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I GOT FIRED FROM MY JOB OVER CHINESE LESBIANS

    Its the entire transcript of yuyuslivestreamdiary ‘i got fired from my job over chinese lesbians!!’ where she’s roleplaying as Kobeni from Chainsaw Man ranting about how she got fired from her job.

    I got fired from my job over CHINESE LESBIANS okay? Like, I used to work at a BAKERY right, PAST TENSE, until this whole Chinese lesbians thing happened, okay? Let me start off by saying this was NOT a great work environment, okay? They were lowkey EXPLOITING us, and there were DIDDIES there. There were actually P. DIDDIES working there. Not exactly the best people, so it’s not really a LOSS.
    
    So, like, I worked at the FRONT DESK, okay? Like, at the front place, I’d be like, “HERE’S YOUR CAKE, HERE’S YOUR CAKE, HERE’S YOUR CAKE.” And then, so I was working at that cake place, and then my boss gave me his phone. He’s like, “CAN YOU PLAY SOME MUSIC FOR THE BAKERY?” and I’m like, “OKAY.”
    
    Then my coworker is like, “I LOVE LE SSERAFIM, CHAEWON! CAN YOU PLAY CHAEWON?” So I’m like, “OKAY, LET’S PLAY LE SSERAFIM.” But the first two letters of “LESBIAN” also happen to be the first letters of LE SSERAFIM. So I search it up and then they’re like, “OH, LESBIANS,” in the past YouTube search history. I didn’t think much of it. I was like, “OH, THAT’S JUST A LITTLE BIT ODD,” right?
    
    But an hour later I’m like, “I WANT TO LISTEN TO SOME CHAPPELL ROAN.” So I get the phone and “CH,” “CH” also happens to be the first two letters of CHINESE LESBIANS, and GUESS WHAT was in the search history? And then I completely forgot about this; like, he took a bunch of PICTURES of the search history, and then he sent everybody, he’s like, “HA, IT’S SO FUNNY.” I’m like, “OH, OKAY.”
    
    So, like, a bunch of months later I remember this. I’m like, “OH, REMEMBER THE TIME WE SAW THAT IN HIS SEARCH HISTORY?” And then I was like–and then she was like, “OH YEAH, I REMEMBER.” I’m like, “OH, I SAW THIS. I SAW LIKE THE PICTURES OF THE SEARCH HISTORY,” and she’s like, “OH, OKAY.” And then she was like, “CAN I SEE?” and I was like, “OKAY, YEAH, YOU CAN SEE.” So I sent it to her, and I thought I sent it to her, but I ACCIDENTALLY SENT IT TO THE WORK GROUP CHAT with HIS WIFE in it.
    
    And so when I sent it to that group chat, I left my phone for FIVE HOURS okay? I don’t go back to my phone for five hours, and then after those five hours, I come back to like THIRTY MISSED CALLS. And then, like, my friend responded to the picture with, “OH, THIS IS THE BOSS’S SEARCH HISTORY,” she literally, like, gave my picture contact. And then his WIFE–we did not know his wife was in that group chat either. So his wife responded with an ADRENALINE-FUELED RANT like, “WHY ARE YOU SAYING THIS, WHAT’S GOING ON?” And apparently, she was scared, thinking we were IMPLYING HER HUSBAND WAS CHEATING by watching lesbians on YouTube or whatever.
    
    I’m sitting there like, “WHAT’S WRONG WITH CHINESE LESBIANS? ARE YOU JUST HOMOPHOBIC OR SOMETHING?” I LOVE CHINESE LESBIANS; no clue why you’re pressed. This is my SIGN: NEVER work somewhere that EXPLOITS YOU because THIS is what you’ll get. And at this point, I’m starting to believe the boss is the one SEARCHING UP CHINESE LESBIANS because they keep CHANGING THEIR STORY. One day it’s, “WE HAVEN’T USED THIS PHONE IN A LONG TIME,” or “THIS IS SOMEBODY ELSE’S PHONE.”
    
    Like, what are you even saying? They didn’t tell anybody about it; they were just like, “SHH, WE DON’T TRUST YOU. YOU CAN LEAVE.” They didn’t tell any of her parents; they didn’t tell anybody who worked there. ARE YOU JOKING ME? OH MY GOD.
    

