I CAN’T FUCKING STAND THESE DISCOUNT "GANGSTERS" IN SCHOOL ANYMORE!!!
FIRST OF ALL, YOU ARE NOT TOUGH, TYLER. YOU’RE A 5’6" STRING BEAN WHO CRIES WHEN YOUR MOM TAKES YOUR PS5 AWAY. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU EAT KETCHUP SANDWICHES AND THINK IT'S A GOURMET MEAL. SHUT UP.
STOP SAYING "cuh I'm from the streets who you tryna fuck with?" WHAT STREETS? THE ONES IN YOUR SUBURBAN GATED COMMUNITY? "ayo I'm hard as hell" HARD WHERE??? THE ONLY HARD THING ABOUT YOU IS YOUR MOM TRYING TO GET YOU TO TAKE YOUR OWN SHOWER INSTEAD OF HER GIVING YOU YOUR FIFTH BUBBLE BATH OF THE DAY!
YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL BECAUSE YOU VAPE AND SMOKE WEED IN THE BATHROOM?? WOW BRO, NOTHING SCREAMS "I’M A BADASS" LIKE A WATERMELON FLAVORED CLOUD IN A STALL THAT SMELLS LIKE PEED-ON LINOLEUM AND LING CANCER. HONESTLY, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU SELL USED VAPE PODS TO FIFTH GRADERS FOR LUNCH MONEY
ALSO STOP ACTING LIKE FLIPPING OFF THE TEACHER IS GANGSTER. YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU’RE GONNA CRY IN THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE AND BE LIKE “PLEASE, MY MOM CAN’T FIND OUT” AND THEN PRETEND YOU’RE A THUG AGAIN IN FIFTH PERIOD. YOU CAN’T EVEN HANDLE GETTING YELLED AT WITHOUT YOUR VOICE CRACKING. YOU SOUND LIKE A CHIHUAHUA ON A NICOTINE FIT
YOU ARENT FUCKING COOL FOR BEING A DISRESPECTFUL LITTLE CUNT. YOU ARENT COOL FOR MAKING YOUR ENTIRE FOOTBALL TEAM DO LAPS BECAUSE YOU DECIDED TO TELL THE COACH HES A PUSSY, AND YOU CERTAINLY ARENT COOL FOR GETTING THE ENTIRE CLASS IN TROUBLE BECAUSE YOU SPAT ON A SUBSTITUTE.
AND HOLY SHIT CAN YOU STOP SCREAMING SLURS LIKE IT’S A FUCKING PERSONALITY TRAIT? I SWEAR EVERY TIME YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH, A BABY ANGEL DIES. WHY DO YOU THINK BEING RACIST MAKES YOU COOL?? ALL YOU ARE IS AN UNSEASONED PASTY ASS CRACKER WITH THE EMOTIONAL RANGE OF A DRY ERASER.
AND THEN THERE’S THE FIGHTING. OH MY GOD THE FUCKING FIGHTING. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO THROW HANDS. YOU SWING LIKE A DRUNK TODDLER WHO JUST LEARNED WHAT A FIST IS. THE REASON YOU’RE FIGHTING?? “HE LOOKED AT ME FUNNY.” WHAT ARE YOU, A FUCKING PEACOCK?? SIT DOWN, JERRY. YOU’RE NOT INTIMIDATING, YOU LOOK LIKE A HALF-DEFLATED CAPRISUN.
AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY STOP CALLING YOURSELF A HOOD RAT. YOU’RE A FUCKING SPOILED, MILK-TOAST, UNSALTED BUTTER STICK OF A HUMAN BEING. YOU GET ANGRY WHEN YOUR STARBUCKS ORDER IS WRONG AND THEN TURN AROUND AND ACT LIKE YOU’RE IN THE FUCKING CARTEL. NO ONE IS BUYING IT, BRADLEY. YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A DICK
YOU’RE NOT SCARY, YOU’RE NOT COOL, YOU’RE NOT A THUG. YOU’RE JUST A LOUD, INSECURE, ANNOYING LITTLE PRICK WHO THINKS ACTING LIKE A DICKHEAD IS A SUBSTITUTE FOR HAVING A PERSONALITY.
SHUT. THE FUCK. UP.
Its a story of a guy losing his date for playing Damage over Time (DoT) team in Honkai Star Rail. The original source is from a video description from Bilibili. It has been translated to English and used as a meme to poke fun at how weak DoT archetype is in the game. The meme is also known as “I told a girl I played DoT team”.
