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Porra infinita

    Its the Brazilian version of ‘Infinite Cum‘ copypasta.

    Porra infinita. Você se senta no vaso sanitário para se masturbar, mas começa a gozar incontrolavelmente. Depois de dez jorradas você começa a se preocupar. Sua mão está pegajosa e cheira a sêmen. Você enfia seu pau desesperadamente em um pedaço de papel higiênico, mas isso só faz suas bolas doerem. O esperma acelera. Já se passaram três minutos. Você não para de gozar. O chão do banheiro está coberto por uma fina camada de fluido de bebês. Você tenta gozar no ralo do chuveiro, mas ele enche muito rápido. Você tenta a privada. O esperma é muito grosso para dar descarga. Você tranca a porta do banheiro para evitar que o esperma escape. O ar fica quente e úmido com o esperma. O esperma acelera. Você escorrega e cai em seu próprio esperma. O esperma agora tem quinze centímetros de profundidade, quase tão longo quanto sua mangueira de sêmen ainda ereta. Esparramado de costas, você começa a gozar no teto. Gosmas do fluido branco pegajoso começam a cair como gotas de chuva, proporcionando uma gozada facial com seu próprio esperma. O esperma acelera. Você luta para ficar de pé enquanto a força do esperma começa a impulsioná-lo para trás, como se você estivesse num escorregador com o tema bukkake. Ainda de joelhos, o esperma agora está na altura do queixo. Para evitar afogamento você abre a porta do banheiro. O dilúvio de suco humano lembra a Grande Inundação de Melaço de 1919, só que com esperma em vez de melaço. O esperma acelera. Duas horas se passaram. Seus filhos e sua esposa gritam de terror enquanto seus corpos são engolfados pela lama branca como a neve. Seu filho mais novo afunda, com bolhas viscosas e gritos abafados saindo da gosma. Você implora a Deus para acabar com seu sofrimento. O esperma acelera. Você aperta seu pau para parar o esperma. Ele começa a vazar pelo seu cu.

    PRESENCIEI UM CASAL MUITO ESTRANHO

      Its a spinoff of the original story ‘VI MINHA AMIGA TRANSANOD‘ following the POV of the bartender who witnessed the date.

      Trabalho como bartender e já vi de tudo, , madrugada é um circo que vocês não tem noção, , mas eu presenciei um encontro que nunca imaginei nem na minha pior embriaguez...

Expediente começou normal, , um ou outro moleque pagando de bom querendo beber mais que monza tubarão, , menininha de faculdade que o pai acha que tá estudando aqui me dando mole pra ver se ganha drink de graça, , normal.

Mas meu irmão, que merda foi aquela? Um maluco que parecia uma versão raquitica do moleque do ratatui senta numa mesa e pede duas cervejas porque tá esperando uma menina pra um encontro, ,beleza, ok,, passaram-se 20 minutos e chega uma menina com uma mochila estilo alpinista, daquelas que pegam as costas inteiras da pessoa e mais um pouco...

MERMÃO, ,A MULHER ME TIRA UMA MENINA COTOCA DE DENTRO DA MOCHILA.

Não era uma anã ou uma criança, , era uma mulher sem braço nem perna

Não bastasse, não sei de onde caralhos, ela pede pro meu colega uma CADEIRINHA DE CRIANÇA, NUMA BAR?! E o desgraçado conseguiu

Dai pro resto da noite não consegui mais prestar atenção em nada, um maluco estranho dando caipiroska na boca de uma mina sem membros enquanto a amiga mestre pokémon observava de perto,

E o pior, eu acho que depois disso eles sairam pra um menage, porque o carro meteu a a cotoca no braço, levou ela e a amiga pro uninho e meteu bala

que noite!

      I WITNESSED A VERY STRANGE COUPLE

      I work as a bartender and I've seen it all, the early morning is a circus you have no idea about, but I witnessed a meeting I never imagined even when I was drunk...

The workday started out normal, with some kid pretending to be cool and wanting to drink more than Monza Tubarão, a college girl whose dad thinks she's studying here flirting with me to see if she can get a free drink, normal.

But my brother, what the hell was that? A crazy guy who looked like a rickety version of the kid from Ratatouille sits at a table and orders two beers because he's waiting for a girl to go on a date, okay, ok, 20 minutes passed and a girl arrives with a mountaineering-style backpack, the kind that takes up the person's entire back and then some...

