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“The goat is never washed.”

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    byu/adz0r from discussion
    inleagueoflegends

    The original was for Faker when he won his 5th World’s title. Written by u/SSSl1k in a post game thread of G2 vs. T1 in LoL, the copypasta has been adopted by other esport fans to glaze on their favorite players.

    Faker from LoL

    I was out of town, doing a bit of visiting. I heard my friend KkOma had finally taken the time to settle down in the countryside. Rightfully so, after what he’d been through, with all the pent-up stress and frustration built up over the years of coaching the most successful KR team in League.
    
    “How have things been buddy?” I asked, as I saw my man step out of the house upon hearing my car come in the drive-through. “All good, life’s been a lot more chill, now that I’ve retired,” he answered. “Hey, wanna check out my animals out back? I’ve taken up farming as a hobby with my free time,” as he motioned over to the back gate.
    
    We headed out and he started introducing me to some of the livestock, mentioning how he had named them after his players, as the unhinged animals they were. Just then, I was hit by an unbearable stench. With my eyes watering uncontrollably, I questioned through gritted teeth, “What in the hell is that smell?”
    
    He looked over knowingly and said: "Ah. Faker? The goat is never washed.”

    s1mple from CS

    Was walking outside and randomly saw Karrigan making his vlogs. After he was finished recording, we talked for a bit and then headed out to tour his farm. He started introducing me to some of the livestock, mentioning how he had named them after his players, as the unhinged animals they were. Just then, I was hit by an unbearable stench. With my eyes watering uncontrollably, I questioned through gritted teeth, “What in the hell is that smell?” He looked over knowingly and said: “Ah. s1mple? The goat is never washed."

    Magnus Carlsen “The GOAT is now washed.”

    I was in Vegas for a convention and figured I’d finally visit my old friend Danny Rensch. Ever since he’d slowed down on screwing the chess community, he’d apparently gotten really into country living.
    
    “How’s retirement treating you?” I asked as he opened the gate to his property.
    
    “Oh, you know,” Danny grinned. “Peaceful. Slower pace. I’ve mostly been taking care of animals these days.”
    
    He led me around the farm introducing them one by one, proudly explaining he’d named them after famous chess players, as the unhinged animals they were.
    
    “That stubborn donkey over there is Hikaru. The horse that keeps escaping is Nepo. And that tiny violent rooster is Alireza." A peacock strutted past us, dazzling and elegant for about six seconds before walking directly into a fence. "Ding." He pointed toward a goose violently chasing a tractor tire across the yard. “That’s Hans. Nobody’s really sure how he got here.”
    
    Then suddenly, the air changed.
    
    A warm, heavenly aroma drifted across the field. Notes of sandalwood, lavender, maybe a hint of vanilla. It was intoxicating. Romantic, even. Like walking through a luxury spa during golden hour.
    
    I stopped dead in my tracks.
    
    “Danny,” I whispered, almost emotional, “what the hell is that incredible smell?”
    
    He smiled softly and pointed toward the hill.
    
    “Ah. Magnus.”
    
    In the distance, a perfectly groomed goat stood majestically in the sunset, its coat shimmering in the breeze.
    
    Danny nodded proudly.
    
    “The GOAT is now washed.” 

    Just start punching people

      We are 4-36 and on pace to become the worst team in NBA history. At this point, think about it; If the worst player on our team (I would say Wiseman), just started punching and beating the shit out of the other teams best player for let’s say a couple seconds, then what’s the worst that can happen? Wiseman gets tossed? He’s the worst player on the team so it wouldn’t really matter and their best player gets hurt. Just imagine Wiseman going complete apeshit on Luka before the teammates and referees get involved. It would be at least 3 whole seconds which is a lot of time to break someone’s leg or arm if they’re trying really hard. Just something to think about as we approach the second half of the season. 

      Homelander’s death

        Its from the final season of The Boys where Homelander lost his powers and begged Butcher to spare him.

        STAWP!...You owe me...all of the times I could've killed you and I let you live!...I'll give you Vought...I'll give you Vought! You can do whatever you want with it! I-I'll- Becca! You want your wife back?! I'll have a-a shapeshifter be her! JUST TELL ME! I'LL SUCK YOUR DICK PLEASE! I'LL DO ANYTHING! YOU WANT ME TO EAT SHIT?! I'LL EAT YOUR FUCKING SHIT! I'LL EAT YOUR FUCKING SHIT ON LIVE TV!...Stop... You can't fucking do this! YOU CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS! I'M THE FUCKING HOMELANDER! 

