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Kitasan Black support card banner drops tomorrow and I’m already sweating harder than prime Shaq at the free throw line

    Part of a series of copypasta about Umamusume: Pretty Derby characters by Axel Syrios. This one in particular is from his stream description and is for Kitasan Black with an admittance of cheating towards Daiwa Scarlet.

    Kitasan Black support card banner drops tomorrow and I'm already sweating harder than prime Shaq at the free throw line. This ain't just "a good card" bro, this is the GOAT, the Kitasan Black Mamba🐍 dropping 81 points against the Toronto Raptor type shi of support cards. The second she shows up, your stable turns from g-league benchwarmers into championship contenders.

And yeah, Satono Diamond is cute and all, like Pau Gasol, elegant, consistent, incredibly skilled. But Kitasan Black? Kitasan Black is the franchise player. She's Faker locking in Azir. She's the broken patch Riot "forgot" to fix. Her bond gain so cracked it feels like Baron buff at 25 minutes. Speed stats go brrrrrr, and your whole team ascends to S rank greatness.

And bro ngl… I gotta admit, part of me feels dirty glazing Kitasan this hard when my main girl's Daiwa Scarlet. Like I can see Daiwa in the training room side-eyeing me like "for real trainer-san? her??" and I’m just standing there sweating, trying to explain it's just one spark bro I swear. But deep down I know I’m gonna spark anyway cuz Kitasan Black isn't just meta, she's the reason wallets cry at night.

I'm so sorry Daiwa Scarlet... I deserve to be called "Cheater-san".

    Ichika Hoshino. That is a name I shall never forget.

      Ichika Hoshino copypasta

      Created by u/theywinner, its a schizo post about Ichika Hoshino from Project SEKAI.

      Ichika Hoshino. That is a name I shall never forget.

I was having the best life anyone could ask for. I was the most popular person in my highschool, I was married to beautiful wife for 16 years. My parents loved me.

But that was before she ruined it all for me, she took everything I loved away from me, after she made that terrible joke that caused me unbearable suffering: "You're so down to earth Shiho! Or should I say... Down to play bass!"...

Just writing that sentence almost made me pass out.

After she said that, people started being weird around me. Saying things like "who is Ichika? And why do you keep complaining about her?", I got kicked out of my highschool, everyone wanted me gone. My kids started saying things that make no sense like: "Dad, I really think you should take your schizophrenia pills"

My wife left me, she took the kids, and the police started looking for me, I am now running away from home.

All because of her. Ichika Hoshino.

Don't fall for her tricks. Don't end up like me.

      Ferb’s longest speech “That Day Is Not Today”

        source
        Give up? Give up?! The day may come when we'll give up on fruitless searches after a mere eleven minutes, but that day is not today! The day may come when our favorite reptile may be lost from our memories and his enduring love of mushrooms forgotten, but that day is not today! Today we search! We will search for him in the streets, we will search for him in the trenches, we will search for him in the alleys and the mini-malls and the cul-de-sacs of this fair land. We'll search for him in the multilevel car parks and municipal recreational facilities. And we few. We happy few. We small band of brothers — and girl from across the street. We shall not cease 'til he is found!
        There's no way we can catch him. He moves too fast, maybe we should just give up.

        heyyy queen I saw your tweet about how men are trash

          Its from a deleted Tweet by @goodbeanalt that was a parody of how simps white knight for women online.

          heyyy queen I saw your tweet about how men are trash and I just wanted to let you know that I agree. although I myself am a man, (i know, ugh) i am on your side. “one of the good ones” as some may say. btw I never even noticed how fat your boobies are till now but they’re awesome

          犯罪者の98％はパンを食べている

            Its a parody of the Dihydrogen monoxide copypasta but for bread going all the way back to 2012 in Japanese forums. 

            パンの危険性について
            
ある食べ物が身体にいいという話はよく聞きますが、アメリカの調査結果 によれば、パンは危険な食べ物だということがわかりました。
その驚愕の事実をご紹介します。

            1. 犯罪者の98％はパンを食べている
            2. パンを日常的に食べて育った子供の半数はテストが平均点以下である
            3. 暴力的犯罪の90％はパンを食べてから24時間以内に起きている
            4. パンは中毒症状を引き起こす。
被験者に最初はパンと水を与え、後に水だけを与える実験をすると、2日もしないうちにパンを異常にほしがる
            5. 新生児にパンを与えるとのどをつまらせて苦しがる
            6. 18世紀、どの家も各自でパンを焼いていた頃、平均寿命は50歳だった
            7. パンを食べるアメリカ人のほとんどは、重大な科学的事実と無意味な統計の区別がつかない
            ○犯罪者の98%はパンを食べている。 ○パンを日常的に食べて育った子供の約半数は、テ ストが平均点以下である。 ○暴力的犯罪の90%は、パンを食べてから24時間以 内に起きている。 ○パンは中毒症状を引き起こす。被験者に最初はパ ンと水を与え、後に水だけを与える実験をすると、 2日もしないうちにパンを異常にほしがる。 ○新生児にパンを与えると、のどをつまらせて苦し がる。 ○18世紀、どの家も各自でパンを焼いていた頃、平均寿命は50歳だった。

ほら、パンって危険な食べ物です。

            Real Breakcore

              Breakcore copypasta

              By u/BlastingStone, its the Real Emo copypasta but changed to breakcore.

              "Real Breakcore" only consists of the late 90s/early 2000s digital hardcore and jungle punk scene. What is known by "Modern Breakcore" is nothing but IDM with questionable real breakcore influence. When people try to argue that artists like Sewerslvt are not real breakcore, while saying that usedcvnt is, I can't help not to cringe because they are just as fake breakcore as Sewerslvt (plus the pretentiousness). Real breakcore sounds CHAOTIC, AGGRESSIVE, and UNCOMPROMISING. Fake breakcore is weak, overly polished, and a failed attempt to direct energy and rhythm into music. Some examples of REAL BREAKCORE are Venetian Snares, Drumcorps, early Igorrr, and Doormouse. Some examples of FAKE BREAKCORE are Machine Girl (post-WLF), most "lolicore," and anything that sounds like it belongs in a TikTok edit. BREAKCORE BELONGS TO HARDCORE, NOT TO HYPERPOP, AMBIENT, OR ANY OTHER MAINSTREAM GENRE.