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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.


Just accidentally spent $200 on gems using my penis

    Source
    So firstly, this is not a joke. I genuinely just spent $200 fucking dollars using my meat on gems. So I was goofing around with the Hypixel Store as one does, and I had about $200 in gems in my cart right, I go to tebex and stuff and fill out all my info because its fun and I want to imagine what i’ll do with all the gems right. (I can’t be the only person who does this)

Fast forward a little bit and im in the bathroom fighting for my life and I stop staring at my phone for a moment so I can really lock in cause at this point im like shirt off sweating, and I’m not sure exactly what happened but I must’ve gripped my phone in a way to switch to the chrome app, I then turned around to flush my progress as to not clog the whole city’s plumbing, and at that very moment I dropped my phone into the now-flushed toilet. And I shit you not, as it fell, it swiped across my shlong and purchased it or some shit I deadass don’t know what happened. I eventually fished my phone out of the toilet and managed to disinfect it before touching. When I opened it, I saw a notification from my bank saying I spent $200 on Tebex.

TLDR: Filled my cart with gems and accidentally dropped it in the toilet, as it fell it glided across my johnson resulting in a purchase of $200 to Tebex.

    I just want to be a hard boy

      Its a circlejerk of the ‘I want to be a soft girl’ post on r/biglaw but from a man’s perspective.

      My plan isn’t to stay in Biglaw. I’ve been in it for around a year, and I can honestly say, it doesn’t suit my personality. Working in an office and typing emails does not fit into the hard boy aesthetic I’m meant for. I realized this the other night when I had a dream about sending an email to a partner. I used to dream about hard boy things like motorcycles and sex (with women). My dream would be to limit my time working on soft boy things like editing documents to three days a week and then do hard boy things the rest of the time like working on muscle cars, woodworking and drinking copious amounts of whiskey. Is it even a thing to work three days a week as a lawyer? It’s not really about the money. I just want to be a hard boy again.

      I just want to be a soft girl

      Stated on a post on r/biglaw, it got heavily meme-d due to unrealistic expectations and the description of “soft girl aesthetic”.

      My plan isn’t to stay in BigLaw. I’ve been in it for around a year now, and I can honestly say, it doesn’t suit my personality. Staying up late and stressing over emails while I’m asleep does not fit into the soft girl aesthetic I’m meant for. This truly is just a garbage post, but my dream is to work 3 days a week, reasonable hours, and be able to pursue hobbies outside of work. Is it even a thing, being able to work 3 days as a lawyer? It’s not really about the money for me.

      This subreddit ruined my life and now I’m getting a divorce

        Started from r/BatmanArkham, it was part of a series of shitposts of the Batman Arkham games. The original post then got parodied and adopted into different communities.

        Today my wife and I went to visit our 12 year old nephew in Hospital today, apparently he has a terminal disease or something, when I arrived I saw my nephew and I said to him “I like your haircut, you look just like Victor Zsasz”. A doctor then corrected me to tell me he actually had cancer, I told the doctor that I don’t believe in Astrology and it’s just a false concept.

Anyways, my nephew was hanging out with a bunch of his friends who also had cancer, there was maybe a group of 10 twelve year olds. and I saw one of them had a Batman shirt, and he looked really sad, so I thought I’d cheer him up. And as a member of this subreddit I remembered a few funny quotes that really got a lot of upvotes. So I said the first one that came to my mind. I put on my best Joker impression and yelled “STAND BACK FOOL, IVE GOT A BOMB”. To my shock not a single one of them even cracked a smile, within seconds I was tackled to the ground by one of the guards and I spent the rest of the night in jail for “bomb threat” or soemthjng like that, and jail was so boring, I thought it was be like being in the Alsume, but it was nothing like that, I was just locked in a small room for the night. I didn’t even see Hugo Strange, anyways when I went home my wife had divorce papers and told me to sign them. What do I do? Am I stupid? I love my wife and I don’t wanna divorce her. I hate feminism

        Ongezellig

        Today my wife and I went to visit our 12 year old nephew in Hospital today, apparently he has a terminal disease or something, when I arrived I saw my nephew and I said to him “I like your haircut, you look just like Koos”. A doctor then corrected me to tell me he actually had cancer, I told the doctor that I don’t believe in Astrology and it’s just a false concept. Anyways, my nephew was hanging out with a bunch of his friends who also had cancer, there was maybe a group of 10 twelve year old's. and I saw one of them had a zellig shirt, and he looked really sad, so I thought I’d cheer him up. And as a member of this cord I remembered a few funny quotes that really got a lot of gem emotes So I said the first one that came to my mind. I put on my best Mymy impression and yelled “death to the Belgians ”. To my shock not a single one of them even cracked a smile, within seconds I was tackled to the ground by one of the guards and I spent the rest of the night in a reeducation camp for “Hate speech” or something like that, and the camp was so boring, I thought it was gonna be like ongezellig. but it was nothing like that, I was just made to write essays for the night. I didn’t even see Vera, anyways when I went home my wife had divorce papers and told me to sign them. What do I do? Am I stupid? I love my wife and I don’t wanna divorce her. I hate feminism

        Happy Cake Day

          Happy cake day uwu. *sticks tongue out cheekily* I bet you must be really cool if you've had a r-reddit account this long. *shy blush* oh u-um... *looks away* I think something else here is getting long too owo. *notices my bulge* omg im so sorry. *blushes more* it's just- I don't know what it is but knowing you've been such a good redditor for this long makes me feel weird things... *sweats a little* you know? *bites lips cutely* knowing that you can be dedicated to something for so long makes me feel like you could be loyal. *gulps with nervous giggle* um haha... *notices my bulge getting bigger* uh now that I think about it *tries to make normal conversation but fails* I could like your frosting haha! *red flushes as red as a fat juicy tomato* I... ha. You know I bet you're a really nice person you know? *shuffles trying to hide my now huge erection* I'd compliment you more my love *eyes widen* I mean friend, friend! omg I'm so sorry I really didn't mean to call you love *giggles shyly, shuffling more away from you* Anyway... I'd compliment you more my lo- friend! *looks directly down, desperate to avoid eye contact* but I have to go uh... *tries to make excuse* shopping! That's it, you see, I need some milk! So anyway I guess I'll talk to you later friend, happy cake day! *smiles sweetly and longingly at you*

          Trust me, when you fire this game up, your little fuckin’ nuts are gonna start quakin’

            Trust me, when you fire this game up, your little fuckin' nuts are gonna start quakin' buddy. Your little nuts are gonna be quakin'. yeEEAAH YEEEAAAAAAH. YEAAAAHH! You're gonna shoot CUM! YOu'Re g0NNa sH0oT CÜM! You're gonna shoot HOT CUM! EVERYWHERE! And that's a promise. That's a promise, folks. That's a fucking promise right there. You're gonna shoot fuckin hot jizz all over your computer, all over your mechanical keyboard and your Razer mouse. I swear to God. That you will bust a nut the first time you play clap that's my money back guarantee. If you don't bust a nut the first time you play, message me.

            Go on r/playboicarti. That’s where the degenerate braindeads go.

              new sub copypasta just dropped
              byu/ultraopulent inplayboicarti
              Go on r/playboicarti. That's where the degenerate braindeads go. This is literally the only community on Reddit where we can have serious debates and discussions about him and music in general. Don't ruin this for us. You already have a whole subreddit dedicated to idiots like you, go and mingle with them. Don't tarnish the only mature community that we have on the entire platform.

Mods please ban this fella.