Its from curatedtumblr comments but the source has never been found.
"Yo, are these catboys straight?" I mutter to my buddy while uncomfortably adjusting my position on the bench.
"No, of course not." my buddy, Josh, responds with out looking at me, a confused sneer frozen on his face as he watches the baseball team full of catboys roll around on the grass and pounce on each other before bumbling the ball back to the skinny, scared pitcher. He hisses as he picks up the ball as if it's the first time he's had to throw one even though this game has been going on for 3 hours already.
"I don't know." I squirm, "I mean, I... well. I mean I think they could... they could be straight, ya know?"
"Definitely not, man. They're pouncing on each other and hugging each other and licking each other. These dudes are super gay." Josh throws his head back and looks up to the darkening sky. "I was supposed to leave 20 minutes ago."
He has some obligation with his girlfriend no doubt. "Well, ya know. Cats are gay. So maybe you're confusing these catboys with real cats when in fact they're only catboys."
"Nope."
Our batter who's up at the plate backs off and sighs heavily. He slings his bat over his shoulder and calls over to us. "Guys. We just gotta call it. We gotta forfeit."
The pitcher's mound turns into a catboy pile as all the catboys do that thing where cats arch their backs and rub against each other. Some how from this writhing purr pile, the ball launches towards our unprepared batter for another strike, his third. In resigned disbelief, he trudges back to the dugout and sits down on the bench.
"I can't believe it." the out-batter says.
Josh on the bench throws his hat to the ground. "We can't quit, dammit! We can't lose to these fucking catboys!" There's a quaver in his frustrated voice. I think he doesn't understand why exactly he's so upset to be losing to the catboys. Neither do I. I can't understand my feelings towards the catboys either.
Head in his hands, shaking his head, he continues, "These fucking catboys..."
I clear my throat to get his attention and then grab his shoulder. "Yeah, these fucking catboys. Look. The catboys are fucking."
At the pitcher's mound, the purr pile has turned into a fuck pile. The catboys have stripped themselves of their little baseball uniforms and all their lithe, pallid bodies are writhing and grinding together. The meows and hisses and screeches are almost unbearable. Almost...
One of our teammates stands up and walks right on past, present, and future by us, unbuttoning his shirt.
"Jesse? No, man. Don't do it. If they fuck long enough, that's gotta be a forfeit. We can still win this thing."
"S-sorry..." Jesse says. He makes a sound like he was going to say something else, like he was about to justify what he's about to do, but no. He simply strips naked and hops in the cat pile to a chorus of cheerful meows. They welcome him greedily.
I'm drenched in sweat, heart pounding. I feel like I have a fluffy tail curled up in my getting-tighter-by-the-moment pants.
"Josh, I uhh..." I don't want to let him down. I don't want to let the team down, but... It's a fur fuck pile.
Josh sighs, "Just fucking go fuck with the catboys... I'll be there in a minute... I just gotta call my girlfriend and tell her I'll be late..." he says while untying his cleats.
I'm relieved and ashamed, but excited as I hurriedly wrench loose my sweaty uniform. As I stumble in a lustful stupor, practicing my own meow, I hear Josh muttering to himself.
"These fucking catboys got us again."
Its a post on Tumblr by @henstomper in 2022 which became meme. The pasta is usually used alongside the first one.
the catboys i signed for my all-catboy baseball team dont know what baseball is and theyre actively loudly sobbing whenever they miss a swing and whenever they dive to catch a ball it bonks them on the head and they go "uweh" and our pitcher closes his eyes whenever he throws because hes scared and we're beating every other team in the league
By u/Professional-Ear-717, its the Xiangling copypasta but changed to Glalio from Wild Rift.
I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Galio.
I want to play Jayce - Galio pokes better. I wanna pick Zed - Galio oneshots faster. My team needs someone to tank? Galio can tank like fucking Orn. We lack AP damage? Galio deals shit ton of damage. We need more CC? Galio IS CC. Opponent wants to roam? Galio is already there. We need anti-heal or anti-shield? Galio can build everything! Need second sup? Galio can be played as second sup. Need someone to carry? Galio WILL carry. Oh, they enemy team is AP heavy... GALIO CANNOT DIE HE IS FUCKING THANOS!