BRUNETTE, THE WOMAN TAKES A GIRL OUT OF MY BACKPACK.

It wasn't a dwarf or a child, it was a woman with no arms or legs

As if that wasn't enough, I don't know where the fuck she came from, she asked my friend for a CHILD SEAT, IN A BAR?! And the bastard got it

From then on, for the rest of the night, I couldn't pay attention to anything, a strange crazy guy giving caipiroska to a girl with no limbs while her friend, the Pokémon master, watched closely,

And the worst part, I think after that they went out for a threesome, because the car hit her in the arm, took her and her friend to the club and started shooting

What a night!

      I saw Frye from Deep Cut at a Mako Mart yesterday.

        Frye Onaga copypasta

        Parody of the Flying Lotus copypasta but changed into Frye from Splatoon.

        I saw Frye Onaga at a Mako Mart in Splatsville yesterday. I told her how fresh it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a stockfish and bother her and ask for photos or anything.
She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing her hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw Frye trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen frozen shwaffles in her arms without paying.
The jellyfish at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Miss, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to not understand jellyfish language, but eventually turned back around and brought the shwaffles to the counter.

When they took one of the shwaffles and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped them and told them to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After they scanned each shwaffle and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting them by yawning really loudly.

Did anyone else have such weird encounters with an idol?

        List of Republicans Who Voted Against FEMA Funding Before Helene Hit

          The list — only Republicans voted “no”:

House

Rep. James Baird of Indiana
Rep. Troy Balderson of Ohio
Rep. Jim Banks of Indiana
Rep. Aaron Bean of Florida
Rep. Andy Biggs of Arizona
Rep. Gus Bilirakis of Florida
Rep. Dan Bishop of North Carolina
Rep. Lauren Boebert of Colorado
Rep. Mike Bost of Illinois
Rep. Josh Brecheen of Oklahoma
Rep. Tim Burchett of Tennessee
Rep. Eric Burlison of Missouri
Rep. Kat Cammack of Florida
Rep. Michael Cloud of Texas
Rep. Andrew Clyde of Georgia
Rep. Mike Collins of Georgia
Rep. Eli Crane of Arizona
Rep. John Curtis of Utah
Rep. Warren Davidson of Ohio
Rep. Byron Donalds of Florida
Rep. Jeff Duncan of South Carolina
Rep. Ron Estes of Kansas
Rep. Mike Ezell of Mississippi
Rep. Randy Feenstra of Iowa
Rep. Brad Finstad of Minnesota
Rep. Michelle Fischbach of Minnesota
Rep. Russell Fry of South Carolina
Rep. Russ Fulcher of Idaho
Rep. Matt Gaetz of Florida
Rep. Tony Gonzales of Texas
Rep. Bob Good of Virginia
Rep. Lance Gooden of Texas
Rep. Paul Gosar of Arizona
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia
Rep. Morgan Griffith of Virginia
Rep. Michael Guest of Mississippi
Rep. Harriet Hageman of Wyoming
Rep. Andy Harris of Maryland
Rep. Clay Higgins of Louisiana
Rep. Jim Jordan of Ohio
Rep. John Joyce of Pennsylvania
Rep. Trent Kelly of Mississippi
Rep. Darin LaHood of Illinois
Rep. Laurel Lee of Florida
Rep. Debbie Lesko of Arizona
Rep. Greg Lopez of Colorado
Rep. Anna Paulina Luna of Florida
Rep. Morgan Lutrell of Texas
Rep. Nancy Mace of South Carolina
Rep. Tracey Mann of Kansas
Rep. Thomas Massie of Kentucky
Rep. Tom McClintock of California
Rep. Rich McCormick of Georgia
Rep. Mary Miller of Illinois
Rep. Max Miller of Ohio
Rep. Cory Mills of Florida
Rep. Alex Mooney of West Virginia
Rep. Barry Moore of Alabama
Rep. Nathaniel Moran of Texas
Rep. Ralph Norman of South Carolina
Rep. Andy Ogles of Tennessee
Rep. Gary Palmer of Alabama
Rep. Scott Perry of Pennsylvania
Rep. Bill Posey of Florida
Rep. John Rose of Tennessee
Rep. Matt Rosendale of Montana
Rep. Chip Roy of Texas
Rep. David Schweikert of Arizona
Rep. Keith Self of Texas
Rep. Victoria Spartz of Indiana
Rep. Claudia Tenney of New York
Rep. William Timmons of South Carolina
Rep. Jeff Van Drew of New Jersey
Rep. Beth Van Duyne of Texas
Rep. Derrick Van Orden of Wisconsin
Rep. Mike Waltz of Florida
Rep. Randy Weber of Texas
Rep. Daniel Webster of Florida
Rep. Bruce Westerman of Arkansas
Rep. Roger Williams of Texas
Rep. Rudy Yakym of Indiana

