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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.

So as a joke, I went to my friend’s house while wearing Lappland clothes

    So as a joke, I went to my friend's house while wearing Lappland clothes,make-up and etc. I could barely stop my laughter as he went as red as a tomato and looked at me from head to toe with a bit of drool in his mouth. The way he stared made me feel a bit funny too, but I decided to tease him more by taking off my clothes. He asked me, "Are you serious?" and I said, "Yup." He went silent for what seemed like forever, so I asked him, "What's the matter?" He said he's confused, but then his boner got really hard, which made me take off his clothes. I expected him to scream, "Stop!" as I kissed him and stroked his cock, but he instead shouted, "Oh God, LAPPLAND!" which made me get a boner myself. Before I knew it, I was blowing him for the first time till he came. His semen was so thick, it got stuck inside my throat no matter how hard I swallowed. He then said, "I want to fuck you now!" and seeing that we've already gone that far and we were both naked, I obliged. A few hours later, the jerk went all pale and said to me, "Why did we do that? Now I'm totally geh" But he looked so cute all confused like that, so I took pity on him and reassured while wiping his c*m off my face, "Let's just pretend I'm still Lappland, Dokutah"

    17 dias sem punheta

      The original copypasta
      17 dias sem punheta, entrei na farmácia pra comprar um Halls, aí a menina do caixa falou assim: “boa noite, posso ajudar?” Mano, quem fala isso? Todo mundo sabe que meninas do caixa só falam “boa noite/bom dia/boa tarde” mas pra mim ela falou logo “Boa noite, posso ajudar?”, safada, ela tá muito na minha. Aí peguei um Halls vermelho e disse “quero um Halls de morango” aí ela disse “esse aí é o de cereja, o de morango é o mais rosinha” olha que safada, mano, inacreditável, a mina teve a audácia de falar que o Halls vermelho não é o de morango só pra puxar assunto comigo, decidi ver até onde a cara de pau dela ia, então eu disse “ah é tudo a mesma coisa” então ela deu uma risadinha. Mano, não foi uma piada, não tinha motivo pra ela rir, ela riu pra me deixar à vontade e pedir o meu zap, tenho certeza. Então fiquei olhando pra ela calado por uns 40 segundos pra fazer um elo no flerte porque não era justo ela fazer tudo, ela perguntando “é... deseja mais alguma coisa senhor?” Olha que safada se oferecendo pra mim no horário de trabalho, então eu fiquei só com o Halls na mão olhando pra ela, ela começou a olhar para os lados pra ver se alguém tava olhando para ela pedir o meu zap, ela tava tão eufórica com a minha presença que tava começando a suar e encher os olhos de água, certamente imaginando nosso futuro casados. Dois minutos após eu só segurar a Halls e olhar nos olhos dela eu pus a mão o bolso para pegar a carteira e ela falou “por favor não me machuque”, certamente imaginando um sexo selvagem por eu ser esse macho alpha que sou. Então peguei a carteira, abri um sorriso, peguei dois reais e paguei a Halls. Aí eu disse “eu voltarei” e uma lágrima desceu pelo rosto dela. Certamente ela está completamente apaixonada por mim e chorando de felicidade.

      Open English translated

      17 days without jerking off, I went to the pharmacy to buy a halls, then the cashier said "good night, can I help?" Man who says that? Everyone knows that cashier girls just say "good night/good morning/good afternoon" but for me she said "Good night, can I help", naughty she's super into mine. Then I took a red halls and said "I want a strawberry halls" then she said "this one is cherry, the strawberry one is the pinkest" look how naughty, bro, unbelievable, the girl had the audacity to say that the halls red isn't strawberry just to make conversation with me, I decided to see how far her straight face would go, so I said "ah it's all the same" then she giggled. Bro it wasn't a joke, there was no reason for her to laugh, she laughed to put me at ease and ask for my whatsapp, I'm sure. So I stared at her silent face for about 40 seconds to make a flirting link because it wasn't fair for her to just do everything, she asking "yeah... do you want anything else sir?" Look at that naughty offering to me during work hours, so I just kept the halls in my hand looking at her, she started to look around to see if anyone was looking at her to ask for my whatsapp, she was so euphoric with my presence who was starting to sweat and watering in her eyes, surely imagining our married future. Two minutes after I just held the halls and looked into her eyes I reached into my pocket for my wallet and she said "please don't hurt me", certainly imagining wild sex for me being the alpha male that I am. So I took my wallet, opened a smile, took 2 dollars and paid the halls. Then I said "I'll be back" and a tear ran down her face. Surely she is completely in love with me and crying with happiness.

