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Coronavirus

Copypasta about the Covid-19 pandemic or Coronavirus mainly circulated during the start of the outbreak. Also includes Trump’s response towards the virus.


Hoevid-19

    Hoevid-19
    Did u hear 👂about 👂the 👨‍💼president👹? That’s right, our 👎fuckscist 🇺🇸daddy 🙎‍♂️has been brought to his 🥺😩knees🥺😩 by that sexy 🥵💃🏻sickening 💃🏻💅🏼lady 🦠hoevid-19👄. I’m a 👩‍🔬dumb bitch 🤷🏻‍♀️just like 🍆dongald tramp 💋but the 🧮math 🧮 just doesn’t make 🤯sense now that 19 >>>>> 45 😰. Mister 🍑 Dump 🎂rode the 🚁helicockter 🌭all way to Walter Reed to care of his Walter needs💦😛. Rumor has it 💄👅Miss Cumrona 💦🥵took up at the announcement of 🍆Suckpreme Court 👩‍⚖️nomitease 😜Amy Horny 🥺😈Barrett and baby did she 🤤spread🤪. Other men taken by this 🦠viral slut 🌮 include se- 🥜-ors Mike Lee and Thom Twolips🥠. Send this to your 🔟favorite panty-fas. Get 7️⃣back and clean 🧼and free like Joe Thighden 👯‍♀️get 5️⃣back and cough you might have a 🦴🤤😏 sore throat get 3️⃣back and you’re Melania, getting sick in bed 🤢with the president

    I worked in the Coronavirus factory. This is my story, AMA

      My name is Lewis, and I was an employee at the Coronavirus factory run by Big Chungus. My boss, Reanu Keeves, (Keanu Reeves(wholesome man)‘s evil brother) comes up to me and he says to me

“Lewis, the time has come. It is time to make the Coronavirus in this Coronavirus factory. I am Reanu Keeves, Keanu Reeves’s evil brother.”

So I says to him

“Ok Reanu Keeves’s Keanu Reeves’s evil brother, I will do that because you asked me too. But will you give me money?

“no” said Reanu Keeves, Keanu Reeve’s evil brother.

“Ok” says Lewis (me)

So I do my work and go home. On the way back, Karl Marx and Max Stirner come up to me and they’re like

“Hey there little boy, do u work at Big Chungus Coronavirus Factory”

So I say “Why yes, Karx Marx from communist manifesto and Max Stirner from popular anime “The Ego And It’s Own”, I, Lewis, the author, do in fact work at Big Chungus’s Coronavirus factory”

And the old men are like “tomorrow at work can you break into Big Chungus (meme of fat bugs bunny)‘s office, and steal the secret papers about the factory?”

And I’m like “no i cant do that stealing is wrong and i am get fired. But I will do it if you give me a money.”

“Ok” says old guys

So I go home, and see my hot girl freind who is totally real and has big boobs.

“hey babe how was work?” She asks

“Shut the fuck up bitch” I say

We have super hot sex for the next three days, and then I go back to work at Big Chungus Coronavirus Factory.

“YOUR’RE LAIT!” Screams Keanu Reeves evil brother

“Fuck u” I say, and then I pull out a glock 19 and blow his fucking head off. I put is body in the Coronavirus machine. Then I sneek up to fat bugs bunny meme’s office, and break in. It’s really dark so I turn on light, and take the secret papers. Suddenly, the wooden thing that u open to get into room (i forget name) opens up, and in walks Big Chungus. He say

“WAT ARE U DO HERE??!! IM CALL THE POLICE

“No sir please don’t I’m so sorry I’m begging you please.” I say

He says “2 BaD!” and calls the police. The police show up and they say

“WE ARE PLOLICE!! U UNDER AREWST!!!”

