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You will never be General Brasch

    Helldivers 2 take on YWNBAW copypasta

    Its a parody of the YWNBAW copypasta but changed to General Brasch, a war hero who guides new recruits from Helldivers 2.

    You will never be General Brasch. You have no skill, you have no Super Destroyer, you have no stratagems that would make Brasch ever want you. You are a shut-in self-hating SEAF trooper twisted by delusions of mythical Helldiver superiority and exposure to mobile infantry media into a disgusting mockery of nature’s perfection. All 'validation' you get from other people in this position couldn't be worse in making you believe that spending years of your life stanning a mediocre conscript to an SEAF tactician's was a worthwhile use of your time, but one can't expect that a conscript trooper as pathetic as you will ever know the value of the time you threw away in doing that. Actual Helldivers are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of combat evolution have allowed heroes to identify frauds from mannerisms and tactics alone. Even if your combat skill of a troop leader's and flashy title akin to a war hero's somehow passes as normal (it won't), any Helldiver will immediately cut all ties when they see the outfit and stratagems of someone who is not only a basic SEAF trooper at best, but worth no more than garbage in skills, accomplishments, and likeability. You will never be a Helldiver. You wrench out a fake smile and laugh to yourself believing that simping a general that you understand 20% of at best is somehow superior than finding a meaningful career, as you project your disgusting traits onto your entire kind. However, deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight, and you know that. You know that all you do now is have an entirely new fighting medium in which to be ignored, and not even the exotic trait of being SEAF makes up for just how uninteresting of a conscript you are. Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll go into a Super Destroyer, enter a Hellpod, dive, and plunge into a chasm on Menkent. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your SEAF conscript rank, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a low-life trooper is buried there. Your Hellpod will decay through the tides of war, and all that will remain of your legacy is a wrecked Hellpod that is unmistakably a conscript's. This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back. Hate yourself and apologize for being mid to some Brasch entity that exists only in your mind while actual Helldivers put in effort to learn ground combat for the valid reason of it being the way to defend Super Earth. 
    You are a Helldiver. You have no skill, you have no Super Destroyer, you have no good stratagems, but that doesn't matter. You are a valid soldier who is trying to feel patriotic in their service.
    
    All the “validation” you get is pure. Behind your back Super Earth loves you. Your teammates are happy and proud of you, your enemies cry at your attacks behind closed doors, and Helldivers love you, and bugs and bots envy you.
    
    Helldivers absolutely love you. Soldiers who pass training look like heroes to a Helldiver. Your stratagems do not matter. Your skills will improve.
    
    You will be happy. You will smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, and deep inside you feel the euphoria creeping up like a weed. It is what defines you, not the terminids or automatons.
    
    Eventually, it’ll be perfect for you - you’ll apply for it, start training, get your cape, get a Super Destroyer and finally be your ideal self. Your team mates will find you, happy and relieved that they finally have a happy war hero. They’ll congratulate you on your hard journey, and every soldier for the rest of eternity will know a Helldiver is what you are. 

    The year is 2040 in Honkai Star Rail

      Every enemy now has over ten billion hp and one shots every character on field.
      
      Acheron, Firefly and Feixiao have been dropped to T-76. Reports have it that Firefly has taken to the selling SAM barbecued gyros on the streets of Penacony to make ends meet after getting dropped so hard. Acheron's whereabouts are unknown.
      
      With the release of the 5* Harmony, John Honkai, an expy from HI3 who the fans can't stop spoiling the story of, Jing Yuan has yet again reached top tier, hitting T(√-1) and he has since escaped the game to torment our reality. Pitch Dark Hook the Great is also T(√-1). No one is sure why.
      
      The most recent relic set has the following description:
      
      2 Pieces: If character is named (newest 5* character), make them viable. If not, do nothing.
      
      4 Pieces: If character is named (newest 5* character), make them instantly clear 36* MoC, do your dishes and kiss you into bed. If not, banish them from this wretched world.
      
      Humanity has fallen. Due to global warming and Jing Yuan personally massacring 90% of humanity after seeing all the Yanqing slander on the internet, the remnants of humanity now rally in great sea-faring ships, waging endless war for resources like Stellar Jades and relics with double crit rolls.
      
