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I own a charge lance for home defense

    Charge lance from Rimworld

    Its the “Musket for home defense” copypasta but changed to the charge lance from RimWorld.

    Own a charge lance for home defense, since that's what tynan intended. Four raiders break into my map tile. "What the devil?" As I grab my human leather cowboy hat and rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first child, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's awful quality and nails the bulk goods trader's muffalo. I have to resort to the slug turret mounted at the top of the killbox loaded with uranium, "Tally ho lads" the uranium shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off the nearby ancient danger. switch to an elephant tusk and charge the last terrified waster. He bleeds out waiting on the medicine colonist to arrive since that guy is currently overdosing on flake. Just as tynan intended

    I’m sick of Magic Bullet Outis

      Magic Bullet Outis copypasta

      Its the Xiangling copypasta but changed to Magic Bullet Outis from Limbus Company.

      I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Magic Bullet Outis. I try to play Regret Faust. My Magic Bullet Outis deals more damage. I try to play Wild Hunt Heathcliff. My Magic Bullet Outis deals more damage. I try to play Manager Don Quixote. My Magic Bullet Outis deals more damage. I want to play burn. The best team needs Magic Bullet Outis. I want to play Captain Ishmael and Blade Lineage Meursault - they both want Magic Bullet Outis. She grabs me by the throat. I save for her. I pull for her. I give her all the SP support passives. She isn't satisfied. I shard Dawn Office Sinclair. "I don't need this much burn count" she tells me. "Give me more magic bullets." She grabs LCCB Ryoshu and forces her onto the bench for the support passive. "You just need to double slot me. I can deal more damage with Magic Bullet E.G.O." I can't pull for magic bullet E.G.O. I don't have enough lunacy. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end" She takes aim with her E.G.O. weapon. She says "I remember the day when it offered me the contract." There is no hint of sadness in her eyes. Nothing but pure, AOE dark flame application. What a cruel world.

      Hear me out. All signs point to Kim Kitsuragi being a serial killer.

        Kim Kitsuragi from Disco Elysium
        source
        I was just replaying the game today and couldn't shake this feeling after investigating the corpse of the working class woman's husband.

Why is Kim so dismissive of the possibility that the man was shoved while drunk? Usually Kim is willing to explore all avenues but he seems to very quickly write this death off as an "accident" related to drinking. Almost as if he is trying to stifle any further investigation. He even cuts Harry off when calling into the station to report the body to be sure no further field autopsy is completed.

The force required to crack a skull like that isn't generated during a typical slip and fall incident. It seems more likely that someone stalked the man after seeing him drunk and pounced when he was at his most vulnerable point. Kim has the training and ability to tail a potential victim and stage the crime scene so that it looks like an accident.

The timing makes sense. At the point you find the body Kim has been in Martinaise for long enough and Harry was completely out after his bender during the exact time the "accident" took place. Even if the body is discovered later than day 3 Kim could have easily done it. Harry is able to participate in mischief after Kim goes to sleep, who says Kim isn't able to committ murder while Harry is arguing with Mr. Limbic and Reptile Brain? Naive fools, that's who.

Finally, Kim lets it slip that he has seen this before multiple times. Really Kim? How often does this specific incident happen. He doesn't say that sometimes it's acute poisoning. He says he's seen this exact situation multiple times. I think this is an unintentional admission that Kim is a sequence killer who has been stalking the ultra drunks of Revachol, waiting until they are too intoxicated to notice his approach and then pushes them with such force they crack their skulls and die. If he fails to kill them the drunks are so far gone they can't even remember what happened, let alone identify Kim as the assailant. And to top it all off when the body finally is found, Kim comes, investigates the crime scene, and finds no foul play. It's the perfect crime with the perfect cover up.

Sorry to break this to all the fans of Kim Kitsuragi. All signs point to Kim being a brutal serial killer of drunks. Kim's five steps ahead playing 27D chess while everyone else is playing tic tac toe and trying to find their gun.

Harry better watch his back before he ends up having an "unfortunate" fall.

