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PRESENCIEI UM CASAL MUITO ESTRANHO

    Its a spinoff of the original story ‘VI MINHA AMIGA TRANSANOD‘ following the POV of the bartender who witnessed the date.

    Trabalho como bartender e já vi de tudo, , madrugada é um circo que vocês não tem noção, , mas eu presenciei um encontro que nunca imaginei nem na minha pior embriaguez...
    
    Expediente começou normal, , um ou outro moleque pagando de bom querendo beber mais que monza tubarão, , menininha de faculdade que o pai acha que tá estudando aqui me dando mole pra ver se ganha drink de graça, , normal.
    
    Mas meu irmão, que merda foi aquela? Um maluco que parecia uma versão raquitica do moleque do ratatui senta numa mesa e pede duas cervejas porque tá esperando uma menina pra um encontro, ,beleza, ok,, passaram-se 20 minutos e chega uma menina com uma mochila estilo alpinista, daquelas que pegam as costas inteiras da pessoa e mais um pouco...
    
    MERMÃO, ,A MULHER ME TIRA UMA MENINA COTOCA DE DENTRO DA MOCHILA.
    
    Não era uma anã ou uma criança, , era uma mulher sem braço nem perna
    
    Não bastasse, não sei de onde caralhos, ela pede pro meu colega uma CADEIRINHA DE CRIANÇA, NUMA BAR?! E o desgraçado conseguiu
    
    Dai pro resto da noite não consegui mais prestar atenção em nada, um maluco estranho dando caipiroska na boca de uma mina sem membros enquanto a amiga mestre pokémon observava de perto,
    
    E o pior, eu acho que depois disso eles sairam pra um menage, porque o carro meteu a a cotoca no braço, levou ela e a amiga pro uninho e meteu bala
    
    que noite!

    I WITNESSED A VERY STRANGE COUPLE

    I work as a bartender and I've seen it all, the early morning is a circus you have no idea about, but I witnessed a meeting I never imagined even when I was drunk...
    
    The workday started out normal, with some kid pretending to be cool and wanting to drink more than Monza Tubarão, a college girl whose dad thinks she's studying here flirting with me to see if she can get a free drink, normal.
    
    But my brother, what the hell was that? A crazy guy who looked like a rickety version of the kid from Ratatouille sits at a table and orders two beers because he's waiting for a girl to go on a date, okay, ok, 20 minutes passed and a girl arrives with a mountaineering-style backpack, the kind that takes up the person's entire back and then some...
    
    BRUNETTE, THE WOMAN TAKES A GIRL OUT OF MY BACKPACK.
    
    It wasn't a dwarf or a child, it was a woman with no arms or legs
    
    As if that wasn't enough, I don't know where the fuck she came from, she asked my friend for a CHILD SEAT, IN A BAR?! And the bastard got it
    
    From then on, for the rest of the night, I couldn't pay attention to anything, a strange crazy guy giving caipiroska to a girl with no limbs while her friend, the Pokémon master, watched closely,
    
    And the worst part, I think after that they went out for a threesome, because the car hit her in the arm, took her and her friend to the club and started shooting
    
    What a night!

    I saw Frye from Deep Cut at a Mako Mart yesterday.

      Frye Onaga copypasta

      Parody of the Flying Lotus copypasta but changed into Frye from Splatoon.

      I saw Frye Onaga at a Mako Mart in Splatsville yesterday. I told her how fresh it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a stockfish and bother her and ask for photos or anything.
      She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
      I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing her hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw Frye trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen frozen shwaffles in her arms without paying.
      The jellyfish at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Miss, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to not understand jellyfish language, but eventually turned back around and brought the shwaffles to the counter.
      
      When they took one of the shwaffles and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped them and told them to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After they scanned each shwaffle and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting them by yawning really loudly.
      
      Did anyone else have such weird encounters with an idol?