Recently, I talked to a girl about HSR at a posh restaurant, it did not go well.
She straight up asked me:
"Hey, what kind of team do you play the most?"
Upon hearing this question, my heart tightened, I began to have an intense panic attack and almost choked. So I gave my response:
"Y'know, the one that got good recently?"
I could see it in her eyes, a small flash of excitement.
"Oh? Hyperbreak? I love hyperbreak."
I immediately tried to explain.
"N-no-"
"Then FUA? "
"Sorry, I-"
"Acheron? She's not bad."
"Also no..."
At this point, my head was already buried in my chest. I dared not even lift my head up, I was already sweating bullets, and the atmosphere was so awkward my twitching feet could almost penetrate a hole through the marble flooring.
"You play mono quantum? Then I'd agree it's pretty hard to say that so openly." Her expression was already that of astonishment.
In this day and age, those who would play 4 quantum are few in number. Either they still cling to old hopes and sometimes OD on copium, or they are deranged in the mind. Quite pitiful they are. I felt her empathetic gaze on my neck, it shook me intensely like the 50/50s I've lost to Welt Yang and Yanqing pulling for my characters. I felt my face fluster, my breath get heavy, and my head dazed. I tried my damned hardest to calm my quivering legs and clenched my teeth to say the words I was about to say next. This took the last of my strength:
"Not that either!"
These words were wilted when they came out of my mouth, it's no more audible than a needle falling to a dancefloor. Though, I promise this was the loudest that I could speak at that time. I looked up. her expression changed completely. There was a brief moment of dreadful silence.
"Then.... what team do you play? I thought the game only had these teams?"
Every single word she spoke struck me like hammers nailing down the last few pegs of the coffin to my weak heart. I was awestruck, my soul rended apart by the sharpness of her words. Then, I could hold it in no more. Along with my words, a few strong-willed yet aggrieved tears rolled out of the corner of my eye.
"DoT, I play DoT teams."
When I said that abbreviation, the discussions around us stopped, leaving me to wallop in the silence between my occasional sniffles. Feeling the pitiful gaze from passersby around me, I felt like an orphan dragging their disabled body to beg for spare change on the streets of Belobog. I held my face in my hands, I was too embarrassed to let anyone see my miserable state.
She turned to leave. At this point, tears already washed my face, I was on the floor, my two arms gripped on her ankles, and didn't dare let go. I was a clown to the people around me. The last words that I let out that day before being dragged out by the security and falling into unconsciousness were spoken at that very moment.
"So what my damage is low? It's not like it's unplayable! It will be good in the future! The devs will make a good environment and buffs for it."
昨天跟初恋见面，她直接问我：“你星铁玩什么队？”我心中一紧，有些慌不择路：“就，就最近还行的那个。”女生眼神中流露出一点兴趣，问：“流萤超击破队？”我连忙低声解释：“不是。”“那一定是黄泉太后咯？”“不是......”“追击队么？那也还行呀？”女生兴致勃勃。“也不是，我......”坐立不安的我不敢抬头，与地面垂直的脚尖恨不得把地板凿穿。“量子队吗？那确实有点不好开口......”女生表情讶异。这个年代，肯玩冷门弱势配队的玩家已经很少见了，他们不是游戏理解有问题，就是脑子有病，挺可怜的。感受到她向我投来的关切目光，我的身体像筛糠一般猛烈颤抖，我感到脸颊发烫，头晕目眩。汗流浃背的我死死按住哆嗦个不停的双腿，咬紧牙关，使出最后的力气从嗓子里挤出来几个字：“也，也不是！”这声音尽管细弱蚊游，宛如一根针掉在嘈杂的舞池中，但我敢保证这已经是此时的我能喊出的最大音量了。随着这句话一出口，对面的女生瞬间变了脸色她仿佛是难以置信我刚才的话，表情肃穆，缓了半天才开口：“那你...玩的，是什么队？整个游戏好像就只有这些了吧？”女生这话里的一句一字都像是狠狠砸下的巨锤一般，一下又一下地夯击着我那脆弱的心灵。我发愣在原地良久。被这句灵魂拷问摧残了良久。最终，我再也绷不住了，委屈的眼泪倔强地从眼角挤出：“我，我玩dot的......”一听到dot，原本略有喧闹的周围瞬间安静下来，只留下我接连抽鼻涕的呜咽声。感受到周围人向我投来怜悯的目光，像是看到一个身体残疾患有唐氏综合症的可怜孤儿在拖着羸弱的身躯沿街乞讨一般。让目光让我如芒在背，我死死捂着脸，低着头，不敢让别人看到我的狼狈模样。此时的我已被泪水洗刷面庞，双手死死环抱住将要离去女孩的一条腿不肯松开，在围观的路人面前上演着一出精彩的闹剧，活像个小丑 m 。但我仍竭尽全力呐喊着，试图为自己辩解：“伤害只是低了点！又怎么样！又不是不能玩！未来会可期的！策划会给环境的！”
me when hawk tuah: 🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣😂😂🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂🤣😂😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣😂😂🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣😂🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣😂😂😂😂🤣🤣😂😂🤣😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂🤣(it's hilarious 🤣😂😂 SEXUAL REFERENCE (THOSE WHO KNOW💀💀)