Senate

Sen. Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee
Sen. Mike Braun of Indiana
Sen. Katie Britt of Alabama
Sen. Ted Budd of North Carolina
Sen. Mike Crapo of Idaho
Sen. Deb Fischer of Nebraska
Sen. Bill Hagerty of Tennessee
Sen. Josh Hawley of Missouri
Sen. Ron Johnson of Wisconsin
Sen. Mike Lee of Utah
Sen. Roger Marshall of Kansas
Sen. Markwayne Mullin of Oklahoma
Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky
Sen. Pete Ricketts of Nebraska
Sen. James Risch of Idaho
Sen. Eric Schmitt of Missouri
Sen. Tim Scott of South Carolina
Sen. Tommy Tuberville of Alabama

          Ultrakill Boot-up sequence

            (When you first play the game)

            BOOT UP SEQUENCE READY

FIRMWARE
 LATEST VERSION (2112.08.06)

CALIBRATION
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LOADING STATUS UPDATE...
            BOOT UP SEQUENCE... READY FIRMWARE: LATEST VERSION (2112. 08. 06.) CALIBRATION: EXPIRED. NEW CALIBRATION REQUIRED BEGINNING CALIBRATION AUDIO... OK VIDEO... OK MECHANICS... OK CALIBRATION COMPLETE PRIMARY SETTINGS UPDATED ( ASSIST OPTIONS AVAILABLE IN PAUSE MENU ) ALL SYSTEMS OPERATIONAL LOADING STATUS UPDATE...

            (New Save File)

            BOOT UP SEQUENCE READY

FIRMWARE
 LATEST VERSION (2112.08.06)

CALIBRATION
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 PERFORM RECALIBRATION? Y/N

 CALIBRATION COMPLETE
 PRIMARY SETTINGS UPDATED
( ASSIST OPTIONS  AVAILABLE IN PAUSE MENU )
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LOADING STATUS UPDATE...
            BOOT UP SEQUENCE... READY FIRMWARE: LATEST VERSION (2112. 08. 06.) CALIBRATION: RECENTLY UPDATED PERFORM RECALIBRATION? Y/N CALIBRATION COMPLETE PRIMARY SETTINGS UPDATED ( ASSIST OPTIONS AVAILABLE IN PAUSE MENU ) ALL SYSTEMS OPERATIONAL LOADING STATUS UPDATE... 
            STATUS UPDATE:

MACHINE ID:          V1
LOCATION:            APPROACHING HELL
CURRENT OBJECTIVE:   FIND A WEAPON
MANKIND IS DEAD.
BLOOD IS FUEL.
HELL IS FULL.

            From the screen 💻 to the ring 💍 to the PEN 🖊️to the king 🤴

              KSI song emoji lyrics, From the screen to the ring to the PEN to the king

              Emoji lyrics for KSI’s new song “Thick Of It” that is getting clowned for its cringe lyrics.