      List of Republicans Who Voted Against FEMA Funding Before Helene Hit

        The list — only Republicans voted “no”:
        
        House
        
        Rep. James Baird of Indiana
        Rep. Troy Balderson of Ohio
        Rep. Jim Banks of Indiana
        Rep. Aaron Bean of Florida
        Rep. Andy Biggs of Arizona
        Rep. Gus Bilirakis of Florida
        Rep. Dan Bishop of North Carolina
        Rep. Lauren Boebert of Colorado
        Rep. Mike Bost of Illinois
        Rep. Josh Brecheen of Oklahoma
        Rep. Tim Burchett of Tennessee
        Rep. Eric Burlison of Missouri
        Rep. Kat Cammack of Florida
        Rep. Michael Cloud of Texas
        Rep. Andrew Clyde of Georgia
        Rep. Mike Collins of Georgia
        Rep. Eli Crane of Arizona
        Rep. John Curtis of Utah
        Rep. Warren Davidson of Ohio
        Rep. Byron Donalds of Florida
        Rep. Jeff Duncan of South Carolina
        Rep. Ron Estes of Kansas
        Rep. Mike Ezell of Mississippi
        Rep. Randy Feenstra of Iowa
        Rep. Brad Finstad of Minnesota
        Rep. Michelle Fischbach of Minnesota
        Rep. Russell Fry of South Carolina
        Rep. Russ Fulcher of Idaho
        Rep. Matt Gaetz of Florida
        Rep. Tony Gonzales of Texas
        Rep. Bob Good of Virginia
        Rep. Lance Gooden of Texas
        Rep. Paul Gosar of Arizona
        Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia
        Rep. Morgan Griffith of Virginia
        Rep. Michael Guest of Mississippi
        Rep. Harriet Hageman of Wyoming
        Rep. Andy Harris of Maryland
        Rep. Clay Higgins of Louisiana
        Rep. Jim Jordan of Ohio
        Rep. John Joyce of Pennsylvania
        Rep. Trent Kelly of Mississippi
        Rep. Darin LaHood of Illinois
        Rep. Laurel Lee of Florida
        Rep. Debbie Lesko of Arizona
        Rep. Greg Lopez of Colorado
        Rep. Anna Paulina Luna of Florida
        Rep. Morgan Lutrell of Texas
        Rep. Nancy Mace of South Carolina
        Rep. Tracey Mann of Kansas
        Rep. Thomas Massie of Kentucky
        Rep. Tom McClintock of California
        Rep. Rich McCormick of Georgia
        Rep. Mary Miller of Illinois
        Rep. Max Miller of Ohio
        Rep. Cory Mills of Florida
        Rep. Alex Mooney of West Virginia
        Rep. Barry Moore of Alabama
        Rep. Nathaniel Moran of Texas
        Rep. Ralph Norman of South Carolina
        Rep. Andy Ogles of Tennessee
        Rep. Gary Palmer of Alabama
        Rep. Scott Perry of Pennsylvania
        Rep. Bill Posey of Florida
        Rep. John Rose of Tennessee
        Rep. Matt Rosendale of Montana
        Rep. Chip Roy of Texas
        Rep. David Schweikert of Arizona
        Rep. Keith Self of Texas
        Rep. Victoria Spartz of Indiana
        Rep. Claudia Tenney of New York
        Rep. William Timmons of South Carolina
        Rep. Jeff Van Drew of New Jersey
        Rep. Beth Van Duyne of Texas
        Rep. Derrick Van Orden of Wisconsin
        Rep. Mike Waltz of Florida
        Rep. Randy Weber of Texas
        Rep. Daniel Webster of Florida
        Rep. Bruce Westerman of Arkansas
        Rep. Roger Williams of Texas
        Rep. Rudy Yakym of Indiana
        
        Senate
        
        Sen. Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee
        Sen. Mike Braun of Indiana
        Sen. Katie Britt of Alabama
        Sen. Ted Budd of North Carolina
        Sen. Mike Crapo of Idaho
        Sen. Deb Fischer of Nebraska
        Sen. Bill Hagerty of Tennessee
        Sen. Josh Hawley of Missouri
        Sen. Ron Johnson of Wisconsin
        Sen. Mike Lee of Utah
        Sen. Roger Marshall of Kansas
        Sen. Markwayne Mullin of Oklahoma
        Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky
        Sen. Pete Ricketts of Nebraska
        Sen. James Risch of Idaho
        Sen. Eric Schmitt of Missouri
        Sen. Tim Scott of South Carolina
        Sen. Tommy Tuberville of Alabama

        Ultrakill Boot-up sequence

          (When you first play the game)