Whole enemy team dives my sololaner. He is dead right? Wrong! I press my Ult. I DO NOT CARE! I AM ULTING THIS SHIT!
I just wanna play Yasuo, I wanna play Zed and Jayce. I want to play the characters I like and care about, but I cannot lock them in. Galio is already picked before I realize. This gargoyle stares deep into my eyes. This barby pink mecha doesnt care. There is no choise. I. EAT. MAGIC!
Day in day out… I goon, I open Reddit, I see more gooner material, I goon more. At this rate I don’t know how long the cycle must continue, “when will it end?” oh how I wonder. Gooning has destroyed a once complete man, and now I’ve fallen into this dark cycle of sinning, fapping until I can’t bust anymore, and it’s all because of these damn Goonsona subreddits… I can’t goon anymore and it’s driven me to insanity… will I be free of this torment? Or am I forever to commit such an innocent sin? Goonsona shall never end, no matter how much I wish it would
It started as a shitpost from r/visualnovels which became a meme and other Redditors use it as a copypasta to shitpost their own subs.
(Visual Novels) Playing my first nukige. When am I supposed to masturbate?
Playing my first nukige. When am I supposed to masturbate?
I've just started Tsumamigui 3.
Some scenes are very arousing but they aren't sex scenes with my favorite heroine, but more like a handjob or a blowjob with a heroine I don't prefer. And since I can shoot it only once a day (no judgment, please) I feel like I have to sit through these arousing yet undesirable scenes without climaxing. If I blow my load during a secondary character's blowjob, and then my favorite girl shows up 20 minutes later with full penetration, it feels like the session is effectively wasted.
Here is my current protocol:
Handjob scenes: Passive observation, no touch.
Blowjob scenes: Slow edging allowed, but no climax.
Vaginal scenes (non-favorite heroine): Allow arousal to go up but stop at the 80% threshold.
Vaginal scene (favorite heroine): Full release permitted.
But the issue is, if the game makes me too aroused that I get to 90% arousal level, and then a penetration scene with a mildly attractive heroine appears, I feel like I'll have to give in to my primal urges. In that case, I'd have to save before that penetration scene and go on with my day and then come back once my arousal is back to normal. But I don't know what will appear when.
To mitigate this, I’ve introduced an emergency system. If arousal exceeds 80% during a scene with an unpreferred heroine, I immediately shut down the game and go for a walk outside.
If I end up being unable to kick off my emergency system and I do reach 90% arousal during a non-preferred penetration scene, then I must make a decision based on the following criteria:
Quality of the context: If the context of the scene or its emotional resonance is a 9/10 or higher, she is temporarily upgraded to qualified.
Time of the day: If it’s past 11:30 PM, in order to not lose sleep, I'm allowed to exercise the "no regrets act" which gives me a permit to elevate any undesired heroine or any contextually poor scene to the "qualified status." It's like when deputies deputize people.
If these checks don't match, then I don't play the game for 2-3 days and come back once I'm in the mood.
What do you think? How should I approach this?
(Osu) Watching osu streams for the first time. When am I supposed to masturbate?
Watching osu streams for the first time. When am I supposed to masturbate?
I've just started watching mrekk live.
Some maps are very arousing but they aren't scores on my favourite songs, but more like aim slop or flow slop with a song I don't prefer. And since I can shoot it only once a day (no judgment, please) I feel like I have to sit through these arousing yet undesirable songs without climaxing. If I blow my load during a mid song flow slop score, and then my favorite song shows up 20 minutes later with an insane pp value, it feels like the session is effectively wasted.
Here is my current protocol:
Aim slop bad song: Passive observation, no touch.
Flow slop bad song: Slow edging allowed, but no climax.
Good map (but not my favourite song): Allow arousal to go up but stop at the 80% threshold.