      Caguei no provador da Renner

        Eu estava apenas escolhendo uma camisa nova na Renner, tentando achar uma que combinasse mais comigo, finalmente achei 2 Camisas do meu gosto porém comecei a sentir uma leve dor de barriga, pensei que não era nada demais...

Logo depois eu estava no provador, quando estava prestes a vestir a primeira camisa, uma caganeira avassaladora tomou de conta do meu ser

Eu não conseguia ter controle sobre minhas próprias pregas anais

Precisei abaixar as calças e fazer oq tinha que ser feito

E fiz Ali mesmo

Usei as camisas que outrora me agradavam os olhos para limpar meu rabo

Fugi de lá o mais rápido que pude sem olhar para trás

Acordo todas as madrugadas com pesadelos desse dia terrível

Sonhando com o olhar aterrorizado do pobre funcionário que adentrou aquele provador.

        Open English translated

        I was just picking out a new shirt at Renner, trying to find one that suited me the best, I finally found 2 Shirts I liked but I started to feel a slight stomach ache, I thought it was no big deal...

Soon after I was in the dressing room, when I was about to wear the first shirt, an overwhelming shit took over my being

I couldn't control my own anal folds

I had to drop my pants and do what had to be done

And I did it right there

I used the shirts that once pleased my eyes to wipe my ass

I ran away as fast as I could without looking back.

I wake up every morning with nightmares of that terrible day.

Dreaming of the terrified look of the poor employee who entered that fitting room.

        Pocket ravioli😢

          😢💔🍝💼 My heart is shattered into a million pieces. 😭 I had been saving my last piece of ravioli 🍝 for the perfect moment, and I thought that moment had come. But as I reached into my pocket 💼 to retrieve it, I fumbled and it fell onto the ground. 😞 The ravioli was ruined, and so was my day. The tears won't stop flowing 😢, and I can't help but think that nothing will ever be good again. 💔

😞👎🏼💔🍝🌧️ Why does life have to be so cruel sometimes? ☹️🤧🍝 My last piece of ravioli, my only source of comfort, now lying in a puddle of rain water ☔️ and dirt 😭. I feel like I've lost a part of myself, and I don't know how to go on 💔.

😢😭👎🏼🍝👋🏼😩😫💔 Why did fate have to be so cruel to me? 😞🌧️ I just wanted to enjoy my ravioli 🍝, to savor every bite 😋, but now it's all ruined 👎🏼. My stomach growls in hunger 😩, but all I can feel is the emptiness and disappointment 😫. I can't believe this happened to me 💔.

😔😞👎🏼🍝🥺🙏🏼💔 I can't help but wonder what I did to deserve this 🤔. Was it something I said or did? 🤷🏻‍♂️ I know it may sound silly, but I wish I could turn back time ⏰ and do things differently. Maybe then my ravioli 🍝 would still be in my pocket 💼, safe and sound. But now, all I can do is pray 🙏🏼 for a miracle to bring my ravioli back to me 💔.

😢👀💔🍝💦😭 Every time I close my eyes, I see my precious ravioli 🍝 lying in the dirt 💦. It's like a constant reminder of my failure 😞. I should have been more careful, I should have been more appreciative of what I had. Now, it's too late 💔.

😩💼🍝😔😫💔 I can't even bring myself to throw away the container that held my ravioli 💼. It feels like the last piece of evidence that it ever existed 😔. But it's empty now, just like my heart 😫. I wish I could go back to the moment before I spilled it, to hold onto it just a little tighter 💔.