          BOOT UP SEQUENCE READY
          
          FIRMWARE
           LATEST VERSION (2112.08.06)
          
          CALIBRATION
           EXPIRED
           NEW CALIBRATION REQUIRED
          
          BEGINNING CALIBRATION
          
          AUDIO          OK
          VIDEO          OK
          MECHANICS      OK
          
           CALIBRATION COMPLETE
           PRIMARY SETTINGS UPDATED
          ( ASSIST OPTIONS  AVAILABLE IN PAUSE MENU )
           ALL SYSTEMS OPERATIONAL
          LOADING STATUS UPDATE...
          BOOT UP SEQUENCE... READY FIRMWARE: LATEST VERSION (2112. 08. 06.) CALIBRATION: EXPIRED. NEW CALIBRATION REQUIRED BEGINNING CALIBRATION AUDIO... OK VIDEO... OK MECHANICS... OK CALIBRATION COMPLETE PRIMARY SETTINGS UPDATED ( ASSIST OPTIONS AVAILABLE IN PAUSE MENU ) ALL SYSTEMS OPERATIONAL LOADING STATUS UPDATE... 

          (New Save File)

          BOOT UP SEQUENCE READY
          
          FIRMWARE
           LATEST VERSION (2112.08.06)
          
          CALIBRATION
           RECENTLY UPDATED
           PERFORM RECALIBRATION? Y/N
          
           CALIBRATION COMPLETE
           PRIMARY SETTINGS UPDATED
          ( ASSIST OPTIONS  AVAILABLE IN PAUSE MENU )
           ALL SYSTEMS OPERATIONAL
          LOADING STATUS UPDATE...
          BOOT UP SEQUENCE... READY FIRMWARE: LATEST VERSION (2112. 08. 06.) CALIBRATION: RECENTLY UPDATED PERFORM RECALIBRATION? Y/N CALIBRATION COMPLETE PRIMARY SETTINGS UPDATED ( ASSIST OPTIONS AVAILABLE IN PAUSE MENU ) ALL SYSTEMS OPERATIONAL LOADING STATUS UPDATE... 
          STATUS UPDATE:
          
          MACHINE ID:          V1
          LOCATION:            APPROACHING HELL
          CURRENT OBJECTIVE:   FIND A WEAPON
          MANKIND IS DEAD.
          BLOOD IS FUEL.
          HELL IS FULL.

          From the screen 💻 to the ring 💍 to the PEN 🖊️to the king 🤴

            KSI song emoji lyrics, From the screen to the ring to the PEN to the king

            Emoji lyrics for KSI’s new song “Thick Of It” that is getting clowned for its cringe lyrics.