Good map (favorite song): Full release permitted.
But the issue is, if the stream makes me too aroused that I get to 90% arousal level, and then mrekk starts playing a banger map with a decently good song, I feel like I'll have to give in to my primal urges. In that case, I'd have to stop watching before that map and go on with my day and then come back once my arousal is back to normal. But I don't know what he will choose when.
To mitigate this, I’ve introduced an emergency system. If arousal exceeds 80% during a map with an unpreferred song, I immediately shut down the game and go for a walk outside.
If I end up being unable to kick off my emergency system and I do reach 90% arousal during a non-preferred map choice, then I must make a decision based on the following criteria:
Quality of the context: If the context of the map or its emotional resonance is a 9/10 or higher, it is temporarily upgraded to qualified.
Time of the day: If it’s past 11:30 PM, in order to not lose sleep, I'm allowed to exercise the "no regrets act" which gives me a permit to elevate any undesired song or any contextually poor map to the "qualified status." It's like when deputies deputize people.
If these checks don't match, then I don't watch the stream for 2-3 days and come back once I'm in the mood.
What do you think? How should I approach this?
(Math) Starting Mathematics for the first time, when am I supposed to masturbate?
Starting Mathematics for the first time, when am I supposed to masturbate?
I've just started Mathematics.
Some questions are very arousing but they aren't questions with my favorite topic, but with a topic I don't prefer. And since I can shoot it only once a day (no judgment, please) I feel like I have to sit through these arousing yet undesirable questions without climaxing. If I blow my load during a secondary topic's problem, and then my favorite topic shows up after 20 minutes, it feels like the session is effectively wasted.
Here is my current protocol:
Questions with any other topics: Passive observation, no touch.
2D geometry questions: Slow edging allowed, but no climax.
Algebra questions : Allow arousal to go up but stop at the 80% threshold.
Calculus questions (favorite topic): Full release permitted.
But the issue is, if the question makes me too aroused that I get to 90% arousal level, and then an amazing question with a mildly attractive topic appears, I feel like I'll have to give in to my primal urges. In that case, I'd have to pause before that scene and go on with my day and then come back once my arousal is back to normal. But I don't know what will appear when.
To mitigate this, I’ve introduced an emergency system. If arousal exceeds 80% during a question with an unpreferred topic, I immediately shut the book and go for a walk outside.
If I end up being unable to kick off my emergency system and I do reach 90% arousal during a non-preferred insanely erotic question, then I must make a decision based on the following criteria:
Quality of the context: If the context of the question or its emotional resonance is a 9/10 or higher, it is temporarily upgraded to qualified.
Time of the day: If it’s past 11:30 PM, in order to not lose sleep, I'm allowed to exercise the "no regrets act" which gives me a permit to elevate any undesired topic or any contextually poor question to the "qualified status." It's like when deputies deputize people.
If these checks don't match, then I don't study maths for 2-3 days and come back once I'm in the mood.
What do you think? How should I approach this?
(Persona) Starting Persona for the first time, when am I supposed to masturbate?
Starting Persona for the first time, when am I supposed to masturbate?
I've just started playing Persona 5
Some scenes are very arousing but they aren't scenes with my favorite girl, but with a girl I don't prefer. And since I can shoot it only once a day (no judgment, please) I feel like I have to sit through these arousing yet undesirable scenes without climaxing. If I blow my load during a secondary character's scene, and then my favorite girl shows up after 20 minutes, it feels like the session is effectively wasted.
Here is my current protocol:
Scenes with any other girl: Passive observation, no touch.
Makoto scenes: Slow edging allowed, but no climax.
Ann/Haru scenes: Allow arousal to go up but stop at the 80% threshold.
Futaba scene (favorite girl): Full release permitted.
But the issue is, if the game makes me too aroused that I get to 90% arousal level, and then an amazing scene with a mildly attractive girl appears, I feel like I'll have to give in to my primal urges. In that case, I'd have to pause before that scene and go on with my day and then come back once my arousal is back to normal. But I don't know what will appear when.