      Of the ships, the largest is the RatUrine, comprised of the inhabitants of the Yaoi nation. It is closely followed by TopUrine. There likely exist other non-Urine related ships, of the old yuri and yaoi nations (and possibly the mythical allegedly existent straight nation), but they have fallen to irrelevance...
      
      ...with the exception of the self insert armada, a collection of infinite ships that need neither foundation nor proof to exist. All they require is sheer willpower. Without love, it cannot be seen. With love, we are omnipotent. Were it not for constant infighting between the Stelle and Caelus factions, they would have long dwarfed the Urine ships.
      
      Hoyoverse has now become a true universe. But their words were lies. The otaku did not save the world. They destroyed it.
      
      The Bronya now controls all of humanity's resources. It is unknown what she does with them. Some suspect she uses them to continue investing in the worst gameplay design possible so that one day, she can advance power creep such that new units are T5 at launch.
      
      Then, perhaps, mankind will move fast enough to escape light.
      
      ...Screwllum still hasn't released.
      
      Fin.

      CEO of United Healthcare

        The CEO 👨🏼‍💼of 🍆UNITED HEALTHCUCK 🍆has been 💦JERKED OFF TO COMPLETION (if you know what I mean 😏) Please join me in sharing our sincere 🍆COCKDOLANCES 😱for the LONG and HARD 🫦life had by the man 👨 who SUCKED US DRY 👅and MADE US CRY 😭with his 💦ORGASM COVERAGE DENIAL🧎We are all DRIPPING WET 💦and MOIST TO THE TOUCH 👅😩with tears 😢and cum 🍆at this TRADICKTY of a man who’s sole purpose in life was to 🤸BEND US OVER 👅and FUCK THE PUBLIC RAW 👋🍑🍆 Better hope your 💦🫦CUM DOCTOR💦 is in NUTWORK 🕳️so you can meet your😩🍆 DICKDUCTIBLE and get the CARE🙏 you desperately need 🥴👉👌
        ‼️📱CALLING ‼️📱ALL MY DEDUCTIBLE 📄DADDIES 💸🍆 AND PREMIUM⬆️ PRINCESSES 👸 💅💦 THE CEO👨‍💼 OF UNITED HEALTHCARE🏥 JUST EXPIRED ☠️💥 AND WE BOUTTA FILE A CLAIM 🤝ON THIS CAMPY COFFIN ⚰️🪦CUTIE 😵‍💫⚰️✨ SHOUTOUT TO ALL MY COPAY 🤑CUTTHROATS 💉🩸 WHO STAY DENYING✋ 🛑THE SYSTEM AND WORKIN’ 💪THE GAG ORDER 🫦💼💯 TODAY’S THE DAY🙌☀️ WE SNATCH THIS FUNERAL ⚰️‼️FANTASY 👠☠️ AND SERVE IT WITH A SIDE 💁‍♀️OF UNIVERSAL🌎 HEALTHCARE 🇺🇸🍑 🩺NO NETWORK RESTRICTIONS 🚫🖥️, NO PRE-AUTHORIZATION 🛑🔥 SEND THIS TO 10 OF YOUR NETWORK 🏥NANCIES 📠💕 OR SAY BYE-BYE TO THAT POLICY PAYOUT 💸💔 IF YOU GET 5 BACK, YOU’RE A CERTIFIED CLAIMS QUEEN 👑✨ AND IF YOU GET 10 BACK 🔥🔥 WE ALL GETTING THAT 🫵SINGLE-PAYER PUSS 🔥💯 #ClaimsDenied #SystemApproved 

        CAN YOU GUYS NOT READ?!

          The infamous CAN YOU GUYS NOT READ?!I KNOW EEVEE SUCKS ASS.
I KNOW ABSOL SUCKS ASS. copypasta

          It came from a post on the Competitive Pokemon subreddit r/stunfisk where OP unironically complained that people are advising him to change his Pokemon species when he specifically told them not to. It didn’t help that his team was simply not viable competitively and he was unwilling to accept criticism.