        Dance Gavin Dance is the greatest band to ever exist

          Its a circlejerk on Dance Gavin Dance (DGD) that started from r/corejerk subreddit.

          Dance Gavin Dance is the greatest band to ever exist. Give it 50 years, people are going to talk about The Beatles, Queen, Dance Gavin Dance, and Abba.
          
          Will Swans sweat has more rhythm then most posthardcore bands and Jon Mess is literally modern day Shakespeare. Literally. He is literally the greatest writer of all time reincarnated. Downtown Battle Mountain is equivalent to Romeo and Juliet and if you dont like it you don't understand what makes music good. Go listen to nikki minaj its equivalent to whatever isn't dance Gavin dance. 

          If Trump actually sells out Taiwan, us liberals should form a Taiwanese foreign legion that sails to Taiwan in their aid similar to the foreign volunteers in Ukraine

            A Taiwanese Redditor from r/neoliberal expects a ragtag group of volunteer Redditors to sail all the way to Taiwan to defend against a China invasion while also admitting he’s avoiding mandatory conscription. The person was 100% serious and not shitposting.

            Hey everyone it's your resident Taiwanese here. Obviously nothing is for 100% certain but people on here are really doomy about the prospect of America actually backing Taiwan in a way that will effectively deter China. Even if China isn't deterred and tries to take Taiwan by force, Taiwan can still put up a fight but its unclear if he'll back us even then. The arms sale is still paused and there's no sign of this changing any time soon. Giving Taiwan weapons (basically a Ukraine situation) is the very, very bare minimum. Realistically we're going to need actual help from the West in terms of kinetic attacks by allied forces. The question is; how do we get it?
            
            I was looking at the Ukraine War and the presence of foreign volunteers on Ukraine's side. Hard to know an exact number but there is an "International Legion" which has about 2,000 uniformed troops in it. There's at least 10x more volunteers but they aren't officially in uniform.
            
            I am also taking inspiration from the Hasan Piker's recent "aid expidition" into Cuba. Please hear me out. To be clear I don't support the Cuban government or Hasan Piker but its tactics we can learn from. And I understand that in Ukraine those volunteers aren't the main fighting force in Ukraine - it's 99% Ukranian blood that has been able to stem the Russian tide so far. But the point is that when Ukraine called for aid, people answered.
            
            I am proposing that we do this in Taiwan. To be clear we're going to need all the help we can get in terms of ground forces and I and my Taiwanese countrymen would welcome those who would fight along side us on land. But what we really need is naval reinforcements.
            
            If China tries to take us by force the two major options is a naval blockade or some large scale kinetic attack. In the blockade scenario, they will essentially try starving us out by cutting off our oil shipments. Leftists frame the recent Cuba thing as a blockade but it's not really a blockade - it's an embargo. Ships can travel to Cuba unmolested, but any ship that docks at Cuba can't dock in America. This would be an actual blockade where they would intercept ships and turn them away, possibly even firing on them.
            
            In the kinetic attack scenario where they will launch a huge combined naval and air attack followed by a large scale ground invasion. They will have to do this in Mid april/September since weather conditions give them a relatively small window throughout the year where they could actually transport a bunch of troops by way of boat in an amphibious assault.
            
            The commonality here is that a naval presence is key to both of these scenarios. What I am proposing is this: Believers in liberal democracy throughout the world create a rag-tag navy that comes to Taiwan's aid. A militarized cajun navy if you will. Get a bunch of speed boats, fishing trawlers, jet skis, and other civilian boatcraft and outfit them with drones, machine guns, anti-drone guns, ect. If we generate enough interest in this we can also get funding for more serious hardware - the surplus naval market is a real thing. You can buy diesel submarines, frigates, ect. This will cost billions of dollars of course but if we get this idea going I think we can raise the cash - the tech gurus dont exactly want to see the world's semichip factory fall into communist hands and will support us. There are some legal issues related to the transfer of all this military hardware but the main problem is timing. We're going to have to act fast. I don't think we'll be able to really motivate people to this idea until China actually starts creating a staging area. The actual shock and awe campaign before they launch their ground forces would take months and the staging area process would also take around two months. Being conservative here we have about a 4 month window to rally people, solicit donations, acquire the necessary hardware, outfit the vessels, and train everyone.
            
