The David Pastrňák copypasta dates all the way back in 2016 when someone made a comment on him in r/hockey.
Fuck this guy is giving me all sorts of alfredo thoughts i need this guy to fucking dangle some noodles in my fucking sauce more often shit im creaming
Twink gets railed by his transsexual goth girlfriend, gets himself boypreggers. Has to go to the boynecologist and get a BOYBORTION! Many such cases!Comment
byu/TrenSetterrrr from discussion
inmoreplatesmoredates
Bro, you're so like me, just a little bit cooler. You understand, maybe we were meant to be together. Just think about it, If you were a woman we'd definitely have sex together, watch horror movies, play videogames together, and philosophize about life and stuff. Well, let's drop the bar to femboy. Well, yknow, It doesn't matter if you're man or woman. So think about it.
Its the Xiangling copypasta from Genshin Impact but changed to Faker a professional LoL player for T1.
I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Faker. I try to support Chovy. Faker wins worlds. I try to support Shanks. Faker wins worlds. I try to support BDD. Faker wins worlds. I want to support Poby. His best team has Faker. I want to support Guma, Keria. They both want Faker.
He grabs me by the throat. I root for him. I cheee for him. I give him the stream donation. He isn't satisfied. I buy his HOL skin. "I don't need this many skins" He tells me. "Give me more Worlds tournaments." He grabs Oner and forces him to play Mundo first time in a Game 5. "I think we have to pick Mundo, there are no hard counters for it."
I can't buy their Worlds Skins, I don't have enough Riot Points. He grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." He picks Azir. He says "Azir! Get them." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, shurima shuffle. What a cruel world.gagawin 🔥 ko 💚 ang 🌳 lahat 🌎 para 💪🏽 protektahan 🛡️ ang 😠 aking 🏡 bansa 🇵🇭 iingatan ❤️🩹 ko 🦸🏻♀️ kayo 🧑🧑🧒🧒 hanggang 🏘️ dulo 🌈 basta ✋🏼 iingatan 🥺 niyo 👥 din 🫀ako 🧝🏽♀️
By u/StarliteSun, its the Xiangling copypasta but changed to Agalea from Honkai Star Rail specificially for the Currency Wars event.
I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Aglaea. I try to play Castorice. My Aglaea deals more damage. I try to play Phainon. My Aglaea deals more damage. I try to play Archer. My Aglaea deals more damage. I want to play Anaxa. His best team has Aglaea. I want to play Hyacine, Tribbie—they both want Aglaea.
She grabs me by the throat. I fish for her. I cook for her. I give her quadruple boots. She isn't satisfied. I give her 10,000+ ATK. "I don't need this much ATK," she tells me. "Give me more SPEED." She grabs Sunday, RMC, Tingyun, Huohuo—even Saber and Yunli and forces them to advance her or give her energy. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with BOOTS+BOOTS+BOOTS+BOOTS+BOOTS+BOOTS."
I can't get more boots, I don't have enough equipment, I only have the knife, the star, and the armor item. She grabs my reroll button and spams it LVL 5 until my interest vanishes along with the rest of my coins. My economy is ruined. She's not 3-star yet. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Garmentmaker. She says, "Thus our fates become one." There is no hint of sadness in her eyes. Nothing but pure voracity for speed and boots and action advances and energy. 
This variation was written by u/No_Employ4768 as a comment on Agalaea speed meta in Currency Wars.
I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Aglaea. I try to play Phainon. Aglaea deals more damage. I try to play Qingque. Aglaea deals more damage. I try to play Firefly. Aglaea deals more damage. I want to play Cyrene. Her best team has Aglaea. I want to play Trailblazer, Hyacinthia - they both want Aglaea. She grabs me by the throat. I fish for her. I cook for her. I give her Anti-Grav Boots. She isn't satisfied. I synthesize another Propeller "I don't need this much speed to dmg scaling" She tells me. "Give me more actions." She grabs Sunday and forces him to throw himself off enemies. "You just need to make me act more. I can deal more damage with a Privileged Anti-Grav Boots." I can't get a Privileged Anti-Grav Boots, I don't have the item. She refreshes my investments. It doesn't show up. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Garmentmaker. She says "Garmentmaker, get them." They chase me at full speed—Aglaea rolling on her wheelchair. There is no hint of hesitation in their eyes. Nothing but pure, quadratic speed to damage scaling. What a cruel world.