Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
As a teen I once went to the beach with my family on a hot summer day. When I was eating ice cream I noticed there was a 4/5 chick with big boobs sunbathing. I got so horny that I needed to jack off immediately.
I changed to my swimwear and swam under a pier where no one could see me. I masturbated there for a while.
While I'm busting it I hear screaming from the beach but I'm so horny I don't care.
When I was climaxing a loud siren gets close. When I come I get out of my hiding spot. On the beach are a firetruck, police car and an ambulance.
I fear someone has died, so I get to the beach fast. I see my parents speaking to a police officer. They notice me and just bolt in my direction.
My mom hugs and kisses me. I'm like wtf man. I ask them and they say that they thought I had drowned, so they called 911.
There I stand, everyone watching me in silence with my still erect penis protruding from my pants.
I'm on a throwaway since I don't want to talk about this on my main. So about a week ago my wife told me she thought the idea of eating my asshole was hot and she wanted to do it. I thought that was kind of weird so I laughed and said I guess we can try it but I asked her what was do hot about it and either some gentle prodding I got to the heart of the issue. She wanted to try eating my shit.
I love my wife so, so much. We've been married for 6 years, have two beautiful children and a wonderful life together. I figured that I could at least try it even though the thought makes me squeamish. For her. She definitely does sexual things (albeit a bit more "normal" things) for me that don't really get her off so I thought what's the harm?
Well she took the kids to her moms house yesterday and told me to shower. I showed and she had a drink for me when I got out. I drank a couple more then we went to the bathroom and got naked and she laid in the tub (for easy cleanup) and I crouched over her with my asshole exposed. She started kissing and licking it while rubbing my cock which honestly was not unpleasant. Then it got a bit weird. She was moaning and playing with herself while eating my ass then she moaned "Feed me baby. I want your shit. I want it all." I tried to poop but it was really weird and uncomfortable. Right as I started to feel it slipping out I heard her moan "Fuck yes!" then she sucked the small piece of shit right out of my asshole and started eating it. I felt so gross and uncomfortable that I honestly almost started crying. I watched the mother of my children and the woman I love suck a nugget of shit out of my ass and eat it. It was one of the most disgusting experiences of my life and I need to talk to her because she texted me today that she wants to eat more of my "special brownies" and I haven't responded. I'm going to have to sit her down and tell her I don't think I can ever do that again.
Juro que tudo o que ela faz o dia todo é se masturbar e se masturbar, parece que ela está misturando macarrão com queijo e você pode ouvir isso pela porra da casa inteira. Minha mãe tem reclamado com ela, mas minha irmã começou a falar cada vez mais alto. A pior parte é que meu computador está no quarto dela e todos os dias eu tenho que ir lá e vê-la simplesmente DEMOLINDO sua buceta de forma frenética, sucos brancos voando por toda parte! e então eu digo "Ei, talvez pegue uma toalha para se limpar pelo menos", MAS AQUELA VADIA APENAS ME IGNOROU. Eu não suporto viver aqui honestamente. Ontem, quando fui usar meu computador, ele estava absolutamente encharcado dos sucos nojentos dela, quase deu um curto-circuito, e ela manchou pelo menos 6 das minhas camisas até agora. E todos os meus amigos da escola me provocam, "haha haha Tobias tem a porra da irmã na camisa dele", "Girlcum Tobias" se tornou meu apelido. Eu odeio isso!
Ok so I'm pretty new to this whole dating thing, there's this girl I really like in my math class and I wanted to be her boyfriend, there's these really cool guys in grade 9 and they have sex about five times a day, they say that girls love it when boys show them their penis.
So in my next math class I stole a seat next to her and stared at her boobs, I became erection and pulled it out through the fly of my pants, as I was about to tap her on the shoulder so she could see my penis, this other girl that has no boobs and is ugly screamed “oh my god!", screaming and pointing at my penis.
I stood up to tell her to shut up and go away, but my penis was still hanging out from my pants, all the class was looking at it, I didn't want them to see my penis because it meant I would have to have sex with everybody in the room. I tried to make things right by swooping over to the girl like and bringing my penis up to her face close up, this made it clear that I wanted her to see my penis and not the rest of the class.
She screamed and tried to stab me with a pen, but she missed and stuck it up my bum, it felt really good, and some weird clear goo shat out from my penis and hit her in the face, she ran out of the room exiting and I got sent to the office.
My penis was caught in my zipper, $0 had to leave it hanging out therefor a while longer, but then classes ended and everybody entered the hallway, everybody saw my penis, and I now have to have sex with the entire school
I don't understand what happen, why are ufly girls so nosy, and why did the girl I like run away? Is my penis very small, I do not understand.
I was ready to kill myself, I had the suicide note ready and everything. Before heading out to buy some rope for a hangmans noose I suddenly had the urge to shit and figured, why the hell not, one last shit wouldn't hurt. Sat down on the toilet and opened up twitter since I always get bored on the toilet. Saw a funny thread, liked it, and shared it with the only real friend I have.