But then they see a black man walking a dog and go to shoot him. While they distracted, I run away, but then I get attacked by a DRACULA!! He’s like

“Aaahhh I’m a Dracula I drink blood aaaahhhh”

“No sir please don’t I’m so sorry I’m begging you please.” I say

“No” it says

Then I pull out an onion, and throw it at him.

“Aaahhh I’m allergic to onions!!! Ahhhh” then the Dracula turns back into a frog.

Suddenly, big Chungus appears behind me and he’s like “I got you know” and the police come back and point their guns at me. I cry.

“Hand over the pappers.” Big Chungus (fat bugs bunny) says to me.

“no” I say, and then I pull out a can of black paint, and throw it on fat rabbit.

“Ahhh now i am covered in black paint that really sucks.” He says

Then the police say “everyone look! It’s another black persons!” And they shoot Big Chungus. I run away, and give the papers to Max Stirner and Karl Marx

They say “thank you so much loois, thanks to you, we can expose Big Chungus and cure the Cornucopiavirus. U r a her0.”

“ok” I say.

Then I go back home and go have more hot sex with my gilr frieeng

      The runner

        🏃‍♂️ I AM THE RUNNER. I SEE YOU WALKING ON THE SIDEWALK. BUT I WILL NOT DISTANCE MYSELF. I RUN STRAIGHT BY. YOUR GERMS ARE TOO SLOW FOR ME. MY AIRPODS GRANT ME INVULNERABILITY. I AM THE PINNACLE OF HEALTH, A PERFECT BODY AND MIND. I WILL NOT CATCH A VIRUS, FOR NOTHING CAN CATCH ME.


        If your doctor spoke like Trump

          If Your Doctor Spoke Like Trump

So it seems you’ve tested positive for the Chinese virus, the so-called Covid NINETEEN, the Corona—nobody knows what to call it, quite frankly. It’s the most amazing thing, no one knew anything about Corona until a few weeks ago.

But the moment I heard about it—the Wuhan flu; it’s also the Wuhan, or WuHAAN—that’s a city in China. Many people don’t know that. But the moment I heard about this Chinese flu, I ordered a test. And it’s an amazing test. We do better testing than anywhere in the world. Some say the Germans have the best tests, but they don’t. Our tests are even better.

So you’re positive for Corona. And usually “positive” is a positive word—it’s a very good word, frankly. Everybody thinks it’s good, apart from what you hear on the news—which is fake. It’s largely fake. But in medicine, “positive” is not so good. So it’s very confusing. And I’ve always been very clear about that. Some say “positive” is always good, but I’ve never agreed with that.

So you’re positive for the Corona. But you’ll be fine. Totally fine. You might think you’re going to die—and everybody does die, eventually. But you’ll be fine. You feel fine, right? You won’t need a ventilator. There are no ventilators—but you won’t need one.

How old are you, 55? You won’t need one. Some people need a ventilator, and they’re amazing machines. Did you know the first ventilator was made by Henry Ford? It’s an incredible piece of equipment. But you’ll be fine.

The virus gets into your lungs, which is where you breathe. But you have two of them. Some say you have a spare. Some people only have one lung. It’s true. But I don’t talk about spares. I always want both. Given a choice, I want two lungs.

So I’ve asked nurse—what’s your name, Nancy?—I’ve asked nurse Nancy to keep you comfortable. And Nancy is one of our finest nurses. I mean, just look at her. Incredible, right? Nancy, you’re really incredible. You’re not afraid of Corona, are you, the Chinese Plague? I didn’t think so. Nancy will bring you whatever you need. And if you start coughing, do that into your elbow, so you don’t make a mess. Okay, you’re doing great. I’ll see you later.

Edit/live update:

"You can call it a germ. You can call it a flu. You can call it a virus. You can call it many different names. I'm not sure anybody even knows what it is."

Donald Trump on March 27, 2020.

          Hi guys! My name is Covid

            Hi guys! My name is Covid, I am a 19 year old female originally from China. I am looking to travel the world and smash any and everyone.... the older the better PM me!