A few months ago I was in downtown Charlotte for a business conference. I was standing on a street corner waiting for a cross signal when I'm blinded by the headlights of the tackiest Cybertruck I've ever seen. It swings around the corner, literally a few feet in front of me, windows down, and who do I see but Lamelo Ball looking right at me. We awkwardly held eye contact for about half a second while he rounds the corner, then he launches down the street. It almost made me laugh, one of the most bizarre and unexpected moments that I'll remember till the day I die.
Anyways, yeah I wouldn't get in Lamelo's car either.
Kelvin Benjamin
A few months ago I was at Golden Corral for a business conference. I was standing at the dessert bar waiting for a serving spoon when I'm blinded by the speed of the hungriest customer I've ever seen. He swings around the corner, literally a few inches in front of me, tongue out, and who do I see but Kelvin Benjamin looking right at me. We awkwardly held eye contact for about half a second while he rounds the corner, then he launches down the buffet line. It almost made me laugh, one of the most bizarre and unexpected moments that I'll remember till the day I die.
In the original Pokémon game you’ll go to the Pokémon Fan Club Chairman to receive a Bike Voucher to progress further. But before that he’ll go on a tangent on how much he likes Rapidash and says it in a sort of creepy sort of sexual way that made it iconic.
My favorite Rapidash... It... cute... lovely... smart... plus... amazing... you think so?... oh yes... it... stunning... kindly... love it! Hug it... when... sleeping... warm and cuddly... spectacular... ravishing... ...Oops! Look at the time! I kept you too long! Thanks for hearing me out! I want you to have this!
<player> received the bike voucher!
Good! Then listen up! My favorite Rapidash... It... cute... lovely... smart... plus... amazing... you think so?... oh yes...it... stunning... kindly... love it! Hug it...when... sleeping...warm and cuddly... spectacular... ravishing... ...Oops! Look at the time! I kept you too long! Thanks for hearing me out! I want you to have this!
Its an old joke within the music production community about whether using loops and samples are cheating. Apparently it came from Splice (music creation platform) on Facebook back in 2014.
I thought using loops was cheating, so I programmed my own using samples. I then thought using samples was cheating, so I recorded real drums. I then thought that programming it was cheating, so I learned to play drums for real. I then thought using bought drums was cheating, so I learned to make my own. I then thought using premade skins was cheating, so I killed a goat and skinned it. I then thought that that was cheating too, so I grew my own goat from a baby goat. I also think that is cheating, but I’m not sure where to go from here. I haven’t made any music lately, what with the goat farming and all.
The ‘Angela Anaconda Digimon movie crossover caused my parent’s divorce’ was a 4chan story by a user claiming that the short crossover that played at the start of the Digimon movie eventually led to his parent’s divorce. The story was so amusing that everyone made memes about it and eventually the short was uploaded to YT for posterity.
>Didn't know at the time that parents relationship was rocky
>I beg to go see Digimon movie
>Parents agree but I don't realize it's for them to spend some time together as well
>Get to theater and excited about Digimon flick
>Can even afford popcorn and drinks
>Parents look happy
>Angela Anaconda short comes on
>Parents also dont speak very good English
>My lil bay mind can't comprehend all the fuck going on
>Parents are utterly confused by this Canadian fuck running around in a Digimon suit
>I start crying and they pull me out of the theater
>Mom and Dad start blaming each other for going to the wrong film
>Dad throws away the popcorn Mom wanted
>Lots of arguing and I'm still crying
>Get out to parking lot and drive off in a rush
>Get into an accident in parking lot
>Dad moves out a month later
Fucking bitch of a whore Angela Anaconda ruined my life
Originated from a Craiglist ad for a 1999 Toyota Corolla back in 2018. People shared how funny it was and it became known as the Toyota Corolla copypasta. The original listing is gone but an archived version can still be found through Internet Archive.
You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that’s hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further.
The 1999 Toyota Corolla.
Let’s talk about features.
Bluetooth: nope
Sunroof: nope
Fancy wheels: nope
Rear view camera: nope . . . but it’s got a transparent rear window and you have a -blam!-ing neck that can turn.
Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn’t give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End.
You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would -blam!-ing start right up.
This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.
