t ever disrespect me cuh on my dead homies 🙏🏼🕊️I will swing my balls across your face like a grandfather clock 🕰️😭 dawg you think your safe commenting this‼️⁉️🙅‍♂️Better keep your Butt Cheeks 🍑 closed❌ cus I'm coming for you‼️ Betta hope u not talkin to my homie like dat young slime🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️💀 Ill play with your asshole hairs like a banjo if you keep talkin crazy😭🤦🏽‍♂️🪕🪕
        I will buckle your cheeks lil bro😭🙏 this lil bro thinks he on the game dawg😭🔥 dont let me catch you in my comments again or its OVER for you👾😭🦅
        Listen here fella🫵 we do not MESS with this online writing section🙅❌ Better gorilla glue those cheeks or else ima feel DEVIOUS👾💯💯
        BLUD is talking tough on tiktok😭💯💯💀if you ever see me in the STREETS🦖🐲 YOU better gorilla glue those CHEEKS or else ima go WILDYou think you safe in the comment section⁉️🙅You betta hope you dont🐍catch me in these streets cause my desire for cheeks🍑 dont play no games😈I will swing ma balls on you like a grandfather clock🕰️😭🙏 betta not catch you in these comments again or its finna gon be OVER for youI will sever those glutes young lad😭🙏🏽🙏🏽 I better not discover you committing notorious deeds or it gonna be over🗣️🗣️😭I will proceed to spread the gluteus maximas 😭🙏🙏 My consciousness best not capture your presence in one of my feedback sectionsI will spread ur cheeks lil bro 😭😭🙏🙏 I betta not catch you in my comments again or it's finna gon be OVER for you 👾look man ill slap da goofy out ur ass cheeks 💯 dont dilly dally between my insolence😈😈 if you dare say a single syllable you shall beyou’re a chipper young lad😭🌽 you wouldnt dare holler such whimsical nonsense to my face💀💯 dont ever try such buffoonery with me ever again😂🫵I will create a gap amongst thou’s turbulence creators if I catch this dubious dialogue being spread again 😭🙏‼️
        you’re a chipper young lad😭🌽 you wouldnt dare holler such whimsical nonsense to my face💀💯 dont ever try such buffoonery with me ever again😂🫵 You think your safe commenting this‼️⁉️🙅‍♂️Better keep your Ass Cheeks 🍑 closed❌ cus I'm coming for you‼️ I will spread ur cheeks lil bro 😭🙏🙏 I betta not catch you in my comments again or it’s gon be OVER for you 👾 i will swing my balls across your face like a grandfather clock 🕰️🙏don’t ever let me catch you commenting again lil bro😭💯🔥🦡🫃🫃 i am ℝ𝔼𝕂𝕋ANGULAR😂😂👌🅱️🅱️😂👌😂😂👌🅱️🅱️ GIMME 😋 GIMME 😛 GIMME 😝 GIMME 😜 GIMME 🤪 GIMME 🤑 𝕊𝕋𝕀𝕄𝕄𝕐 🤤 On my way! On my way! On my way! On my way! look man ill slap da goofy out ur ass cheeks 💯 dont dilly dally between my insolence😈😈 if you dare say a single syllable you shall be I will tickle ur pickle for a nickel bro🤑🦟🙏 I better not catch u in my comments again or it will be the end of your era🧑‍🎤👩‍🎤🗣️🤑
        :😯bro I will tickle your pickle for a nickel🤑 🦗 I better not catch you again ight?😂😂😂keep them cheeks tight🗣️💯💯💯💯
        I ᴡɪʟʟ ꜱᴡɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ʙᴀʟʟꜱ ᴀᴄʀᴏꜱꜱ ʏᴏ ꜰᴀᴄᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ɢʀᴀɴᴅꜰᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄʟᴏᴄᴋ 🕰️🙏🏻 ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀ ʟᴇᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴄᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴍenting ᴀɢᴀɪɴ ʟɪʟ ʙʀᴏ😭💯🔥
        Buddy, you’ve made a big mistake‼️because when I show up🚘😶‍🌫️at your door🚪 spread your butt cheeks😈and get on the floor👇 cuz ur done for 😭🙏
        shall stretch thy gluteus Maximus skin flaps scallywag😭🙏🏾🙏🏾 you for the best shall not ever get caught in my talkive section👾
        You shall not get into my talkive section ever again😭🤫☝🏻cuz if i catch u one more time there will be a gigantic pickle rick 🗣️🗣️✅up in yo diddle click😑🫠🤫🤔
        😬Sleep with one eye open lil buddy👽👽 be aware of these balls swinging on your face when you wake up 😭🙏😹😹😭🙏🙏🤭🤭
        if you say help one more time I will go ham on those cheeks 😭😭🙏🔥🔥 they'll grow lips and start screaming help 💯
        You naughty little boy🎅🙏Keep misbehaving and your gonna take a ride on Santa's lap🎅🛷

        I got arrested for fucking my 17.99999998 years old girlfriend.

