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I am done with the Gold Coast Suns Football Club

    Started from a Reddit post in r/AFL venting about the performance of Gold Coast Suns. The public meltdown after a loss has become a copypasta.

    This is it. This is the lowest moment of my day, my week, my year, my life. This was meant to be the game where we proved we will be a finals contender, to show we can be competent outside of our home state, our biggest opportunity for an away win against the team on the bottom of the ladder after coming off a win against the reigning premiers.

AND WE FUCKING BOTTLE IT.

The conversation is the same every year, “this year the Suns will make finals”, “they have brilliant young stars that will get them over the line in the next few years”, “this year we’ll prove the doubters wrong”, “THIS YEAR WE WILL SHOW WE’RE MORE THAN JUST A BASKETCASE CLUB”, but it never happens and honestly I don’t think it ever will, we’ve done more in the fucking vfl for fuck sake, at this rate we’ll be relocated to FUCKING BANGLADESH

This is one of our best lists in years, built from seasons upon seasons of failure, priority picks, academy players and many who have come and gone without a lick of success at this club, with a head coach at helm who took the laughing stock of the competition for years to a dynasty, but nothing is different.

I can’t even say some shit like “DO IT FOR THE EMBLEM” because there’s no reason to play for the emblem, we have no history outside of being the cellar dwellers of the comp, the biggest influence we’ve had over the years is building a name for DAN GORRINGE FOR FUCK SAKE-

we have 7 games left to prove ourselves, well actually 3 because we can’t win a game south of us to save our lives, and i HOPE, i PRAY, this club comes from the clouds and finally makes it to september and makes me look like a fucking knob, but i just can’t see it happening.

it’s so over, we didn’t engage with our minds, thoughts, our hearts, or even our energy. We’re not always going to get it right, and that’s okay, but we have to get it right eventually for fuck sake, we’re passionate about the game, just like you, and we care, but holy FUCK, sometimes, on a clear Saturday arvo, i just don’t want to join the ride, thank you basil.

    Collingwood Football Club

    I am done with the Collingwood Football Club

This is it. This is the lowest moment of my day, my week, my year, my life. This was meant to be the game where we proved we will be a top 4 contender, to show we can be competent with some more players bacm, our biggest opportunity for a comfortable win against a team in the top 8 after coming off a tough loss against the never to be premiers.

AND WE FUCKING BOTTLE IT.

The conversation is the same every week, “this year the pies will still make the 4”, “they have brilliant young stars that will get them over the line in the next few years”, “this week we’ll prove the doubters wrong”, “THIS WEEK WE WILL SHOW WE’RE MORE THAN JUST A FINAL QUARTER COMBACK WOUNDERS”, but it never happens and honestly I don’t know if we are even anything this year. we’ve done more in 2021 for fuck sake, at this rate we’ll be relocated to playing games in Geelong.

This is one of our best lists in years, built from seasons upon seasons of so close, father som picks, and many who have come and gone without a lick of success at this club, with a head coach at helm who took the laughing stock of the competition for years to a dynasty, but nothing is different.

I can’t even say some shit like “DO IT FOR THE EMBLEM” because thats carltons thing, the biggest influence we’ve had over the years is building a name for BRADEN MAYNARD FOR FUCK SAKE-

we have 7 games left to prove ourselves, well actually 3 because we can’t win More then one quarter a game to save our lives, and i HOPE, i PRAY, this club comes from the clouds and finally makes it to september and makes me look like a fucking knob, but i just can’t see it happening.

it’s so over, we didn’t engage with our minds, thoughts, our hearts, or even our energy. We’re not always going to get it right, and that’s okay, but we have to get it right eventually for fuck sake, we’re passionate about the game, just like you, and we care, but holy FUCK, sometimes, on a clear Saturday arvo, i just don’t want to join the ride, thank you basil.

    To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand The Finals

      Satire of posts about The Finals on why the game isn’t as popular because the general FPS playerbase are too stupid. The original pasta is for Rick and Morty that became a meme.

      To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand The Finals. The gameplay is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the mechanics will go over a typical FPS player’s head. There's also Scotty's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they're not just funny- they say something deep about GAME. As a consequence people who dislike The Finals truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Junes's existential catchphrase "thats right scotty" which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Embark's genius wit unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂 
      To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand The Finals. The strategies are extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the tactics will go over a typical player's head. There's also Scotty's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike The Finals truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Scotty's existential catchphrase "Easy Money," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Embark's genius wit unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂

And yes, by the way, i DO have a The Finals tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid 😎

      Two full raccoons up your ass. Believe in yourself.

        Started from a random tweet in 2019 which blew up due to its absurdity. The pasta is often known as the “Raccoon copypasta” nowadays.

        The human anus can stretch up to 7 inches before taking damage. 
A raccoon can squeeze into holes as tight as 4 inches, Meaning you can take almost two full raccoons up your ass. Believe in yourself.

        LOL – us diaper fetish folk also think

          LOL - us diaper fetish folk also think Taylor is ICONIC. My amazingly witty partner was changing my nappy the other day and she - with *zero* hesitation- said “The tortured poops department.” I laughed until I cried. Absolutely iconic.

          Original Tweet

          LOL - us diaper fetish folk also think Marvel movies are epic. My amazingly witty partner was changing my nappy the other day and she - with *zero* hesitation- said “Whew! Did Thanos wear thus fricken diaper or what?” I laughed until I cried. Absolutely epic.

          Deepwoken Navy Seals copypasta

            What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little perma-freshie? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the blade temple, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Duke Erisia’s manor, and I have over 300 confirmed grips. I am trained in primadon warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire summer company. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on all five Luminants, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over Deepwoken? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Voidwalker spies across the Etrean Luminant and your spawn is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fuckng dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can grip you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with Way of Navae. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Central Authority and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Luminant, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking wiped, kiddo.

            Just accidentally spent $200 on gems using my penis

              Source
              So firstly, this is not a joke. I genuinely just spent $200 fucking dollars using my meat on gems. So I was goofing around with the Hypixel Store as one does, and I had about $200 in gems in my cart right, I go to tebex and stuff and fill out all my info because its fun and I want to imagine what i’ll do with all the gems right. (I can’t be the only person who does this)

Fast forward a little bit and im in the bathroom fighting for my life and I stop staring at my phone for a moment so I can really lock in cause at this point im like shirt off sweating, and I’m not sure exactly what happened but I must’ve gripped my phone in a way to switch to the chrome app, I then turned around to flush my progress as to not clog the whole city’s plumbing, and at that very moment I dropped my phone into the now-flushed toilet. And I shit you not, as it fell, it swiped across my shlong and purchased it or some shit I deadass don’t know what happened. I eventually fished my phone out of the toilet and managed to disinfect it before touching. When I opened it, I saw a notification from my bank saying I spent $200 on Tebex.

TLDR: Filled my cart with gems and accidentally dropped it in the toilet, as it fell it glided across my johnson resulting in a purchase of $200 to Tebex.