              From the screen 💻 to the ring 💍 to the PEN 🖊️to the king 🤴 wheres my crown 👑 thats my bling 💎 always trouble when i reign 😈 
              From the screen🖥️ to the ring🥊, to the pen🖋️ to the king 👑 where's my crown? That's my bling always drama when i ring 🗣️🗣️🗣️ 🔥🔥🔥 
              See I believe it when I see it in my heart ❤️‍🔥 Smash💥 through the ceiling cuz I'm reaching for the stars ✨ 🗣️🗣️🗣️ 🔥🔥🔥 
              From the screen 💻 to the ring 💍 to the PEN 🖊️to the king 🤴 wheres my crown 👑 thats my bling 💎 always trouble when i ring 🔥 So I believe if I see 👀 it in my heart ❤️smash through the ceiling 🏠 cuz I'm reaching for the stars 🌌
              from the📲 to the 💍to the 🖊️to the 👑 
              From the screen to the ring to the pen to the king wheres my crown thats my bling allways drama when i ring see i believe that if i see it in my heart something something we are reaching for the stars woowoowowoowo woowoooooowoooo this is how the story goes wooo wooo wooo i guess this is is how the story goes im in the thick of it everybody knows they know it when it snowed i skid in and they froze i dont know no nothing bout no ice im just cold 40 something millie subs or so ive been told 
              From the screen 📺 to the ring 🥊 to the pen 🖊️ to the king 👑! Where’s my crown 👑 🤷‍♂️ that’s my bling 💍 🤑 always trouble 😈 when I ring 📞 
              screen 💻 to the ring 💍 to the PEN 🖊️to the king 🤴 wheres my crown 👑 thats my bling 💎 always trouble when i reign [proud]
              WHERE’S MY CROWN THAT’S MY BLING 😩❤️✌🏾 ALWAYS DRAMA WHEN I RING 😐👏⛷️ 
              🗣️🗣️🔥SMASH THROUGH THE CEILING COZ IM REACHING FOR THE STARS😼🗣️🗣️🔥 
              WOOOAAAAAHHHH THIS IS HOW THE STORY GOES‼️🔥🔥‼️🔥🗣🗣🗣 
              wheres my crown👑 thats my bling✨🎆
              I'm 😎 in 👏 the thick of it, everybody knows 👃❔ They 👥🏽 know 🤔 me where it snows, I skied in and they 👫🏾 froze I don't 🚫 know 👧 no nothin' 😎😎 'bout no 🙅 ice, ❄ I'm 👱 just 🗣⛹ cold ❄ Forty somethin' milli' 💰💰 subs 👂 or 💁💰 so, I'vе 👁 been 🙂 told 👂 From 😲👈 the 💰 screen to the 🏽👏 ring, to the 💯💪 pеn, to 💦 the king Where's 🤔🤷 my 👧 crown? 👑 That's my ☎ bling Always 😤 drama 😱😱 when 👌🍆 I ☝😬 ring 🔔💍 See, 👀😳 I 👁👁 believe ☪ that if 👏🎵 I 💰👆 see 👀👀 it 😠💯 in 🌞👌 my heart ❤💖 Smash through ☄ the 💋 ceiling 'cause 🏻 I'm reaching for 👉 the stars ⭐⭐ 
              I'm 🥺 in 👇 the thick 👐😱 of it, everybody 👩👨 knows 🧠 They 👥👩 know 🙎🤔 me 👩🏻🎮 where 😾🌎 it snows, I 😀 skied in ⏳ and they 👺 froze I 👫💕 don't 🦕 know 🤔 no 🙅 nothin' ❌ 'bout 🤩 no 👎🏾🎷❌🤚👌😡😣😣😣 ice, 🍧 I'm 👟 just 😬🗼 cold 📷 Forty 💲💵 somethin' milli' subs or so, I've ❄️🔥 been 💴💫 told 👄

I'm 😂😂 in 🔙 my 😊 prime, and this ain't 🙅‍♂️ even 🌃 final 😪🌠 form 📋 They 🤦‍♂️ knocked me 👊🤰👏 down, ⤵ but 😥 still, 🧚🏻‍♂️ my 😨 feet, 👣 they 💁 find 🔍🔍 the floor 🤣 I 😀 went 💨 from 🙌😎 living 🙅 rooms straight ⬇️ out 😝🚪 to sold out 😛🚪 tours Life's a fight, 👊🤜 but 👄 trust, 💯 I'm 👨 ready 😀 for 🏻🙃 the war 😵

Woah-oh-oh This is how 🤔 the story 📕📃 goes 🏃 Woah-oh-oh I 😀 guess 👉👈 this is how 🚴😡👆🏽🚍 the story 📗 goes 🎆

I'm 👱👏 in 😏🏽 the thick 👐😱 of it, everybody 👩👨 knows 🧠 They 🙍 know 💡 me 🕴🏻 where 🤷 it snows, I 💰😔 skied in 😫🏡 and they 👩‍👩‍👦‍👦 froze I 😀 don't 🤗 know 🔞 no 🙅 nothin' ❌ 'bout 👆 no ✨ ice, 🥶 I'm 💘 just 😕 cold 🧣 Forty 💲💵 somethin' milli' subs or so, I've 🙅 been 😡 told 👄

