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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.

I caught my son having sex with the new BLÅHAJ toy we got him for Christmas

    A couple of weeks ago, we bought our son(M 14) a new BLÅHAJ toy for Christmas. I(M 53) didn’t know why, because he was 14 and felt he would of matured out of plushies by now, but we bought it for him anyways since his grades are pretty good. We also stopped seeing it after a bit so I just thought he did mature.

Well, I figured it out just yesterday. What happened yesterday was that his mom, my wife(F 50) finished making dinner for all of us, and called my son to the living room to eat. But he didn’t show up, we figured he was playing video games (He always plays something called League of Legends or something) and was just finishing something up. But after 15 minutes and him saying nothing, I was furious and barged into his room.

What I saw still is shocking me, and I see it every time I close my eyes. He was wearing a black mask, the type you’d wear during the pandemic, long pink socks that went all the way up to his thighs, and a buttblug. His BLÅHAJ was even worse however. It had 2 pretty small holes stabbed in it with a knife right where the tail joins the body and the inside of the mouth. He made it wear a ball gag, cat ears, and he stole a pair of her mothers fishnet stockings, cut it in half, and put it on its tail.

The BLÅHAJ was horrifying. I’m assuming he started fucking it ever since we stopped seeing it. The BLÅHAJ was entirely white, every bit of color it had looked like it was painted over white.

When I had barged into his room, I let out a shriek as i saw his bare ass with the butt plug, fucking the BLÅHAJ in the hole he had made near the tail. He turned around trying to tell me that it wasn't how it looked. But it was exactly how it seemed like. When he picked it up there was his fucking SEMEN dripping from the BLÅHAJ plushie and going on the ground, and it was making a squelching noise when he lifted it off the ground. I don't think he used it for just fucking either, as it smelled like piss too. (I bet if I had squeezed it, 100 gallons of pure semen would come out) And if you had replaced all the semen on the floor with blood, it would of been the most gruesome crime scene ever documented.

We have now disowned him, and he has ran away to his friends house. We also want to throw the BLÅHAJ away, but we are too disgusted to even remotely get near the damn thing. We don't know what to do with it, we want to call 911 but are afraid we might get fined if they think we are overreacting, or just simply laughed at and hung up on. We have barricaded his room with spare furniture just to stop the smell of his fucking semen taking over the house.

    My mother found out I call my girlfriend mommy

      So for full context I'm a man in my late 20's, my girlfriend is in her early 30's and my mom is in her late 50's. My girlfriend and I engage in "mommydom" where she's dominant in and outside of the bedroom. She also likes it when I call her mommy during sex and just as a term of endearment. This has nothing to do with my actual mother and I don't have any sexual desires towards her. My girlfriend and I have been together for two years and engage in a lot of BDSM activities with the "mommydom" play and I'm always submissive. It's my kink and what gets me off. I can't explain it.

Well as for how my mother found out it's really my own fault. I have my girlfriend as "Mommy" in my phone and my mom as "mom" and my girlfriend gets off when I send her pictures at work. She made me wear a chastity cage for a week (a cage over my penis to deny it any stimulation, keep it from becoming erect and it has a locking mechanism so I can't take it off) and I accidentally replied to mom instead of mommy via text message with a picture of my penis in the cage with the text message of "I'm trying to be a good boy mommy but the cage is so tight. It's coming off tomorrow right?" I sent a picture of my penis in a chastity cage to my actual mother.

Obviously she responds with "What the fuck!?" Then immediately starts laying into me via text. I explained at surface level what our relationship is and said it was "Gross" and that she was ashamed. She got into a text argument with my girlfriend as well. I talked to her and she eventually calmed down and said she reacted poorly and apologized but she just begged me not to ever hear anything about it again. My girlfriend was still angry about names she called her though. But my mom invited us to dinner. My girlfriend was wearing her coat since it was cold and during dinner my girlfriend took off her coat and she was wearing a very low cut shirt that says "Your son calls me mommy too." The moment she took it off my mom yells "Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!?" Then they started fighting.

We ended up leaving early while my face was incredibly red during the whole drive back. I'm trying to get them to reconcile and my girlfriend agrees that was petty and apologized for her behavior but my mom is still angry with both of us now and I don't know what to do.

      I just found out my 75 year old grandfather watches hentai.

        So he was having problems with his laptop computer and asked me to look at it. I of course agreed since he's my grandpa. Well I opened it up and logged in but I guess he doesn't know about clearing his browser history or incognito mode because he watches a TON of hentai. As in that's the vast majority of his web browsing.