            From the screen 💻 to the ring 💍 to the PEN 🖊️to the king 🤴 wheres my crown 👑 thats my bling 💎 always trouble when i reign 😈 
            From the screen🖥️ to the ring🥊, to the pen🖋️ to the king 👑 where's my crown? That's my bling always drama when i ring 🗣️🗣️🗣️ 🔥🔥🔥 
            See I believe it when I see it in my heart ❤️‍🔥 Smash💥 through the ceiling cuz I'm reaching for the stars ✨ 🗣️🗣️🗣️ 🔥🔥🔥 
            From the screen 💻 to the ring 💍 to the PEN 🖊️to the king 🤴 wheres my crown 👑 thats my bling 💎 always trouble when i ring 🔥 So I believe if I see 👀 it in my heart ❤️smash through the ceiling 🏠 cuz I'm reaching for the stars 🌌
            from the📲 to the 💍to the 🖊️to the 👑 
            From the screen to the ring to the pen to the king wheres my crown thats my bling allways drama when i ring see i believe that if i see it in my heart something something we are reaching for the stars woowoowowoowo woowoooooowoooo this is how the story goes wooo wooo wooo i guess this is is how the story goes im in the thick of it everybody knows they know it when it snowed i skid in and they froze i dont know no nothing bout no ice im just cold 40 something millie subs or so ive been told 
            From the screen 📺 to the ring 🥊 to the pen 🖊️ to the king 👑! Where’s my crown 👑 🤷‍♂️ that’s my bling 💍 🤑 always trouble 😈 when I ring 📞 
            screen 💻 to the ring 💍 to the PEN 🖊️to the king 🤴 wheres my crown 👑 thats my bling 💎 always trouble when i reign [proud]
            WHERE’S MY CROWN THAT’S MY BLING 😩❤️✌🏾 ALWAYS DRAMA WHEN I RING 😐👏⛷️ 
            🗣️🗣️🔥SMASH THROUGH THE CEILING COZ IM REACHING FOR THE STARS😼🗣️🗣️🔥 
            WOOOAAAAAHHHH THIS IS HOW THE STORY GOES‼️🔥🔥‼️🔥🗣🗣🗣 
            wheres my crown👑 thats my bling✨🎆
            I'm 😎 in 👏 the thick of it, everybody knows 👃❔ They 👥🏽 know 🤔 me where it snows, I skied in and they 👫🏾 froze I don't 🚫 know 👧 no nothin' 😎😎 'bout no 🙅 ice, ❄ I'm 👱 just 🗣⛹ cold ❄ Forty somethin' milli' 💰💰 subs 👂 or 💁💰 so, I'vе 👁 been 🙂 told 👂 From 😲👈 the 💰 screen to the 🏽👏 ring, to the 💯💪 pеn, to 💦 the king Where's 🤔🤷 my 👧 crown? 👑 That's my ☎ bling Always 😤 drama 😱😱 when 👌🍆 I ☝😬 ring 🔔💍 See, 👀😳 I 👁👁 believe ☪ that if 👏🎵 I 💰👆 see 👀👀 it 😠💯 in 🌞👌 my heart ❤💖 Smash through ☄ the 💋 ceiling 'cause 🏻 I'm reaching for 👉 the stars ⭐⭐ 
            I'm 🥺 in 👇 the thick 👐😱 of it, everybody 👩👨 knows 🧠 They 👥👩 know 🙎🤔 me 👩🏻🎮 where 😾🌎 it snows, I 😀 skied in ⏳ and they 👺 froze I 👫💕 don't 🦕 know 🤔 no 🙅 nothin' ❌ 'bout 🤩 no 👎🏾🎷❌🤚👌😡😣😣😣 ice, 🍧 I'm 👟 just 😬🗼 cold 📷 Forty 💲💵 somethin' milli' subs or so, I've ❄️🔥 been 💴💫 told 👄
            
            I'm 😂😂 in 🔙 my 😊 prime, and this ain't 🙅‍♂️ even 🌃 final 😪🌠 form 📋 They 🤦‍♂️ knocked me 👊🤰👏 down, ⤵ but 😥 still, 🧚🏻‍♂️ my 😨 feet, 👣 they 💁 find 🔍🔍 the floor 🤣 I 😀 went 💨 from 🙌😎 living 🙅 rooms straight ⬇️ out 😝🚪 to sold out 😛🚪 tours Life's a fight, 👊🤜 but 👄 trust, 💯 I'm 👨 ready 😀 for 🏻🙃 the war 😵
            
            Woah-oh-oh This is how 🤔 the story 📕📃 goes 🏃 Woah-oh-oh I 😀 guess 👉👈 this is how 🚴😡👆🏽🚍 the story 📗 goes 🎆
            
            I'm 👱👏 in 😏🏽 the thick 👐😱 of it, everybody 👩👨 knows 🧠 They 🙍 know 💡 me 🕴🏻 where 🤷 it snows, I 💰😔 skied in 😫🏡 and they 👩‍👩‍👦‍👦 froze I 😀 don't 🤗 know 🔞 no 🙅 nothin' ❌ 'bout 👆 no ✨ ice, 🥶 I'm 💘 just 😕 cold 🧣 Forty 💲💵 somethin' milli' subs or so, I've 🙅 been 😡 told 👄
            
            From the screen 📺 to the ring 🥊 to the pen 🖊️ to the king 👑! Where’s my crown 👑 🤷‍♂️ that’s my bling 💍 🤑 always trouble 😈 when I ring 📞See, 👀 I 😣🤐 believe 👀 that 🥀 if I 🙀 see 👀 it in 👇↔️ my 😏 heart 💞 Smash 🍣🔨👊 through 🧑‍⚖️ the ceiling 'cause 😛🤓 I'm 🤩 reaching 👉 for 😎👻 the stars 🌟
            
