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Simp Copypasta

Browse every Simp copypasta from the infamous Discord message “can we honestly e date?” to the classic “*JAW DROPS humina humina awooga” copypasta.

My god, my dad is such a fucking simp you guys

    My god, my dad is such a fucking simp you guys. Last night, my dad started saying all these cringe things to my mom because it was their "20 year anniversary" like "I love you" and "I can't imagine my life without you". I was cringing so hard but then this morning, my cuck dad decided to make my mom breakfast in bed and I swear to god, my face contorted like I ate a sour lemon raw. I couldn't imagine the man who made me would become such a beta cuck soyboy simp for a woman. I told my dad he was acting like a little bitch and he said he thought it was time for me to move out. All because I'm 34 years old and called him out for being a major pussy and loving his wife. So glad to move out of this cringe house as soon as my social security check come in the mail.

    I was jealous of Mario and peach

      When I was 9 I was really jealous that Mario got to date Peach so to let my frustration out I turned on Mario Kart 64 and drove Mario off a cliff for 2 hours then went back to writing my fanfiction of me being Peach's bff and bf.

      Lord Maximus

        Lord Maximus 22 | 5'10" | Pisces | Has cats [76% match]

Lord Maximus at your service m’lady, level 82 DM, feminist, gentleman, sandwich lover, burrito lover, woman lover.
 
*ahem* Listen Carefully, M'lady, it seems you have stolen something from me,and i am very upset, i will have no choice but to contact the town sheriff to place in the stocks,for thieving, if you do not return my heart to me posthaste, this kind of behaviour will not be tollerated, however, i am willing to overlook this transgression, if tou agree to a date with me, otherwise chareges will be pressed for the stealing of my heart, i await your letter of acceptance *kisses hand and blows* yours truly,lord Maximus

        I will pay you $50 to step on my balls

          Let's cut to the chase. I'll pay you $50 to step on my balls. You heard me. 50 buckaroos to step on my testicles. The amount of time it would take to step on my balls and then resume to your regular schedule is about 1 second if you are skilled at the job. If you do the math that is a profit equivalent to $3600 an hour. I may or may not offer some wiggle room in the amount that you will be compensated but i can asure you my offer is as generous as they come. Think about what you could do with $50. Alot of people would take that $50 and use it to buy some sort of goods but instead i like to invest that $50 in intangible service, which would be paying someone to step on my balls, hence this conversation. This is a limited time offer and if you don't want to be of service then i will go recruit another ball-stepper. Get back to me ASAP, these balls won't step on themselves.

          Instead of a boring ungrateful “thank you” for all the simps and niceguys who compliment you, try saying this instead!

            “Thank you so incredibly much for that lovely poetic compliment you bestowed on me you god-like alpha male. Please let me offer my gratitude by parting my legs for your pleasure to do whatever action crosses your mind. Then afterwards we will bond together in holy matrimony but it will be polygamous but only on your part. You may have sexual encounters with any other female you lay eyes on but I shall never even interact with other men, and even a casual verbal conversation counts as adultery for me. However if you find a dashing female for me to mate with and you watch and or join in no matter what my sexual orientation is, then I will submit to that bidding for you my lovely future husband. I love you more than anything in the world, and my only personality trait from now on will be that I’m yours and yours only because you are a genuine god amongst men.”

            Every simp ever

              Excuse me sir or ma'am

but I couldn't help but notice.... are you a "girl"?? A "female?" A "member of the finer sex?"

Not that it matters too much, but it's just so rare to see a girl around here! I don't mind, no--quite to the contrary! It's so refreshing to see a girl online, to the point where I'm always telling all my friends "I really wish girls were better represented on the internet."

And here you are!

I don't mean to push or anything, but if you wanted to DM me about anything at all, I'd love to pick your brain and learn all there is to know about you. I'm sure you're an incredibly interesting girl--though I see you as just a person, really--and I think we could have lots to teach each other.

I've always wanted the chance to talk to a gorgeous lady--and I'm pretty sure you've got to be gorgeous based on the position of your text in the picture--so feel free to shoot me a message, any time at all! You don't have to be shy about it, because you're beautiful anyways (that's juyst a preview of all the compliments I have in store for our chat).

Looking forwards to speaking with you soon, princess!

EDIT: I couldn't help but notice you haven't sent your message yet. There's no need to be nervous! I promise I don't bite, haha

EDIT 2: In case you couldn't find it, you can click the little chat button from my profile and we can get talking ASAP. Not that I don't think you could find it, but just in case hahah

EDIT 3: look I don't understand why you're not even talking to me, is it something I said?

EDIT 4: I knew you were always a bitch, but I thought I was wrong. I thought you weren't like all the other girls out there but maybe I was too quick to judge

EDIT 5: don't ever contact me again whore

EDIT 6: hey are you there?