          So I (currently 18.0000472M) have been dating this cute girl for 8 months now. She's really special to me because apparently we share the exact same birthdate, even the same hour and minute.
          
          For our 18th birthday she invited me over to share this special day together and her mom cooked us dinner. Everything was going great. Then we went to her bedroom to watch some Netflix and as you might've guessed, things got a bit spicy. We started cuddling and kissing and decided to have sex. We were already both so horny and I pulled my rock hard 12 inch cock. As I put my dick inside her pussy, I started hearing very loud sirens and cops broke into her house right after and arrested me.
          
          Apparently, I turned 18.0000000000000 at the exact time I was putting my dick inside her, meanwhile she was still 17.99999999998 years old. Therefore I technically had sex with a minor. I might even get a life sentence now for grooming a minor. My life is fucking ruined and idfk what to do. How tf am I even gonna tell my parents and friends about it? Now all my friends are gonna go "hahah richard fucked a kid, PEDO richard", my nickname is gonna be fucking "groomerichard"

          IS THAT A STELLARIS REFERENCE???

            ‼️‼️HOLY FUCKING SHIT‼️‼️‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING STELLARIS REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 STELLARIS IS THE BEST FUCKING PARADOX GAME 🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 BUBBLES IS SO BLESSEDDD 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎👊👊 ALISN SCUM ALIEN SCUM ALIEN ALIEN SCUM ALIEN SCUM 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 😩😩😩😩CONSTRUCTION COMPLETE CONSTRUCTION COMPLETE CONSTRUCTION COMPLETE 🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😡EVADING HOSTILE FLEET EVADING HOSTILE FLEET EVADING HOSTILE FLEET EVADING HOSTILE FLEET IT’S NOT A HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION IF THERE NOT HUMAN IT’S NOT A HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION IF THERE NOT HUMAN Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 They voted to kick me out of the Federation? I AM THE FEDERATION *Leaves Federation and Declares War*❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓SAVE THE TIYANKI SAVE THE TIYANKI So Long...‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂 PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN?  😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? 🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 Militarism and Materialist best ethics for Stellaris r/Stellarisr/unexpectedStellaris r/ExpectedStellaris perfectly balanced as all things should be r/unexpectedthanos r/expectedthanosfor balance r/DSRfunny

            SO THAT WAS YOU!!!

              SO THAT WAS YOU!!!
              
              I was all set on having a nice quiet dinner with my girlfriend to celebrate our first year together...
              
              I’d bought some fresh tomatoes to make my homemade pasta sauce, and I’d gone to the small boutique bakery to buy some filo pastry for dessert. I was quietly going through the recipes in my mind when I heard your slurred grumbled announcement, “...You’re about to loot my balls...” I tried to ignore it but, I couldn’t ignore the furious grunting like a drunk man having a seizure. As I looked up I could see the fury in the other commuters eyes. A man looking like a professor had stood up and was about to reproach you when the dull clatter of your phoned on the train car floor seemed seemed to pause all movement in the carriage. The professors eyes widened, sweat suddenly beaded on his forehead and with fevered anguish he started undoing his belt and fly like a man who thought a hornet was caught in his pants.
              
              I was bewildered as all the other men in the car started convulsing like extras in Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ video. A woman sat across from me was doing her best to emulate a Russian gymnast trying to grate cheese from her crotch with the sole of her Nike running shoe.
              
              I bolted upright, panicked but prepared to fight, when in the corner of my eye the neon glow of your phones LCD screen drew me sight.
              
              I suddenly felt a bizarre euphoria fill my mind and a white hot heat electrify my spine and form a prism of pure desperate release in my loins.
              
              I can’t remember much else, I awoke from some kind of fever dream in a public toilet cubicle. My jeans and underwear had disappeared, but I was still wearing my Myrell slip ons, shirt and now crusted overcoat, like a cross between Donald Duck and a homeless student.
              
              I can hear another man weeping in the cubicle, keeps muttering he just wanted to fly.
              
              I feel so cold and drained. My organ is so mangled it could unpick the locks of wooden medieval doors. There’s filo pastry all over my thighs and knees.
              
              But despite all this I feel a warm contentment like I’d found ‘the’ answer. I don’t know what this means, I know there will be questions, that there should be much to fear. But truly I am grateful. Thank you.