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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.


Pokimane and you are having a little chat in your mansion

    “Aha, Bartholemew, I had no idea you were so strong,” Pokimane teases, rubbing your bicep. You blush, and nervously smirk. “Well, what can I say? I’m just such a gym-head.” She laughs, offering a tantalizing look, her cerulean eyes contrasting sharply with the dim lighting of the largest bedroom in your mansion. “Well, I’ve always liked a real man,” she replies with a seductive smugness tinted with a sarcastic edge. It was as if she was saying: “God, I know I shouldn’t go through with this...but my body disagrees. Goddammit, Imane...” You start stroking her hips vertically, the tension now so palpable you could cut it with your abs. You near her ears and lick your lips. “You know what I like most about you, Ms. Anys?” Her heart rate surges, and her knees immediately tremble. She loved when you called her that: it gave her this sense of power-a sense of power she desperately wanted you to take from her. “Yeah, what is that Matthew?” she inquires shaking in pure delight, barely able to form a sentence. You grip her hips with your manly hands. She’s desperate to disguise her true feelings, but you both know that deep down, she’s undergoing nothing but pure euphoria. Every inch of her body is willing to give in to you, no matter how much she wants to hide it with her above-it-all pompoussness. “I like that you’re such a risk-taker,” you finish with a sensual peck on her hear. Oh my God. “I can’t do this to Hasan,” Poki’s conscious desperately tries to convince her-but a woman’s urges are a woman’s urges. And these urges are far more powerful than any sense of moral righteousness that she may desire. You start scratching at the jeans wrapped tightly wrapped around her thick, voluptuous right thigh. “This is happening, right here, right now!” you order, as your other hand starts unbuttoning her top without resistance. “Oh y-yes, daddy!” she responds, with a girlish stutter. “Yeah, something’s starting alright!” you hear a booming Turkish voice respond. Before you can turn your head, Hasan Piker beats the shit out of you, picks up Poki, and then spits on you. “Oh my God, Hasan, I’m so sorry!” He smirks. “Don’t worry about it, baby,” he said. “But I’m surprised you almost went through it-that guy was a fucking libertarian.” She couldn’t believe it. Oh my God, seriously?” she replies with disgust. “Yeah, and you know what we do to lib-“ before he could finish Pokimane drags your unconscious body to her front yard and runs you over with her ford carrola. “So much for the tolerant left,” you think, before it all blacks out.

    AITA for asking my parents to read a piece I wrote, not warning them that it involves very sexual graphic depictions of cunnilingus?

      There’s two things you need to know about me: I’m a 24 year old man and I love eating pussy. Seriously it’s my favorite thing and unlike most males, I don’t have much interest in blowjobs or even sex. I’m also a writer and I realized I should stop trying to write the next great American novel and just write what I know....
      
      So I wrote a nonfiction (but...flowery, I’d say) piece about eating pussy. It’s not porn, it’s like modern day Anais Nin type intellectual sexual content. It’s also very feminist because there are men out there (nay, boys) who still have childish hang ups about French kissing a woman’s delicate rose. Apologies for all my various euphemisms. Like I said I’m a writer.
      
      My parents aren’t even conservative but they got really uncomfortable after I had them read my piece. My mom said it was a bit too much for her. I asked her which part, and she said all of it but specifically pointed to a line (copy paste): “I slither my tongue through her sumptuous flaps, lapping up her golden honey with fervor as I feel her stiffening turtles head poking into my nostril.” She and my dad have always been supportive of my writing but they said this was “private” and they’d rather not read any more stuff about my sex life.
      
      I have to admit I’M a little offended because this is my art and I also believe this is the piece that might actually be something. My dad draws in his free time and this includes nude portraits of people we don’t even know....so how is that ok but my writing isn’t?
      
      Alas. The perils of being in a family of creatives lol. Anyway who’s in the wrong?

      I got banned from r/lgbt for posting this. I don’t know why, it was a legitimate question

        Asking for a friend
        
        Is there a sexuality for people who’re only attracted to 2d anime girls with fat tiddies? Ever since I’ve been a young lad, I’ve been revolted by the sight of real-life women, but Japanese cartoon characters have really done the trick for me. Every Friday night since 2009 I’ve dressed up in traditional Japanese clothing and swung around a sword for hours, honing my katana skills - preparing for the day that I move to Japan and become Hokage. Am I alone? If not, what’s it officially called? I thought “hentaisexual” might work but that sounds kinda retarded to me the more I think about it.

        AITA for not turning on airplane mode on my 3ds, killing 400 people, and losing my pokemon savegame?

          Ok, first of all, I still have a 3ds, yes. I'm fucking old school. Get with it, faggos. Anyway, me and my nigg family were going on vacay, and I brought my 3ds for the ride. It was loaded with gay porn, and windypanda1 rule 34 hentai. I get on the plane, and I can't grab one stewardess's ass without getting punched in the face, so that sucks. I turned on my 3ds to sext with SMUT_ADDICT, when all of a sudden, I shit and cum all over the plane. The entire plane is fucking covered in my sticky seed and anime shit. Anyway, the plane crashed and the only pussy I could save was MrSoftServe's tight pink, and the stylus hole in the 3ds, so while my family, and the passengers were dead, I fucked that hole with my noodle weewee all fucking night. Turn on airplane mode dipshticks.

          AITA For angrily telling my boyfriend to stop saying memes out loud in front of my tech illiterate parents?

            AITA For angrily telling my boyfriend to stop saying memes out loud in front of my tech illiterate parents?
            
            My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months. He is a cutiepie. I love how sweet, kind and sensitive he is. That being said, he always gets incredibly nervous around my parents even though they are extremely easy going. We are both about 18, and with the lockdown restrictions easing up due to less cases, my parents invited us over for dinner.
            
            Usually, he says memes out loud once in a while. I thought he was just using them ironically, but he was actually serious about them. I don't know if he got nervous or if he wanted to make a good impression, but he repeatedly said memes out loud and explained them to my parents as a way to keep the conversation alive. This happened well over 3 times during dinner and I was mortified.
            
            My dad was talking about his friend who was in the hospital battling the virus, and my boyfriend explained him the whole 'press F to pay respect' thing. My parents didn't interject so he said 'pikachu shock face' , 'destroyed 1000' in conversation.I kept trying to divert his attention towards me and wanted him to stop. I had finally had enough when he said 'stonks' and explained what it was when my dad talked about his business picking up again.
            
            I literally held his hand, took him to my room and told himhe was being stupid as hell. I understand that he was nervous, but this behavior was honestly just bizarre

            We did it boys, racism is no more.

              My fellow Americans, due to the overwhelming amount of Black squares teenage girls are posting on Instagram, the supreme court has decided end racism completely. We did not think you would go to such extreme measures but you have very much proved your point. The Military will be told to stand down just please stop. Thank you