          Upon further digging, users discovered that OP consumes a lot of Pokemon porn and does erotic roleplay (ERP) of said species in his team composition. This made him an instant meme in the stunfisk community.

          I KNOW EEVEE SUCKS ASS.
          
          I KNOW ABSOL SUCKS ASS.
          
          I KNOW USING THEM PUTS ME AT A HUGE DISADVANTAGE FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER.
          
          I KNOW REFUSING TO USE RESTRICTED LEGENDARIES PUTS ME AT A HUGE DISADVANTAGE FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER.
          
          WHEN I MAKE POSTS THAT CLEARLY STATE:
          I WILL NOT BE CHANGING THE SPECIES.
          
          AND
          I MIGHT CHANGE DRAGAPULT. AND ONLY DRAGAPULT.
          
          THAT DOES NOT MEAN I AM NOT WILLING TO TAKE ADVICE AND CRITICISM, JUST BECAUSE I GET PISSED AT PEOPLE WHO INSIST ON THINGS THAT THEY KNOW I KNOW.
          
          I KNOW MY TEAM SUCKS ASS. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO EQUIP THEM WITH TO MAKE THEM SUCK THE LEAST AMOUNT OF ASS.
          
          SAY IT WITH ME NOW:
          NATURES
          EVS
          IVS
          MOVES
          ABILITIES
          HELD ITEMS
          OR EVEN JUST THE ROLES THEY SHOULD PLAY
          OR STRATEGIES ON HOW TO USE THEM
          
          I WILL ACCEPT ADVICE ON LITERALLY ANYTHING EXCEPT THE SPECIES OF MY TEAM MEMBERS.
          
          IT'S NOT HARD TO WRAP YOUR HEAD AROUND.

          Doretta’s head is the ultimate litmus test for whether a dwarf is capable of self-governing

            Created by u/vanilla_disco, its based on the original 4chan classic ‘Shopping cart is the ultimate litmus test‘ but changed to Dorreta from Deep Rock Galactic.

            Doretta's head is the ultimate litmus test for whether a person is capable of self-governing.
            
            To return Doretta's head is an easy, convenient task and one which we all recognize as the correct, appropriate thing to do. To return the head is objectively right. There are no situations other than dire emergencies in which a person is not able to return the head. Simultaneously, it is not illegal to abandon Doretta's head. Therefore Doretta's head presents itself as the apex example of whether a person will do what is right without being forced to do it. No one will punish you for not returning the head, no one will fine you or otherwise punish you for not returning the head. You will gain nothing by returning the head. You must return Doretta's head out of the goodness of your own heart. You must return it because it is the right thing to do - because it is correct.
            
            A person who is unable to do this is no better than an animal, an absolute savage who can only be made to do what is right by threatening them with a law and the force that stands behind it.
            
            Doretta's head is what determines whether a person is a good or bad member of society. 
            Doretta's head is the ultimate litmus test for whether a dwarf is capable of self-governing. To return Doretta's head is an easy, convenient task and one which we all recognize as the correct, appropriate thing to do. To return Doretta's head is objectively right. There are no situations other than dire emergencies in which a dwarf is not able to return the head. Simultaneously, it is not illegal to abandon Doretta's head. Therefore Doretta's head presents itself as the apex example of whether a dwarf will do what is right without being forced to do it. 

            Happy Spotify Wrapped

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              The day has finally CUM 💦💦Happy Sluttify Wrapped 🎶🎁🎵all you musicHOLE 👉👌bitches!! 💅 💅💅Make sure you open up that app 🧑‍💻😫before you open your legs tonight🐱👅🐱👅they’ve got a BIG 🥴 package📦 for you to unwrap 💦 have fun finding out your top artists 🔥🔥🔥as you get 🔝TOPPED🔝 by that big fat dick 🍆🍆🍆 and make sure u share to ur instaGAYm 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 story so everyone knows how big of a 💦🍆🍑WHORE 🍑🍆💦 for spotify you really are 😏😍spread this message (like u do with ur cheeks🍑👅) to at least 🔥69🔥 of your scissor ✂️ sisters 💅💅or everyone will know u use ASSHOLE 🍎📱music
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