After taking a shit I realised I no longer had the urge to buy the rope. My 'post-shit clarity' came to my senses and I started thinking about all the things I would leave behind like my siblings, my friends, and my dog and rabbit, and how distraught they would be if I went through with my actions.
No longer do I feel the need to kill myself. Although I may not have much to live for, I would still be leaving behind friends and family, so I will keep trying my best to make them proud.
Thank you, poop.
Lá estava eu, novamente sentado assistindo ao culto, quando notei que havia uma contenda entre o pastor e a pastora, os quais eram casados. Provavelmente tiveram alguma briga naquele dia e inevitavelmente não puderam esconder a fervorosa e raivosa troca de olhares durante o culto. O nível de estresse dos dois era altíssimo e eu pude captar isso de longe.
Assim que o culto acabou, fui rapidamente ao púlpito e disse aos presbíteros da igreja que eu precisava falar com a pastora sobre um assunto urgente. Afirmei aos presbíteros que era um assunto que deveria ser tratado somente com ela, e ainda acrescentei que era sobre uma revelação divina que deus tinha me dado sobre a vida dela.
Pedi à pastora que ficássemos à sós e ela aceitou. Trancou-se comigo na sala de orações dela. Lá dentro eu expliquei que tive uma revelação divina sobre a briga dela com o marido e deus havia mandado eu comer o cu dela em cima do púlpito para aliviar o estresse gerado pela briga. Ela imediatamente disse ter amado a proposta, deu graças a deus e concordou que aquilo seria altamente benéfico para apaziguar a situação e aliviar o estresse. Mas, ela preferiu que o ato fosse feito em sigilo, pois poderia parecer algo "profano" diante dos demais fiéis. Demos um aperto de mãos, entramos em um consenso e começamos.
Assim que eu tirei o pau pra fora, ela já começou a dar graças a deus e caiu de boca no mesmo instante. Dava pra ver que o estresse dela já havia diminuído 75,7% só com aquela mamada. Ela dava glórias e glórias nas alturas enquanto gemia muito alto e rebolava no meu pau. Jamais imaginaria uma pastora rebolando tão bem como ela fez. Parecia até uma dançarina de funk. Nos beijamos muito, ela lambuzou meu pau de tanto que mamou e, por fim, gozei tanto, que a sujei as paredes, o cabelo dela, os peitos, a roupa toda dela, bem como a bíblia do marido. Ela deu uma risadinha e disse que estava tudo bem, enquanto lambia até as paredes para engolir toda a porra que disseminei pelo local.
Após isso, ela saiu toda descabelada, e eu, com o pau mais duro que a haste da bandeira do Brasil da Praça dos Três Poderes. Era tão difícil esconder, que usei a bíblia para tentar cobrir a haste erguida.
Ela saiu com os olhos revirados de tanto prazer que sentiu, respiração ofegante, cabelo todo bagunçado, descalça (pois já nem conseguia se equilibrar nos saltos) e me implorando para fazer aquilo de novo.
Open English translatedClose
There I was, again sitting watching the service, when I noticed that there was a quarrel between the pastor and the pastor, who were married. They probably had a fight that day and inevitably couldn't hide the fervent and angry exchange of glances during the service. The stress level of the two was very high and I could see it from afar.
As soon as the service was over, I quickly went to the pulpit and told the elders of the church that I needed to speak with the pastor about an urgent matter. I assured the elders that it was a matter that should be dealt with only with her, and even added that it was about a divine revelation that God had given me about her life.
I asked the pastor to be alone and she accepted. She locked herself with me in her prayer room. Inside I explained that I had a divine revelation about her fight with her husband and God had told me to eat her ass on top of the pulpit to relieve the stress generated by the fight. She immediately said that she loved the proposal, thanked God and agreed that it would be highly beneficial in defusing the situation and relieving stress. But, she preferred that the act be done in secrecy, because it could seem something "profane" in front of the other faithful. We shook hands, came to a consensus, and got started.
As soon as I took the dick out, she already started to give thanks to God and immediately fell out of her mouth. You could see that her stress had already decreased by 75.7% just with that feeding. She gave glories and glories in the heights while moaning very loudly and wiggling on my cock. I would never have imagined a shepherdess wiggling as well as she did. She even looked like a funk dancer. We kissed a lot, she smeared my dick so much she sucked and, finally, I came so much, that I soiled the walls, her hair, her breasts, all her clothes, as well as her husband's bible. She giggled and said it was okay, as she licked up the walls to swallow all the cum that spread around the place.
After that, she came out all disheveled, and I, with a dick harder than the flagpole of Brazil in Praça dos Três Poderes. It was so difficult to hide that I used the bible to try to cover the upraised rod.
She left with her eyes rolled back from the pleasure she felt, breathing heavily, hair all messed up, barefoot (because she couldn't even balance on her heels anymore) and begging me to do it again.