            Woah-oh-oh This is how 🤔 the story 📕📃 goes 🏃 Woah-oh-oh I 😀 guess 👉👈 this is how 🚴😡👆🏽🚍 the story 📗 goes 🎆
            
            I'm 💘 in 👉 the thick 👐😱 of it, everybody 😡 knows 💭🤔 They 💁 know 😱 me 🤔🙋‍♂️ where ⬇️ it snows, I ☝️ skied in 🍌 and they 🏽👨 froze (Woo) 😤 I 🧍 don't 🥊 know 💭 no ✨ nothin' ❌ 'bout 🤩 no 🦖 ice, 🥶🧊 I'm 😂 just 🤪 cold 😓 Forty 💲💵 somethin' milli' subs or so, I've 👀 been 😯 told 🤪
            
            Highway 🛣 to heaven, I'm 😈 just 😡 cruisin' by 😈🏼 my 🔐🏢👨🏻 lone' They 💁 cast ✨👾🤖 me 😤 out, 💧 left 👈 me 🤖🤖🤖 for 🆙💕 dead, 👻 them 🤬 people 👶 cold 🌨 My 😀😀😀 faith 🚫⛪ in 😏 God, 🟣 mind 😏 in 👏🙌 the sun, 😎 I'm 🌟 'bout 🤩 to sow 🐖 (Yeah) 🚵✌🏻✌🏽 My 👈 life 💁😱 is hard, 💘 I 😩🙋 took 👫 the wheel, 🎡 I 😜 cracked 🤟 the code 😲😤 (Yeah-yeah, woah-oh-oh) Ain't 🚫 nobody 🙅 gon' 😙 save 🦎 you, 😊🤟 man, 👮 this life 👨 will 😏 break 💔 you 👈 (Yeah, 🏆 woah-oh-oh) In 📷 the thick ◽ of it, this is how 🤔 the story 📕 goes 🏃
            
            I'm 😹 in 🚪🏼 the thick 🥖 of it, everybody 🫂 knows 🤔🤔 They 💁 know 😏 me 🧑🏿 where 🎯 it snows, I 🔉 skied in 👏 and they 💁 froze I 😀 don't 😡🚫 know 💭💭 no 🙅🏽 nothin' ❌ 'bout 👆 no 🙉 ice, 🍨 I'm 👈 just 👏👌 cold 😓 Forty 💲💵 somethin' milli' subs or so, I've 💯 been ➡️ told 🗣️ I'm 💆‍♀️ in 🎐💪🏻 the thick ◽ of it, everybody 😡 knows 💭🤔 (Everybody 👴👵👨 knows) 🧠 They 👩‍👩‍👦‍👦 know 🤔🤔🤔 me 🧚‍♂️ where 👀 it snows, I 👇 skied in 👉 and they 👩‍👩‍👦‍👦 froze (Yeah) 🕢👩‍👩‍👧👏🏻👠 I 😊 don't ❌ know 🤔 no 😣 nothin' 😎 'bout 🤩 no 😣 ice, 🍨 I'm 😓 just ❗ cold 📷 Forty 💲💵 somethin' milli' subs or so, I've 🏼💖 been ✳️🚗😘 told 🤪 (Ooh-ooh)
            
            Woah-oh-oh (Nah-nah-nah-nah, ayy, 💶 ayy) 💶 This is how 😮 the story 📗 goes ❗ (Nah, 😠 nah) 😑 Woah-oh-oh I 👀 guess 👉👈 this is how 🌹 the story 📚 goes 🎆
            

            Zwei Ishmael👤237 HP💪4-6 Speed 🤷‍♂️ 20 Defense

              Copypasta of Zwei Ishmael

              Parody of the K’Sante copypasta from LoL but changed into Zwei Ishmael from Limbus Company

              Zwei Ishmael👤237 HP💪4-6 Speed 🤷‍♂️ 20 Defense level up a turn💦 Immune to stagger from damage 🚫Clashable Guard 🛡️ Guard gives 10 self tremor count 🧱 70% extra damage on s3 while defensive stance🌪️29 clash 120 raw damage nuke 🗡️ Has infinite speed for clashing🏃Up to 24 tremor pot infliction s3 aaaaaa