    M2 Browning in space

      Its a 4chan copypasta that circlejerks on how great the M2 Browning is by fantasizing it as the superior weapon in space warfare.

      >2066
      
      >Stationed on Mars to quell a rebellion
      
      >Become side door gunner for atmospheric dropship.
      
      >No miniguns or gatling cannons, just some metal brick with a pipe on one end.
      
      >Get sent in to extract some wounded.
      
      >Reach the evac zone and come under attack.
      
      >Hoard of rebels charging in with their new plasma guns and compact rocket launchers.
      
      >Let loose a stream of bullets.
      
      >The sounds of the rebel's screams are nearly drowned out by the heavy "Kachunk chunk chunk chunk" of the machinegun.
      
      >The wounded are loaded up and returned to base.
      
      >Inspect MG afterwards.
      
      >Thing was made in 1942.
      
      >Tunisia, Italy, and Germany are scratched onto the gun.
      
      >Scratch "Mars" on with a knife.
      Ma Deuce Mars
      >2066
      
      >Stationed on Mars to quell a rebellion
      
      >Become side door gunner for atmospheric dropship
      
      .>No miniguns or gatling cannons, just some metal brick with a pipe on one end.
      
      >Get sent in to extract some wounded.
      
      >Reach the evac zone and come under attack.
      
      >Hoard of rebels charging in with their new plasma guns and compact rocket launchers.
      
      >Let loose a stream of bullets.
      
      >The sounds of the rebel's screams are nearly drowned out by the heavy "Kachunk chunk chunk chunk" of the machinegun.
      
      >The wounded are loaded up and returned to base.
      
      >Inspect MG afterwards.
      
      >Thing was made in 1942.
      
      >Tunisia, Italy, and Germany are scratched onto the gun.
      
      >Scratch "Olympus Mons" on with a knife.

      To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Mass Effect Memes

        To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Mass Effect Memes. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical biotics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also TIM's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Mass Effect memes truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Shepard's existencial catchphrase 'I should go,' which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Drew Karpyshyn's genius unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools... how I pity them. And yes by the way, I DO have a Kai Length tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the Spectre's eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5% of my biotic potential (preferably lower) beforehand. 

        Shit was SO cash

          Its a old 4chan copypasta from 2007 originating from the /b/ board. The copypasta is an unhinge and somewhat ironic rant in which the OP berates everyone else while portraying himself as the alpha male.

          Hey Faggots,
          My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook.
          Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than "jack off to naked drawn Japanese people"? I also get straight A's, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
          Pic Related: It's me and my bitch

          Pois é, ngm assiste ou sequer jogou futebol. Acompanhando o sub me veio uma pergunta, seria eu o único que jogou futebol de forma organizada sem ser pelada com os amigos?

            Pois é, ngm assiste ou sequer jogou futebol. Acompanhando o sub me veio uma pergunta, seria eu o único que jogou futebol de forma organizada sem ser pelada com os amigos?
            
            tipo metade dos comentários que vejo aqui são obviamente escrito por não atletas que chega ser cômico.
            
            Quando eu jogava no sub 17 do Ypiranga (3 anos de titular)Eu corria mais rápido que qualquer um. Os técnicos do time me chamavam de Falcão dos pampas, apelido que ganhei devido ao meu talento e durante essas três temporadas fui o lateral mais temido do gauchão sub-17. No meu último ano chegamos as semi finais do estadual mas fomos fudidos pelos árbitros nos 43 do segundo tempo mas isso é outro assunto (me manda no privado se tiver interessado em saber mais)
            
            Então sim, espero que vocês possam entender porque eu sinto uma grande desconexão com os redditors desse sub. Por favor me diga que eu não sou o único que se sente assim lol 

            My roommate keeps creaming in his sleep

              Started as a post on the University of Nevada subreddit, it became a meme due to the typo in the title that makes the whole thing so much funnier. Its part of a series of copypasta that started from university rant or post.

              This is driving me insane and I’m losing sleep. At least twice a week my roommate will randomly sit up at like 3 am in his sleep and scream his lungs out. I mean full on screaming as if his life is in danger. It lasts like 12 seconds and then he’s right back to sleeping. It wakes me up every single time and scares the shit out of me. I asked him this morning if he has night terrors and he acts like he has no idea what I’m talking about. This has been going on for a month and a half and if it goes on any longer I’m going to lose my mind.