            Obviously this is a rag-tag operation. We may be able to get covert support from China's adversaries for this op in terms of training but it's mostly gonna be on us. Naval veterans will serve as the cadre and train everyone ASAP. In addition to commanding the operation it's probably best if those with actual experience man the actual hardware (submarines, frigates, ect.) if we get any.
            
            I know what you're thinking. "How can this rag tag naval legion possibly stand a chance against the PLAN (people's liberation army navy) which is the largest in the world?" We don't, that's not the point. If Western democracies don't step in, Taiwan is likely fucked. We're stuck in a negative feedback loop right now - Taiwanese morale is incredibly low because many think the West won't help us so many will not fight. This makes Western policy makers are reluctant to come to Taiwan's aid which in turn further demoralizes the Taiwanese and so on. This changes that calculus.
            
            It's gonna be a bad look for Trump or whoever's President if 30,000 Americans sail into battle and get slaughtered with no support or protection. It's one thing to leave the foreign Taiwanese out high and dry, but their own citizens? It's going to encourage them to act. The idea is to draw democratic countries into the war. Force them to act. Any politician who presides over this and does nothing will have their political careers ruined.
            
            If they do a blockade, we initially do the "Hasan" strategy. Send a bunch of unmilitarized vessels carrying oil and other essential supplies to Taiwan. We spread out so they can't intercept all of you guys. If they intercept you"non-violently" (ie without spilling blood/firing upon us) no big deal, turn around and try to run the gauntlet again. We keep doing this for as long as possible getting the supplies you need to us and try to wait out the siege.
            
            If they fire on us, or they launch a kinetic attack in Taiwan, run skirmishes on them. Attack and disengage. The largest naval insurgency the world has ever seen. If that isn't enough to draw the West in, we attack them head on. We'll station about 10 percent of our forces in South Korea and Japan to the North. Another 20 percent in Philippines to the south. The bulk of our forces will use Micronesia or one those tiny pacific island nations past the third island chain, well out of China's missile range as a staging area. Sail off from there and launch head straight for Taiwan, the rest of forces will join us from the North and South, attacking them from all angles. We'll have cameras livestreaming this to the American/Western public. When China counter-attacks, it will be brutal. But that brutality will be caught on camera. People in cigarette boats dodging drones and missiles while launching drones of their own looking into the camera - "HELP US! HELP US NOW! IT'S NOW OR NEVER!"
            
            I'm not going to lie to you, this is a dangerous operation. But liberalism itself is at stake. If China gets Taiwan, the liberal world will no longer be the strongest super power. That will be China. Social media and misinformation campaigns have poisoned the wells of democracy. We may have to live with authoritarian hegemony for centuries until the world finally wakes up and realizes liberal democracy is the only way to ensure good, sound, sustainable governance. Democracy is never dead, but I'd rather not have to raise my kids and grandkids in CCP controlled Taiwan and I don't think you guys want to live in a world where you're a second rate power to China.
            
            The truth is, I am also one of those demoralized Taiwanese I spoke of earlier. I'm finishing up my education in Berkeley at the end of this summer and have to make a choice: work abroad or return home to Taiwan to do my conscription. You know how many obnoxious, condescending leftists of the tank variety that I have to deal with? They make fun of me for placing even an ounce of hope in democracies, that you guys will come to our aid. According to them I'm better off with China. I say fuck that. But if we aren't going to get supported, I'm not going to throw my life away needlessly. I'm just as cynical about getting support from the governments of the free world as you are but if we can't muster up some kind of volunteer response then it truly is over.
            
            I know this is just a stupid subreddit but it's been so important to me for my political development and I know a lot of important intellectual type people browse here. You guys have connections, and not just on this subreddit but all across the globe. So I ask you - will you ride out with me? For Taiwan? For Democracy? The world is yours if you are willing to take it. And you know what? Just when all hope was lost, when they thought they were going to lose, Gandalf came in and repelled the invaders. 

            Sometimes i fantasize about Zhuang Fangyi coming to Dijiang drunk and beating me

              Its the Misato copypasta but changed to Zhuang Fangyi from Arknights Endfield.

              Sometimes i fantasize about Zhuang Fangyi coming to Dijiang drunk and beating me until I feel numb. She trash talks me and kicks me in the ribs while smiling. Then she starts to cry and apologizes, begging me to forgive her. I gently hold her all night and she cries into my swollen belly. We will name our future child Chubby Lung.