HAWK TUAH SPIT ON THAT THANG!!!!! HAHAHAHA LMAO LOL XDXDXD!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA I CANT STOP LAUGHING 🤣😂 ITS A HUMOUROUS REFERENCE TO ORAL SEX PERFOMED BY A FEMALE HUMAN ON A MALE BY SUCKING HIS REPRODUCTIVE ORGAN 🍆😂👋👋😂 HAWK TUAH IS A NOISE HUMANS MAKE WHEN CLEARING THEIR THROATS 🗣️ THE FEMALE RELEASES HER SALIVA ON THE MALE REPRODUCTIVE ORGAN TO INITIATE ORAL SEX 😂 AND THE WORD "THANG" HERE IS A UNIQUE WAY TO SPELL THING LIKELY TO EMPHASIZE THE SPECIFIC REGIONAL ACCENT OF FEMALE HUMAN HALIEY WELCH WHO COINED THE PHRASE🤣
I saw Nerissa at a local KFP store yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be annoying and bother her and ask her to do "ara-aras" or anything.
She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “Ope? Ope? Ope?” and unbuttoning her shirt in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my meal order, and I heard her starting to sniffle like a wet cat as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen hamburgers in her hands without paying.
The orange-haired girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Entschuldigen Sie, Ma'am, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the hamburgers and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped her and told her to remove the top bun from each individually “to prevent any culinary infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each burger and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting her by complaining about "how you cant get any Culvers here" really loudly.
I saw Nerissa at a local KFP store yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be annoying and bother her and ask her to do "ara-aras" or anything. She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “Ope? Ope? Ope?” and unbuttoning her shirt in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my meal order, and I heard her starting to sniffle like a wet cat as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen hamburgers in her hands without paying. The orange-haired girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Entschuldigen Sie, Ma'am, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the hamburgers and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped her and told her to remove the top bun from each individually “to prevent any culinary infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each burger and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting her by complaining about "how you cant get any Culvers here" really loudly.
When i was young i had some kind of rot gut that caused me to shit every 10 minutes.
I remember trying to lay on the couch, in pain and clearly not having a good time. Every 2 seconds my grandma would try to spark up some inane conversation that i had 0 interest in.
I told her NUMEROUS times that im not going to respond, because i was busy dying.
Clearly she didnt get the hint and kept trying to talk about what was going on outside. After i just stopped responding, i was hit with the ol "I GUESS IM TALKING TO MYSELF HUH!?". Followed by "I see the kids across the street are playing" 2 minutes later.
Never did i want to beat someone into submission more in my life. But at that point, i dont think i could physically get up long enough to deliver that beating.
So i just drug myself to the other side of the house out of eye sight and had to drag myself to the bathroom every few minutes for the foamy white dumps to come.
Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) is a martial art that focuses on grappling and ground fighting.
Last night, a new girl challenged me to grapple at the BJJ gym. I could tell immediately: she was a noob. It was one of those moments where I could sense her confidence, but she had no idea what she was about to face. I was just chilling, wiping down my gi and doing some light stretching (read: flexing my arms in the mirror), when this girl—let’s call her Amber - walks in with her friend. She looked like the type who thought she was a badass, like she’d been “training” for a few months and could take anyone on.
I was sitting there, the king of the mats, silently basking in the glow of my superior experience. But she had no clue. She looked at me, eyes full of that cocky energy, and said, "Hey, wanna roll?"
