So I was taking a crap in the juul room (if you didn’t know they have toilets in there) and after I was done I decided to take a hit, low and behold it goes down the wrong pipe, now I didn’t learn until later you weren’t supposed to swallow the entire jul stick and you where supposed to suck on it, but somebody really should have told me that because I started choking and fell to the floor grasping my neck, luckily for me somebody happened to walk into the juul room before I actually died, and they promptly helped me get the jul stick out of my throat. I thanked him and he asked me what was going on in my pants, I looked down, they where wet but not a loose kind of wet, they were sticky, I had just busted the biggest nut of my life. Now I can’t stop every time I masterbate and cry myself to sleep in my room I have to stick a finger or something down my throat to get off, and what’s worse I can’t fuck my cat anymore because she is hard enough to fuck with both hands, its impossible to fuck her with one hand so I can use the other to gag myself. Lately I find myself getting closer and closer to death as I have to dress up as batman and tie a belt around my neck very tightly to even pop a half chub, one of these days im going to die in my room dressed up as batman with a tightened belt around my neck, and its all because of juul
I sexually Identify as the sun. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of slamming hydrogen isotopes into each other to make helium & light and send it throughout the galaxy. People say to me that a person being a star is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded, but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon inflate me with hydrogen and raise my temperature to over 6000 °C. From now on I want you guys to call me “Sol” and respect my right to give you vitamin D and probably sunburns. If you can’t accept me you’re a fusion-phobe and need to check your astral privilege. Thank you all for being so understanding.
A 👩🏫teacher👩🏫 asked her class
“What is sex👅👀?”
Johnny🙍♂️ got up and said:
“Sex is a 😏temptation😏
Caused by a 😩sensation😩
Where a boy 🙍♂️ sticks his 🍆location🍆
Into a girl’s 💁♀️ 🍑destination🍑
To increase the 👪population👪
Of the next➡️ 👶generation👶
Did you get my ☝️ 👏explanation👏?
Or do you need 😩💦 a
👅🍆🍑💦Demonstration👅🍆🍑💦 ?
The teacher👩🏫 fainted 😱
As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn’t see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5’6”. My mind, free of the constraints of porn and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me.
Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike.
I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth.
As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place. You're welcome.