😞🍝💔😭👀🌧️💦 I keep replaying the moment in my head, wishing I could have done something to prevent it 💭. But it's no use, the damage is done 💔. And now, even the rain ☔️ seems to mock me, as if adding insult to injury 😔. It's like the universe is conspiring against me, making me suffer for no reason 💔.

😢💔🍝😞😩😫🥺😭 The worst part is, I don't even know what to do now 😔.

          The r/atheism user woke up…

            The r/atheism user woke up groggy next to his 6 pack of empty Mountain Dew cans. He lifted his 400 pound frame off his bed wondering how many women he’d be able to harass on Xbox Live today when just then he remembered: today was the day. Today was the day he would finally get a chance to debate Christian sheep and slay their god in heaven. Excitedly, he got on his disability scooter and then into his 2007 Toyota Corolla. He drove to the hospital, scoffing every time he saw a crucifix bumper sticker and made sure to situate his fedora before he got out, parking in between two disability slots. When he entered, he got his camera ready, and going up to the third floor he thought “Reddit, the last enlightened place on Earth, will finally give me the attention I deserve and recognize me for my intelligence.” He entered into the room where his grandmother was lying and drawing her last breaths. A priest was standing next to her along with her children and grandchildren, anointing her and hearing her last confessions. “This is it,” he thought, “this is where I own those religiotards and achieve victory for atheism.” He boldly walked right next to his grandmother’s side and just as the priest said “may God bless your soul,” he bravely rebutted with “but there is no god to meet you in heaven. None of it is real. Your sky daddy won’t save you this time.” His grandmother looked on him in shock, opening her mouth. But then she slouched and a long beep was heard and her mouth remained wide open. “Yet another victory for atheism,” he said, looking at his family members who were stricken with faces of horror. “I’m sure they’ve finally realized their God is dead.” He opened Reddit, excited by the prospect of the karma he was going to get by posting the video he took on r/atheism.

            I caught my son having sex with the new BLÅHAJ toy we got him for Christmas

              A couple of weeks ago, we bought our son(M 14) a new BLÅHAJ toy for Christmas. I(M 53) didn’t know why, because he was 14 and felt he would of matured out of plushies by now, but we bought it for him anyways since his grades are pretty good. We also stopped seeing it after a bit so I just thought he did mature.

Well, I figured it out just yesterday. What happened yesterday was that his mom, my wife(F 50) finished making dinner for all of us, and called my son to the living room to eat. But he didn’t show up, we figured he was playing video games (He always plays something called League of Legends or something) and was just finishing something up. But after 15 minutes and him saying nothing, I was furious and barged into his room.

What I saw still is shocking me, and I see it every time I close my eyes. He was wearing a black mask, the type you’d wear during the pandemic, long pink socks that went all the way up to his thighs, and a buttblug. His BLÅHAJ was even worse however. It had 2 pretty small holes stabbed in it with a knife right where the tail joins the body and the inside of the mouth. He made it wear a ball gag, cat ears, and he stole a pair of her mothers fishnet stockings, cut it in half, and put it on its tail.

The BLÅHAJ was horrifying. I’m assuming he started fucking it ever since we stopped seeing it. The BLÅHAJ was entirely white, every bit of color it had looked like it was painted over white.

When I had barged into his room, I let out a shriek as i saw his bare ass with the butt plug, fucking the BLÅHAJ in the hole he had made near the tail. He turned around trying to tell me that it wasn't how it looked. But it was exactly how it seemed like. When he picked it up there was his fucking SEMEN dripping from the BLÅHAJ plushie and going on the ground, and it was making a squelching noise when he lifted it off the ground. I don't think he used it for just fucking either, as it smelled like piss too. (I bet if I had squeezed it, 100 gallons of pure semen would come out) And if you had replaced all the semen on the floor with blood, it would of been the most gruesome crime scene ever documented.

We have now disowned him, and he has ran away to his friends house. We also want to throw the BLÅHAJ away, but we are too disgusted to even remotely get near the damn thing. We don't know what to do with it, we want to call 911 but are afraid we might get fined if they think we are overreacting, or just simply laughed at and hung up on. We have barricaded his room with spare furniture just to stop the smell of his fucking semen taking over the house.