To mitigate this, I’ve introduced an emergency system. If arousal exceeds 80% during a scene with an unpreferred girl, I immediately shut down the game and go for a walk outside.
If I end up being unable to kick off my emergency system and I do reach 90% arousal during a non-preferred insanely erotic scene, then I must make a decision based on the following criteria:
Quality of the context: If the context of the scene or its emotional resonance is a 9/10 or higher, she is temporarily upgraded to qualified.
Time of the day: If it’s past 11:30 PM, in order to not lose sleep, I'm allowed to exercise the "no regrets act" which gives me a permit to elevate any undesired girl or any contextually poor scene to the "qualified status." It's like when deputies deputize people.
If these checks don't match, then I don't play the game for 2-3 days and come back once I'm in the mood.
What do you think? How should I approach this?
(Zenless Zone Zero) Playing ZZZ for the first time. When am I supposed to masturbate?
Playing ZZZ for the first time. When am I supposed to masturbate?
I've just started Zenless Zone Zero.
Some scenes are very arousing but they aren't scenes with my favorite agent, with a agent I don't prefer. And since I can shoot it only once a day (no judgment, please) I feel like I have to sit through these arousing yet undesirable scenes without climaxing. If I blow my load during a secondary character's scene, and then my favorite girl shows up 20 minutes later, it feels like the session is effectively wasted.
Here is my current protocol:
Nicole scenes: Passive observation, no touch.
Lucy scenes: Slow edging allowed, but no climax.
Jufufu scenes (non-favorite agent): Allow arousal to go up but stop at the 80% threshold.
Qingyi scene (favorite agent): Full release permitted.
But the issue is, if the game makes me too aroused that I get to 90% arousal level, and then a scene with a mildly attractive agent appears, I feel like I'll have to give in to my primal urges. In that case, I'd have to save before that scene and go on with my day and then come back once my arousal is back to normal. But I don't know what will appear when.
To mitigate this, I’ve introduced an emergency system. If arousal exceeds 80% during a scene with an unpreferred agent, I immediately shut down the game and go for a walk outside.
If I end up being unable to kick off my emergency system and I do reach 90% arousal during a non-preferred scene, then I must make a decision based on the following criteria:
Quality of the context: If the context of the scene or its emotional resonance is a 9/10 or higher, she is temporarily upgraded to qualified.
Time of the day: If it’s past 11:30 PM, in order to not lose sleep, I'm allowed to exercise the "no regrets act" which gives me a permit to elevate any undesired agent or any contextually poor scene to the "qualified status." It's like when deputies deputize people.
If these checks don't match, then I don't play the game for 2-3 battery charge and come back once I'm in the mood.
What do you think? How should I approach this?
I'll let you in on my secret, Clint: I'm the goddamn Terminator. I wake up at 6am and I work nonstop until 2am every single day. I only take half days on holidays because I am being physically restrained from entering the town. I hoe, water, mine and fish until my legs collapse, and when they do, I scarf down wad after wad of seaweed until I can stand up again.
If that sounds like the life for you, then come on over to the farm. I'll even spot you the hundred G for Robin to build you a cabin.
Its an old rizz pasta from a Tweet in 2020 that gets resurfaced every time there is a possibility of war with Iran.
Original
They saying we might go to war, it’s crazy cause ever since we stopped talking I’ve been at war with myself. Idk why but this Iran shit got me thinking about how I ran from your love, hope everything is good with you though shorty. Be safe out here
They saying we might go to war. It's crazy cuz ever since we stopped talking, ive been at war with myself. Idk why but this Iran shit got me thinking about how I ran from your love. Hope everything is good with you tho shorty, be safe out there
Ayatollah in a box
All this talk about putting the ayatollah in a box makes me realize how much I miss when you used to put me in your box
My love for you israel
thinking about how Iran from your love, but now that I know what we had i know my love for you israel
Hit it like those bombers
Just wondering if I could maybe hit it like those bombers hit the Iranian nuclear facilities..