Well I saw what he was talking about and what his problem was. His hard drive was full. Full of hentai. Now I have to talk to my grandfather about his porn habits and exolain that he's going to have to delete some of these videos now. Today is not going great.

        Cocksucker drug

          I can't remember what drug it was but in college I was at a party and I took this drug and I literally could not keep a dick out of my mouth. I remember lying on the floor unable to move but as soon as a dick was pressed against my mouth my only motivation became to suck it deeper into my mouth. There is video of me crawling on all fours desperately following a guy's dick trying to get it inside my mouth.

I don't know what drug it is, but apparently there is a cock sucker drug out there that will turn any straight man into a cock sucking whore and this knowledge scares the ever living shit out of me. I don't want to be a cock sucker but when I was on this drug I didn't want to be anything other than a cock sucker. I hate that I live with the knowledge of what it feels like to have a cock inside your mouth.

          I fucked a potato when I was 14

            I fucked a potato when I was 14. I got the idea from a radio show and thought that it might feel good. I cut a hole long ways through the middle and used it to jerk off. It wasn't enjoyable at all and I remember the guilt and shame I felt as I snuck a broken, cum covered potato to the side of the house to throw it in the garbage can. It smelled weird as well.

I told some friends at school and it became pretty common knowledge, not that I cared. I never really had too much of a problem getting laid in my school years and I think me and that potato taught a lot to each other. Some of the girls who heard about it found it kind of intriguing.

Looking back on it that potato was the only thing I've fucked that didn't lie to me and betray me. It was there when I needed it, it didn't talk and performed its duties admirably (though it was a bit cold, rough, and slimy) and it probably would have fed me if I needed it to. And I discarded it like so much flotsam in a sea of mediocrity. I'll pay for this mistake for the rest of my life.

Some times at night when I can't fall asleep I still think about you, noble spud. I'm sorry I didn't mash you the way you needed me to, I was young and stupid. Now you're in a landfill and I'm in a bigger, more putrid landfill they call the United States. Maybe on some other life we can, you know...

            So as a joke, I went to my friend’s house wearing Pekora’s wig and clothes.

              The infamous Pekora copypasta

              Its the infamous Pekora copypasta that started from 4chan /vt/ board and became a meme. The original version contain numerous typo error which some users fixed themselves later on.

              So as a joke, I went to my friend's house wearing Pekora's wig and clothes. I could barely stop my laughter as he went as red as a tomato and looked at me from head to toe with a bit of drool in his mouth. The way he stared made mde feel a bit funny too, but I decided to tease him more by taking off my clothes. He asked me, "Are you serious?" and I said "Yep peko."

He went silent for what seemed like forever, so I asked him, "What's the matter peko?" He said he's confused, but then his boner got really hard, which made me take off his clothes. I expected him to scream, "Stop!" as I kissed him and stroked his cock, but he instead shouted "Oh God, Pekora!" which made me get a boner myself. Before I knew it, I was blowing him for the first time till he came.

His semen was so thick, it got stuck inside my throat no matter how hard I swallowed. He then said, "I want to fuck you now!" and seeing that we've already gone that far and we were both naked, I obliged. A few hours later, the jerk went all pale and said to me "Why did we do that? Now I'm not fucking straight." But he still looked so cute all confused like that, so I took pity on him and reassured while wiping his cum off my face, "Let's just pretend I'ms till Pekora."

              Different formatting & typo fix

              So as a joke, I went to my friend's house wearing Pekora's wig and clothes. I could barely stop my laughter as he went as red as a tomato and looked at me from head to toe with a bit of drool in his mouth. The way he stared made me feel a bit funny too, but I decided to tease him more by taking off my clothes. He asked me, "Are you serious?" and I said "Yep peko." He went silent for what seemed like forever, so I asked him, "What's the matter peko?" He said he's confused, but then his boner got really hard, which made me take off his clothes. I expected him to scream, "Stop!" as I kissed him and stroked his cock, but he instead shouted "Oh God, Pekora!" which made me get a boner myself. Before I knew it, I was blowing him for the first time till he came. His semen was so thick, it got stuck inside my throat no matter how hard I swallowed. He then said, "I want to fuck you now!" and seeing that we've already gone that far and we were both naked, I obliged. A few hours later, the jerk went all pale and said to me "Why did we do that? Now I'm not fucking straight." But he still looked so cute all confused like that, so I took pity on him and reassured while wiping his cum off my face, "Let's just pretend I'm still Pekora."