Things this car is old enough to do:
Vote: yes
Consent to sex: yes
Rent a car: it IS a car
This car’s got history. It’s seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It’s not going to judge you like a -blam!-ing Volkswagen would.
Interesting facts:
This car’s exterior color is gray, but its interior color is grey.
In the owner’s manual, oil is listed as “optional.”
When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary, “Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla”
You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey.
Favorite food: spaghetti
Favorite TV show: Alf
Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It’s as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It’s as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills.
When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, “It’s a Corolla. It’s fine.”
Let’s face the facts, this car isn’t going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn’t the car you want, it’s the car you deserve: The -blam!-ing 1999 Toyota Corolla.
AKA the ‘Apology for bad english’ is a troll text of a person apologizing for their bad english but written in the most verbose and pretentious manner. There are multiple variations of said copypasta.
Before I begin my actual comment, I would like to apologize in advance for my inadequate level of English proficiency. I am not a native speaker of the world's current lingua franca which unfortunately leads to me making numerous embarrassing mistakes being made whenever I attempt to communicate using this language. Whenever I am reminded of how I lack the ability to convey my thoughts in an eloquent manner I feel as though I have committed a cardinal sin, as though every English teacher in the world are simultaneously shaking their heads and sighing due to how utterly disappointed they are at me.
Although I know that saying sorry to those of you who are reading my comment will not change the fact that I fail miserably to write and speak perfect English, I am writing this as a way to deter a certain type of people who cannot stand poor English (Also known informally as "Grammar Nazis") from mocking me by posting unwanted and unnecessary comments detailing my every blunder. In my humble opinion, making grammatical errors should be perfectly acceptable as native speakers should not expect non-native speakers to be able to communicate in their second or third languages eloquently. If you are able to completely understand what the other person wrote, is there really a problem with what they've written? No, because the entire concept of communication is the exchange of information between other intelligent beings, which means that no matter how the exchange of information is made, as long as the information is accurately shared there is not a fundamental issue with their ability to communicate. To see it in another way, remember that someone who isn't fluent in English is fluent in another language. When you think about it this way, isn't it impressive for someone to speak a second language in any capacity? Having empathy and respect are qualities that are sorely missing for far too many people these days, especially on the internet.
That being said, I am aware that not all netizens who correct others are doing it to ridicule and shame. There are some who do so with the intent to help others improve and grow. However, displaying the failures of other people publicly will cause the person who is criticized to feel negative emotions such as shame and sadness due to the fact that their mistake has been made obvious which severely undermines the point they were trying to make in spite of their unfamiliarity with the English language. In most circumstances people are not looking for language help when they post anything online. Most people just want to enjoy themselves and have a good time on the internet which is why I would not encourage correcting other people regardless of your intentions. If you really do want to help others with their spelling or grammar, I would highly recommend you to help via messaging privately because not only will you not embarrass anyone, you can also go more in-depth with your explanation which I'm sure the other person will greatly appreciate if they want help, but I digress. I know that I've written a bit of an essay, but I hope I've made my points clear. Anyways, here is the comment I wanted to make:
Lol
Hi. (I apologize for my bad English)
Hi. (I apologize for my bad English. I'm still learning and trying to improve my language skills. Sometimes, I might make mistakes or choose the wrong words, but I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. Your understanding and patience mean a lot to me as I navigate through this learning process. Learning a new language can be quite challenging, and English, with its many rules and exceptions, is no different. I often find myself struggling with grammar and vocabulary, which can lead to confusion or miscommunication. Despite these challenges, I'm committed to improving and becoming more fluent. Every conversation I have is an opportunity to learn and grow. I appreciate your willingness to engage with me and correct my mistakes when necessary. Your feedback helps me identify areas where I need to focus more and provides me with the motivation to keep going. Sometimes, I feel a bit embarrassed when I make errors, but I remind myself that making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process. Each error is a stepping stone toward better understanding and proficiency. I hope you can see my efforts and the progress I'm making, even if it's gradual. Your support means a lot to me. It makes a big difference when someone is patient and understanding rather than critical. It encourages me to keep practicing and not give up, even when it feels difficult. Knowing that you are willing to help makes this journey a lot easier. Thank you for your patience and support. I hope that as I continue to practice, my English will improve, and our conversations will become smoother. Until then, I ask for your understanding and kindness as I work towards mastering this language.)
