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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.


TIFU by turning my grandpa into a weeaboo.

    Grandpa in now a weeb
    My grandma died last year and grandpa’s tken it hard. Now he used to be the dirty old man sort of guy, so I thought getting him Nekopara Vol. 0 (A visual novel about catgirls) for Christmas would be nice.
 
A few days ago, we met up at a wedding. I see my grandpa. He starts excitedly chatting with me about the game and I think, “I did a good thing” and tuned out the rambling.
 
I shouldn’t have. We go back to my grandpa’s place.
 
Grandpa: Here are the new decorations I have!
 
Mom: Dad, what is all this?
 
Grandpa: Stuff from the game your magnificent son gave me!
 
The whole apartment was littered with Nekopara figurines, posters, merch and etc. He had a body pillow in his bedroom. Now my family looks down on me for converting my grandpa into the weebiest of weebs.
 
I learned today through text he picked up Eromanga Sensei. God help his soul.
 
TL;DR: I gave my grandad a copy of Nekopara. He went ape-shit and bought merch. My family now hates me for converting him into a degenerate.

    I’m so proud of my daughter for stopping a bank robbery

      sure that happened
      I'm so proud of my daughter for stopping a bank robbery today. The robbers went in and held their guns up, telling everyone to put their hands in the air. My daughter (only 3 years old!) stood her ground, faced them directly in the eye, and simply said "If you're being mugged, just say no. Your robbers cannot legally take any of your possessions." Almost instantaneously, the robbers collapsed to the floor, suffering from a bipolar seizure. Everyone clapped and she was given position as senator of the state of Florida, as well as invited by the Democratic National Convention to run for President in 2020. What an unbelievable event! I'm so blessed by God to have such a wonderful child.

      POV You’re a redditor and see an emoji

        It was a bright day. I woke up at 3 pm after a long night of humping my Zero Two body pillow. I get out of my bed, as I get up I smell the buildup of sweat and bacteria that have built up on the mattress as I have not showered in the past 2 months. I go to the shower. I notice that my zero two body pillow is sticked on my back. Probably because of the huge amounts of cum on her. I gently remove her from my back. The cum is hard and it pulled a chunk of my back hair. After I finish showering I shave my beard very elegantly. It's beautiful... You can't tell where the beard ends and my chest hair starts. 4chan would be proud of me. I waddle my big choker body to the kitchen. I eat 69 chicken tenders (nice) with honey mussy. I take a big sip of mountain dew and waddle my elegant chungus body to my room. I go to reddit r/Aww to look at some animals as I have not gone outside in the last 2 years. I saw very cute animals, it almost made me say "Wholesome 100" out loud. But then I saw something unimaginable. Something that has completely ruined the post, no, my whole day. I see that the title has emojis in it. I scratch my beard thinking of what I should do... I am way to intelligent to not do anything or to just move on. No. This deserves justice. I think about the current state of reddit and of it's downfal. I see flashbacks of a year ago when it was good, before the insta normies took over and normalised the use of emojis. I remember when we used to make fun of them. Thinking about how they ruined reddit for me makes me angry. But I do not want to step down to their level. I simply comment "Reddit law requiers i downvote for excessive emoji usage". I post my comment. Another insta normie owned. I quietly say "based". I am satisfied.

        Fresh off the boat, from reddit, kid?

          Fresh off the boat, from reddit, kid? heh I remember when I was just like you. Braindead. Lemme give you a tip so you can make it in this cyber sanctuary: never make jokes like that. You got no reputation here, you got no name, you got jackshit here. It's survival of the fittest and you ain't gonna survive long on 4chan by saying stupid jokes that your little hugbox cuntsucking reddit friends would upboat. None of that here. You don't upboat. You don't downboat. This ain't reddit, kid. This is 4chan. We have REAL intellectual discussion, something I don't think you're all that familiar with. You don't like it, you can hit the bricks on over to imgur, you daily show watching son of a bitch. I hope you don't tho. I hope you stay here and learn our ways. Things are different here, unlike any other place that the light of internet pop culture reaches. You can be anything here. Me ? heh, I'm a judge.. this place.... this place has a lot to offer... heh you'll see, kid . . . that is if you can handle it...

          AITA For Killing My Political Rival To Win The Election?

            Using an alt account because of people trace this back to me my reelection chances might get hurt.

I (74M) am finishing up my first term as President of the United States of America. Let me tell you, America is an incredible country, probably one of the best countries in the whole nation. As my reelection comes closer and closer, my opponent Sleepy Joe has been leading in approval ratings, and I began to get worried. Let me tell you, I am the best at being worried. Just ask anybody in my administration, I get worried like no other president. Anyways, I was considering putting Sleepy Joe to sleep for good, which I think is a service not only to his family, but also the nation as a whole. I was going to ask my good pal Putin to borrow some of that poison he’s using to silence the libtards in his country. So Reddit, am I the asshole?

EDIT: I’m not Donald Trump.

EDIT 2: Stop saying I’m Donald Trump.

EDIT 3: Bitches I got the nuclear launch codes keep testing me and you can say bye bye to the Caribbean’s.

EDIT 4: Adios Bahamas.

REAL EDIT (Ignore if not the FBI): For legal reasons, this is all revolving a Minecraft server with my friends, not the current political events surrounding the United States. No public officials are being threatened here, just my friends virtual avatar. Don’t worry FBI, we’re all good.