From the screen 📺 to the ring 🥊 to the pen 🖊️ to the king 👑! Where’s my crown 👑 🤷‍♂️ that’s my bling 💍 🤑 always trouble 😈 when I ring 📞See, 👀 I 😣🤐 believe 👀 that 🥀 if I 🙀 see 👀 it in 👇↔️ my 😏 heart 💞 Smash 🍣🔨👊 through 🧑‍⚖️ the ceiling 'cause 😛🤓 I'm 🤩 reaching 👉 for 😎👻 the stars 🌟

Woah-oh-oh This is how 🤔 the story 📕📃 goes 🏃 Woah-oh-oh I 😀 guess 👉👈 this is how 🚴😡👆🏽🚍 the story 📗 goes 🎆

I'm 💘 in 👉 the thick 👐😱 of it, everybody 😡 knows 💭🤔 They 💁 know 😱 me 🤔🙋‍♂️ where ⬇️ it snows, I ☝️ skied in 🍌 and they 🏽👨 froze (Woo) 😤 I 🧍 don't 🥊 know 💭 no ✨ nothin' ❌ 'bout 🤩 no 🦖 ice, 🥶🧊 I'm 😂 just 🤪 cold 😓 Forty 💲💵 somethin' milli' subs or so, I've 👀 been 😯 told 🤪

Highway 🛣 to heaven, I'm 😈 just 😡 cruisin' by 😈🏼 my 🔐🏢👨🏻 lone' They 💁 cast ✨👾🤖 me 😤 out, 💧 left 👈 me 🤖🤖🤖 for 🆙💕 dead, 👻 them 🤬 people 👶 cold 🌨 My 😀😀😀 faith 🚫⛪ in 😏 God, 🟣 mind 😏 in 👏🙌 the sun, 😎 I'm 🌟 'bout 🤩 to sow 🐖 (Yeah) 🚵✌🏻✌🏽 My 👈 life 💁😱 is hard, 💘 I 😩🙋 took 👫 the wheel, 🎡 I 😜 cracked 🤟 the code 😲😤 (Yeah-yeah, woah-oh-oh) Ain't 🚫 nobody 🙅 gon' 😙 save 🦎 you, 😊🤟 man, 👮 this life 👨 will 😏 break 💔 you 👈 (Yeah, 🏆 woah-oh-oh) In 📷 the thick ◽ of it, this is how 🤔 the story 📕 goes 🏃

I'm 😹 in 🚪🏼 the thick 🥖 of it, everybody 🫂 knows 🤔🤔 They 💁 know 😏 me 🧑🏿 where 🎯 it snows, I 🔉 skied in 👏 and they 💁 froze I 😀 don't 😡🚫 know 💭💭 no 🙅🏽 nothin' ❌ 'bout 👆 no 🙉 ice, 🍨 I'm 👈 just 👏👌 cold 😓 Forty 💲💵 somethin' milli' subs or so, I've 💯 been ➡️ told 🗣️ I'm 💆‍♀️ in 🎐💪🏻 the thick ◽ of it, everybody 😡 knows 💭🤔 (Everybody 👴👵👨 knows) 🧠 They 👩‍👩‍👦‍👦 know 🤔🤔🤔 me 🧚‍♂️ where 👀 it snows, I 👇 skied in 👉 and they 👩‍👩‍👦‍👦 froze (Yeah) 🕢👩‍👩‍👧👏🏻👠 I 😊 don't ❌ know 🤔 no 😣 nothin' 😎 'bout 🤩 no 😣 ice, 🍨 I'm 😓 just ❗ cold 📷 Forty 💲💵 somethin' milli' subs or so, I've 🏼💖 been ✳️🚗😘 told 🤪 (Ooh-ooh)

Woah-oh-oh (Nah-nah-nah-nah, ayy, 💶 ayy) 💶 This is how 😮 the story 📗 goes ❗ (Nah, 😠 nah) 😑 Woah-oh-oh I 👀 guess 👉👈 this is how 🌹 the story 📚 goes 🎆