Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.
TIFU my cupping my husbands balls and licking his nipple
Let me start this by saying we’re both pretty big trolls and we’re always fucking with each other. Our most recent battles have been “bean dipping” each other.
See bean dip: To flick a woman's (or man's) breast with the index finger. Dubbed "bean dip" because the move is similar to that of scooping up bean dip.
Anyways, the last couple of days I have decided to up the “bean dipping” and randomly cup his balls and lick his nipple creepily lol. At the fridge, making dinner, brushing teeth. Doesn’t matter. The more unexpected the better. The more I can get him to make the shocked pikachu face, the better!
So anyways. Here come the TIFU.
It’s 8am. We’re just waking up — still in bed, doing our morning cuddling. Morning time is usually our “sexy time”.
I cup his balls, lick his nipple — but this time, no pikachu face. This time…
This time he farts the raunchiest fart of all the land. And pulls the blanket over my head. I’ve been Dutch ovened, FUCK!
But things get worse. I’m gagging and he jumps out of bed and charges out of the room coughing at his own putrid-ness. I shortly follow. PUKING.
I puked. And puked. And puked.
Our room STILL smells. We have two fans and an AC unit in that bitch. And IT. STILL. SMELLS. He’s McNasty lol
TL;DR: Trolled my husband. Got Dutch ovened. Puked.
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Sexers or Reddit. What was the sexiest sex that you’ve ever sexed? Was the sex sexy? How much sex? What was the amount of sexiness during the sex, like was it sexy? I wouldn’t doubt it. Sexers tend to be pretty good at sex. Please respond sexers!
I just down voted you.
Listen📢👂up⬆️ kid🔞. This is 🔥🔥Reddit🔥🔥 and I just ⬇️downvoted👎 you. Do you really🙈think🧠🚫 your opinion😂😂 can exist🦄 being so grossly🤢🤮 different (more like wrong😂) to my own?🤦♂️Think again edgelord🙅♂️ ⚰RIP☠ in✌peace☮ to your karma buddy📉 because that arrow🏹 is gonna be ⬇️down👇 and 🥶blue😱 when I get through with you😂 Perhaps🤔 you should think🧠✌ twice✌ before disagreeing🙅♂️🙅♂️with 🃏🧐me😎🃏
Throwing you a dislike 👎because:
☝: Your comment wasn't epic
✌: It was not funny
🤌: not cute or wholesome
🖐: I'll edit in another reason later
Better luck next time. I'd rather watch 5 Mr Bean movies than read that sh$t again......
To my followers: hope y'all liking my new way of roasting redditors. I'm enjoying your feedback and take it to heart I love improving the site and making people better humans because of my replies to them. Beace out ✌
According to my scientific studies, Peeing with a boner is more difficult than giving birth. I am being 100 percent serious when I say this. This shouldn't even be an unpopular opinion, people just don't think about what the word "difficult" actually means. Peeing with a boner is more difficult than giving birth. Giving birth is definitely more painful, but pain by itself does not make something difficult. For example, putting my hand in a fire is not difficult, but it would hurt a lot. In order for something to be difficult, there has to be some chance of failure due to lack of skill, practice, or technique. Peeing with a boner often requires creative problem solving skills, especially in small spaces. There is no creative problem solving aspect of giving birth. Additionally, the way humans have evolved for these two actions supports my point. Giving birth is a natural process, which humans have evolved to be able to do. The female body is literally designed so that it can give birth with the lowest possible chance of error. The only real error that can happen is a miscarriage, which is also a natural occurrence, not a failure that occurs due to a lack of skill in giving birth. The male body, on the other hand, has evolved specifically so that peeing with a boner is very difficult. The only purpose for having a boner is to impregnate a woman, so the male body evolved to prevent urination during sex. On top of the difficulty in simply getting the pee to flow, there's the issue of actually positioning yourself so that the boner is pointing into the toilet bowl (urinals are much easier, but not always an option). In the past, I have had to give up and wait until my boner goes away because it was simply too difficult to actually pee in the toilet. There has never been a case where a woman has tried to give birth after being pregnant for nine months, not been able to do it, and said "fuck it" and waited 3 more months to try again because it would be easier the second try. Giving birth happens, every single time, because it's a natural process - peeing with a boner is the opposite.
This happened during lunch when she excitedly brought her dog along. It’s a super cute “labradoodle” and she has had him for 3 weeks now. Like most new dog owners she talked a lot about this dog and how smart he is, how he is with other dogs and people, etc. I didn’t mind of course, if it made her happy then why not!
An hour or so into lunch I noticed she kept referring to the dog as “it” and “they” I asked what gender the dog is and she gave me such a look. “…THEY are non-binary. THEY do not have a gender.” Er… what? She really took me surprise and then I laughed thinking she was joking. Well, she wasn’t…
I then made the mistake of saying that it’s a bit silly to be that way about her dog. It’s not like the dog can tell her that HE doesn’t identify as a gender. She was furious when I said that and the rest of the lunch was awkward as hell, even after changing the subject.
TLDR; TIFU by telling my friend over lunch that her new adorable labradoodle dog isn’t non-binary.
Edit: actually thought I was going to get hate for this, glad to know I’m not a total bad person.