        Please end my SUFFERING

          Please end my SUFFERING
          byu/DeusExPersona inthefinals
          Listen here you absolute DEGENERATES, do you have ANY IDEA what kind of PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE you're causing by playing Light class?! I am LITERALLY SHAKING with pure, unfiltered RAGE every time I see one of these mosquito sized MENACES zipping around the map!!

The AUDACITY of Light players thinking they're skilled when they're just abusing these BROKEN MECHANICS! Oh wow, you got a kill with your LH1?? slow clap Must be REALLY HARD with literally ZERO RECOIL and that ABSURD headshot multiplier! And don't even get me STARTED on that STUPID SWORD I'm out here playing an FPS while you're cosplaying as a NINJA ON CRACK!!

You think you're Neo from the Matrix with that evasive dash?? YOU'RE NOT COOL, you're just EXPLOITING broken movement mechanics while I'm trying to land shots like a NORMAL HUMAN BEING! And the GRAPPLING HOOK?? Oh, getting destroyed?? Just YEET yourself into the stratosphere like a COWARD!!

THE ABSOLUTE WORST is you INVISIBLE RATS with your stun guns! What kind of SADISTIC GAME DESIGN is this?! No audio cues?? No warning?? Just ZAP and you're DEAD?! I've developed a PAVLOVIAN FEAR RESPONSE to electrical sounds now I can't even make TOAST anymore without having Vietnam flashbacks!!

The Double Barrel is just INSULTING 'haha heavy go bye bye' with two clicks! The M11 is just spray and pray for BABIES! The dagger?? More like a nuclear warhead to the spine! And the XP-54?? Might as well be shooting LASER BEAMS with that recoil control!!

I'm going to write a strongly worded letter to the developers, and by strongly worded I mean it will be typed in ALL CAPS with exactly 47 exclamation points because that's how ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS I am about this!! DELETE LIGHT CLASS OR I WILL UNINSTALL MY ENTIRE PC!!!