I could already tell, she thought I was just some guy here for “cardio.” What she didn’t know is that I’m a master of my art form. I’m like Scorpion of the Shirai Ryu—absolutely relentless, a perfect balance of calm and brutality. But in her mind? I was just some guy who probably didn't know a rear-naked choke from a guillotine.
Her friend, of course, was hyping her up, “I’ll bet 50 bucks she taps you out!”
I barely even looked up. “Double it,” I said, cool as ice. You can’t mess with a gigachad like me. I was about to demonstrate the power of true mastery.
I strutted over to the mats, slowly wiping the sweat off my brow, making sure she could see how effortlessly I moved. This was it. My time to shine. I had no doubt in my mind—i was going to break her.
She smiled, clearly thinking she had this in the bag. I could see it in her eyes: she didn’t respect my skill. But she would. Oh, she would.
We squared off, and I just waited. She shot for a sloppy takedown, full of desperation, probably trying to throw me off balance. But I saw it coming. Like the master I am, I pulled guard with perfect technique. I felt her body go stiff, like she had no idea what was happening. I had her trapped.
She tried to posture up, thinking she could shake me off. Big mistake. I smoothly transitioned into a sweep, flipping her onto her back. It was like I was in a different dimension, moving with the grace of a true artist. I knew what I was doing; she didn’t. I controlled the pace, every movement a calculated stroke of genius.
She tapped out almost immediately.
“First round’s mine,” I said, offering her a calm smile, as if I hadn’t just absolutely destroyed her.
Her friend looked disappointed, but she tried to mask it with a laugh. "Okay, okay, rematch!" Amber said, a bit more flustered this time. “Let’s go again.”
Round two? Same story. I dominated, I let her get in a few weak attempts, but they were all futile. The whole time, I could feel her panic rising. “You’re... you're too good," she stammered. But this wasn’t about skill for me. It was about absolutely asserting what a relentless warrior I am.
I caught her in a triangle and she tapped again. Clean. Effortless.
“You know, I really thought I’d do better,” she admitted, face flushed.
“Most people do,” I said, casually wiping sweat off my brow, like I wasn’t already three steps ahead of her.
Now, this is where I could’ve stopped. I could’ve been a gentleman and ended it there. But nah. She kept pushing, trying to pretend she wasn’t mentally broken. I could see the way she was looking at me: her eyes wide, like she was starting to understand that I was no ordinary grappler. I could feel the tension building.
At this point, I could tell she wasn’t just looking for a win. She was looking for more - maybe some validation, some hint of power, but she wasn’t going to get it. I was a master of my art form, a master of the mat.
She went for a single-leg takedown. She was desperate, but desperation is nothing in the face of true skill. I smoothly sprawled, trapped her, and before she knew it, I was on her back. I secured the choke with a precision that would make most BJJ black belts jealous. She tapped out again, completely powerless.
She wasn’t even mad anymore. She was impressed.
I took a long, deliberate sip from my water bottle, looking at her like I’d just shared some secret, ancient knowledge. “One more?” she asked, voice trembling. She wanted more.
I looked at her, and I could see she was hooked. She was learning. She was starting to appreciate the effortless mastery I exuded. "Sure,” I said, “But this will be the last one.”
I wasn’t just going to beat her. I was going to finish this with style. With flair.
I let her win the first round. Let her. She didn’t even know it, but it was part of my strategy. I was paying her back for her determination.
“0-1,” I said, my voice dripping with mock pity. "But don’t get too cocky.”
She looked at me, confused, as I casually set up my next move. I hit her with a clean sweep and transitioned straight into a mount. My knees locked in place like steel, and with a slight adjustment, I had her right where I wanted her. The choke was flawless.
Tap.
2-1.
I stood up, casually adjusting my gi, the ultimate gigachad victory. She stared up at me, breathless, probably wondering how she’d gotten so wrecked. She touched my arm as she stood up, feeling my massive bicep, looking at me with admiration—maybe something more, but I wasn’t there for that.
“Thanks for the roll,” I said, my voice calm and collected, like I had just finished a regular sparring session. “You’ve got potential, but you’re not there yet.”
She smiled weakly, and with a final glance at me, she left with her friend. I didn’t even care that I would never see her again. I was the master of my art form. My legacy was secured.
And she? She was just another girl who tried to challenge the gigachad.