          LA Wildfire copypasta

            🔥🔥🔥 YO! 🌴🌊 Are you ready to LIGHT UP 🚬🍃🔥🔥💥 the PALISADES 🍑🍆 with some NASTY 🔥🔥 fire vibes?! 🌬️It's gettin' HOT 🥵🥵 out there, and just like your ex 🤡, this fire 🌋🔥 don't quit!😜🚒 Grab your hoses 😩💦💦 and let the SPANKING 👀commence 🏁🟢 because we're about to get moist 💦💦 like a 5-alarm fire 🔥🔥🔥 that can't be contained! 😻 Time to SERVE 😩🔥🔥🔥 those flames like they’re your hottest 🥸 date 🍑🍆🍌, and don’t forget to fan 🪭the flames 🌬️🔥 with those big old DICKS 🍆🍆🧯! It’s a fire sale 💰🔥 of steamy FUN and NSFW 🔥🔥🔞 action, so slap that 🔥🔥🔥 ground and let your SIZZLING ⚡️ desires spread like wildfire 🌈🔥🌟! If you ain't feeling the heat 🔥🔥, then you’re just a wet blanket 🥱🛌 in a world of fire fuckers 🚒🍑! LIGHT ME ON FIRE 🌋🔥, let's make it a BLAZING adventure now! 🍑💦💥💥 send this to 2️⃣0️⃣ of your HOTTEST 🥵 OUT OF CONTROL BITCHES 🤪🤪 if you get 5️⃣ 🔙 your pussy 😿 is DRIER 🌵 than the hillside ⬇️ if you get 🔟 🔙 your home 🏠 will be getting 🏃 a visit from Big 😳Daddy 😏 Hose 💦 toniteeee. If you get all 2️⃣0️⃣🔙 you’ll be STUFFED 😫 by alllllll the big 🔝strong 💪🏽 firefighters 🚒 tonight 😛until you splash 💦 🤿 the entire 👆hillside and extinguish 🔚 the fire 🔥😍. STAY SAFE 🫡 and don’t forget 🤔 to wear ur mask 😷 to keep that throat 🫦 nice and healthy for daddy 👨‍🚒🥺 
            🔥🚨 IT’S GETTIN’ HOT IN HERE 😈🔥 bc these Los Angeles WILD-FIRES 🌲🔥 aren’t the only thing BURNIN’ UP 👅👅👅 Daddy 🔥GLOBAL WARMING🔥 is PACKIN’ some serious HEAT 🍆💦 and it’s comin’ STRAIGHT for you DRY HOES🌵🍑🥵 So keep that PU$$Y SOAKED 💧💧😩 bc when I see that THICC SMOKE 💨 BLOWIN’ IN HARD 👅, I’m ready to BLAST my BIG, JUICY EXTINGUISHER 💦👅 ALL OVER YOUR FIRE ZONE 🔥🍑 Only the NASTIEST 🥵🏜 lil SQUIRTERS 💦🔥 with BURNIN’ HOT BUNS 🍑🍖 can take these FLAMIN’ BACKSHOTS 💥🍆🍑 and BLOW DADDY’S 🔥FIRE HOSE🔥 so if you’re not ready to get that ASS TORCHED 🔥 then stay your ashy self HOME 😡😡💨💨 
            🔥🔥 HEY ALL YOU 🫦 POLY 👄GENDERLESS 🫦 GREASE GOBLINS 🛢️🔥 Los Angeles is getting RAWDOGGED 🤰 by the 🥵FIRE DADDIES🥵 AGAIN‼️ It’s giving flame-clussy inferno vibes🔥😩 as the 🧑‍🚒HOSE HOTTIES🚒💦 struggle to put out Mother Nature’s 🥵 pyrotechnic BOOTY CALL 🍑💨. The 🦎LIZARD KING🦎 Gavin Newsom said 🔥“Let it burn for the aesthetic”🔥 while Malibu mansions 🏠✨ and innocent field mice 🐭🔥 got YEETED straight to HELL 🔥☠️‼️ If you don’t forward this to 8️⃣ Earth signs 🌎♑♉♍ your 🚗 ⚡️tesla⚡️ 🚙 WILL combust 😩 in an I-405 ✨HELLSTORM✨ and you’ll be haunted by 🔥SMOKEY💨 the BEAR 🐻🔥 for eternity. 🫦 STAY HOT LOS ANGELES 🫦🔥 
            Sumbody CALL 📞 911 🚨 THOTTIES FIRE BURNING 🥵 on the 💃dancefloor 🪩in Southern California 🔥🔥🔥 the city of 🌇 Los ANALes 👼👅is facing ASS DESTRUCTION‼️🍑 all over the place, including 💦CUMset 💦boulevard 🫦 Pacific 🐳 PalisAIDS 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 and 🍼🍼🍼MaliBOOBZ 🍒🍒 so STROKE that HOSE 🧯💦 in solidarity with the 💖SEXY FIREDADDIES💖👨‍🚒💪🏻 and residents of Los ANALes 🙏🏻🙏🏻 send this 📩 to 3️⃣ HOTTIES🥵 if ur ✊🏻🕳️GAPING 😩4 CALI TN 🌊 Send this 📩 to 6️⃣ hotties if ur 💨FUMING💨 at GovenWHORE newSCUM 🤮🤢 for shrinking 🤏🏻 the LA Fire Departments 🚒 DICK 🍆 just a FEW MONTHS AGO 🗓️😡 send this to 🔟 SIZZLIN ❤️‍🔥SLUTZ 🧨 to send another💰BILLY DOLLAS 💸 to BUTT🍑FUCK🍆 UKRAINE 🇺🇦 bc THATS what those DRY🤮 BARREN💀 WASHINGTON 🏛️ 🚽SCAT 💩GUZZLERS 🍽️ know how to do best 😡🖕🏻

            What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard

              Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it script

              Its from from Billy Madison (1995) where the principal criticised Billy for his incoherent ramblings. The line is often used as a copypasta to roast people online.

              What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.